Title: Just In Time To See My Heart Still Beating.

Author: Ygraine

Summery: Takes place during HBP, Tonks tells Remus something he doesn't really want to hear.

A/N: This is going to be a one shot unless people want me to continue, then maybe i'll continue, but for the moment...enjoy!

He Tonks and Sirius, spent quite a lot of time together at Grimmauld pace (when Remus and Tonks weren't doing things for the Order that was) it involved alcohol and laughing, Sirius kept putting his arm around Tonks and calling her 'My little cousin' and giving Remus suggestive winks. He thought naturally that Srius and Tonks were begining to have some form of relationship. His suspicions were confirmed when Tonks became depressed after Sirius' death.

It was three weeks after she got back from the hospital did she tell him the truth.

While in St Mungos Remus visited Tonks rather regulary, it made him feel better, made him feel like he doing something, Tonks seemed to enjoy it to, she was a bit like Sirius when it came to that, hated not doing something. Remus liked to think that he eased the pain of hospitals, after spending so much of his childhood in the hospital wing at Hogwarts...

The day after she got out, Remus escorted her home, and as soon as they sat down at her kitchen table for a cup of coffee, she burst into tears.

"Oh Merlin, it's all my fault!" She wailed over the kettle.

Remus jumped up and took her by the shoulders and turned her around to face him. "What's your fault?"

"Siruis." She sniffed, and Remus conjured a tissue and she blew her nose. "I was fighting Bellatrix before Sirius was...if I hadn't got myself iinjured then Sirius would still be here today."

Remus furrowed his eyebrows, "no, don't be stupid. It wasn't your fault, it was none of the Orders fault." She wailed again and Remus took her into an embrace. He felt uncomfortable at first, her being ten years younger than him, but she needed to be held so badly. "Dumbledore tells me Harry's beating himself up as well."

Tonks sniffed again, and looked up at him and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, tissue still grasped tightly in the same hand. "Why?"

"Voldemort tricked him into thinking that he had Sirius. Should have known that he would do something Harry would do...James was excatly the same. Harry feels responceable for leading the order there, said that he he hadn't been 'such and idiot' his words, no one would have been hurt..."

Tonks looked down at her hands, Remus's hands her now resting lightly on her hips. "But Harry wasn't to know about Voldemort, I mean everything else was true...the snake attaking Arthur, why wouldn't this be true?"

"He was meant to be learning Oclumency, Snape threwh him out." Tonks made a face. "Still your right, Harry did try to get hold of us, used Umbridges fire, got Kreatcher and he lied." He closed his eyes and looked away. "It's such a mess..."

"Still," said Tonks brightening up. "One good thing came out from it."

"What's that?"

"Fudge knows now that Voldemort's back."

To that he had to agree.

X

After that, when she came to order meetings and to the meal afterwards that always followed at The Weasleys, they would always sit next to each other, for the same reason, they had both lost someone close to them. They would talk about simple things like Quidditch and the more complex things like the Muggle offside rule in football that their fathers insisted they both learn, and sometimes they would talk about the war, but that always led to dreadfully depressing subjects about deaths and murders that niether of them desperatley wanted to talk about it, unless it was very important...like today.

"Amelia Bones is dead?" Tonks asked rather loudly butting into Molly and Bills conversation, Remus, not having read the paper that day raised his head, now listening attentivelty too. "Who?"

"No one's too sure...found dead in a room, locked from the inside." Molly said, getting himself some more mash potato.

"Suicide perhaps?" Remus asked sipping on his drink.

"No." Bill interjected. "It was the killing curse, the Death Eater obviously disapperted..."

"Is that even possible in the Ministry?" Molly asked, taking the peas from Ron.

"Shouldn't be." Kingsley said, stabbing his beef with his fork. "But these days, it could have been anyone, maybe they were able to lower the wards with just enough time to Disapperate. There was no fire place, so I can't think of any other way..."

Remus stayed for a drink afterwards and Tonks talked to Molly about...actually he didn't know what about, he swore he heard the word dress so he guessed that they were talking about Bill and Fleurs wedding, and switched off accordingly. He thought a great deal about the next Quidditch game that would most likely be cancelled like all the other ones. He didn't know why they just didn't cancel quidditch officially, stop getting peoples hopes up for another match. Morale he supposed, but there was no point of keeping Quidditch going for Morale purposes if they cancelled each match indepentdently. He carried on his silent debate in his head until he heard his name called.

"What?" He asked blinking.

"I was wondering if you wanted something from the pantry, another brandy?" Molly asked. Brandy, so that's what he had been drinking, there came a day in every mans life where he became like his father and stopped with the beer and started drinking...'proper drinks.' Merlin he was getting old.

"Um, have you anything else?"

"Er...I think, that Bill brought some muggle beer with him..."

"Perfect." Molly smiled and got her coat on and made he way to the pantry, which for some reason was outside, he didn't remember that before...no infact he could see the pantry from here...strange, maybe she went to get some eggs on the way...that would make sense, strange time to do it, he always thought you collected eggs in the morning...

"Remus..." Tonks said sliding into the chair oppisite him.

"Hmmm?" How many of those brandy's had the Weasleys given him? He didn't remember drinking that many, again he didn't remember ever drinking brandy. The effects were good...maybe he should drink brandy more often, maybe that's why old men drunk it, to ease the mental anguish of becoming old...

"I need to speak with you."

"What about Nymphadora?"

"How many times have I told you not to call me that?"

"Sorry," he chuckled, "couldn't resist it." Merlin, he was drunk...This was not him normally, he rarely called Tonks Nymphadora..."Nymph," he muttered, chuckling still, and never Nymph.

"Seriously Remus." He straightened himself up and muttered an apology. "I've had a really fun time with you, I realised that I love spending time with you...even if it's just talking or even playing scrabble in the hospital." She let her self have a little smile, but it soon fell. "I care for you greatly Remus."

What? He thought to himself. "I do too Tonks, you know that" She sighed and got up and say next to him and took hold of his hands and looked deep into his eyes. Her eyes were dark, he never actually realised that before, how dark her eyes were, he guessed his focus always went to her hair. He furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head lightly in question.

She took a deep breath and cupped his face, and kissed him, very lightly very passionately, this was not a kiss between friends...Remus jerked back. "No!" The drunk feeling went in a moment, and suddenly he longed for it to come back.

"No?" Tonks asked. "Yes you mean...Remus..." She swallowed. "Remus, I think I love you." She was nearly in tears when she said that and it looked like she was having diffeculty saying it, like it ha dbeen built up in a bottle and now there was an explosion.

He blinked. Oh Merlin...where was Molly with that beer. She couldn't be, with him of all people. "No, you don't. Your just in grief because Sirius died that's all."

She shook her head vehemently. "No, I love you. I can't sleep, I'm barely eating, I can't morph, my hair, it's the only thing that's...oh Remus, please listen to me..." She was crying now, was it just him or was the pink in her hair having that washed out look about it? "Please tell me you feel something too..."

"I..." He had never really thought about it before, Tonks was younger than him, a comrade in arms against Voldemort, he never really thought about it deeply. But now as he did a clear answer came to mind Yes he did feel something, very much so... "It doesn't matter, because I could never be with you."

She suddenly looked insulted. "Why, is it the hair? Cos I could change the hair."

"It's not the hair, it's...me, I'm dangerous...I'm a werewolf, most women don't want to crawl into bed with one, I'm..."

"I do! I'm not most women Remus."

"...Too poor," he carried on as though he hadn't heard her. "And too old. I'm not a young man, you know Harry?" he didn't wait for an answer, "I was at school with his father, he's old enough to be my son. And Snape? Was at school with him too, he taught you if I'm not mistaken..."

"I don't care Remus. Who knows how long we have left, we could all be dead by the end of the year, and I want to die, happy, with you." She leant over to kiss him again, but he turned his head at the last moment.

He let go of her hands and got up, "I hear Harry's coming tomorrow...that'll be fun..."

"Don't go changing the subject..."

"I have to go...I'll see you at the weekend Nymphadora."

"It's Tonks!"

He turned to her one final time and saw her tear streaked face, and her hair, slowly changing from pink to blonde to mousy brown before he disapperated, a few yards away.

A/N: Oh look what is that strange thing in the corner? A review button, i want to press it...oh please review! Liked it, tell me, hated it? tell me (but be nice about it) lol, bit of a catch 22 there. Oh pwease review!