The pale winter sunlight streams in through Dave's bedroom window, and he groans, wishing that he had closed the curtains before he fell asleep. He rolls over and looks at the clock. It's already eleven, and he knows he should get up. Instead, he just wants to throw the blanket over his head and die. What was he thinking last night? It was a nice kiss, and he still has a giddy feeling in his stomach, remembering Byron's warm breath on his cold cheeks, but fuck. Byron has a boyfriend, and Dave doesn't like him, he likes Nick, but he's pretty sure that Nick likes Becca now…

There's no time to think about any of this, because someone is knocking on his bedroom door. "Can I come in and borrow some batteries for my Game Boy?" asks his stepbrother, Andrew. Dave grunts, and Andrew enters the room. He starts digging around in the top drawer of the desk before asking where Dave keeps his batteries. Dave climbs out of bed to go look for the pack of batteries that he stashed somewhere, and Andrew looks at him sympathetically.

"What happened?" he asks, quietly. "You look like shit." Andrew blushes, because he's usually soft-spoken, but since he started middle school he's learned how to throw a few swear words into casual conversation. They don't quite suit him, and he seems embarrassed to use most of them.

Dave contemplates telling the younger boy some of what happened. He needs to talk to someone or he'll burst, so it may as well be Andrew. "I kissed someone that I shouldn't have last night at the Snowflake Dance, and I'm pretty sure that Nick is going to be mad at me."

Andrew looks a bit surprised. "Who was it?" he whispers.

Dave gulps and tries to think of a plausible lie. He can't tell an eleven-year old that he kissed another boy. "One of the Pikes." It's true. Byron is a Pike, but he hopes that Andrew assumes that he kissed Vanessa or Margo. "And it felt really good. But they're with someone else, so I can't kiss them again."

Andrew nods, and mulls this information over. He's never kissed anyone, but he has touched himself at night while thinking about kissing Nina Marshall. Even thinking about touching himself causes Andrew's face to turn bright pink. Dave briefly wonders what Andrew is thinking that makes him look so uncomfortable, but forgets about it as he wallows in his own angst.

"I think you should come clean with Nick," says Andrew shyly. He's nervous to suggest anything to Dave, because Dave is so much older, and he admires him greatly. Andrew often wishes that he could be like Dave when he's fifteen, and he wants Dave to treat him as an equal. He hopes that he didn't sound too eager to help.

Dave smiles stiffly. "I probably should," he says, with a worried little tremor in his voice. "Thanks, Andrew."

Andrew's eyes grow wide. Dave, his big brother, is afraid of something? And he's taking a suggestion from him? It's all too much for Andrew, and he snatches the batteries from the bookshelf, and bolts from the room feeling suddenly very grown up.

Dave works on the essay that is due after holiday break, while he tries to get up the courage to call Nick. What am I going to say? He thinks. Hey Nick, I kissed your brother last night because I wished I was kissing you? Finally, with trembling fingers, he picks up the phone and dials the Pikes' phone number. Mrs. Pike answers, and Dave is secretly relieved.

"David Michael?" she says, one of the few people who can get away with calling him that now. "Nicky's gone out to Washington Mall to finish his Christmas shopping. I can take a message if you'd like."

Dave declines her offer, and hangs up. His Mom is surprised when he asks her to drive him to the mall. "But you hate shopping" she says as she starts up the car.

Dave shrugs. "I still need to get presents for Kristy and Andrew." In addition to looking for gifts, he's planning to search for Nick. When they arrive at the mall, Dave dashes for the food court. If he knows Nick, he's probably scarfing down chili dogs and fries. However, Dave is sadly mistaken. He does spot the reddish-brown hair unique to the Pike family, but it's not Nick. Byron waves at him, and Dave wants to disappear into his hoodie. He does have his pride, so he sets his shoulders straight like Kristy taught him, and walks over to Byron. Jeff Schafer is walking toward him with a cup of coffee, and Dave wants nothing more than to go back in time twenty-four hours, and to not kiss Byron.

"Hey, sweetie" Jeff says to Byron with his west coast accent full of sunny, elongated vowels and laid back consonants. He turns to Dave, and smiles with his white teeth glaring against his fading California summer tan. "Hey, Dave. Long time, no see." Dave forces a grin, and shakes hands with Jeff. "I'm going to run into one of these stores and get your gift, Byron," he says as he passes the coffee to Byron, and dashes off.

This time it's Dave's turn to stand alone and look at his shoes. "I'm sorry about last night," he mumbles to the tiled floor. His body is heavy with awkwardness, and he burrows his hands into the sleeves of his hoodie.

"It's okay" Byron says comfortingly. "I was lonely, and kind of frustrated with Jeff. He was supposed to fly in last week, but changed his ticket so he could get a flight at the same time as his sister. I don't mind that you kissed me. You're better than most fifteen year olds."

Dave is oddly flattered that Byron thinks he's a good kisser, but he feels the need to set things straight. "But I'm not…" he begins, before Byron cuts him off.

"…Sure of your sexuality" Byron incorrectly finishes the sentence for him, sounding every bit the GSA representative that he is. "And that's okay. You don't need to worry, I'm not going to out you or anything. Whatever decision you make is a valid decision, and you don't need to be ashamed."

Dave's face burns with a strange cross between annoyance and humiliation. Out him! As if there's anything to out! He wants to give Byron a piece of his mind, but decides against it.

Dave wanders through the mall for a while, picking up a leather organizer for Kristy and a new video game for Andrew. He sees Nick browsing the video games as well, and takes a deep breath. Nick's face is flushed from the heat of the store, and Dave has to hold back from pressing his lips to his bright pink cheek. The sentimental carols playing over the speaker system cause a warm liquid feeling to rise up in Dave's chest, and he's less than a breath away from spilling all of the feelings he meant to hide away. Fortunately, Nick starts talking.

"Hey, Dave!" he calls out. "Last night was crazy! Forget Lindsey, I think I might be able to get with Becca Ramsey. She let me go down her shirt last night." He raises his eyebrow lewdly. Dave laughs a little, but his heart is racing. Adrenaline kicks in, and he can't decide whether to run, or to stand like a deer in the headlights. He subconsciously chooses the latter.

Nick completely misreads his best friend's face. "Yeah, I'm surprised, too. I thought she had a thing for Jordan, but I guess I was wrong. How about you?" He elbows Dave in the ribs. "I saw you kissing someone outside the gym." Dave gasps, and then exhales in relief when he hears what Nick says next. "I couldn't see who it was in the dark, because you had them pushed up against the side of the building. But they were tall with short hair, and that sounds like Charlotte Johanssen. Am I right?"

Dave is overwhelmed with the absurdity of the situation. "A true gentleman never kisses and tells," he says, trying not to laugh and cry out in joy. Nick doesn't know that he kissed Byron! He thinks that he was with Charlotte! In his giddiness, Dave almost cries, "It was a good kiss! But I'd much rather kiss you!" But Nick is talking, and Dave uses discretion and decides to start listening to what his friend is saying. He tunes in to the middle of a sentence, and hears words that make his heart sink.

"…So I'm trying to decide if I should get Becca a Kwanzaa present. You know, something to show that I like her, but nothing too serious that says I like her, even though I do. I don't want to scare her off, you know? Dave? You have any ideas?"

Dave's throat tightens. He can't push out any words. Nick and Becca? Of course, that would be more natural than Nick and Dave. Dave is crushed once again, and he's wondering how he's going to face Nick and Becca in the halls when school is back in session after winter break. He knows that he'll see them holding hands in the cafeteria, and he'll wish that Nick was holding his big pale hand instead of Becca's thin, dark one. He knows that every time he sees them together, it will feel like he's in a vacuum, having all of the air pulled out of his lungs. That's what it feels like now.

"I don't know, Nick" Dave pastes on a fake smile, and tries to play the part of a platonic friend. He puts a lot of effort into keeping a cheerful tone in his voice, but more effort is allocated to keeping his frustration in check. He really wants to punch something. Hard. "Maybe the new Noise in Analog album? I think she likes them."

"Thanks, bud" says Nick, and envelops him in a hug. A lump rises in Dave's throat. He will not allow himself to cry. Nick smells so good though, like dryer sheets and Ivory soap and the faint chemical edge of medicated shampoo. Dave just wants to rest his head on his shoulder, and weep. "You're a really good friend, you know that, right? Merry Christmas." Nick pats him gently on the back before letting him go.

Even though Dave was resolved not to cry, when he leaves the mall to wait for his mother to pick him up, he stands in he snow and lets a few tears fall before they roll onto his cheek and freeze.