Part Ten, FINAL
Disclaimer: Once again, I don't own anything
Song Lyrics: The songs used in this part are Everybody Hurts by REM, Nan's Song by Robbie Williams and Amen Omen and Alone by Ben Harper.
Dedication: Who to dedicate it to? I know. I dedicate this to god, the person who put me here and gave me everything I ever needed. I know God will always be here, even when nobody else is next to me.
------
Well,
everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody
cries.
And
everybody hurts sometimes
And
everybody hurts sometimes.
So,
hold on, hold on
Hold
on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody
hurts.
You are not alone
The funeral day came, and Jo sat at her window, staring out blankly at nothing in particular. She didn't want to get ready for it, somehow getting ready for the funeral and going to the funeral would make it seem real. Final. The end of an era awaited, at the end of a path. Jo felt like her whole life's path had been redirected, she was made to take a detour.
But she took the path, got ready for the funeral and went along with the funeral directors. She did everything she had to, like a robot, barely functioning in a human like manner.
People noticed, and asked what was wrong. But Jo couldn't be such a burden to them. If she were to tell them what she was thinking and feeling it would mean opening a doorway to her world. And she wanted no one in there, Jo wanted no one to be hurt be such a terrible and dark thing.
The people, one by one, started coming in through the doors. Susie joined Jo, right at her side, with their hands in each others and she squeezed them tight.
Everyone sat down, their faces exactly the same, with an expression of pain, mourning and anguish. No one looked at Jo.
The director did his bit, but his voice was boring, so Jo sat there, not really taking any of it in. Tom stood up, said a few things, most of the time gesturing at Jo, and on the rare occasion making a few people chuckle appreciatively.
Jo was asked once again by the celebrant if she would like to say something, and just before it was too late she grasped the opportunity.
Jo had nothing planned, but she didn't care. She walked up, thinking about her life with PJ as it was, and tried to remember things from before that dreaded day. But she couldn't manage to.
"I don't know what to say" she said quietly and slowly. "PJ, the last thing I can remember we were lying in the car on a road. We were in each other's arms, the way it should be right now. But it is not. He isn't here, he is dead" she continued.
"We took the morning off work, and he made me lunch. We went to a garden, and he leant on one knee and asked if I would marry him. And I said yes" Everyone who didn't know Jo well gasped. They were so surprised.
"I collapsed after I went for a walk. Next thing I know I'm in a hospital. I have a little PJ growing inside of me. And I know this child will be the perfect image of PJ. I don't know if I can bring this baby into the world, but PJ is with me on this one. I know he is." She said, getting more confident.
"I miss him, like nothing else. Everyone knows it. One day I will see him again" she finished.
She walked to her seat, sat down and buried her face in her hands.
Today
and tommorow have become one
Every
single thing has become undone
Human
nature is a beast
What
I've done the most, to show I have the least
Please
don't leave me here
Please
don't leave me here
Don't
you leave me alone, alone
Walking around the town, Jo saw so much despair, so much loneliness and so much pain. She would look at someone and see the hurt and suffering in their eyes. They would be walking around, just like Jo, and they would be seeing the pain and suffering in Jo's eyes.
Then she would look the other direction, towards the sun, and see beautiful little children playing with their parents on the swings with massive smiles on their faces. The parents sit on the bench after they finish swinging the children and cuddle up, with giant smiles, mirroring that of their child's.
Jo saw two massive contrasts, right next to each other. One happy, one sad, one perfect and one massively screwed up. And Jo had the choice between the two and she was choosing the latter. The hard one.
With one swift move Jo could get out of it, but instead she chooses to stay where she is, sinking further and further. Further into her own world, her own withdrawn world where nothing was sure and depression takes a hold around the neck. It strangles until you can't breathe, then lets go, so you can take that one life-saving gasp of air. Then it grabs your neck again. A never ending cycle, getting worse and worse. You lose more and more breath everytime, until one day, when you can't be bothered to keep on breathing. You just don't have the energy to take that last breath. And you die.
It was a world where Jo was heading towards, and she didn't like it. A world of depression awaited her.
Nowhere to be seen and nowhere to go, just stays where she is.
So many questions and so little answers, so much time.
Jo felt like she was drowning, drowning in a pool of emotion. More emotion than one person should be able to handle, definitely more emotion than Jo could handle.
She had to get away.
Jo had a choice to make, a life changing choice, and either way she could see what would happen. She had no idea which way to turn, or where she was headed, but no matter where she went she knew that her life would never be complete again.
Someone would always be missing, but when he was missing she would look further up the path, and he would be there again, smiling and waving at her. Waiting for her to come and join him, in all his happiness. Free from her dark, lonely and depressed world, together at last.
Until the end of the earth.
You
said when you'd die that you'd walk with me every day
And
I'd start to cry and say please don't talk that way
With
the blink of an eye the lord came and asked you to meet
You
went to a better place but he stole you away from me
And
now she lives in heaven
But
I know they let her out
To
take care of me
I
miss your love I miss your touch
But
I'm feeling you every day
And
I can almost hear you say
'you've
come a long way baby'
What
started as a whisper
Slowly
turned into a scream
Searching
for an answer
Where
the question is unseen
I
don't know where you came from
And
I don't know where you've gone
Old
friends become old strangers
Between
the darkness and the dawn
Amen
omen
Will
I see your face again
Amen
omen
Can
I find the place within
To
live my life without you
I
still hear you saying
All
of life is a chance
And
is sweetest
When
at a glance
But
I live a hundred
Lifetimes
in a day
But
I die a little
In
every breath that I take
Amen
omen
Will
I see your face again
Amen
omen
Can
I find the place within
To
live my life without you
I
listen to a whisper
Slowly
drift away
Silence
is the loudest
Parting
word you never say
I
put your world
Into
my veins
Now
a voiceless sympathy
Is
all that remains
Amen
omen
Will
I see your face again
Amen
omen
Can
I find the place within
To
live my life without you
------
Well, that's the end of this fic. The End!
I hope none of you minded me putting in so many songs at the end, but all of those songs mean alot to me. I was having trouble selecting just one.
I hope you all enjoyed it, tell me your thoughts on the story line and whatever else you can think of.