Notes: Again, thanks SO much for reviewing this. I walk around with a stupid smile whenever anyone has anything to say about it: praise or constructive. This was a pain to wring out… hope it's all right.
Ai ya: damn
Lao tyen: oh g-d
Bao-bei: sweetheart
Hwoon dahn: bastard
Gan ni niang: motherfucker
Yangwei yin yang ren: impotent hermaphrodite
Kyle shifted nervously next to a gloating Raven. It had been three weeks since they had tipped off the Alliance on the Firefly's location. They'd been paid. Really well. Everything should have been fine and dandy. But no, dumb old Raven had to go and get greedy. Kyle grumpily recalled Raven's plan.
They had been in their shuttle, trying to find a planet with a good selection of ships for sale. Raven had been fidgety, but Kyle just ignored him, concentrating on sifting through the planets' info. Eventually, Raven just blurted out his plan, like an anxious teen begging for sex.
"It'll be easy money, Kyle."
Kyle sighed. "Seems shifty. Like we're asking for trouble. We should just let it be. We got our money."
"But a smuggling ship will have cargo. Good cargo. Bet they'd be willing to trade whatever they have for her location."
"But we don't have her location!"
"Sure do. Well, more or less."
"What are you talking about?" Kyle was getting irritated.
"See, I have this friend. He works on a space station and he knows stuff. He was watching all the Alliance cruisers when we told them where the fugitive was. One of them beelined straight for the Firefly. He tracked it to see where it'd go afterwards for me. We know which direction they headed with her."
Kyle squirmed. First they had gone behind their captain's back and sold the Firefly's location. That was worth it. Kyle smiled as he thought of all his credits. They had pretty much handed over that girl to the Alliance. A little dirty, but not his problem. But now, Raven wanted to go back to the gorram Firefly and sell them the info: double-cross the Alliance. That would be messy. He should just leave well enough alone.
"Come on, Kyle. We'll get us some more credits; you just might have enough to get you your nice house in the city."
Maybe. Or maybe they'd get their heads blown off for being deceitful little sneaks. But Raven was determined. So here they were, floating out in the ass-end of nowhere, trying to find the Firefly.
Kaylee sat silently, her chin resting on her knees. Everything had happened so fast. After she and Simon had watched Jayne and River walk around the corner they had ran to go find Mal. They made it just in time, hurriedly blurting out what had happened as they crammed into the shuttle.
They had gotten about two minutes away when Wash started cussing. Turned out he had set the autodestruct. There was a big argument about whether they should turn it off remotely or if it would be more merciful to blow Jayne and River to little pieces. It was Simon who insisted they leave it on. He said that he didn't want them to feel any pain. Mal acidly explained that getting ripped to shreds by an engine explosion wasn't exactly comfortable.
Kaylee thought Simon would cry, but he just stared down the captain and left the crowded cockpit. She followed him, shooting Mal a dirty look. Simon had looked so dignified. He had cried later, on Kaylee's shoulder.
They had decided to wait for the explosion, to get some satisfaction from the dead Reaver bodies that would be spinning through space, maybe bouncing across the cockpit. So they waited.
And waited.
Something had gone wrong. There was no explosion. Maybe the Reavers had shut it off, but Mal and Zoë doubted they'd be able to figure out the coding. So, they went back to check it out, hoping against hope that somehow River and Jayne had survived.
Mal had been leaning against Inara's chair as she piloted the shuttle closer to Serenity. It was still whole, for the most part. The ugly Reaver ship was still attached by the morbid umbilical cord that had punctured the cargo hold. There were a few scorch marks across the hull. Other than that, nothing.
They waited. Suspicious.
And then they saw them. An entire fleet of Alliance assault ships. They had been hidden on the back side of the ship, their macabre black hulls masking their presence. But they paid no mind to the crew and left. In a hurry. Mal and Simon had started to panic.
Kaylee had sat close to Book, clutching his hand and watching as Simon began shouting at Inara to follow the fleet while Mal ordered her to dock back with Serenity.
It was Wash who quietly moved Inara out of the way and flew the shuttle towards Serenity. He calmly told Simon it was suicide to try and follow a fleet of Alliance ships in a shuttle. Simon listened, frustrated, and bit back his tears.
The crew cautiously fanned out over Serenity, finding the place littered with the dead Reavers. Not one was alive. Mal said that they must have been highly trained troops, to take them all out. They had to have had an incredible amount of firepower to massacre so many.
It was Simon who had found Jayne's body, all broken and bloodied. Kaylee sniffled as she remembered the sight.
Poor Jayne had practically been buried under Reaver bodies. Simon and Book had pulled them off, one by one. There was a dead blue-gloved man lying on top of him, strange cerulean blood streaming from his icy eyes. There was no indication of how he died. Simon said that River must have killed him somehow. Before they took her away.
Simon had stared at Jayne's body, not knowing whether to hate him for not keeping his sister safe, or feel grateful that he had obviously fought so hard for her.
Zoë had come in and looked at the body. She sighed and toed Jayne's shoulder with her boot. Glancing up at Simon, she told him that he needed to fix Jayne.
"Fix him? He's dead, Zoë. Look at him. I wouldn't know where to start."
"Doctor, trust me. You need to fix him. If you want to get River back, you're going to have to fix him."
"What does he have to do with River?"
"Look at him: he's got 14 bullet holes that I can count. There's a knife in his thigh. Oh, and look," she added in her characteristic monotone as she rolled him to his side with her foot, "there's another one in his back."
Simon shifted and stared quizzically at Zoë.
"I think you just proved my first point."
"Look at what he went through to protect your sister. Jayne's a selfish bastard; he doesn't do that. Fight for others, I mean. He tried even harder than you did to keep her safe. If you want to get her back, you're going to need him."
She paused, letting him ponder her words as she scanned him with her dark eyes. "Unless you think you can go all Rambo on an Alliance cruiser."
With that, Zoë had left the infirmary to go find her husband and the captain. Simon just gaped at Jayne.
"I can't heal him. He's dead," he protested to himself.
"I mean," he continued, speaking now to Kaylee and Book, "we don't know how long he's been dead. His brain has been deprived of oxygen. I don't have the right equipment... hell, the right equipment doesn't even exist yet! It's impossible!"
He paused, taking in Kaylee and Book's pleading eyes.
Simon sighed. Then he gave in and helped Book struggle to lift Jayne onto the sickbed.
He was heavy. Kaylee had to help. She got blood all over her. It made her eyes tear up: all the blood, the reminder of the fear and violence and how she almost died. Jayne had saved her and Simon. But not on purpose, really. He had just been trying to get River out of there. It was kind of sweet, she thought. Silly, blustering Jayne. All moony over a girl. She squeezed Jayne's cold hand. He had been a good friend to her. Well, when he wasn't being a jerk, she corrected.
She had watched as Simon cut the shredded shirt from Jayne's body. The blood oozed slowly from his wounds, pooling in the hollow of his belly. Kaylee stayed as long as she could, before she fled to throw up – then cry – in Inara's shuttle.
Simon first had to get Jayne's heart started. He didn't know how long he'd been dead or how much brain damage he had suffered from the lack of oxygen. Or if it even mattered.
Book assisted, handing him the adrenaline needles, the electric charges, the cortisone. Nothing worked. Simon cracked his chest open, used his own hands to pump Jayne's heart, sending the strangled blood through his body.
Mal and Wash had returned; each was hooked up to an IV to fill Jayne with their blood. They both thought it pointless, but Zoë had made them do it.
Book was tireless, pumping oxygen through Jayne's nose, watching Simon carefully as he methodically and emotionlessly did everything possible to make the man live.
Simon flinched. He was elbow deep in Jayne's chest squeezing his palm around the man's heart. He relaxed his grip. There it was. Ai ya. The heart was beating on its own. Simon sighed. He was alive. He might never wake up and could spend all of eternity as a vegetable, but he was alive.
Book stayed and prayed over Simon as he dutifully sewed up the arteries and flesh, trying to put all the pieces back together, to turn the hamburger back into a human.
So here sat Kaylee on the counter in the infirmary. Staring at Jayne. He was still in the coma. His beard was starting to grow in, rough and scraggly. The angry red scar from having his chest opened ran the length of his torso. He was naked except for a blanket wrapped around his waist. He had so many weaves over his arms and legs that dressing him would have been painful and impractical. Inara had been the one to insist on his dignity, but had made Simon do the covering.
Jayne's wounds were healing, but it had been three weeks and he showed no signs of regaining consciousness. Simon wasn't very optimistic. Course, he wasn't very optimistic about anything anymore.
Kaylee wondered how Jayne would react if he woke up and learned that the Alliance had taken his bao-bei. Kaylee cringed as she imagined the fighting that would be sure to follow. It wouldn't be pretty. Of course, he might not ever wake up.
And what would River do if they got her back but had to tell her that Jayne had died protecting her? There was no telling how crazy she would go, what she would break. Or who she would shoot. But, they probably wouldn't ever be able to find her again, either.
And so Kaylee held her futile vigil.
A rhythmic thumping down the corridor distracted her. Malcolm was running towards the stairs.
"Where you going, Captain?" she shouted up to him.
"Got a wave. Somebody wants to tell us where they took River. I'd bet Inara's best lay it's those guys from the Juggernaut."
"They're going to tell us where she is? That's terrific!" Kaylee beamed up at him.
Mal shook his head at Kaylee's naïveté. "Ain't going to be that easy, little Kaylee."
Her face crumpled. "Oh."
"Hang tight. I'll let you know what's what in a bit. Don't worry. We'll find her."
Kaylee nodded and smiled sadly.
Simon wandered into the room shortly after, looking lost. He glanced around the infirmary, seeming surprised at where he had ended up.
"Hey, Simon," Kaylee ventured, "They're going to find out where River is."
"Yes, I heard." Simon brushed his hand through his hair. "It took me years to get River out the first time. I don't think she'll survive that long again."
"She won't have to. You have lots of help, now. We'll go and get her. We're good at plans!"
Simon snorted maliciously and waved his arm over towards Jayne's motionless body. "Yes, see how great they've turned out?"
He immediately regretted his words. Simon had hurt her feelings, and he knew it. She was just trying to cheer him up. He felt like a heel.
"Kaylee, I'm sorry. Thanks. For trying." He awkwardly started towards her, trying to decide whether or not to hug her.
He switched tactics, and just patted her shoulder in a sad, graceless way. He was such a clod. Couldn't even touch the girl without looking like an idiot. He wanted to just break down and scream. His sister was kidnapped. Everyone's greatest hope was in a coma. They were getting their information from the same guys who sold them out.
He took a shaky breath.
"I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm lost," he confessed, more to himself than to Kaylee.
Kaylee's brow wrinkled. She bravely stepped closer to the doctor, slowly placing her hands on his hips, tentatively, fully expecting him to bolt for the door. She wrapped her arms around his waist so gradually that she had him entrapped before he fully realized what was going on.
"It's okay, Simon. Please. You can talk to me. Or not. Whatever you want."
Simon's hand still lamely held onto her shoulder. He felt so ill at ease. So guilty. He had no right to touch her. To try and satisfy his needs while everything around him still needed so much fixing. He should just tell her this. Tell her to wait until everything had been resolved, and he had more time to focus on her.
He opened his mouth to explain, but paused. It was impossible. Nothing would ever be fixed. Something would always be wrong. There would always be some disaster that Simon had to repair. Some corpse to revive. Some lunatic to rescue. Some wound to heal. He was stuck on this merry-go-round. He would never have time for Kaylee. There would be no perfect moment with candles and fancy dinners and dancing. The only time he had – would ever hope to have – would be snuck in between surgeries and smuggling. It was so base.
Base and low. Depraved. Dirty. He slowly met Kaylee's eyes, preparing himself to disappoint her. But then, he finally saw her. She was beautiful. Happy. Perfect. In this dark mess of his life, she was the only clean thing. And he kept pushing her out. He was an idiot. He had it backwards. He needed her. She'd brighten up anything. He smiled crookedly at her. She looked surprised, and a little worried. No doubt she'd been preparing herself for another of his open-mouth, insert-foot speeches. He cupped her face in his hands. She beamed up at him.
"Kaylee, you're the only bright and beautiful thing left in the universe. I do believe I need you."
He bent his face haltingly to hers, and kissed her gently, tenderly pressing his lips to hers. Then he pulled away slowly to check her reaction.
Her eyes were still closed in a happy state of bliss. As they fluttered opened, she looked at him in surprise.
"Wow, you didn't say anything awful!"
"That's fabulous," he smiled ruefully.
"Do it again?"
"The speech or… the other thing?"
"The kissing, silly." She grinned.
And he obliged. Happily. He kissed her quick. And again. Not sure what to do or if he was supposed to be romantic or not. But he liked her. The taste of her lips. The smell of her hair.
She giggled under his barrage of chicken pecks and, amused, tried to catch his mouth with her own.
He smiled as she caught the back of his head and pulled him in tighter to finally kiss her hard. He gasped. Lao tyen, she was good. Earthy and fleshly and base and carnal and he reveled in it all. He wanted to be swept away by it all. To have these feelings drown everything else.
They stumbled back against the infirmary wall, Simon trying to get his hands up the back of her shirt and Kaylee eager to feel his weight press against her.
"Oh, Simon, that's nice," Kaylee began as he slid his palms against her bare back.
"Kiss me again, Kaylee," he pleaded.
She laughed, but then stopped suddenly, a look of shock crossing her face.
Simon was confused at first, but then turned to follow her gaze.
"Oh dear god," he murmured.
Jayne was sitting up in bed.
Kaylee flushed a deep red then ran up to Jayne.
"Jayne? You're awake! Are you okay?"
His chin was tucked against his chest and she had to peer closely to see his expression.
His eyes were closed. His mouth was tight.
Simon came up with his doctory tools. He checked Jayne's heart rate and breath sounds.
"Jayne? Can you hear me? Open your eyes."
Jayne's face turned slowly in Simon's direction. He opened his eyes. His stare was blank. Simon feared the worst.
"Kaylee, go tell the captain or somebody. And get Book in here."
Kaylee nodded and rushed out.
Simon shone his penlight into Jayne's eyes.
"Jayne, I need you to talk to me. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Simon didn't know how much brain damage Jayne had suffered from the attack. Perhaps he couldn't hear or speak anymore.
Jayne's mouth opened then closed like a fish.
Simon moved closer.
"Jayne, can you hear me?"
Jayne's voice finally came out, hoarse and cracked.
"Where is she? Why isn't she here?"
Simon started.
"Kaylee went to get the captain," Simon answered.
Jayne's eyes locked on Simon's, hard and angry.
"Where. Is. River."
Simon took a step back. He wasn't sure when or why the mercenary had become so protective of his sister, but he didn't think he wanted to be within arms reach when he told him what happened.
"The Alliance came and killed all the Reavers." He fidgeted, feeling oddly guilty in the face of Jayne's accusing stare. "They took River with them. They've been gone for three weeks."
Jayne looked like he was going to start foaming at the mouth. Or tear Simon apart with his bare hands. But he didn't. He leaned over the edge of the sickbed and puked his guts out.
Kaylee returned with Zoë and Wash. Book had been with the captain and Zoë said that they didn't want to be interrupted.
The three stood by Simon, forming a semicircle around the vomiting Jayne, their faces filled with trepidation.
Wash moved closer to Simon.
"Is he all right? What's he doing?"
Zoë rolled her eyes. "He's blasting, dear."
"I think he's going to be okay," Simon whispered. "He's talking and… everything."
Jayne wiped his mouth and stumbled off the bed towards Simon, grabbing his shoulders to keep himself upright.
"Where's the captain? Where'd they take her? We need to go."
Zoë cautiously intervened.
"We know. Captain's with someone now, trying to find out where they went. We're on a small planet, making repairs and meeting with them."
"With who?"
Wash jumped in before he caught the warning glance that Zoë was shooting at him.
"Yeah, remember those guys on the Juggernaut that saw River? They sold her to the Alliance, now they're selling Mal the location of River. Nice business."
Jayne's eyes iced over. They were already dead.
He yanked Simon away from his huddled discussion with the crewmembers and used him as a makeshift crutch to help propel him out towards his intended victims.
He shoved through the anxious throng and marched out to go find the hwoon dahn that gave his baby back to those monsters. He was beyond livid: he was moving on pure bloodlust.
He had promised River he'd take care of her. That was the one thing he needed to do... and he had rutting died while she was snatched back to that place! Stupid, useless trash!
He'd save her.
There was no doubt in his mind that he would find her - come hell or high water. But… when he got her back… would she still look at him with that foolish, unconditional trust? He needed that from her so badly. Someone to trust in him, believe in him, think he was worth something.
He was addicted.
And the men who were depriving him were right outside the gorram ship!
Jayne stormed out of the cargo bay and into the blinding sun. He staggered and blinked furiously. Then he saw them. Mal and Book, standing and talking to Raven and Kyle right outside.
Jayne pushed Simon away and half ran, half tumbled towards the group. He fell upon Raven, wrapping his hands around his neck.
"You gan ni niang!" Jayne spat in his face.
"Morning, Jayne," Mal began cautiously, surprised as hell that Jayne was up and moving and hoping to Buddha that blanket would stay on his hips.
Jayne continued squeezing his fingers around Raven's windpipe.
"Captain," he croaked over his shoulder. "Did they tell you where to go yet?"
"No, we were still working on the finer details of negotiations when you showed up." Mal was annoyed. He had had everything under control.
"Do they both know where she is?" Jayne asked, pushing Raven back towards the ship.
Mal frowned. "Yeah, I guess so."
Raven was getting anxious.
"Hey, man, it's just business - just a girl. Don't take it personally!" Raven gasped through the tightness on his throat.
Jayne leaned close to Raven's face and whispered so Mal, Simon, and Book wouldn't hear: "Picked the wrong girl: she's my rutting wife. It's personal. And I will end you, you yangwei yin yang ren. Say hello to Crow for me."
With that Jayne shoved Raven back into Serenity's engine.
Mal cringed as the man's guts sprayed out the back. Book stared at his feet, murmuring something. Jayne came back to stand by Mal's side, staggering a little from the exertion.
"It's ironic: both brothers getting eaten by the engine. Funny, ain't it?" Jayne wheezed.
Mal looked at him, irritated. "It is funny; didn't know you knew the meaning of 'ironic'."
Jayne scowled then looked to Kyle, who was standing in shock, staring up at the mostly-naked, scarred-over, bearded brute that had just heaved his partner through the engine.
Kyle raised his hand shakily.
"Uh, I'll tell you where they went. Don't need no payment."
"You're quite the diplomat, Jayne," Mal cracked.
"Thanks." Then he keeled over, face down in the dirt.