Chapter 5 – In which Jack is chased…again.
A/N: Hello and welcome back to this lunchtime's episode offfffff…err, it doesn't actually have a name yet, unsurprisingly, it's Amy and the Psycho Posse writing this.( This italic's is Madi speaking in the author's Notes. Basically because I'm typing, I get to monopolize the plot. MUAHAHAHA!) Sorry, Madi got hold of the keyboard (I'm typing this right now, durbrain) ANYWAY, time for the proper A/N. (ahem, since when have you EVER done proper A/Ns?)
All together now: SHUT UP MADI! Oh yeah T-D is now Alyios and that all the information we have for you today.
(bleh bleh, genius is never appreciated by those with brains too microscopical to understand…)
Let's just get on with the fic…that might be a good idea, Kit. There's a first time for everything, they say…
Disclaimer: Err if you don't know it already you are a) blind and therefore won't be reading this anyway or b) very stupid. But anyway, so we don't have nasty, frothy-mouthed lawyers at our backs, we don't own anything that showed up in the film etc etc…and if you didn't watch the film; WHY THE HELL ARE YOU READING THIS!
Now, ONWARD TO ZE FIC! (Yup, Madi's just gone French…)
THE FICKit: JACK, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE THIS TIME! (chases after him and slaps him)
Jack: Wasn't sure I deserved that…
Kit: (SLAP!)
Jack: Ow…or that…
Maria: Err…are they always like this?
Ally and Jenny: YUP.
Maria: Okay…what do you want me to do then?
Ally: Well, you look light, so you better go up in the crow's nest and keep a watch for any merchant vessels.
Maria: Yes sir.
Ally: Sir…?
Maria scales the rigging easily up to the crow's nest, lithe and agile as any cat.
Kit: I'm glad she's up there. I hate heights…
Maria: (Yells)Argh, so do I.
Maria falls over in the crow's nest.
Maria: Stupid thing keeps moving! Grr…(grabs onto the side of the crow's nest to keep still)
Kit: Yes dear, it's called the wind. On a boat. At sea. With pirates.
Jenny: Are you OK?
Maria: NO!
Ally: Ah well, I can't kill it then…the storms will.
Jack: Kit can you go and save the greenie please?
Kit: (high pitch squeal) NO! Too high… clings to Jack
Jack: smiles happily
Ally: I'll do it!
Kit: Stops clinging. Slaps Saving the greenie does NOT entail throwing them from the crows nest!
Ally: Can I throw her from the rigging please?
Kit: YOU. BELOW. NOW!
Ally: Why?
Kit: Fine you don't have to go below but no killing OR harming in any way the greenie.
Ally: (sulks) Fine.
Jack: We need some one to go save the greenie…
Jenny: I'll do it!
Kit: You're in a Skirt… and you will be climbing the riggin'
Jenny: Oh no I won't do it then
Jack: I refuse and every one else is asleep.
Kit: I'll have to do it then (whimpers)
(Kit slowly climbs the rigging and helps Maria on to the rigging from the crows nest then grabs the mast in a death grip)
Kit: Err I think I'll stay here until the storm stops.
(Two seconds later Kit is back on deck)
Kit: It was cold and wet and cold and wet and - shouldn't Ally keep watch next time she like heights - and cold and wet and cold-
Jack O.K. love we get it…how bout some rum hey my special stuff should perk you right up hmmm.
Kit: Sure
Ally: Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean what did you put in the rum Jack.
Jack: Whispers to Ally
Ally: What! Is that even legal! Wait, no we're pirates, it doesn't matter. Oh well it is Kit, I'm sure it'll be fine, just don't give any to Jenny or me.
Jack: Okay sure, Will may be a eunuch but he's good with a sword and you kinda scare me.
Ally: Okay, Kit the rums fine.
Kit: (Look's worried) Ya know I'll think I'll pass, at least until they invent the NHS in the Caribbean
Ally: Aw, actually it probably was a good idea to pass, cause it's not nice, it's probably not legal and it's certainly not healthy, he put (whispers to Kit)
Maria: Is any one going to tell me? She looks around and everyone is ignoring her Oh wait I've gone invisible again haven't I? (!)
Kit: Urgh, defiantly not legal, not drinking that.
Jenny: What is it?
Ally: Nope not telling, you're much too innocent.
Kit: For once I actually agree with you, Will would kill us. When we actually meet him. Errrrr…..well if….
Maria: Yup; I've gone invisible.
Ally: (Looks at Maria and smiles menacingly while fingering dagger hilt)
Maria: I wish I was invisible, I wish I was invisible, I wish I was invisible…am I invisible?
Ally: No. –advances with knife-
Kit: No.
Jack: Ally what did I say about killing the greenie.
Ally: Err…I don't remember?
Maria: 'Don't kill the greenie'?
Ally: Shut up, greenie!
Maria: I'm not sayin' nothin'…
Kit: Stop being mean to the greenie! The greenie has a name!
Ally: What name? I don't see any name!
Maria: I'M CALLED MARIA!
Ally: Well excuuuuuuse me. (small voice) Greenie…
Maria: I HEARD THAT!
Kit: The greenie is revolting against us! (cowers behind Jack)
Ally: Yeah, she's disgusting ain't she…?
Maria: (pulls out knife from belt)
Kit: EEK! IT'S GOT A KNIFE! SAVE ME JACK! (jumps into his arms)
Jen: You all have knives!
Jack: Huh? I have a knife?
Kit: Yes, it's sticking into me!
Jack: Oh, that isn't my knife…
Kit: (jumps down. slaps)
Jack: Ow…do all of you women have some sort of book of slapping!
All females but Ally: Yes.
Ally: Actually, I have a book on castration…
Kit & Maria: Probably more effective.
Kit: Can I borrow that?
Jack: (colour drains from face backs away slowly muttering stuff about 'bloody women')
Kit: What about Ally? She don't count as a woman.
Ally: (pulls out her dagger)
Kit: (pulls out Jacks sword) See Jack you do have some sort of weapon!
Jack: And something else, darling'…
Kit: (THWACK!)
Maria: You do that to him a lot.
Kit: That's because he's one sick puppy.
Maria: He he…woof woof!
Ally: And everyone's going crazy on me, but I'm not bothered…I'm not bothered….
Kit: You've said that already.
Jenny: What did he mean… something else….
Maria: If you think about it really hard I'm sure you'll get it.
All but Jenny and Ally: snicker
Ally: Ewwwwww
Jenny: Wha-?
Will's Voice: Don't tell her.
Authors: YOU AIN'T IN IT YET!
WV: Sorry… (sulks)
Authors: You do know that they can't see you right?
WV: Oh yeah….
Jenny: Is my brother God?
God: NO I AM GOD!
Jenny: Oh…
Kit: (bows)
Ally: (blinks)
Maria: Eeek! (Hides behind Ally) Eeek! (Runs hits mast) OWWWWW!
Ally: Idiot! Why is Kit and that lot bowing?
Jack: I ent
Kit: (Kicks Jack)
Jack: (bows)
Voices: (leave)
Ally: Can I do that?
Authors: NO! (leave)
A/N: Will Jenny ever find out what they're all going on about? Will we ever work out what was in the rum? Will Will ever show up? (Arrgh to many Wills. Agggrh another one. hides) Will Ally ever get to do the cool voice thing?(No!) Will Madi ever have some motivation to do homework? (Actually, we already know this one…)
This is the shortest A/N ever……