Chapter Eight: Always
Out; I needed to get out of here. In a panic, I found myself in my room throwing together what little belongings I had. Don't pretend. I scoffed at the memory of his words. It was ridiculous; absolutely ridiculous. I'd changed into my riding trousers. I planned on running, and by God, I would escape. It didn't take long to get everything together.
I quickly found a piece of parchment and scribbled a note. 'Don't follow me.' I folded it and left it by the window, gathering my things in a flurry of movement before I was out the door. Somehow I didn't think he'd listen to my note, but if it could buy me more time—
"Faye?" I groaned at the sound. Why did he exist? I whirled around.
"Yes, James?" I asked impatiently.
"It's probably not my business, but where are you going?" He asked, quirking a brow.
"Away from here. Away from the Paris Opera," I explained briefly, before turning back down the hall. "Good-bye, James."
"So that's it? You think you can just run from your problems?" He followed, his tone taking on a matter of urgency, voice raising slightly.
"It never failed before," I remarked coldly, "It never failed when it freed me to pursue a dream." I turned towards the foyer. "I didn't know that dream would betray me…" He grabbed my wrist and whipped me around to face him.
"You can't do this, Faye!" He persisted, "What do you think lies out there for you?"
"Freedom!" I tried to retort, but he gripped me and pulled back towards the dorms.
"A cold, snowy world. No life out there. No money. Hardships perhaps, but no more freedom than that which you have found here," He rambled, dragging me. I planted my feet stubbornly and wrenched a hand from his grip, pulling out my knife and putting it to his neck. He gasped and released me, backing away slowly. "Faye, rethink this…"
"I'm in no mood to argue, James. I'm in no mood to participate in a battle of words. I need to be away now, and you're not going to stop me!"
"I won't let you go," he said sternly.
"I never gave you the option of deciding!" I yelled, my eyes blazing at him.
"At least tell me why you have chosen such rash options," he requested.
"The more I tell, the less you will believe. Thus, I must go now. You wouldn't understand," I replied.
"I could try." The response began an awkward silence. "Faye…" he whispered. I looked back through the darkness at him. His eyes sought me imploringly, and I thought for a moment, he looked remotely concerned. "I care about you…"
"Liar!" Was my immediate response. I jerked away from his eyes and headed off once more. "You don't care at all!"
"If I didn't care, why would I be here?" he demanded, following me stubbornly.
"To preserve your shining moment onstage! God forbid your co-star should quit!" I seethed.
"What's going on?" Madame Giry's voice came from behind us. Things just kept getting better, I thought sarcastically.
"She thinks she's leaving," James replied to Madame Giry. I growled in my throat and whipped back around.
"And what do you think you're going to do about it? Openly tackle me? Hunt me down? Lock me in my room like a prisoner?" I waved my dagger emphatically and both seemed to pause at the sight of its deadly glint.
"Miss Lavonne—" Madame Giry began.
"Shut your mouth, you speck of dust!" I shot at her angrily, "Ever since I have arrived, you have not taken on the duties you should have. I've been left to fend for myself in this new world of the Opera house. You warned me not of Erik and his intentions for new opera singers!"
"—Faye!" Her eyes were wide with disbelief that I'd said the name I had been forbidden to say.
"Shall I then, reveal all secrets? Why, it would make me quite the sum of money!" I accented the situation with further sarcasm, raising a brow.
"Who's Erik?" James asked. Madame Giry looked exceedingly angered.
"Miss Lavonne, really—"
"My work here is through." I turned on my heel and ran for the door. Behind me, Madame Giry raised shouts and I could hear James coming after me. But I was too fast. My feet carried me like wings through the door and out into the frigid air. The snow did not impede me, and I trudged on into the drifts, paying little attention to anything else except the long path ahead of me.
After almost fifteen minutes of breathless flight in a direction that could not seem to distinguish itself from north or south, I heard hoof beats. I could not continue onward in this state. I collapsed for air under the eaves of a nearby shop, taking in sharp amounts of breath and nearly choking on it. My vision had gone from an icy clear to a blur. It didn't matter to me anymore. Nothing mattered. Perhaps death was on his merry road, searching for me. The hoof beats could have been my imagination. Secretly, I hoped that they were. I could not imagine anything worse than death at this point. Well, there was one thing…
"Get up, you pitiful creature," a voice said. Erik. Worse than death. It was over, for certain; it had to be. Shivering, I opened my eyes and rose. He stood there in the swirling snow, a black stallion waiting patiently behind him. "I should kill you," he stated. I nodded and gulped a bit. "But seeing as how I am merciful, I will not." A moment of breathless silence lingered. "You will abide by my will, or suffer the repercussions," he continued, "I have been lenient—very lenient. You should be grateful. Tell me, Miss Lavonne, are you grateful?"
"Yes, m'lord," I answered, "Grateful." The word contained a bitter edge and I bit my tongue.
"Then do we have an understanding?" He asked. I nodded, and felt weak. "Then come." He whirled swiftly and handled the reins of his stallion, before pausing at the sound of more hoof beats. A white mare presently appeared, with James in the saddle. Erik hissed a bit, drawing away and hiding his face with his cape. I shivered in the blast of cold air as James leapt off his horse in a flourish, drawing his rapier.
"Faye, who is this man?" James demanded, keeping his blade up defensively.
"James…"
"Who is he, Faye?" James repeated, raising his voice with blazing eyes. Erik thrust his cape back, revealing his mask and drawn rapier.
"Get on the horse, Faye," Erik said in a low voice, not taking his eyes from James.
"But—"
"Get on!" He whipped the snow at my feet with his rapier. I responded immediately with obedience, mounting the black stallion nearby, which pawed at the ground impatiently.
"So…" James moved into a defensive stance, circling Erik boldly, "Are the rumors true, then?"
"What rumors?" Growled Erik.
"That you are Faye's lover?" James asked. Erik laughed.
"Don't be stupid, boy. No man in his right mind would make love to such an ignorant wench," he finally spat. I bit my tongue and drew blood. I couldn't say anything. I would continue to hold my tongue. But that bastard had just insulted me. I could take off, I supposed, and leave them. But that would lead James to pursuit, and Erik to rage.
"Ignorant? Why, you are deceived by your own ignorance!" Shot James, "If she is such trouble to you, why not release her into my care?"
"I am her teacher," Erik answered, "And in her best interest, I do not see it as fit to place her in the care of an insolent fool."
"Who's the fool?" Battled James. Erik laughed again. "Or are you a mad man?"
"Your juvenile insults put you no higher or lower on my list of priorities," Erik retorted, "I pity such a waste of life."
"Why do you hide your face?" James demanded. I felt the darkness creep up and pool about Erik's feet. "Are you so hideous?"
"I give you chance to retreat, boy. Otherwise, I will see that you meet your fate right here. And even your name will fade into the record books."
"Who do you think you are?" James asked, his eyes narrowed. I flashed him a warning look.
"Make your choice, you reckless youth," Erik hissed. James moved his eyes between Erik and me. Finally, he sheathed his weapon.
"This is not the last time we shall meet!" Retorted James. He mounted his horse and rode off into the swirling mist of snow. Erik was practically steaming. He sheathed his rapier and mounted behind me in a flourish. I bit my tongue still. He had called me an ignorant wench, and if I were to open my mouth, the words would be anything but flattering.
"Speak, Faye," Erik finally commanded as the stallion plodded silently along. "And do not say that you have nothing to say, for I know you do." I paused for a moment, my heart pounding with the sheer thought of what he was capable of doing to me.
"I have no words or actions for you," I replied blandly.
"Let's see how far lying gets you, Miss Lavonne," he said, a sharp edge on his voice.
"You assume too much, Monsieur," I answered coldly.
"I make no assumption. The tremble," his whisper crawled about my neck and I shivered as his fingers traced the curve of my right shoulder, "of your body, betrays you." It was true. I trembled.
"Did you mean what you said?" I asked quietly.
"What did the letter I wrote you say?" He asked back, steering the horse in a direction away from the Opera House. I thought for a moment.
"That you thought I was admirable…" I answered.
"And do you better trust rage or sincerity?" He questioned.
"Sincerity," I answered.
"Good girl." He urged the horse into a dark passage. "There's not much use in feeding your little English friend's need for gossip." I said nothing as we entered the dark passage. "Trust me. You will not regret having been found by me. I'm certain another moment with Monsieur James would have been somewhat unpleasant—"
"James was not what I ran from," I quickly intervened. He was silent. We arrived at a torch and he swept off the horse in one swift movement. He grabbed the torch and the reins, leading along the passage in a dark silence. I assumed we were returning to his lair. What words awaited me lay in question…
We came to a ramp and he whirled around the stallion, taking a hold of me and urging me down. I hopped from the horse slowly, falling into step with him. He guided me into a boat, lighting a lantern and setting the torch in a placeholder situated on the wall. Then he stepped in and the boat went forth smoothly, gliding across the murky water.
"I must further advise you of that boy. Avoid him as much as possible. He's nothing but trouble," Erik said monotonously, moving the boat along in a steady path.
"Tell me something I don't know…" I grumbled, "He's quite innocent, however. He has no idea what's going on."
"His young and curious mind will lead him to follow you, and this will cause problems," he warned, steering the boat along a narrow path.
"I think he knows to keep his distance," I responded, staring blankly into the darkness. Erik said nothing as we floated onto the lake. He drew the vessel to the shore, exiting and offering a hand to help me to land.
"I must re-express that I do not appreciate being lied to," he began, releasing me and shedding his cape. I was beginning to realize how terrible it must have been to live down here. His statement was clearly directed at a specific incident… "Denial constitutes a lie."
"Why do you live down here?" I asked. He was quiet for a moment and then, he shook his head, seating himself at his organ.
"You would not understand," he said quietly, staring at the keys of the organ. I didn't want to be compassionate right now. I wanted to insist that I didn't care. But my heart got the better of me and I went to him slowly.
"Erik…" He looked at me when I spoke, and I was fearful. "I ran because I was terrified…" I confessed, lowering my eyes. "Terrified that you were right…" There was a long silence and he turned his face back to the organ. "I want to know you," I continued, "I want to know why you're here." There was more silence and he breathed a sigh. I was staring at the masked side of his face.
He turned slowly and met my eyes, an earnest expression upon his face. "To know me is to know the darkness," he answered. I nodded, not breaking eye contact.
"Then teach me the ways of darkness," I said.
"You are brave to pursue such knowledge," he commented, standing and walking a few paces, his back to me. "It is something indescribable. There is so much to see, and yet, no way to see it," he responded. I was silent, my eyes resting on him. He was still, his head bowed slightly. "This place is my solitude, Faye…" He whispered, clenching a fist at his side, "My sanctuary… where I am not judged by face alone…"
"What is so terrible about your face?" I asked gently.
"This is one thing I would not reveal to you for the world," he stated harshly.
"Erik…"
"No, Faye." He moved away a bit more, almost anxiously. He was trying to maintain an ounce of strength, but his posture declared his deterioration.
"What more can I do for you?" I asked.
"You could apologize," he suggested. I hesitated.
"Apologize? For what?" I asked. He sighed heavily.
"Faye…" he began with a warning tone.
"Erik, I have done you no intentional harm," I reasoned, shifting my stance a bit.
"My patience with you has worn thin," he warned. His shoulders had tensed. I looked for the nearest escape and backed towards it cautiously, keeping a close watch on his changing figure. "You run, you flee, you act like a child…is this all some sort of game to you?" He whirled unexpectedly, eyes ablaze. Somehow, it always boiled down to an argument.
"I should ask you the same question!" I snapped.
"You cause me frustration beyond the depths of hell!" he snarled. "Why don't I just kill you and be done with it?"
"Why not?" I challenged indignantly, "Perhaps it will relieve you of your misery!" He came at me and I bolted behind an arrangement of candles. He glared at me dangerously from behind them, his eyes aflame with a thousand kinds of passion.
"Darkness will have you…."
"Your words are worthless unaccompanied," I answered.
"Soon, there will be nothing I have said that will be unaccompanied, my faithless student," he hissed. He darted swiftly around the candles, lunging for me. There was nowhere to go besides the lake. I dove desperately into the cold water, hitting bottom with my palms and rising in little more than two feet of water. Hearing a splash behind me, I shot across the lake. The passages would all be uncertain for travel, but I could use them. I could make it. I could escape. I would...
Suddenly, he grabbed me and forced me under. In a flurry of watery panic, I struggled against him enough to gain one rasping breath above the surface. Soon, I was in taking water and slowly drowning with no sense of direction. I was dragged sturdily up and dropped on the shore. Erik half-collapsed over me, shirtless it appeared. I coughed up water, my insides feeling sore and swollen. I un-blurred my eyes to stare up at his soaked form, his tense abdomen heaving over me, revealing toned muscles. I tried to writhe away, flipping over on the dirty ground. He growled wordlessly, flipping us back over and pinning me to the ground with a gasp. I choked some more, fighting the black edges on my vision.
His fingers closed around my neck as he caught his breath and stared down into my blurring eyes. The dirt from the ground clung to my skin and embedded itself. "Did you think that entering my domain would admit you to leave at your convenience?" He breathed in a husky voice. I choked and struggled more, but to no avail. "You go nowhere unless I dismiss you!" His eyes burned with a malignant fire—like the devil's eyes. I was left with no choice but to stop fighting…unless I wanted to die.
With a ragged sigh of surrender, I collapsed underneath him; closing my eyes and letting my shoulders go slack. "Clearly, we do not have an understanding, Miss Lavonne," he continued. I breathed evenly. "Allow me to clarify. You do not go, lest I tell you to go. You do not come unless I call for you. You sing when I tell you to sing, you dance when I tell you to dance—you will do as I say, always. I will have it no other way—"
"—No," I answered. I opened my eyes boldly and met his gaze.
"I beg your pardon?" He was holding his temper for the moment, as if to make me believe he actually cared for an answer of me.
"You cannot take my freedom," I stated, "You do not own me, Monsieur. I do not answer to your every command, nay, I will not!"
"You dare impune me thus? Your life is already at stake!" He warned.
"Go ahead; take my life!" I burst, tears ravaging my eyes with neither mercy nor compliance. "It is better to die than to live a life imprisoned by the battered chains and ropes of a madman!"
"Madman!" He narrowed his eyes; "You wanted to know me!"
"And what do these threats or broken compromises mean to a man who finds neither meaning nor motivation within them? Does my despair serve you well, Monsieur? Would you delight in causing pain without thought of the true damage you could inflict?" I ranted, my glare holding steady.
"…I would keep you for my own," he answered softly.
"You are selfish as a child!" I spat, meeting his grip and forcing him up. He answered the motion by standing and twisting me about, bringing my back to his chest and gripping my wrists firmly.
"Then perhaps we are both as children are. You would run, and I would give chase. No road is without an end. I will catch you," he answered haughtily.
"I do not tread with mortal feet. I fly," I answered, trying to wrench free again.
"Fly?" He seethed, "Fly?" His voice was foreboding and filled with all kinds of reprimand. He shoved me down to my knees, pressing his own knee at the small of my back and tugging firmly at my arms until the limbs burned with the pain of ripping tendons. "I will rip out your wings, my poor, pathetic little angel…" He dropped me as a shriek escaped my throat. "And you will fly no more…" he stated through gritted teeth.
"Please!" I pleaded, "Please release me. I beg of you!" He loomed over me.
"How many opportunities have I had to kill you?" He breathed. I shuddered and did not answer. "Perhaps it is better torment to let you live…" I trembled a bit, but otherwise lay there listlessly. "Get up."
"My Lord, I fear my limbs will give out," I stated meekly.
"Get up," he ordered. Humiliated, I lifted myself slowly, standing upon my feet. I was on the edge of total collapse. He braced my shoulders, forcing me to meet his eyes. I stumbled closer, weary and blinking. I felt sore and beaten. I just wanted to rest now. "There is fear in your eyes…" his voice came lightly as a song and my eyes took in his eyes slowly. "Not of death…nor of meeting an end…"
"No…" I answered softly, "But a fear of you." He was silent and his eyes were veiled. I could not read him.
"I would feign understanding of such comments," he finally said, moving away. "You are dismissed. Go where you will…but know that, should you choose to run, I have not an ounce of mercy left." Dazed, I wandered completely graceless and exhaustedly out of the bounds of his lair.
Somehow I found the way back to my room, my eyes shifting to the windowsill where a plain answer lay in response to my earlier letter. I'd written for him not to follow—to not follow me. Staring at the neatly scrawled phrase, I crumbled the perfect paper and hunched over on the edge of the bed. I was reaching a breaking point. If escape required more detailed plans, then it would be so. I un-crumpled the note and looked at it again.
'I will always follow you.'
I thrust the paper into the fireplace, setting a flame to it with new resolve. Watching through glossy eyes, I thought through my new plan of action. "You will follow me no more, Erik…" I whispered.
A/N: Okay, my apologies for the huge gap in updates. I've been sitting on this chapter for a while, debating whether or not it's what I wanted to happen, and finally, I changed it around a bit and got something that I sort of like. Again, I'm sorry, I've been really busy. Enjoy. GF