The loud clatter of pots and pans could be heard.
"Stop that dam thing!" The Ramen chef sounded frantic.
"How'd it get in here?" The serving girl joined the assistant cook in a mad chase after a speeding fox. The small creature dragged a pork haunch out into the dining area, and then began jumping from table top to table top, knocking plates and bowls into customer's laps.
"Look out!" A second server lost her footing when the other two restaurant hands rounded a corner and slammed into her. The fox climbed up on top of the pile of people and spilt food, snarling in victory.
"Hey…" Ooo-oo-o-o-o-…" A woman jumped up out of her seat, after the furry troublemaker dashed up under her skirt and tugged on her undergarments.
"Is this any way to treat your best customers?" One man stood up and shook an angry fist at the shop owner, after the busy fox had sat down right in the middle of his Soba and Crab.
"No! These are new shoes!" A woman kicked off her expensive sandals after the mischievous animal pissed all over them.
The Kyuubi avatar chuckled. Back in the hospital, the remainder of the fox demon felt a great sense of satisfaction. Things were going splendidly. Bit by bit, it would chip away at the world that Naruto had built for himself.
The chase continued. Finally, the fox ran out a back door into a narrow alley. The panting and food-covered pursuers all slid to a stop by the doorway. Their ordeal was finally over. Listening, they heard two voices, one of them quite familiar.
"Well, that was hilarious!" The one voice sounded like a teenage boy. None of the listeners could put a face to that voice. "Payback's a bitch, right?"
"You bet!" That was Uzumaki's Naruto's voice. "Last week the old geezer and his ugly daughter kept shortchanging me. Everyone one else kept getting more noodles in their bowls than me. I told them, but they just rubbed my head and said I was imagining things."
"Old geezer?" The shop owner clenched his hands into fists.
"Ugly daughter?" The one serving girl scowled, shaking her head angrily.
"That boy won't be coming in our store again!" The head cook banged a ladle hard against the door frame.
Hearing those responses, the Kyuubi avatar smiled a fox smile and scampered off towards Naruto's dormitory room. There would be no way to get in through conventional means. A fox form was not much good at opening doors. But, the boy always left his kitchen window open, with just the screen in place. A quick chakra-aided run up a drain pipe… a leap to the balcony… a careful crawl along a decorative brick ledge… and the vengeful creature would be able to chew its way into the building.
When it made its way into the apartment, the Kyuubi avatar smiled in anticipation. The kind of mess it would make would be a mark of petulance in the total demonic entity. But, it was quite acceptable for a small offshoot. Leaping, crawling, and skittering about, the fox did whatever it could to disrupt thing. The refrigerator was left open. Clothes were pulled off the rack and shredded. Anime discs and manga volumes were tossed out the kitchen window. Pillow cases served as the small creature's toilet.
"Bastard fox, he calls me." The Kyuubi avatar grabbed a milk carton in his teeth, walking it through the living room area and leaving a trail of white liquid. That would stink when it spoiled. "Asks me for chakra, knowing that I don't have any choice." Jumping, it caught hold of the pin-up calendar that Naruto had received as a gift from Jiraiya. Soon, a pile of torn paper strips sat on top of a small armchair. "I have to listen to all the stupid things that he says and does!" More havoc followed.
Sitting back on its haunches, tongue lolling out of its mouth, the fox scratched itself for a moment. Nodding its furry head, ears twitching, it thought up more deviltries. Countless items were strewn across the messy room. Some of those items might prove very incriminating, left at the scene of mischief. That ridiculous night cap. Scraps of that hideous orange and black jumpsuit. Those instant Ramen packages. So many possibilities!
After making its way back to the street, the Kyuubi avatar decided on its next prank. It wasn't too far from the Girl's Dorm. Running in that direction, it stopped and hid behind a number of garbage cans. Those humans! It recognized them. The fools were friends of Uzumaki Naruto. Concentrating, it accessed Naruto's memories again.
"Where is that Shikamaru?" Ino asked, unaware that a small furry form was shadowing her, Choji, and the group of genin they were told to train that day. "He'd better not be sitting somewhere staring at the clouds again."
"He might be over at the filed already," Choji offered. "You know, over by the shinobi monument." After the rotund ninja said that, the entire group headed up one of the paths leading to the training site.
"This will do." The fox rushed ahead. As it ran, the small beast thought up various possibilities. The mind of a teenage boy was fertile ground for mischief. Any number of ideas would do quite nicely.
When Choji, Ino, and the genin began walking through the clearing, the Kyuubi avatar began imitating voices again. "Hey! We shouldn't be doing this here!" That was Shikamaru's voice. Or so it seemed.
"No one will come up here today. There are no sessions scheduled. I just can't wait any longer." That was Naruto's voice. "You said you loved me. Was that a lie?"
"But what if Choji and Ino find out?" Shikamaru's voice said. "I might not be able to convince them to keep things secret."
"What makes you think that those assholes will find out? Ino is so stupid, she can't tie her own shoes. That's why she always wears sandals. And Choji? That pork ball will believe anything you tell him, as long as you buy him some food to shove down his gullet!"
"Oh. You're probably right. Be gentle with me…" After finishing with that charade, the fox ran off laughing, dragging a small trash bag full of items that it had pilfered from Naruto's room. That one would be hard to live down!
What next? The Dorms? No! The trail the Kyuubi avatar had chosen would bring it near the apartment complex that Sasuke lived in. He was isolated from the rest of the shinobi, living under constant observation until the Hokage was certain that he could be trusted again. He wouldn't be home at this time. Might there be something in his home to screw with?
This was a much more difficult mission. Leaping from balcony to balcony, bag held between its pointy little teeth, the fox was careful to avoid the small security cameras. Making its way to the roof, the small animal crawled into a large ventilation shaft. Sniffing as it crept along, it eventually located Uchiha Sasuke's apartment.
Everything was so neat. That was easy enough to remedy. There was a small picture of the old Team Seven on the windowsill. Somehow that got broken. Covering the table in the kitchen were stacks of hand-written papers. Reading a number of pages, the fox knew that it had found a great bounty. The Fifth had given Sasuke an assignment. He had to research every significant event that took place in the village during the days that he was A.W.O.L. It was his task to write a complete summary, while also detailing the events that he had witnessed in Orochimaru's stronghold.
"It must have taken him a long time to write all this," the fox said, chuckling. "Too damn bad!" In less than a minute, the papers were scattered, town, and crumpled. Before making its way back outside, the fox took a package of instant Ramen and dropped it under the table.
Finished with Sasuke's things, the fox paid a visit to Kakashi's residence. Inside the small sparsely decorated apartment, it found a special treasure sitting under a glass case. It was a First Edition of the first Ich Icha book. Next to it, still in its wrapping, was the newest of Jiraiya's publications, waiting to be read.
"Reading this kind of thing would make him go blind," the Kyuubi avatar quipped. "So, let's do our part to help the Copy Ninja."
Neither book was recognizable when the fox was done with its mischief. The small scrap of orange clothing that was snagged on the broken glass would be easy to identify. To arrange a plausible motive, the avatar searched through a number of drawers, dragging out a duty roster that had enraged Naruto earlier. The boy had been assigned to guard a group of civilian girls on a flower picking expedition. After that, he was expected to help them press the flowers. It was his turn for a D-class mission, while Kakashi, Saskura, and Sasuke would be off on a B-class one.
"This is fun!" The Kyuubi avatar barked a few times, and then forced itself to be silent. In some ways, this petty trouble was as much fun as the rampaging destruction that the Nine Tails was famous for. Humans made certain to guard their village against other Nations, and their homes against intruders. But, they were woefully unprepared for a fox with a grudge. "That idiot boy always wants attention. "It snickered, thinking what Naruto was in for. "He'll have more attention than he knows what to do with…"
After savaging Kakshi's pride and joy, the fox struck Gai's apartment down the hall, rendering a number of green stretchy suits into dust rags and wash cloths.
"OK girls! Your turn!" Time for the Leaf's most unpredictable ninja, and its newest pervert, to stop by and saw howdy.
The Girl's residence was simple enough to get into. Sneaking about the place, careful not to be spotted, the fox took note of the layout. There were a number of things that he could do here. It was simply a matter of patience.
"Come on girls, time to hit the showers!" That was Ten Ten. She had led a group of genin girls back to the building. They were finished with their physical raining, and needed to head over to the classrooms fro some didactics. "Hang all your dirty stuff up on the clothesline in the washroom. One of the laundresses will be picking it up within the hour."
The Kyuubi avatar rubbed its paws together. Its next move would be devastating. The girls were I for a rather unexpected visit, or so it would sound.
"Anyone have a new conditioner?" One girl called out, as the whole group of them stood under large mass showers.
"I do!" Another girl replied. "Anyone have some moisturizing bath lotion."
"Me!" Ten Ten said. "It will make our skin silky smooth."
"Can I try?" The fox called out in Naruto's voice. "See Konohamaru, I told you that there would be a great chance to see some nice booty!" Why not embellish a bit. "Ero-sennin would kill to be here with us. Get the camera ready."
Shouts, shrieks, and gasps could be heard en mass. "You… you… you…" Ten Ten's voice grew angrier with each 'You.'
"Panty Raid!" The avatar shouted in Konohamaru's voice. Smiling a vulpine smile, it jumped up, gnaws through the rope, and began gathering the bras and panties that fell to the floor. Snickering, it left Naruto's night cap behind.
"So you want to be Hokage some day…" The fox ran off towards the hospital. "Well, don't count on it…" Filled with anticipation, the vindictive offshoot of the imprisoned youma kept thinking up nasty tricks. There were people to be told about Kyuubi, who didn't already know. It might be difficult, but maybe the town council members could overhear Uzumaki Naruto planning to set the demon free or run off to become an S-class criminal. There were a few Ramen restaurants that hadn't had the pleasure of a special visit. So much to do. So much to do!
Rushing under a long work platform, the avatar heard a number of angry voices coming from the street. Wonderful! The birds of dischord were coming home to roost earlier than it had expected. Fluffed-out tail trailing behind it, the small animal kicked things into overdrive. It would never do, if the disgruntled individuals reached Naruto's room before it did!
Once again, the fox used all manners of concealment to make its way to Naruto's room. Crawling up linen chutes. Hiding under medication carts and food wagons. Pitpatting inside the central air conditioning system. Peering out from behind the grate leading to Naruto's room, it took note of the boy's condition.
Naruto was still hooked up to a number of monitors. There were more cards and flowers on the windowsill than earlier. The television was on, turned to an anime network. Licking its fur, the Kyuubi avatar prepared to use another one of its tricks. Not only could it imitate voices, it could also throw its speech. Pushing open the grating, it dropped the girly underwear down to the floor below. The boy was too engrossed to notice.
The door burst open. Ten Ten marched in, the night cap in her hand. A number of girls with wet unfixed hair crowded behind her, murder in their eyes.
"I don't know how you managed to sneak out," Ten Ten said. "But, it's a good thing that you're already in hospital." She cracked her knuckles. "Your little scheme might have worked, had you been clever enough to keep your mouth shut!"
"Pervert!" A number of the girls had spoken at the same time. "Jerk!"
"Huh?" Naruto frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb," Ten Ten said. "You know what you did. Sneaking into the Girl's Dorm. Peaking in on our shower. Stealing that clothing."
"He did that too?" Gai walked into the room, a torn and dirtied green suit in one hand and a noodle pack in the other. "AHHHHH! To think that the burning spirit of youth could grow so dim. It pains me to see one with such promise, fall into the clutches of depravity. I blame Kakashi, of course."
"What?" Naruto sat up in his bed. He scratched his head, wondering what was going on. Ino and Choji peaked around the door frame. There were a number of people there that he recognized from his favorite noodle dens. They were roughly shoved aside by Sasuke, who wore a face that would have caused Itachi to shiver.
"Look! Sensei!" One of the genin girls tugged on Ten Ten's sleeve and then pointed over at the small jumble of undergarments.
"Oh! And I suppose those are yours," Ten Ten asked, taking a step into the room, pushed by the growing mass of people at her back.
"They could be!" That was Ino. She sounded angry and disgusted at the same time. "After what Choji and I overheard."
"I know that you were angry when you went out to track down the remainder of the Nine, while I stayed behind. I told you that was not my decision." Sasuke was seething. The Hokage and Kakasshi had not allowed him to go on missions with Team Kakashi right after he returned to Konoha.
"Ho! Kakashi. My old rival. Are you here to check up on the actions of your student?" Gai called out to the Copy Ninja as he walked up to join the throng. "Was it your idea? Never would I have thought that you would stoop so low."
"Yo! Gai." That was Kakshi's voice. Naruto couldn't catch sight of his teacher. "You received a visit too?"
"It looks like Naruto was busy," Ten Ten said.
"What are you all talking about?" Naruto grasped the edge of his woolen blanket tightly. Could that damn Kyuubi fragment have carried out its threats somehow? "I've been in the hospital since returning from my mission!"
"No he hasn't!" The fox imitated Sakaura's voice, making it sound as if she was behind a partition leading to the adjacent room. "Naruto's lying. He was gone a majority of the time I've been on shift. No one knew where he went."
"That's right!" This time, the avatar used Shizune's voice. "Not only that, I also saw a large number of Naruto clones rushing away from the hospital when I was coming in. Who knows what they were up to?"
"B-… B-… But…" Naruto looked around the room, looking for any sign of that damn fox. "But, that's all bullshit. I'm too injured to get out of bed and run anywhere!"
"WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" That was Tsunade's shout. "THIS IS A HOSPITAL, NOT A SOCIAL CLUB! VISITING HOURS ARE OVER!"
Everyone spoke up at once. There were still more angry people joining the crowd, which now extending a good ways up the corridor in both directions. Threats form the Hokage had everyone clearing a path for her.
"What kind of nonsense is it this time?" Tsunade asked. She was still miffed about Naruto's earlier behavior.
"Nothing, Old Lady!" Naruto answered. "These guys all just showed up, saying I've done things that I didn't do! I think it's that fox. It's…" He couldn't say 'It's part of Kyuubi and it has it in for me'. Not with all those people listening to what he said.
"Don't go back to that stupid excuse! A fox? You can do better than that." The Hokage held up one finger. "Either your head injuries are worse than I thought, or you're becoming a worse liar than my hairy old teammate. I knew I never should have allowed you to train with him."
"That's right! He's a pervert!" A number of the girls called out. "He was peeping!"
"It's worse than you might think," Choji said.
"That's enough of that," Tsunade said firmly. "I need to get to the bottom of things."
"Bottom of things?" The Kyuubi avatar imitated Naruto's voice. "With all those people watching?" It hoped than no one noticed that the boy's lips weren't moving. "You're not going to suck me off again, are you?"
"ARRRGGGHHH!" The Hokage's growl almost caused the fox to wet itself. Everyone else jumped, flinched, or quickly backed out of the way.
"It wasn't me…" Naruto swallowed hard. "It just… uhhh… sounded like me…" What was he going to do?
"Take a number, everyone." The fox whispered to itself, pleased with the day's work.