Title: Not Enough Time to Say Good-Bye
Summary: Doug is married to Joey. When he is told he is dying, they learn
the true meaning of friendship. And of love.
Rating: PG, probably
Chapter 4
Pacey continued to stare at his brother as a million thoughts ran through his head, none of which he could get any kind of grasp on. "Is it true?" he finally asked softly.
Doug opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out, so he closed his lips and silently sat down beside Pacey. Unbidden, a memory permeated his thoughts.
"Mike said you wanted to talk to me?" Doug asked Lillian Potter.
"Yes." She patted the side of the bed. "Sit down, Doug."
Slowly, he did as she said and fought the urge to ask any questions. Lily did things her own way and it was useless - counter-productive, really - to push her when she didn't want to be pushed.
"I suppose you know that I just got back from the hospital?"
Doug nodded. "I came over to see how you're doing."
"I know. Thank you for that." She sighed and gave him a sad smile. "I'm not well, Doug, and I'm not going to get better. I think we've all known that for a while now." Doug just nodded, fearing that he knew where this conversation was going and dreading its arrival at its destination.
"Doug, I have a favor to ask of you. You've been so wonderful through all of this that I really shouldn't ask anything more from you. But I have to." She met his tear-filled eyes. "Bess is going to need you, Doug. Now more than ever, because I'm not going to be around much longer." She patted his hand. "Be there for her, Doug. That's all I ask."
Doug shook himself out of the reverie. Lillian had been such a compassionate woman. Throughout her illness, her concerns had been for her daughters. And Doug knew that was where his concern needed to be now - for his wife and brother.
He put an arm around Pacey's shoulder, pulling his little brother closer to him. "Yeah, it is." His voice was just as soft as Pacey's had been, and thick with emotion.
Pacey met Doug's eyes and myriad images assaulted him. Doug standing up beside him as his best man. Doug holding Matthew the day he was born. Himself beside Doug as he and Joey said their vows. The absolute elation on Doug's face as he told Pacey that Joey was pregnant. Abruptly, those images were replaced by the more recent memory of the devastation he'd seen in Joey's eyes only minutes before. "God, this sucks," he muttered. The words were trite and downright meaningless, he knew, but they were the only words he trusted himself to say.
Despite the gravity of the situation, Doug had to laugh at Pacey's choice of words. "That's certainly one way of putting it."
Pacey didn't smile. The emotion in his eyes changed from pain to hurt as he regarded Doug. "Why didn't you want to tell me? Why didn't you want me to know?"
"Aw, Pace," Doug said softly, his face sober once again. "It wasn't that I didn't want you to know. It wasn't that at all. In fact, Joey hit it on the head. Telling you meant acknowledging that it was real - that it was really happening and not just some awful nightmare I'm going to wake up from. I just wasn't ready to do that. I'm still not, not really." He looked away so that Pacey wouldn't see the tears filling his eyes.
But the gesture was wasted. "You don't always have to be the strong one, you know," Pacey said softly. "Everyone hurts. I know that, Joey does. I hope you're not pretending to her that you're okay with all of this."
Doug shook his head as he turned back to his brother. Pacey knew him far too well. "I was. Still am, a little. Difference is, now I can admit that it's just pretending." He swallowed around the lump in his throat and the tears began to fall. "I don't want to die, Pace," he whispered.
Pacey wrapped his arms around his brother. "I know. And that's okay, you know." He pulled Doug close as the older man began to cry. It was the first time he could recall seeing Doug cry - even when they were kids he'd had to be the tough one, the one who never showed how much it hurt, even when he split his chin open when he was 12 trying to teach Pacey how to ride his bike. Although a bit disconcerting it was, at the same time, somehow comforting to Pacey that Doug was no longer trying to be the strong one. At least around him.
After several minutes, the tears subsided and Doug was back in control of his emotions - for the most part. "Thanks, Pace."
Pacey waved away his gratitude. "Don't worry about it. How many times you been there for me?"
"That's true." Doug smiled. "And in consideration of how much you owe me, can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything. Well, anything within reason," Pacey clarified as Doug raised his eyebrows.
"Go talk Joey into getting out of here. I don't care if it's to go shopping, to go to Jack's, to just go for a walk. Just get her out of the house. It's still early, and she hasn't left my side since we found out about this except when I've stormed out after we've argued. She needs a break from looking after me and."
"And since I'm here, she can have one," Pacey finished for him.
"Do you mind?"
"Course not. In fact, I was gonna suggest the same thing."
"Thanks," Doug said, leaning back against the arm of the couch.
"One condition though, man," Pacey said.
Doug raised an eyebrow. "Oh, and what would that be?"
"That you fall asleep before I talk to her. For two reasons. One, you look like hell. Two, you and I both know she'd never leave me here alone with you unless you fall asleep. And even then, it's iffy."
"Deal." Doug squeezed his hand and closed his eyes.
"One more thing. I get the impression that I'm the first one you've told." At Doug's nod, he continued. "Well, anyone she talks to is going to know something's wrong. Do you want her to keep this a secret?"
Doug sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I don't want the whole town to know - they're going to soon enough anyway. But Jack and Mark, or if she wants to call Jen - or you can call Alex - that's fine. She needs to be able to talk to someone."
"All right. I'll tell her that. Now get some sleep."
"Yes, sir." Doug saluted weakly, then drifted off.
Pacey stayed with Doug for the whole three minutes it took him to fall asleep. Slowly disengaging himself from his brother, he stood and walked into the kitchen.
He found Joey sitting at the kitchen table, elbow resting on the surface, chin propped on her hand. She didn't move at all when he entered - didn't seem to notice that she was no longer alone.
"Thought you were making food."
That caught her attention. She looked up and gave him a wan smile. "I was going to. But," she gestured toward the refrigerator, "There's really no food in the house. Neither Doug or I have thought to go shopping." She shrugged apologetically. "Our minds have kind of been elsewhere."
He pulled a chair out and sat down across from her. Reaching over the table he took her hand in both of his. "Yeah, I'll bet." He paused, then asked, "I now know how Doug's doing. But how are you?"
Joey forced a smile to her face. "Aw, you know me, Pace," she said brightly. "I'm dealing with it. Same as always, as every other time."
"I figured."
She nodded. "You know me so well." Brushing a lock of hair back off her face, she decided to change the subject. "How's Doug?"
"Asleep. Looked like he needed it."
"He does. He doesn't sleep well. The headaches and nausea keep him up." She sighed. "They keep me up, too."
"He knows that. In fact, he suggested that while I'm here, you take advantage and get out of here for a while. Take a break; go to Jack and Mark's or something. I'd say go to Jen's, but I can't see you putting that much distance between you and Doug."
"Pacey, I can't. There's so much you'd have to know."
"I can learn. What, did they give you a bunch of pamphlets and papers and stuff to tell you everything to do and not to do?" When she nodded he said, "So give them to me, and get out of here."
"Pace-" Joey began, but gave up when she caught the determined look in his eye. "All right. But Pace, if I go over to Jack's he's gonna want to know what's up."
"So tell him."
She stared at him incredulously. "Doug didn't want you to know. He'd kill me if I told Jack."
"No, he won't. He said you could. He doesn't want you dealing with this alone." He held up his hands defensively. "This was his idea, Jo." He paused. "And if you don't feel like doing it because he said to, do it for me, okay? I'd feel a hell of a lot better when I can't be around if I knew that someone else in Capeside knew and was able to help you out if you need it."
After a long moment, she nodded. "All right. I'll go out for a while." Pointing across the room at a drawer she said, "The information they gave us at the hospital is in there."
"Thanks Jo. Now get out of here."
She couldn't help but laugh. "I'm going, I'm going."
He watched her leave the kitchen, thoroughly amazed at her resilience. She'd been through so much - her mother, her dad, losing her second father in Mitch Leery - and she still managed to keep going. He was sure he couldn't have.
Chapter 4
Pacey continued to stare at his brother as a million thoughts ran through his head, none of which he could get any kind of grasp on. "Is it true?" he finally asked softly.
Doug opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out, so he closed his lips and silently sat down beside Pacey. Unbidden, a memory permeated his thoughts.
"Mike said you wanted to talk to me?" Doug asked Lillian Potter.
"Yes." She patted the side of the bed. "Sit down, Doug."
Slowly, he did as she said and fought the urge to ask any questions. Lily did things her own way and it was useless - counter-productive, really - to push her when she didn't want to be pushed.
"I suppose you know that I just got back from the hospital?"
Doug nodded. "I came over to see how you're doing."
"I know. Thank you for that." She sighed and gave him a sad smile. "I'm not well, Doug, and I'm not going to get better. I think we've all known that for a while now." Doug just nodded, fearing that he knew where this conversation was going and dreading its arrival at its destination.
"Doug, I have a favor to ask of you. You've been so wonderful through all of this that I really shouldn't ask anything more from you. But I have to." She met his tear-filled eyes. "Bess is going to need you, Doug. Now more than ever, because I'm not going to be around much longer." She patted his hand. "Be there for her, Doug. That's all I ask."
Doug shook himself out of the reverie. Lillian had been such a compassionate woman. Throughout her illness, her concerns had been for her daughters. And Doug knew that was where his concern needed to be now - for his wife and brother.
He put an arm around Pacey's shoulder, pulling his little brother closer to him. "Yeah, it is." His voice was just as soft as Pacey's had been, and thick with emotion.
Pacey met Doug's eyes and myriad images assaulted him. Doug standing up beside him as his best man. Doug holding Matthew the day he was born. Himself beside Doug as he and Joey said their vows. The absolute elation on Doug's face as he told Pacey that Joey was pregnant. Abruptly, those images were replaced by the more recent memory of the devastation he'd seen in Joey's eyes only minutes before. "God, this sucks," he muttered. The words were trite and downright meaningless, he knew, but they were the only words he trusted himself to say.
Despite the gravity of the situation, Doug had to laugh at Pacey's choice of words. "That's certainly one way of putting it."
Pacey didn't smile. The emotion in his eyes changed from pain to hurt as he regarded Doug. "Why didn't you want to tell me? Why didn't you want me to know?"
"Aw, Pace," Doug said softly, his face sober once again. "It wasn't that I didn't want you to know. It wasn't that at all. In fact, Joey hit it on the head. Telling you meant acknowledging that it was real - that it was really happening and not just some awful nightmare I'm going to wake up from. I just wasn't ready to do that. I'm still not, not really." He looked away so that Pacey wouldn't see the tears filling his eyes.
But the gesture was wasted. "You don't always have to be the strong one, you know," Pacey said softly. "Everyone hurts. I know that, Joey does. I hope you're not pretending to her that you're okay with all of this."
Doug shook his head as he turned back to his brother. Pacey knew him far too well. "I was. Still am, a little. Difference is, now I can admit that it's just pretending." He swallowed around the lump in his throat and the tears began to fall. "I don't want to die, Pace," he whispered.
Pacey wrapped his arms around his brother. "I know. And that's okay, you know." He pulled Doug close as the older man began to cry. It was the first time he could recall seeing Doug cry - even when they were kids he'd had to be the tough one, the one who never showed how much it hurt, even when he split his chin open when he was 12 trying to teach Pacey how to ride his bike. Although a bit disconcerting it was, at the same time, somehow comforting to Pacey that Doug was no longer trying to be the strong one. At least around him.
After several minutes, the tears subsided and Doug was back in control of his emotions - for the most part. "Thanks, Pace."
Pacey waved away his gratitude. "Don't worry about it. How many times you been there for me?"
"That's true." Doug smiled. "And in consideration of how much you owe me, can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything. Well, anything within reason," Pacey clarified as Doug raised his eyebrows.
"Go talk Joey into getting out of here. I don't care if it's to go shopping, to go to Jack's, to just go for a walk. Just get her out of the house. It's still early, and she hasn't left my side since we found out about this except when I've stormed out after we've argued. She needs a break from looking after me and."
"And since I'm here, she can have one," Pacey finished for him.
"Do you mind?"
"Course not. In fact, I was gonna suggest the same thing."
"Thanks," Doug said, leaning back against the arm of the couch.
"One condition though, man," Pacey said.
Doug raised an eyebrow. "Oh, and what would that be?"
"That you fall asleep before I talk to her. For two reasons. One, you look like hell. Two, you and I both know she'd never leave me here alone with you unless you fall asleep. And even then, it's iffy."
"Deal." Doug squeezed his hand and closed his eyes.
"One more thing. I get the impression that I'm the first one you've told." At Doug's nod, he continued. "Well, anyone she talks to is going to know something's wrong. Do you want her to keep this a secret?"
Doug sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I don't want the whole town to know - they're going to soon enough anyway. But Jack and Mark, or if she wants to call Jen - or you can call Alex - that's fine. She needs to be able to talk to someone."
"All right. I'll tell her that. Now get some sleep."
"Yes, sir." Doug saluted weakly, then drifted off.
Pacey stayed with Doug for the whole three minutes it took him to fall asleep. Slowly disengaging himself from his brother, he stood and walked into the kitchen.
He found Joey sitting at the kitchen table, elbow resting on the surface, chin propped on her hand. She didn't move at all when he entered - didn't seem to notice that she was no longer alone.
"Thought you were making food."
That caught her attention. She looked up and gave him a wan smile. "I was going to. But," she gestured toward the refrigerator, "There's really no food in the house. Neither Doug or I have thought to go shopping." She shrugged apologetically. "Our minds have kind of been elsewhere."
He pulled a chair out and sat down across from her. Reaching over the table he took her hand in both of his. "Yeah, I'll bet." He paused, then asked, "I now know how Doug's doing. But how are you?"
Joey forced a smile to her face. "Aw, you know me, Pace," she said brightly. "I'm dealing with it. Same as always, as every other time."
"I figured."
She nodded. "You know me so well." Brushing a lock of hair back off her face, she decided to change the subject. "How's Doug?"
"Asleep. Looked like he needed it."
"He does. He doesn't sleep well. The headaches and nausea keep him up." She sighed. "They keep me up, too."
"He knows that. In fact, he suggested that while I'm here, you take advantage and get out of here for a while. Take a break; go to Jack and Mark's or something. I'd say go to Jen's, but I can't see you putting that much distance between you and Doug."
"Pacey, I can't. There's so much you'd have to know."
"I can learn. What, did they give you a bunch of pamphlets and papers and stuff to tell you everything to do and not to do?" When she nodded he said, "So give them to me, and get out of here."
"Pace-" Joey began, but gave up when she caught the determined look in his eye. "All right. But Pace, if I go over to Jack's he's gonna want to know what's up."
"So tell him."
She stared at him incredulously. "Doug didn't want you to know. He'd kill me if I told Jack."
"No, he won't. He said you could. He doesn't want you dealing with this alone." He held up his hands defensively. "This was his idea, Jo." He paused. "And if you don't feel like doing it because he said to, do it for me, okay? I'd feel a hell of a lot better when I can't be around if I knew that someone else in Capeside knew and was able to help you out if you need it."
After a long moment, she nodded. "All right. I'll go out for a while." Pointing across the room at a drawer she said, "The information they gave us at the hospital is in there."
"Thanks Jo. Now get out of here."
She couldn't help but laugh. "I'm going, I'm going."
He watched her leave the kitchen, thoroughly amazed at her resilience. She'd been through so much - her mother, her dad, losing her second father in Mitch Leery - and she still managed to keep going. He was sure he couldn't have.