Title: Not Enough Time to Say Good-Bye
Summary: Doug is married to Joey. When he is told he is dying, they learn
the true meaning of friendship. And of love.
Rating: PG, probably
Chapter 5
Joey had started to drive to Jack's, but changed her mind. Instead, she parked in a lot about a quarter of a mile down the beach from his house. She needed some time to think, and she'd always loved to walk along the beach in a storm. Glancing at the sky as she got out of her car she decided there was a big one headed their way.
She tightened her coat around her as she headed down to the water line. Her mind was a swirl of emotions she couldn't get a handle on. There was fear of what was going to happen to Doug, pain at the thought of losing the man she loved, anger at this latest suffering being forced upon her and her friends. But the emotion that trumped all of those was, she found, the simple gratitude she felt for having friends like Pacey.
The wind started to pick up, whipping her hair around her face. She didn't try to keep it out of her eyes, knowing the effort would be in vain. Instead, she ducked her head and turned up the collar on her coat and continued to walk along the water.
A streak of lightning sizzled through the sky overhead, illuminating the dark ocean. She could see the waves, fueled by the wind, racing toward shore, and she realized suddenly that she'd gotten a little too close to the water. Joey stepped back quickly to avoid being hit by one of the bigger waves.
But she stepped too quickly and ended up sitting on the sand just as the rain began to fall. Shaking her head and laughing at herself, she started to get up but was frightened by the sudden appearance of a hand in front of her. Letting out an involuntary gasp, she scrambled back a few inches and got to her feet on her own.
"I wasn't going to hurt you," a man's voice said. "Just going to-" he stopped speaking for a moment. "Joey?"
Her eyes widened. "Mark! I'm sorry. I didn't see you. You startled me."
"I can see that. What in the world are you doing out here, in this weather?"
"I - I needed to get away from the house for a while. I needed to think and-" she stopped talking when it occurred to her that he wouldn't have a clue what she was talking about.
Had it not been so dark she would have seen the confusion - and concern - in his eyes. He'd only met Joey a year and a half ago when he'd come to Capeside with Jack for the first time, but he'd never seen her this flustered. "Come on, we're not far from the house. Why don't you come back with me?" Too stressed and drained to say anything, she let him take her hand and lead her through the darkness, to the beach house.
***
"Jack!" Mark called out when he and Joey, drenched and shivering from the driving rain, stepped inside. "Put some coffee on, will you?"
"Already done," Jack replied, coming into the living room. "Joey? What are you doing here?" His only response was the chattering of her teeth. He couldn't help but laugh. "Here, let me find some sweats or something for you to put on. They'll be a little big, but better than wearing those." He disappeared into the back of the house and returned a moment later with a heavy terry robe. "Here. Go put this on. Coffee'll be ready in a minute."
She gave him a grateful nod and walked to the bathroom. As she left, Mark pulled Jack aside. "She was walking down the beach. I don't know where her car is or why she was out in that," he said, gesturing toward the window as a loud crack of thunder shook the house, "but she seemed really upset. The only thing she said was that she needed to get away from the house for a while, that she needed to think." He shook his head and continued in a low tone. "Something's wrong, Jack."
He heard her approaching footsteps so he raised his voice to a normal speaking level. "I'm going to go put on something warm - or at least dry. Back in a few." He patted Joey on the shoulder as he left the living room.
Jack sat down on the sofa and motioned for Joey to sit beside him. He thought for a moment about how best to get her to talk about whatever was bothering her, but it turned out he didn't need to. "How do you deal with knowing that Mark is sick?" she asked softly.
He didn't try to hide the look of surprise that passed over his face. "I don't think about it, really. This is gonna sound really cliché, but when I found out, I came to terms with it then, and decided to just make the most of the time we do have." He shrugged. "We don't even know how long that will be. Could be ten, fifteen, twenty years. Which, I guess, makes it easier to push it aside."
"What if you knew he only had one or two? Years, I mean?"
Jack frowned, trying to decipher where this conversation was going. "I guess it would hang over us a little more. But we'd deal with it somehow." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "Jo? What's going on? Why the questions?"
She waited for a minute before speaking, waited for the tears to come as they always did and was surprised when they didn't. "Doug is - Doug is sick. He's dying."
***
After Joey left, Pacey spent a while looking over the information the two doctors had given Doug. He'd decided he was better off dealing with the reality of the situation without anyone around, so he wouldn't feel like he had to pretend to be okay with it all. But after more than an hour he'd had enough and pushed the material aside. Standing up, he went to check on Doug.
His older brother was still sound asleep on the couch, so Pacey just took blanket off the back of the recliner and lay it over Doug. Then he returned to the kitchen and picked up the phone.
His wife answered on the first ring. "Hello?"
"Alex, honey, it's me."
"Pacey, did you find out what's wrong?"
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did." He sank slowly into one of the kitchen chairs. "Doug's been diagnosed with cancer, Alex. I guess it's only a preliminary thing - they don't know for sure yet, but from what Joey said, they're pretty certain."
She was silent. He could picture her face. Her mouth would be slightly open, her eyes wide. "What kind?" she finally asked.
Mentally he thanked her for skipping the placating remarks. "Brain cancer. He has a tumor. I guess it's operable, but only to a point. The doctor told them," he said, but paused and swallowed around the lump in his throat. Trying again he repeated, "The doctor told them he probably won't survive it. It doesn't have a high survival rate anyway, but I guess they caught it too late." As he said these last words his voice dropped and the tears started to fall.
After waiting long enough for him to regain his bearings she asked, "When will they know for sure?"
Pacey wiped his face with a tissue. "He has a biopsy scheduled on Tuesday morning. They should know the results by Wednesday or Thursday."
"You're staying, right?" she said, more of a statement than a question.
"Yeah, at least until they find out, and figure out what they're gonna do." He frowned. "You don't mind, do you?"
"Of course not, Pacey. He's your brother. That's where you should be right now." She paused thoughtfully. "You don't have any clothes or anything, do you?"
"No, but I can manage. Doug's stuff will be a little big, but it'll do for a week or so. And I can just buy what I can't borrow."
"Nonsense. Jen is driving up there tomorrow morning, to see Jack. I'll pack you a bag and ask her to drop it off for you. I'm sure she won't mind."
"How do you know things about what my friends are doing and I don't?"
"One, because Jen and I are friends in our own right and two, because she called here about an hour and a half after you left to say she was driving up and ask if we wanted to come. I told her I couldn't go, but that you were up there already."
"You should have come."
"I have to go to meet with Chris and Danny tomorrow afternoon, remember?"
Pacey cursed under his breath. "That's right. I'm sorry, I forgot."
"Pacey, you never remember these things anyway. And even if you usually did, I certainly wouldn't expect you to now." He could visualize the grin on her face as she said that. "And before you worry about Matt, he's going to my sister's. I called her after you left. I didn't think you'd be back before then."
"When did you become a mind reader?"
"I'm not a mind reader. I just know my husband. And I've gotten to know my brother- and sister-in-law too." She stopped speaking as their two-year- old toddled over to her. Stooping to pick him up she held the phone to his mouth. "Say hi to daddy."
"Hi!" the little boy shouted into the phone.
Pacey held the receiver slightly away from his ear. "Hi there, kiddo." The sound of his son's voice usually brought a smile to his lips, but this time it brought the tears back.
Somehow, Alex apparently realized that. "You okay, Pace?"
He hesitated. "It's just, the thing that keeps coming back to me is, Joey's three months pregnant. That baby is gonna be two years older when he dies, Alex. He's never gonna get to see his kid grow up. And that kid is never gonna know how great a father he would have been." The tears were flowing freely again.
Outside the door to the kitchen, Doug stood in silence, listening to Pacey's end of the conversation with Alex. His heart wrenched at the tears he could hear in his younger brother's voice. Backing away slowly, any noise from his footsteps absorbed by the carpet underneath his feet, he retreated to his bedroom.
***
As Joey's words sank in, Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He shook his head, trying to grasp the meaning behind the words he'd heard. "What-How?" He gave up, unable to form a complete thought amongst the jumble of emotions running through his mind.
"Last week Doug went in for a doctor's appointment because he was having headaches and dizzy spells. Monday, we went back to find out the test results, and this morning we met with a neuro-oncologist at Mass General." Joey spoke matter-of-factly, carefully keeping any emotion out of her voice. She was amazed at her ability to maintain her composure. "We'll know for certain by Thursday, at the latest, but they think he has a brain tumor. Well, they know he has a brain tumor. We'll know by then how bad it is, and what his chances are of living longer than one more year." As she finished speaking all the strength drained out of her and she collapsed against Jack, but there were still no tears.
Jack didn't even try to speak. He knew from experience that there were no words he could say that would provide her any kind of comfort. So he sat there, arms around her, slowly meeting the eyes of his boyfriend who stood, white-faced, in the doorway.
Chapter 5
Joey had started to drive to Jack's, but changed her mind. Instead, she parked in a lot about a quarter of a mile down the beach from his house. She needed some time to think, and she'd always loved to walk along the beach in a storm. Glancing at the sky as she got out of her car she decided there was a big one headed their way.
She tightened her coat around her as she headed down to the water line. Her mind was a swirl of emotions she couldn't get a handle on. There was fear of what was going to happen to Doug, pain at the thought of losing the man she loved, anger at this latest suffering being forced upon her and her friends. But the emotion that trumped all of those was, she found, the simple gratitude she felt for having friends like Pacey.
The wind started to pick up, whipping her hair around her face. She didn't try to keep it out of her eyes, knowing the effort would be in vain. Instead, she ducked her head and turned up the collar on her coat and continued to walk along the water.
A streak of lightning sizzled through the sky overhead, illuminating the dark ocean. She could see the waves, fueled by the wind, racing toward shore, and she realized suddenly that she'd gotten a little too close to the water. Joey stepped back quickly to avoid being hit by one of the bigger waves.
But she stepped too quickly and ended up sitting on the sand just as the rain began to fall. Shaking her head and laughing at herself, she started to get up but was frightened by the sudden appearance of a hand in front of her. Letting out an involuntary gasp, she scrambled back a few inches and got to her feet on her own.
"I wasn't going to hurt you," a man's voice said. "Just going to-" he stopped speaking for a moment. "Joey?"
Her eyes widened. "Mark! I'm sorry. I didn't see you. You startled me."
"I can see that. What in the world are you doing out here, in this weather?"
"I - I needed to get away from the house for a while. I needed to think and-" she stopped talking when it occurred to her that he wouldn't have a clue what she was talking about.
Had it not been so dark she would have seen the confusion - and concern - in his eyes. He'd only met Joey a year and a half ago when he'd come to Capeside with Jack for the first time, but he'd never seen her this flustered. "Come on, we're not far from the house. Why don't you come back with me?" Too stressed and drained to say anything, she let him take her hand and lead her through the darkness, to the beach house.
***
"Jack!" Mark called out when he and Joey, drenched and shivering from the driving rain, stepped inside. "Put some coffee on, will you?"
"Already done," Jack replied, coming into the living room. "Joey? What are you doing here?" His only response was the chattering of her teeth. He couldn't help but laugh. "Here, let me find some sweats or something for you to put on. They'll be a little big, but better than wearing those." He disappeared into the back of the house and returned a moment later with a heavy terry robe. "Here. Go put this on. Coffee'll be ready in a minute."
She gave him a grateful nod and walked to the bathroom. As she left, Mark pulled Jack aside. "She was walking down the beach. I don't know where her car is or why she was out in that," he said, gesturing toward the window as a loud crack of thunder shook the house, "but she seemed really upset. The only thing she said was that she needed to get away from the house for a while, that she needed to think." He shook his head and continued in a low tone. "Something's wrong, Jack."
He heard her approaching footsteps so he raised his voice to a normal speaking level. "I'm going to go put on something warm - or at least dry. Back in a few." He patted Joey on the shoulder as he left the living room.
Jack sat down on the sofa and motioned for Joey to sit beside him. He thought for a moment about how best to get her to talk about whatever was bothering her, but it turned out he didn't need to. "How do you deal with knowing that Mark is sick?" she asked softly.
He didn't try to hide the look of surprise that passed over his face. "I don't think about it, really. This is gonna sound really cliché, but when I found out, I came to terms with it then, and decided to just make the most of the time we do have." He shrugged. "We don't even know how long that will be. Could be ten, fifteen, twenty years. Which, I guess, makes it easier to push it aside."
"What if you knew he only had one or two? Years, I mean?"
Jack frowned, trying to decipher where this conversation was going. "I guess it would hang over us a little more. But we'd deal with it somehow." He reached over and squeezed her hand. "Jo? What's going on? Why the questions?"
She waited for a minute before speaking, waited for the tears to come as they always did and was surprised when they didn't. "Doug is - Doug is sick. He's dying."
***
After Joey left, Pacey spent a while looking over the information the two doctors had given Doug. He'd decided he was better off dealing with the reality of the situation without anyone around, so he wouldn't feel like he had to pretend to be okay with it all. But after more than an hour he'd had enough and pushed the material aside. Standing up, he went to check on Doug.
His older brother was still sound asleep on the couch, so Pacey just took blanket off the back of the recliner and lay it over Doug. Then he returned to the kitchen and picked up the phone.
His wife answered on the first ring. "Hello?"
"Alex, honey, it's me."
"Pacey, did you find out what's wrong?"
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I did." He sank slowly into one of the kitchen chairs. "Doug's been diagnosed with cancer, Alex. I guess it's only a preliminary thing - they don't know for sure yet, but from what Joey said, they're pretty certain."
She was silent. He could picture her face. Her mouth would be slightly open, her eyes wide. "What kind?" she finally asked.
Mentally he thanked her for skipping the placating remarks. "Brain cancer. He has a tumor. I guess it's operable, but only to a point. The doctor told them," he said, but paused and swallowed around the lump in his throat. Trying again he repeated, "The doctor told them he probably won't survive it. It doesn't have a high survival rate anyway, but I guess they caught it too late." As he said these last words his voice dropped and the tears started to fall.
After waiting long enough for him to regain his bearings she asked, "When will they know for sure?"
Pacey wiped his face with a tissue. "He has a biopsy scheduled on Tuesday morning. They should know the results by Wednesday or Thursday."
"You're staying, right?" she said, more of a statement than a question.
"Yeah, at least until they find out, and figure out what they're gonna do." He frowned. "You don't mind, do you?"
"Of course not, Pacey. He's your brother. That's where you should be right now." She paused thoughtfully. "You don't have any clothes or anything, do you?"
"No, but I can manage. Doug's stuff will be a little big, but it'll do for a week or so. And I can just buy what I can't borrow."
"Nonsense. Jen is driving up there tomorrow morning, to see Jack. I'll pack you a bag and ask her to drop it off for you. I'm sure she won't mind."
"How do you know things about what my friends are doing and I don't?"
"One, because Jen and I are friends in our own right and two, because she called here about an hour and a half after you left to say she was driving up and ask if we wanted to come. I told her I couldn't go, but that you were up there already."
"You should have come."
"I have to go to meet with Chris and Danny tomorrow afternoon, remember?"
Pacey cursed under his breath. "That's right. I'm sorry, I forgot."
"Pacey, you never remember these things anyway. And even if you usually did, I certainly wouldn't expect you to now." He could visualize the grin on her face as she said that. "And before you worry about Matt, he's going to my sister's. I called her after you left. I didn't think you'd be back before then."
"When did you become a mind reader?"
"I'm not a mind reader. I just know my husband. And I've gotten to know my brother- and sister-in-law too." She stopped speaking as their two-year- old toddled over to her. Stooping to pick him up she held the phone to his mouth. "Say hi to daddy."
"Hi!" the little boy shouted into the phone.
Pacey held the receiver slightly away from his ear. "Hi there, kiddo." The sound of his son's voice usually brought a smile to his lips, but this time it brought the tears back.
Somehow, Alex apparently realized that. "You okay, Pace?"
He hesitated. "It's just, the thing that keeps coming back to me is, Joey's three months pregnant. That baby is gonna be two years older when he dies, Alex. He's never gonna get to see his kid grow up. And that kid is never gonna know how great a father he would have been." The tears were flowing freely again.
Outside the door to the kitchen, Doug stood in silence, listening to Pacey's end of the conversation with Alex. His heart wrenched at the tears he could hear in his younger brother's voice. Backing away slowly, any noise from his footsteps absorbed by the carpet underneath his feet, he retreated to his bedroom.
***
As Joey's words sank in, Jack took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He shook his head, trying to grasp the meaning behind the words he'd heard. "What-How?" He gave up, unable to form a complete thought amongst the jumble of emotions running through his mind.
"Last week Doug went in for a doctor's appointment because he was having headaches and dizzy spells. Monday, we went back to find out the test results, and this morning we met with a neuro-oncologist at Mass General." Joey spoke matter-of-factly, carefully keeping any emotion out of her voice. She was amazed at her ability to maintain her composure. "We'll know for certain by Thursday, at the latest, but they think he has a brain tumor. Well, they know he has a brain tumor. We'll know by then how bad it is, and what his chances are of living longer than one more year." As she finished speaking all the strength drained out of her and she collapsed against Jack, but there were still no tears.
Jack didn't even try to speak. He knew from experience that there were no words he could say that would provide her any kind of comfort. So he sat there, arms around her, slowly meeting the eyes of his boyfriend who stood, white-faced, in the doorway.