Title: The Diary Project
Warnings: Respect the rating.
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
IMPORTANT NOTE; READ FIRST: This is only Yamato's half of the story. Reading this document in its entirety will only give you half the story. You must read Taichi's half as well for this story to make sense. "Sparkle Itamashii" is writing Taichi's half of the story- it has the same title as this half.
Day 8 - Saturday
I spent most of today in Yutaka's garage going through our songs with the rest of the band. We were trying to figure out what would be best to play at this gig we're now doing next weekend in Kumagaya.
I'm currently over the excitement as I'm more frustrated than anything else. It's really difficult trying to find five songs that fit together well out of everything that we play. I mean, it'd be easy enough to just pick the current favorites but it'd be nicer to have a set that sounded like it matched.
I had to rush off at one point because I realised I was going to be late to pick Taichi up from work. I'd promised to go to a movie with him tonight but I canceled due to band practice so I thought I should at least go and drive him home. I dropped him off at his place then drove back over to Yutaka's and by the time I got there they had food ready so we ate and went back to the garage.
Forty minutes later Yutaka's mother showed Taichi out back. He'd decided to come see us practice. All I can say is he must've been really bored, I can't imagine how the four of us arguing would be all that exciting.
After suggesting we play 'Turn Around' as our last song (I have to thank him for that tomorrow), he spread himself out on the corner couch and watched us silently for nearly two hours. It always feels a little bit odd when he watches the four of us rehearse. At first I feel as if we should be performing our music for him rather than nitpicking over it like we do when it's just us. But I eventually forgot he was there altogether and it wasn't until he got up to leave that I remembered he was sitting there with us.
The band is getting together again tomorrow morning but we'll have the afternoon free. Yutaka has work and Takashi has family stuff so we can't practice all day like we did today. Hopefully we'll have the songs resolved by the time we finish.
Day 9 - Sunday
Today was actually pretty rotten from about midday until six o'clock. The morning was ok because we managed to figure out what we were playing at the gig next weekend and after six Taichi cheered me up when we went out for dinner, but the six or so hours in between those two events were depressing and less than entertaining.
TK came around to my place for lunch and we had a fight over whether or not he was going to tell me what was going on. Honestly, he's been moping for days. He really should just talk to someone and get it off his chest. But it turns out he's a whole lot angrier about the situation than I thought he could actually get. TK looking thunderous while killing food with chopsticks and a knife is not really the kind of TK that exists in normal life. I honestly tried to calm him down, but he was completely set on being cross. Every suggestion I made just made him even more irritable so I gave up and went back to playing guitar.
It can't be just something to do with Kari. No way could she make him that upset. But I can't think of anything other than her that would make him upset at all. I'm useless with this kind of thing, as TK so aptly pointed out today. There's probably something really obvious I'm missing that he was hoping I'd just...see. How he thought I'd manage that, I don't know, but I would've liked to be able to just so he'd cheer up.
I'm glad I had Taichi to pick up this afternoon. I think I would've just sat around being depressed if we weren't having dinner together.
I insisted on going somewhere with tables this weekend so Taichi couldn't ask to go to the park. I feel like I'm trying to hog his attention but I really do like to have at least one decent conversation with him per week. You can't do that when he gets up and runs away every five minutes.
If I had to deal with Taichi running away from me all evening on top of having TK decide I was worth less than a wall as a sounding board, I think I would've begun to feel slightly abandoned. Instead Taichi made me eat Alfredo Fettuccine and we sat and talked at the restaurant for nearly an hour before we got up to go home.
I'm still feeling surprisingly contented so I think I'll head off to bed. I could do with a decent nights rest after the weekend that I've had.
Day 10 - Monday
I hate working full days at the bookstore, it's bad enough for a couple of hours but an entire day is complete and utter torture. It never used to be so bad, particularly when I was still learning, but it's always the same old tasks we have to do and there never will be anything new.
If it's not boring enough on a regular basis, Taichi wasn't working over at the computer store today so I had no one to take my lunch hour with. Normally I can spend the entire morning looking forward to lunch with Taichi. It stops me falling to sleep when I'm doing something menial. But today I sat out back and ate my sandwich then ducked over to the music store. A good way to spend the hour, but I still would've preferred company.
I found a new CD. I bought it with the voucher Tai and TK gave me for my birthday.
Dad got home for dinner tonight and brought egg custard tarts with him for desert. We ate in front of the TV then did the washing up together and I feel really stupid saying it was fun, but it was. We talked and joked about then sang songs from way back when I was a kid. Dad's singing is hilarious. He's got a damned good voice when he decides to use it but he has absolutely no sense of style. He looks like a footballer trying to sing the national anthem. It would've been nice to just sit down and watch a movie or something afterwards but dad had some work to get done before tomorrow and I hadn't touched my guitar all day so he went off to his office and I went to my room and I'm sitting here now feeling slightly disappointed despite the fact that it was a really good night.
Oh well, Akira will shoot me if I don't practice. There's not many days out of a year that I don't play my guitar but for some reason Akira picks up on every single one.
Day 11 - Tuesday
No dad at dinner time, just a cranky TK who is STILL moping about. I could whack that boy over the head. It's been a week! An entire week! How can he be angry for an entire week? Not even Taichi and I can last that long, we always resolve our arguments in fistfights before then.
Anyway, progress on songs for gig night. So far we have 'Never After', DT, 'Idiot's Fame' and 'Turn Around' which we will perform last. We still need a fifth song because we thought it'd be a bit much to play both NA and 'Recoil' so we'll be going through and playing our song list all of tomorrow to see which one will fit in. I'm betting 'And Lives Pass' would work pretty well but Akira needs to fix up his guitar solo for that and I don't think he could manage that in just three days.
I think I'm going to have to devise a way to get Taichi to go shopping for clothes with me. He's driving us to the concert which means he will be going to the actual concert WITH us and will therefore be SEEN with us so he needs to look good.
Personally I think he's gorgeous whatever he's wearing, it's a bit difficult to make him look bad, but if he's to attend the gig with us then he needs to look stylish else he'll forever tarnish our reputation and ruin any chances we have of being properly noticed by those in the industry. Future prospects for the band would be dim. Doom would befall the Teenage Wolves via a purple blue shirt and a pair of orange pants...
Hmm, that sounds quite good. I think I might throw something like that at him. If I bury my face in his shoulder and do a bit of whining, maybe give a few distressed or panic-stricken looks I think I'll manage to convince him quite easily. Thursday should be good, that way I can pretend I'm also in desperate need of clothing. I'll have to ask guys what they're planning on wearing so I can make sure I pick out something that matches.
Poor poor Taichi. He hates shopping. I'd better make sure I've got money left over for food.
Day 12 - Wednesday
I arrived home from band practice today to find an extremely upset TK crying on my lounge. I thought he was just being angry again at first because he was sitting there hunched into a ball looking cross, but as soon as I walked into the lounge room and he looked up at me with watery blue eyes, I could tell it was something bad.
If he hadn't been in tears I think I would've been really annoyed with him. He still didn't want to talk about it and only said that Kari was being a bitch.
Yeah, Kari a bitch. I can so totally see that.
He mumbled some other things about Daisuke and how Kari should see that he was wrong, but I couldn't decipher any more than that so I'm still completely in the dark.
It's depressing really, but I should be used it. Even Taichi can figure out what's going on before I can and he's supposed to be an insensitive jock. Why didn't I get any empathic senses? They'd be really useful given the industry I'm heading into.
I made TK some Milo and sat with him on the couch. He really was a mess. I've never seen a guy like that before - it was like he'd had some belief knocked right out from under him. He was looking really confused, like he didn't understand what had happened and he kept chewing away at his lip like he does when he's trying to make a decision.
I've given up hoping he'll fill me in and I really don't want to imagine what could cause such a reaction from him. I think I'll have to discuss it with Taichi and find out if he knows what's going on. He lives with Kari after all and she is a girl. She probably likes to talk to him whether he wants to listen or not.
Speaking of Taichi, I was forcibly dragged away from the band by him today and made to go and have lunch. We were just going to eat the biscuits Yutaka's mum had made for us and battle on, but since I was being kidnapped they all went to get proper food as well.
I told Taichi about all the plans we had for the weekend and everything that we hoped to do. I really want to check out the music store in Kumagaya and I heard there's a guy there that sells really neat guitars. I know I can't buy one but it'd be great to have a look. It's nice to know what's out there for when you are planning on buying.
I allowed him to occupy my time for almost an hour before insisting on going back to Yutaka's. We still hadn't found our fifth song by that stage so it was of the utmost importance that I went back and practiced. If I wasn't there they wouldn't chose without me but they'd be severely annoyed considering there's only two days to go.
I think Taichi would've liked to keep me out longer. I get the feeling he thinks we're already good enough and as flattering as that would be, I'm well aware that we're not. We've got a long way to go before we get anywhere with our band and we've been working our socks off to get even as far as we have. I want to sell cd's and play internationally, have people play our music everywhere until the rest of the population gets sick of it.
Ok, maybe I'm not that ambitious, but I'd like to record a cd. Then I could give a copy of it to Taichi so he'd quit bothering me to play all the time. Honestly, does he think I can sing and converse at the same time. It's bad enough trying to concentrate on what he's saying while trying to play let alone speak back in a coherent manner.
Anyway, Taichi dropped me back at Yutaka's place and went home to get his Post tag. He ordered something that was too big for their mailbox and needed to pick it up from the Post Office. He wouldn't tell me what it was and tried to pretend it was unimportant. I'll have to remember to bug him about it so I can see him get all embarrassed.
Well, dad's home, it's time for dinner. Record time, too, for a Wednesday. It's only nine thirty.
Day 13 - Thursday
Well, I must say, today was very...rewarding. Not only did I spend most of it forcing Taichi to strip and redress only to strip once again, but I managed to convince him to buy two entirely different outfits - one for each day we'll be away.
I felt bad about having to cancel dinner with TK because our shopping trip went on so long, but when I rang him he didn't seem too bothered and just wished me good luck for the weekend. I was a little upset that he wasn't annoyed that I'd canceled. I'm beginning to feel as if he no longer really needs me I guess. It's nice to know people miss you. It also would've been nice if he'd taken me up on the offer to talk, it'd be really useful to know what exactly was going on.
Ok, this is ridiculous. I can't write anymore. It's so dark I can't even tell if this will be legible in the morning. I'm probably writing straight over what I've already written.
I would've gone out to the lounge room where I could turn on a light but Taichi's already asleep and I'm loathe to wake him up. If I move from the bed he's going to get up and follow me. He never can stay put, he gets curious about what I'm up to.
I don't particularly want him discovering me with my journal again either. Our first argument over it was entirely unpleasant so I'd like to avoid a repeat if I can. This time he might get it into his head that he wants to read it or something. I'd have a hell of a time convincing him that it was absolutely off limits.
Oops, ok, that is the end of the page.
Day 14 - Friday
Tai's just having a shower so I thought I'd get today's entry done. I wasn't even going to bother, I'm so tired I could probably just collapse on the bed clothes and all. But I really really need a shower else tomorrow morning won't be fun. I plan on sleeping in. I don't want to smell bad.
Oh man, tonight was awesome. One loud, rough, exhausting adrenaline rush that I'm doing again no matter what I have to accomplish to get it.
I've never played for a crowd that big. I've never had so many people scream for me to sing. I've never had such a deafening wall of sound fall into sudden silence like a wave of water drawing back on the beach ready to roll forward again and drown out the music.
Through the brightness of the stage lights glaring up at us, down at us, from either side of the stage, all you could see of the audience was a vague shadow beyond the smoke. Everything was to do with the sound and the sensations. And we were the ones directing that for the first twenty minutes of the show.
I'd felt so sick before going on, so much more so than I've ever felt before. Normally it's a slight queasy feeling in my stomach like a small case of car sickness that fades away as soon as you can see the horizon. But this time it affected my whole body, making me hot and cold and closing up my throat. My fingers were sweating and my skin was emanating so much heat I was wondering if I'd somehow managed to get myself sunburnt. I was shaking because of the nerves and shivering because I was sweating. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to sing or that my memory would suddenly abandon me. I could barely make my feet move when it was time for us to walk out on stage and if Akira, Takashi and Yutaka weren't standing there beside me I think I could've bolted.
I was so afraid that we wouldn't get any response from the audience. That they'd boo us off the stage and yell for someone else. But the moment I started playing and the cheer started sweeping forward all I needed was that introductory drum solo from Yutaka and my confidence was back.
Right. Well Akira is going to crawl on top of me if I don't get up off his bed so I'm going to leave this here for tonight and go and pester Taichi about the bathroom. He's probably still trying to get rid of all the gel I put in his hair this afternoon before we had to leave to practice.
IMPORTANT NOTE; PLEASE READ: This is only Yamato's half of the story. Reading this document in its entirety will only give you half the story. You must read Taichi's half as well for this story to make sense. "Sparkle Itamashii" is writing Taichi's half of the story- it has the same title as this half.
To read this story as it is supposed to be read, please switch to Sparkle Itamashii's page and read the corresponding chapter of "The Diary Project" there as well. (or if you found her page first, please proceed to the next chapter on her page.)