Can Love Find Me Now

Chapter 2

Thoughts, Letters, and just being bored

Number 4 was deadly quiet that night. He had been home almost 5 days now. In these five days, he had gotten very little sleep. A nightmare about how the Triwizard tournament ended and what had happened in the Department of Mysteries has made sleep not an option in Harry's case. He wondered if the rest of his friends were having nightmares about what happened there. He knew that since the end of his fourth year he had suffered from nightmares. Harry just hoped that his friends where not suffering as he was, if they were it would make him feel more guilt for what they all went through. He felt it was his fault for them going with him.

"If he had just opened that package with the mirror in it, he would not have put them all in danger." He thought to himself

 He hated being pissed off all the time, but when he had his nightmares all that came back.

 "I have got to be able to deal with some of this anger in side of me," Harry thought.

Harry lay awake in his bed thinking of everything that had happened to him in his 5th year at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had met the worst teacher he had ever had the misfortune to meet (that was saying a lot because Snape had been given that title in Harry's first year, until Umbridge came to Hogwarts now she held that title). Harry had meet Hagrid's brother Grawp (what a job that was) in side the Forbidden Forrest, had part of the school learning DADA from him. The prophecy, which had been told over sixteen years ago, and only Harry, Trelawney and Dumbledore, knew about it. Then there was Ginny, little Ginny growing up and starting to date and giving up on her crush on me (why did I think of that and she isn't little anymore, he thought), and the worst thing of all Sirius falling through the Veil in one of the Departments in the Ministry of Magic.

Harry thought; "With Sirius dieing, would Dumbledore do something to honor him? Have a memorial for him or something, and if he did would he let him go. What was going to happen to headquarters now that Sirius was gone?"

 He hoped that no one left in Sirius's family got that house. Mrs. Malfoy doesn't deserve to receive anything that belonged to her cousin Sirius Black. Then there was Remus Lupin; he was the last of the true marauders.

"How was he dealing with all this?"

 Peter in Harry's mind was no longer a true marauder (he lost that right when he betrayed Harry's parents to Voldemort 16 years ago). Harry knew Lupin must be suffering more then he was since he had went to school with him and they were best friends like himself, Ron, and Hermione (I think I can add Ginny, Luna, and even more now, Neville to that list now with everything we have been through). This would make the second time that Remus had to lose Sirius; the first was when Sirius was sent to Azkaban prison for crimes he didn't commit. Harry looked over to the clock on his disk and it was now 12:01 another long night by the looks of it. Harry turned over on his side and let out a long sigh and closed his eyes.

 "Yes, it is going to be a long night." Harry thought. Harry thought to him self about how he was going to keep going with out Sirius in his life.

Harry woke with a start; his scar was burning like mad again. He could not remember what he was dreaming but with the happy feeling that washed over his body, he knew that Voldemort was very happy. One of his Deatheater's must have done something right tonight. Harry tried to remember what he was seeing or dreaming but it just would not come to his mind. Maybe later, when he was more relaxed it might come back to him but for right now, his mind was a blank. He would talk to Professor Dumbledore about maybe getting a pensive that way when he had these dreams he would put them in it. Now just if he could go back to sleep again and not dream that would be nice. Harry had no such luck, he fell back to sleep to have another fitful dream about what happened to Sirius.

Sirius was coming through the doors throwing curses at any deatheater he could hit, then Sirius went after Bellatrix Lestrange who was there and shooting curses in every direction. Next thing Harry knew Sirius was standing on the dais face to face with his cousin Bellatrix Lestrange. Sirius was talking to her and laughing at her and she was hurling insults at him and trying to curse him. They shot curses at each other dodging here and there then in the blink of an eye, the curse hit Sirius in the chest and he fell into the veil.

"Sirius Harry yelled Sirius."

Harry trying to get to him in a rush but was stopped by Lupin.


There isn't anything you can do, Harry –

''Get him, save him; he's only just gone through!

"- It is too late, Harry." (From book five OOTP)

Harry awoke again two hours later in a cold sweat and tears flowing down his cheeks and remembering what his dream was (this is the first time I have woke up crying from a dream he thought). God why could he not have a peaceful nights sleep. Some times, he just wished he could be a normal teenager (at least a normal teenage wizard), one can only wish.

It has been eight days since he had arrived here and it is still the same as it has always been (with a few minor changes, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon are being nice I guess). Dudley was staying clear of him.

"I think he is afraid of me because of what happened last summer. I am glad of this because he will leave me alone. I have written to Luna, Neville, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron. I hope I get some letters soon." He thought to himself

 "So here I set at my desk starting on my potion homework not really wanting to do it but figured I might as well. It sure was not going to do its self and I had nothing better to do."

 Like Hermione says "Get it done now and then you won't have to worry about it (Ok, I will I tell my self)."

"The Dursley's are leaving me alone and I am board, I am just going to set here and get my homework done quickly and be done with it. I can only hope that maybe Ron, Hermione or Ginny will write me. Even one of the members of the DA will write me soon (and what do you know as I am thinking this Pig shows up at my window). Oh great a letter from Ron, maybe he has news about me getting out of here soon."

 Taking the parchment off Pigs leg he finds not one letter but two.

Harry,

How are you do' in mate? Hope the muggles are treating you good. If not just send a letter to the order and they will come and kick some muggle butt. Got your letter and we are not at the Burrow right now. We are back at #12 (can't put any more then that) and the team are very busy taking care of things against you-know-who and just like last year they are keeping everything very hush, hush. Dumbledore has told mom that maybe in two weeks that we will be able to come and get you. He said to mum; "Molly dear please calm down and relax, Time will tell and things will come together. Things are this way for a reason to keep Harry safe. Please trust me on this." I think Dumbledore has finely lost his marbles. Does he always talk like that Harry? Any way Hermione will be here in two weeks, so with a bit of luck you will be too. Keep in touch with the team (hush, hush) and us and let us know if you need food or anything, ok mate. Mum is calling us for dinner so I will talk to you soon.

Ron

P.S. Fred and George say high and they will be sending you a care package for the git of a cousin of yours. Take pictures of him if you give him any so we can all see what happens (and don't say anything in front of mum cause she will get mad at them for sending it to you).

"I can't wait to see what they are going to send me. Maybe I can just get away with giving some it to Dudley and get pictures too. God that would be so good and make my summer stay here good. Ok I wonder if that other letter is from Mrs. Weasley to see if they are feeding me. She should not worry so much about me but I can say I rather enjoy her mothering me a little bit." Harry thought.

To his surprise, it was a letter from Ginny.

"I know I wrote her but I didn't think she would write back to me (but I am glad she did). By her writing me that will make it where I will have a break from Ron and Hermione's letter with them bickering all the time about each other. I wish they would just open their eyes and see that they like each other. It would make life so much easier and quieter." Harry thought.

Harry

Just thought I would write to you and thank you for your letter. I didn't expect to receive a letter from you this summer. I was glad that you decided to write me though. Also wanted to let you know we are all trying to get Dumbledore to agree to let come as soon as possible. Again thank you for the letter you wrote me, I never expected to receive a letter from you. It was a nice surprise. I know that Ron has told you we are all back at #12 again and not at the Burrow. It is weird to be back here with every thing that has happened over the past few months. I am not going to go on and on as Ron or Hermione would because I know between the two of them you hear it enough.

I just want you to know I am proud that you consider me one of your friends and not just Ron's little sister anymore. I know in the past that I have been shy around you and that is how you saw me. I am glad I have over come my shyness and am able to be relaxed around you. I was a little surprised when you wrote to me but I am glad you did because I was going to write you. I just felt the need to since we have had Tom in our heads, even though it was a bit different. I can't say I know how you feel and that you know how I feel about it, but we understand what the other has been through with Tom. I can set here and say not one thing that has happened was your fault; just like Tom Riddle, possessing me was not my fault. So please don't say that it was your fault ok. I know that is what you are doing. I did it enough after my first year to know that you are blaming yourself for what has happened concerning Tom. SO PLEASE STOP IT NOW!

Just know that if you ever want someone to talk to that will listen to you and be able to somewhat understand what you are feeling I am here. In either writing or if you would want to talk face to face, I will be here if you need me. Just remember that ok. I will also keep in mind that you are my friend and if I feel, the need to talk to you about any of the things we went through I can. I love you Harry, We all love you and care about what happens in your life. I hope that one day you will see that the love we Weasley's have for you; it is the real thing and that we love Harry, just Harry not the Idea of the boy-who- lived. You are just Harry to us and consider you part of this family. You should know how much mum loves you. From that first letter, Ron wrote her about you in your first year, she has loved you. Not an hour goes by that you aren't in her heart and mind. Her love for you has grown over the years to the point to her you are one of her sons. You will always be one of her sons no matter what. You are her little Harrykins (HA, HA). Had to say that since she has added that to all of our names when we were little. OK enough of the mushy stuff. I will stop now so I can send this off to you.

Be sweet and keep the faith that you will be with your family soon (the Weasley's) and know you can owl Ron or me or even mum (for mum stuff) any time ok. I will stop for now for I am writing a book it seems (you would think Hermione wrote this HA, HA, HA).

Love Ginny

P.S. I hear the twins are going to send you something's from Weasley Wizard Wheeze (watch out for them and don't do too many things to your cousin with them) (smiling here) hope to talk to you soon.

(All this is Harry thinking to himself after reading Ginny's letter)

God how is it that her letter has made me feel a little better about everything. It is true that she did have Tom in her head for almost a year and that she can understand some of what I am going through. I need to get over my nervousness (shyness) about talking to people and let them in on some of (but not all) of what is going through my head, (it might help me). It might be good to talk to Ginny about some of this too. She said she loved me (is that in the brother sort of way or how. How do I feel about this? She is going out with Dean so it is in a brother sort of way I am sure of it).

I know she is a great girl and that if I were to ever to fall in love I think I would like that someone to be like her, Mrs. Weasley, and my mum; all their best traits rolled into one. I don't know much about my mum (I need to talk to Remus more to find out more about my parents) but I know I want a caring person as she was (she gave her life to save me). I am too young to think about love right now. What made me think about falling in love? I know that even with Ron and Hermione I some times feel alone (maybe if I can learn to care for some one I won't feel so alone).

She is a friend and it will help us both, it is the right thing to do. Then maybe I will be able to tell Ron and Hermione about what I will have to do in the end. Kill or be Killed was my destiny and I have to let my friends know soon. I don't want all my anger to over flow on them as it did last year (I don't want to have them mad in the end). I know I was a prat about it all. I need to get my anger under control or I won't be able to focus on my task when I have to fight Voldemort. I have to get my mind clear for that or I will die and he will take over the wizarding world. I can't let that happen to my friends and the ones that mean the most to me.

(End of Harry's thoughts)

Hey Mate

My days here so far are good, and the muggles are leaving me be for the most part. I was so glad to get your owl it got me away from my potions home work (don't tell Hermione I said that ok cause I can't bear for her to yell at me) which I was so glad of. It has given my mind a rest from schoolwork. When are the twins going to send my care package? I can't wait to see what is in it and what I might be able to test on Dudley with out getting into too much trouble. I am glad that your mum is trying to get Dumbledore to let me come there soon. I won't say that I will be glad to go to #12 and I am sure it won't be easy to be there again, but if that is where I have to go then I will (it will be better then here because I will be back in the wizarding world). I know you and Hermione are talking about me between yourselves and I am ok with that. Just please when I get there don't try to hid it from me. Please don't be like Professor Dumbledore and the Order and treat me as if I am a fragile child that will break if you say things. You two are my best friends and we have been through so much together that I could not bear that you too would tip toe around me, as you did last year. I am not trying to chew you out; I am just trying to be honest with you. When Hermione writes I will tell her the same thing.

I will also try my best to be more open and honest with you about some things I found out from Dumbledore at the end of term, but please give me the time and space I need and I will tell you. In addition, when I get there I will do my best to tell you everything from the Triwizard Tournament. Just let me do it in my own time but I will tell you all ok. Well I have to write Ginny back too so I will close for now; so that I can get back to my home work (I am sure Hermione would be smiling about that) that way we will be able to just have some fun when I get there. That means you get yours done too, that way Hermione won't get to mad and you two won't get into it.

Harry

P.S. Don't give Ginny a hard time about writing me ok, I wrote to her first. She was there with us, and has a lot of knowledge of some of the things that Voldemort can, and will do to people. Yes, she is your little sister but she is also a friend. Ginny is a strong and brave young woman. Give her the respect she deserves ok Ron.

(Ron's thoughts after reading Harry's Letter)

After reading Harry's letter Ron was stunned. That is the first time in a long time that Harry has been so open with me (and in a letter at that). He is finely going to tell us about the third task during the tournament. I have to be cool about this and just let him talk (don't be stupid and ask questions, just let him talk) and get it out of his system. Hermione will be so glad that he is finely going to talk to us about it. Ginny will probably be there too since she got to know Sirius last year and went with us to try to save him. Why does Harry think I am going to mess with her about it (I might just a little)? Maybe because of that crush she used to have on him (but Hermione says that she got over him, maybe she is and maybe she just said that). The past school year I guess proved that, she did (since she has an ex-boyfriend and then said she liked Dean Thomas). I hope she was just kidding about that cause I would hate to have to kick his butt over my little sister. I don't want anyone hurting my sister. She deserves to have the best man out there to love her. I know if she had any idea that I thought that, she would hex me into next week and I don't fancy having the bat-boggy hex put on me as she did Malfoy. I hope Dumbledore will let Harry come here soon. It is just so boring with just Ginny and me here. Hermione will be here next week so that will make it a little better. I guess I had better take Ginny her letter from Harry and see what he wrote to her.

(End of Ron's thoughts)

"Hey Ron what are you up too" said Ginny as Ron came in her bedroom door.

"Not much Gin just got an owl from Harry and thought I would bring you your letter" said Ron.

"What made you write him a letter?"

"Ginny are you getting a crush on him again?"

"Ok, ok hold on I am not trying to tease you I am just asking ok", Said Ron.

"I had started to get mad at him for teasing me," Ginny thought.

"I was wondering if I could read your letter Harry wrote you," said Ron.

First thing to come out of my mouth was "NO! BLODDY HELL RON, NO. NO WAY! IN YOU- KNOW-WHERE RON! "

"If you want to know what Harry wrote me ask him" Ginny said.

"I don't ask to read your letters from him so don't ask to read mine," I said.

"Ron must have gotten mad at me and stormed out of the room so fast I didn't even see him leave (oh well he will get over it)." She thought

Ginny,

I was glad to get an answer to my owl to you. Yes, Ron did tell me that all of you are back at #12 again, and I agree it must be weird to be back there with everything that's happened in the past few months (I miss Sirius so much). I am glad that you can see how dredging everything up, isn't the best thing to do. I will say to you what I said to Ron in his letter about all this, first and for most, I will be honest with all of you. This is some of what I told Ron in his letter. {I will also try my best to be more open, honest with you about something's I found out from Dumbledore at the end of term, but please give me time, and space and I will tell you.  In addition, when I get there I will do my best to tell you every thing from the Triwizard Tournament. Just let me do it in my own time ok, but I will tell you all ok}.

I know in the past that you have been very shy around me. As I said in my letter, I noticed this and I think it was cute, watching you put your elbow in the butter (I think I was the only one who saw it happen), squealing when you saw me when you came down the stairs the first time I came to the Burrow. When in your first year you sent me that Valentine, how did it go?

(His eyes are as green as fresh pickled toads,

His hair is as dark as a blackboard,

I wish he were mine; he is really divine,

The hero who conquered the Dark Lord).

(From book two, The Chamber of Secrets).

No, I am not making fun of you about that poem. I thought you were sweet to send it to me. The dwarf just delivered it to me at the wrong time with just too many people around and Malfoy was one of those people standing there. I know it not only embarrassed you for him to hear but it embarrassed me only because he was there and could tease you or me about it later. I also never thanked you for giving me that singing get-well card. So thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

The only thing I wonder about is, was it because I am the boy-who-lived, or because I was and am Ron's best friend. Would you have HAD your crush on me other wise? I find it hard to see what any girl would want with me since Voldemort is after me all the time. I only ask this because I think that is the only reason that Cho wanted to go out with me; you know I was the famous Harry Potter, The boy who lived, Triwizard Champion. I just want people to see me just Harry, not all those things just me. Like I told Hagrid when he brought me my first Hogwarts letter, "I am just Harry" and that is how I wished people could see me.

In the past five years, I have not taken the time I should have to get to know you more and I am sorry for that. You have been (referred to as) Ron's little sister around me for so long I didn't pay attention (and I should have) to how you must have felt and for that I was wrong and I am truly sorry for leaving you out. You showed me that you are truly one of my friends by going with us on our rescue mission. I didn't want anyone else to go and put their lives in danger at the time (and would feel that way in the future), but I am glad MY FRIENDS went with me. Ron, Hermione, You, Neville, and Luna showed me and Sirius true loyalty. All of you showed how brave you really are. I thank you for being there for not only me but also Sirius (I know he would thank you all if he were still here). I honor you my fair maiden for being Ginny just Beautiful Ginny.

Enough about that depressing stuff that happened lets talk about some good things (or at least some better things). When we were on the train, you said that you liked Dean Thomas. Was that the truth or were you just saying that to get at Ron. The look on his face was priceless. I know that Ron can be a real git sometimes but he means well (he really loves you Ginny). He just loves his baby sister so much that he has to try to protect you (I know you are not a baby and I am not implying that you are). I am the same way about Hermione and you after our ordeal (Overly protective of you not that I feel like you are my sister or a baby). Hermione is like the sister I never had and don't want anyone or anything to hurt her either (so I can understand why Ron wants to protect you).

           When her and your brother get over their shyness and admit that they like each other I will give Ron that brotherly talk that he wants to give any guy that looks at you. I will have to act the big brother since she doesn't have one. I will have to think about what I would say to him. Everyone at school can see that they like each other and I think that is why they fight so much (as muggles say "sexual tension's). That is their way of being flirtatious with each other. I hope they will come to terms with it soon because the whole Gryffindor house is getting tired of them arguing all the time. Someone really needs to do something to open their eyes and get them to admit they like each other. You want to help me with that little problem (Wink, wink).

           When Bellatrix said that she was going after you I wanted to die just to protect you. It was because you are you, not just because you are Ron's sister. I care for you Gin and everyone in your family. Just know I care for you as a person not only because you are Ron's sister. Right now, maybe not as much for Percy with all the things he has said and done, he is still part of your family even though he was being a big prat. The only way I will change my mind is if he shows your parents that he is truly sorry for what he has said and done to them and Ron. I will keep my thoughts of him being a prat and worse if he goes over to Voldemort's side, which I am sure and hope he won't do. In addition, yes Ginny I care about you too even though I don't show it, I do care.

While living with the Dursley's and watching them spoil Dudley all the time and me being labeled the freak and not worthy of any kind of affection, it is hard for me to show these feelings. I am trying to be better at it so please, try to be patient with me. I don't mind that you wanted to write me and I hope you keep on doing so until I get there, if I get to come. I can't wait to see what the twins are sending to me. It will be fun if I can use any of them on Dudley. That would be priceless. I will also try to take pictures so everyone can see what happened to him when he tries them (if I ever get the stuff from Fred and George).

           Well I have written you a book (please forgive me for boring you). This is the most I have written to anyone besides Sirius when I wrote to him, but I don't think I have ever wrote him this much (you bring out the best in me I guess Gin); See you are good for me. I feel comfortable talking to you in a letter. I hope that if we ever just sit and talk that it will be the same way. I will close for now and hope to hear from you soon. If Ron teases you about me writing you please tell me. I have told him not to tease you. Take care and hope to see you soon.

Yours

Harry

(Ginny's thoughts after reading Harry's letter)

Oh, my I didn't think Harry would open up like that, but I am glad he did. We share so much with what Voldemort has done to us. Maybe this year he won't be so moody and mad all the time. He acted like a big prat last year. I know that it upset Ron and Hermione a lot to see him like that. We can only hope that he will be a little more himself when and if he gets to come. I can't believe he said he cared about ME, ME GINNY WEASLEY OH MY GOODNESS! I am good for him, what does he mean by that (I am not going to crush on him again; I gave up on him that way).

On the other hand have I, oh my goodness I may not have I (I won't let my self get all worked up over his letter). I know I did give up on him liking me but god do I like him in a different way now (or did the crush stop and other feelings take its place). Do I love him (NO, NO, NO, NO, NO I can't love him, I have to stop this If I keep thinking like this I will get my heart broken). Hermione has to get here soon so I can talk to her; I need a girl's point of view.

I like Dean; I like Dean (keep telling your self that Ginny).

(End of Ginny's thoughts)

Thank you for reading my fan fic. Please review and let me know what you think. Be it good or bad. I will take all forms of comments.