Chapter Seven
Hurdles
"What are you doing?" a voice asked from her door.
She spun and turned away from Kel's eyes, "Packing My Lady," she mumbled.
"Packing? Why?" Kel questioned, keeping the anger from her voice.
"Two weeks he's been here and not said a word to me. Bray is getting more persistent as rumors fly. I can't concentrate on lessons or practices. This was a mistake, I can't do this anymore," tears sprang to her eyes as she spoke what she normally would confide in Aiden.
"And to think, I would have thought more of you than to be a fickle dreamer," Kel mumbled loud enough so Yvenne could hear.
"Yeah, maybe you were wrong Lady Keladry. I'm sorry to have wasted your time, but thank you for your help," she shut a chest and smiled at Kel though her eyes were filled with tears.
"I'll be back," she mumbled and turned.
Yvenne stared after her, puzzled, but resumed packing. Cheer up, she told herself, you're going home, to the Rogue, where you belong. Even that thought didn't seem comforting at the moment.
*
"Baron George I've come to…" Aiden started, but George cut him off.
"I know why you're here Aiden, come in," he ushered him into the room. Once inside, Aiden realized they were not alone. An elderly woman with mischievous eyes was looking at him oddly. It looked almost as if she was appraising him.
"I-" Aiden turned back to George, who cut him off again.
"She's here for you too, sort of, I knew you'd be here eventually. It seems your knight master found Rispah and told her you'd be over this way."
"A lucky thing you finally decided to suck up your pride and ask for help too. I'm leaving with George and the Lioness tomorrow. It'll be the first Midwinter all three of us have been at home in nearly three years. Luckily, George's last trip was only to Corus, allowing him to be back in time. Lucky…" the elderly woman, Rispah, informed him, "A fine mess you've made too."
"Lighten up Rispah, it's your apprentice that's in the wrong here," George didn't order, but his words silenced her-for a moment.
"She did what she did because she thought she had to," Rispah countered, and George sighed and offered Aiden a seat, which he took gratefully. Did everyone know what had gone on between Yvenne and him?
"Aiden, this is Rispah of Pirate's Swoop and Trebond. She's my sister and is married to Coram of Trebond, Alanna's dear friend and keeper of her estates before she moved to Pirate's Swoop. She's born of the Roge though, like I was. You may know her as Yvenne's 'grandmother'," George made the introductions.
Aiden's eyes narrowed. He had heard Yvenne speak of a grandmother but never quite understood. He had always just guessed it was a term of the Rogue and had never wanted to ask and acknowledge his ignorance.
"So you've heard of me," Rispah smiled, and Aiden knew it was her smile that made her beautiful, when she cared to offer it.
"A little," he admitted. "But…how are you going to help me?"
*
"Arrow, go find Daine, tell her what's gone on and tell her to tell Numair. Well, maybe not that, but just make sure he knows," Kel revised her orders. She guessed it wasn't wise to order a sorcerer. Feeding the sparrow a seed quickly, she shooed her out and turned to go and find Raoul. She couldn't handle Yvenne alone, but she knew one thing for sure, Yvenne couldn't leave until she was knighted.
*
"She doesn't trust you, she has good reason not to. No man has ever treated her well Aiden," Rispah's smile faded as she looked at him solemnly. "Her father tossed her to the wolves, men of the streets thought to take her as a lap dog before we took her in. Then, even men of the Rogue were rough on her, even as a young girl. When she was ten, her father tried to give her to a man four times her age, but she was too wiry. That's when she developed her temper. If she were so hard, maybe men would leave her alone. She learned in the Rogue to use her beauty and her wits, but she's never been faced with this problem. She's seen men go through women like they go through horses. She just assumes all men are like that, many are, but some," she smiled at George, "are good men. She set you up to fail, but she wouldn't have pushed you away, only been warier. She just wanted to know what you'd do."
Aiden looked out the window and shook his head. So much hidden, but he could have guessed as much, should have guessed as much. The images of her as an eleven-year-old girl, alone, while men hunted her, seared into his brain. Her father haggling with forty year old men, on her price. It was enough to make him sick.
"So you see," Rispah's gentle words cut into his thoughts. "You have to be the one to prove to her that not all men are bad. That is, if you care about her enough."
"With all my heart," Aiden muttered.
"As for her temper," George grinned. "Well, you just have to be calm. Chances are she'll get angrier, but she'll realize her foolishness later on, and the rewards will be great."
Aiden smiled and thanked the two as he stood, "I'll take m-" he stopped, because there was a loud knock before his knight master came tumbling through the door.
"She's going to leave. Kel just told me. Her stuff is packed and she's headed to HaMinch's right now."
Aiden didn't waste a second, "Thank you," he bowed to the two and sprinted out the door.
Raoul sighed and nodded to the other two as he too, left, though at a much slower pace.
*
You're doing this because you should her mind told her. Women were meant to be knights, but not all. You were not meant to be a warrior. Or maybe you're just a weakling, a quitter, another voice in her head jeered. She set her jaw and walked on. What waited for her here? To avenge the deaths of friends? To prove something to Tortall? One woman could not change anything, not even Kel and Alanna could. What made her think she could?
Still, she stopped in front of Padraig HaMinch's door and hesitated. She looked at the door and sighed, almost reaching out for it. All inside was the answer to her problems. All she had to do was open it and go home, to the Rogue, maybe even to her fief. She could go back to all the men who showered her with affection and tried to be kind, but somehow that wasn't what she wanted, and it certainly wasn't satisfying. She was giving up being a knight; she was giving up Fianola and Carri's dream. She was giving up making the world a better place. She was failing their test. No, her mind scolded, you just weren't born to be a warrior. Some women are, like Kel and the Lioness, but others aren't. You're one of the 'arent's.'
Still, another part of her mind wouldn't believe that, why are you giving up? Because one man won't speak to you? Find another, but that has nothing to do with becoming a knight. He'll be leaving shortly; you won't have to be under the eyes. You'll regret this.
Can you stay here, under their watchful eyes? You are of the Rogue! Another part hissed.
The two answers battled in her mind, and she couldn't make her decision. Thoughts swirled in her head, and she couldn't stomp them out quickly enough. She stared at the door in horror and relief. What was she going to do? She certainly couldn't stand here all day.
"Please don't tell me you're going in there," a small voice said behind her.
She spun and looked into his caring brown eyes, "Aiden," she whispered and lowered her eyes. "I have to. Things with Bray are getting rough; I can't concentrate in any of my classes. I'm failing Aiden. I have to get out. I was wrong to think that I was right to become a knight."
"You're just going to give up then? Always run from your problems?" he questioned softly. The pain could be seen without eyes, but anyone who had them would have cried upon looking at the two.
"If I have to," she said softly as her blond hair cascaded down her face, sheltering her eyes.
"You don't have to," he whispered. "I-I'll help you."
"I'll just hurt you again," she turned away and clenched her fists. "I can't tell you I won't. If I could, maybe things would be different but since they're not…"
He grabbed her arms firmly and wouldn't let her enter. He couldn't lie to himself and say it didn't feel good to have her so near again.
"Aiden unhand me," Yvenne ordered, though less harshly than was normal.
"Where have you been?" he inquired quietly.
"What?" she stopped struggling in his hold.
"You spark vanished, but it's coming back. Yvenne, don't let them destroy you, not after you've come so far. Don't let them force you into quitting; you're better than that," his hands fell to caressing the curves of her face.
"I…can't," she struggled, "can't do this anymore."
"Then," he turned his head and dropped his wandering hands. She held back her urge to reach forward and pull them back. "Then, we have nothing left to speak about," he turned and started to walk away. Call me back, he thought, Goddess Yvenne, call me back!
"Aiden," she lifted a small hand, her voice a mere whisper, but it was enough.
He spun on his heels and surged forward, wrapping his well-muscled arms around her protectively.
"Aiden," she whispered into his chest, "Please don't scare me like that again," but she could hear and feel his sharp intake of breath, and knew he was just as terrified as she was.
"And you do the same," he kissed the top of her head, and she smiled.
"What is the meaning of this?" HaMinch bellowed as he slammed his office door.
"Nothing My Lord," Aiden pulled away from Yvenne so they both could bow.
"It certainly did not sound like nothing," he always seemed to be looking down at you, even when Aiden rose an inch above him.
"It was a little quarrel, nothing for you to be concerned about, Padraig," Raoul smiled, but his voice had gained the commander tone, the one he used for giving orders that he expected done.
"You may want to advise your squire, Raoul, not to get involved with those who can mar his good name. He might as well bed a barmaid to cool his blood," Aiden gripped Yvenne's shoulder to keep her from pouncing, but his hand was trembling in rage as well.
"I'll speak to him about it," Raoul nodded, as if considering, and with a final nod, the Training Master disappeared down the hallway.
Aiden spat on the ground as he walked, signaling evil, and Yvenne was almost sure it took Raoul every strength he possessed not to do the same.
"Oh thank the Goddess," Alanna sighed and then quickly glared, "I'm getting far too old for this you know!"
Kel let a grin show through before she banished it behind her Yamani calm and nodded her approval, "I don't like seeing good warriors give up," she mumbled, and Yvenne blushed and nodded, a sign that she would never give up. It was that promise she held to for the next five years.
*
Bray passed his Big Tests later that year, to Yvenne's disgust, and Aiden and Kel were pulled away yet again, though for a shorter time, Raoul promised her. And she settled into another routine. She studied hard and fought hard, and slowly began to win over the affections of some of her more radical teachers, though the stiff conservatives would never accept her. She came to accept this and didn't let it bother her, only worked harder to meet every challenge they put in front of her.
Kel worried, as she should, about the upcoming tests for her gosling, as they'd begun to call her. She remembered quite vividly the attempts and success of ruining her test day, but it seemed that Yvenne wouldn't have those problems, not yet. It seemed that Bray was much less intelligent than his brother. He was more into charging instead of tactics. Kel wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse. She could have taken the charge, much more than she could take the tactics, but Yvenne…no matter how hard she worked or practiced, her muscles were still those of a very well trained young girl. She would never have the size advantage that Kel possessed. She was a very small girl, the perfect noble, but the atypical warrior. Of all the things that seemed to plague Yvenne's confidence though, that was never mentioned. She simply worked through it. In fact, she sometimes took pride in being able to do the same tasks that the boys could though she was a great deal smaller.
Still, when the day of her tests came around, Dom, Neal and Yuki found Kel biting her nails in her rooms. She hadn't been to breakfast, but they knew she had to have been up for hours.
"She'll be fine!" Neal assured her, and Kel looked up, startled. She quickly threw on a Yamani mask and settled her twitching fingers. She wasn't going to let them see her weakness, not if she could help it.
"I know she will," Kel responded coolly.
Dom grabbed a hand and held it up for the other two to exam, "Sure," he muttered and dropped her hand, grinning in triumph as she just stared as if there was nothing unusual and he was the crazy one. He muttered and shook his head, allowing Kel and Yuki the perfect opportunity for one of their secret glances.
"What could go wrong? She knows what she's doing, and Dom and I just checked. She made it there fine, no accidents," Neal grimaced at just the thought of Kel's tests.
"Of course she did," Kel made it sound as if it was the most obvious fact in the world. As if Yvenne didn't have hundreds of enemies just in Corus that were just waiting for her to slip up so they could point a finger at her and prove to all of Tortall that women weren't meant to be warriors. Just the thought made her lose control again as her hands balled into fists.
"You try," Neal sighed, exasperated, and left the room, growling under his breath.
Dom gave Kel an encouraging smile and ran to catch up with Neal.
With the men gone, Kel and Yuki shed their Yamani masks and burst into fits of giggles, breaking the anger for a time.
When they had contained their laughter, Yuki looked at Kel and took her hand. Yuki's palm was soft as silk, but Kel felt the ripples of calluses on the edge. She recognized the grip of the glaive and allowed a small smile as her friend told her gently, "Your gosling will do wonderful, and then she will be yours for the molding."
"Goddess grant it so," Kel agreed, but had to grin, "but I'm not sure she's one to be molded."