Chapter Seventeen

The Chamber

Tobe became a huge influence in her life; he was her connection to the Rogue. And her connection with the Rogue saved them on more than one occasion. She saw her twenty-first birthday come and go, and suddenly, she was tacking up Argilla and heading for Corus, a knot in her stomach.

"Don't be nervous, you'll do fine," Kel told her gently, and she nodded, keeping her mind clear. She could stay strong on the outside but be terrified inside. Her knight master and time had taught her well.

"I can't believe she's been able to train another one," Neal joked with Dom while Kel and Yvenne exchanged raw, unreadable glances.

"No more squires for you love, before we know it, you'll have trained all of Tortall to look death in the face," Dom added, and Kel raised her eyebrows.

"What's wrong with that?" Yvenne demanded with only a tinge of her former fire.

"It's just not normal," Neal answered, as if it was the simplest answer in the world.

Kel laughed gently and shook her head "Year in the Yamanis, a Yamani for a betrothed and still you refuse their culture. Sir Nealan of Queenscove, you are daft."

"Why I…"

"Corus up ahead, My Lady," William called to Yvenne, whose heart fluttered. She forced it all down and tried to quell the sickening feeling in her stomach.

"Home at last," Dom was smiling toward the palace, but both Neal and Kel had their eyes focused on Yvenne who seemed to be battling with herself.

"You won't ever be ready, just remember your shield is waiting for you on the other side" Neal told her gravely, and she nodded.

"Your shield Yvenne," Kel's voice was the pinnacle of proud. Her student had come far in four short years, and now all of Tortall would see another girl had passed the tests.

They rode into the city where Stefan took their horses while Tobe dismounted to help. His first charge was Peachblossom, before he headed to Yvenne and took Argilla's reins, "You ready?"

She shook her head.

"You scared?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"If you need someone to speak to, ya know I'm here."

"I know, thanks," she smiled warmly, but quickly turned to find her knight master, unable to take Tobe's flashing blue eyes and rugged good looks. It'd been so long since she'd seen Aiden.

Aiden, she smiled at her thoughts. I wonder if he'll be here…

"Names already?" Neal was inquiring of Yuki who nodded, and Yvenne turned to the Yamani.

Yuki didn't need Yvenne's question for an answer, "You'll be going last."

She winced slightly but nodded. Bad luck, either that or someone wanted to see me squirm.

"And I will be instructing you with Kel," Alanna appeared beside them, and Yvenne offered a small grin and nodded her thanks, "In two weeks you'll be joining our exclusive little club."

Yvenne giggled and agreed. Hopefully, she added to herself, "I'm sorry My Lady Alanna, but do you happen to know if Sir-"

"Aiden and Raoul should be here within the week," Alanna reassured her.

"I think more than anything my squire needs a bath," Kel ushered her away toward the bathhouses, and Yvenne smiled appreciatively.

"It's bad Yvenne; it'll play on any thought you feed it. I can't give you any advice but be prepared to break and break hard," Alanna informed her as they walked past.

She'd heard it all before, so she simply nodded and headed toward the baths. She wouldn't let a room break an eight year dream; she would have her shield. Reassured by this thought, she slipped into her bath.

"So what if I want to be a knight?" she set her jaw and clenched her small fists. "So do you!"

"Yes, but you'll never make it past your Ordeal!" the boys jeered, and she held back tears. She wouldn't ever let them see her cry.

"Lady Keladry did, and the Lioness before her!" she screamed at them, and they glared.

"Whores," one muttered, and she flew at him. Her punches had no control, no pattern. She missed half the time, and the other half of the time they were so sloppy it made no difference. She managed to land a few lucky punches though, and two of the five boys walked away with broken noses and all of them sported at least a bruise. By the end of their beating though, she barely had enough strength to stand and stumble back to her room… "Never survive the Ordeal," they glared back at her, spitting on her as they walked away.

She woke from the dream memory, sweating. A lot had changed in the past four years. She was a different person. She could wield a sword and lance and ax though she was still best with dagger. She didn't let her emotions blind her any longer either. On the street, her anger and luck had saved her, but in combat, she'd learned to channel it so luck had nothing to do with it. Every blow was precise, every swing exact. She wasn't a little girl anymore, and the Ordeal wasn't going to scare her away when she was this close. That issue resolved; she slipped back to sleep, only to find darkness and silence.

Each day another of her year mates went into the chamber and each night another dream haunted her sleep, but she refused to let herself be deterred.

Her Ordeal grew one week closer, and her dreams more violent. Dreams of Bray and what he'd done to her, dreams of the horrible things she'd seen, but each only made her more determined to prove them, and her own mind, wrong.

On the eighth night of Midwinter, Yvenne was preparing herself for another tormenting nightmare when a warm body slipped into bed beside her. She didn't even have to light a candle to know, the way his strong arms molded perfectly to fit her, let her know who it was, and she snuggled over to make room for him, "How did you get in here?" she inquired, turning to face him, shifting easily against his chest.

"I know your spells," he answered and kissed her gently.

"I'm glad you're back," she confessed, and he laughed and kissed her nose.

"Me too, I just hope Dom and Kel know how lucky they are."

She smiled at that, glad to know her knight master was finally happy, "Aiden, is it terrible?"

His whole body stiffened, and he nodded woodenly. No need to ask what 'it' was; there would only be one thing on her mind just then, "It plays on your greatest fears and insecurities. There's nothing worse. Imagine the one thing that truly terrifies you, pick the one thing you hate most about yourself, combine them, and you have the Ordeal."

She'd heard as much, but hearing from him and hearing it from Kel were two different things, especially when she remembered Aiden's hollow eyes and haunted expression when he emerged form his Ordeal. Why am I a knight though! She shuddered involuntarily and nosed his collarbone as he pulled her closely, as if trying to save her form her Ordeal.

"You just have to promise me you'll come out of there, all right?" he begged, and it nearly stopped her heart, "I know you're strong, but the stronger you are the harder the test, and I need you. I won't be able to go on without you; you are the fire in my soul. Without you, my own Ordeal would have killed me. Just get out, and we'll see it through from there."

"I-I promise," she mumbled, surprised by his passion and his words, but more by the fumbling, almost desperate kiss that followed them. He was scared for her, and a new fear awakened in her heart – a fear of killing not just herself, but him as well.

"Tobe?" she called hesitantly, searching the stables for him. "Tobe, where are you?" she was wondering if she should come back later when someone swung from the rafters and landed behind her, tapping her lightly on the shoulder. She jumped back and spun, ready to draw her sword, but found it was only the person she'd been searching for and glared. "Is there ever a time you just enter normally?" she demanded, letting a bit of her old spirit flash for just a moment.

He chuckled softly and shook his head. His hair had darkened as he'd gotten older, so now it was a dark brown that combined beautifully with his blue eyes. A narrow scar across his face only made him that much more attractive, and Yvenne found her stomach churning and her body tensing. She always felt this way around Tobe lately; there was just something about him. She calmed her blood, reminded herself she was engaged to a man who not only loved her but needed her desperately and got back to the task at hand, "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Anything," his answer was so plain and direct; that was something she loved about him. He was never roundabout about anything; he was one of the few people she could trust to give her straight, truthful answers, whether or not she wanted to hear them. "My Lady," he did a mock bow, and she cuffed him in outrage, and he laughed and straightened. "What? You're going to be, soon enough."

Her smile dropped off her face, and she nodded. He looked at her curiously, almost sadly, as she drew a packet of letters from her tunic, "I need you to take these, and if…if I don't come out of the Chamber, I want you to give them to the people they're addressed to, but only if I don't come out."

He took the letters from her hands gently, grabbing her wrist delicately and examining the silver bracelet she wore, the one with the horse running on it, "I can't believe you still have this."

"You were the one then?" she asked, a delighted smile playing on her lips. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

He shrugged, "Dunno," he answered and dropped her wrist, holding the letters protectively. "Who are these to?"

"Well," she blushed, embarrassed, "one's to you, obviously."

He grinned at her, "I'm surprised you'd remember poor little me, common blood and everythin'," he teased, and she smacked him again and continued. He always made sure she didn't take herself too seriously.

"And there's one to His Majesty, one to Grandmother, one to Lady Keladry, and one to Aiden."

Tobe nodded, not expecting anything differently, "And I spose they're all apologetic, about how you didn't mean to go off and die and everything, and you're sorry you let them down."

"Basically," she laughed, but there was no voice to it. She was seriously afraid of not coming out.

"Listen," he took her hands, and she blushed faintly. "Don't be sorry for anything in your life. If I've learned one thing, that's what I've learned."

She grinned and thanked him, "That's good advice," she grabbed him in a quick embrace before Aiden trotted in and gave her a questioning glance, sparing a glare for the handsome boy who was holding her.

Tobe immediately broke the embrace and slipped into the shadows.

"You're going to be there, right, when I come out?" she inquired, and he winked and nodded, then turned and headed back to his chores.

Aiden took her hand protectively and led her away, questions brimming on his lips, but she silenced him with a kiss and told him not to worry about it; he was a friend in the Rogue, who'd saved her life a few times.

"So he's the one you…" he stopped, the letter she'd written him nearly eight years ago still stung his heart.

"I made you jealous with?" she teased, and he glowered at her. "Yeah," she told him solemnly. "But I don't think you have to worry, my father would have my head even if I didn't love you, which I do."

He laughed and wrapped an arm around her waist as they headed back to the castle.

The room was only gray for an instant until it faded into something else completely, and she was lost in the images, only faintly remembering she was in the Chamber of the Ordeal.

Aiden had his back to her, reading something, and she wanted to ask what, but she remembered she couldn't speak and held her tongue. He turned around and faced her, but it was as if he couldn't even see her; tears lined his cheeks.

She reached out to console him, but he walked right through her. Was she a ghost? She looked around frantically, and her eyes turned to the desk in front of her. There, lying on the tabletop, was the note she'd ask Tobe to deliver if she didn't make it out of her Ordeal. Then…no, that couldn't be right.

"Aiden, we thought you might need some comfort," Kel's small voice said from the doorway, and Yvenne turned to see her knight master, looking thoroughly distraught, her eyes hollow and red from crying, Dom by her shoulder, supportive, but haggard as well.

"I'm so sorry," Aiden began. "I didn't think…they couldn't…"

"It's all right," Kel put a hand on her shoulder. "Her loss is more than the loss of my shield."

Yvenne wanted to scream in fury and anger, to break down and cry, but she couldn't do any of it, all she could do was stare in horror as Kel tried in vain to keep her Yamani calm. A thousand curses flew through Yvenne's mind, each one she wanted to repeat out loud, just to calm her nerves, but she couldn't. She had to keep silent she was…testing. The thought came into her mind like a ray of light. Yes, she was testing, she was still in the Chamber; she couldn't be dead.

She ran to Aiden and threw her arms around him, but he didn't notice. She wanted to shout at them that she was alive, that she was here. She opened her mouth, but then bit her tongue, forcing herself to stay silent.

Kel and Dom gave a few more sympathies before they left, and Aiden went back into his room, grabbing a drink and throwing it down his throat as he stared into the fire. Yvenne moved so she could see his face, and was appalled by the horror she found in his beautiful brown eyes. She remembered him saying he wouldn't be able to live without her, and as he approached his discarded sword, which was lying on his still made bed, she felt terror rising in her. She shook her head and tried to reach him, but it was no use, there was nothing she could do but watch in fear as he pulled the blade lovingly from its sheath and touched the silver gently, making sure it was sharp.

Aiden, no! She screamed in her mind, running forward as he spun to face her, eyes wide in pain as he plunged the sword into his chest. For a moment, all she could see were his frantic brown eyes, and then she watched as his body slumped over onto the bed, his sword straight up in his chest, blood soaking through his clothes and dripping down his finely muscled torso.

Oh Mithros, no, she thought and crumpled to the floor, rocking back and forth, the image searing into her mind. Then the image began to shift, and she was somewhere else, no, no more, she pleaded, unable to take anything else, but the images still came, ruthlessly came.

This time she was in the Dancing Dove, waiting tables. A rough looking man grabbed her ruthlessly, and she tried to shove him off, but he pushed forward, and no one seemed to notice when he pulled her into a back room used for just the kind of entertainment he was seeking.

She wanted to scream for help, but there was no one that would hear her in the commotion outside, and she couldn't speak anyway. She was left alone, weaponless, facing this monster that was drooling over her body and blocking the door that was her only exit.

"Come here you pretty little thing," he advanced, and she jumped to the side nimbly, all her years of training kicking in, but when she ran to the door and began to fumble with the lock, he caught her from behind and pulled her down.

She dug her nails into his flesh ruthlessly, clawing for his eyes, and scrambled away as he threw his hands up to shelter them, hissing angrily. She grinned triumphantly, able to lift one of his knives in the struggle. He lunged forward, and her anger steered her, but didn't control her – not anymore. She spun out of the way of his lunge and turned quickly in a flash of hair and silver, slamming the dagger into his back. He groaned and turned to fight her, but her aim was good, and she'd hit a kidney. It was only another few seconds before he was on the ground, choking on his own body fluid.

Grimly, she looked down at the body of the man who epitomized everything conservative men thought of women – something to be used and abused. She felt like he deserved to hear a woman's voice in his dying breaths, but knew she couldn't speak, so opted to spit on him instead.

Then her world shifted one final time, and she was standing in the charred remains of Stone Mountain, only, the fief wasn't Stone Mountain, it was one she was sure she'd never see again – it was her own. People everywhere were screaming for aid, and she searched blindly for her crystal. It was nowhere to be found.

"Yvenne, we need more Mages," Kel was telling her, shaking her. She was still in Mindelan colors, this hadn't happened…Yet, the images were painstakingly close to the truth. She'd seen this happen in her dreams, if she couldn't prevent it. "Yvenne, please, bring them…" Kel's words suddenly ceased, and Yvenne's eyes widened in horror as she realized it probably had something to do with the arrow that was sticking out of Kel's side. "Yvenne, please, take charge, save them," Kel whispered as her eyes closed, and Yvenne had to clamp her mouth down to keep from screaming in fury and anguish.

"Kel!" Dom's utterance of her name echoed her own despair as he threw himself next to her, and was peppered in a dose of arrows himself before Yvenne could even shield him. She turned and wanted to run, but William caught her arm and looked at her with wide, terrified eyes.

"My Lady, they're surrounding us on all sides, what do we do?"

Yvenne forced her anger down and tried to think clearly. She formulated a plan and started to speak, then stopped herself before she could utter a word.

"Yvenne, please, you need to tell us what to do. Kel and Dom are dead; you're the only one who can lead us. Come on, you have to think of something!" Will was shouting frantically, and tears sprang into Yvenne's eyes, but she just shook her head, refusing to speak.

Will grabbed her shoulders and shook her, "Come on damn it! What are you? A girl? Please! Yvenne, we need you!"

She closed her eyes to the insults and gritted her teeth harder, refusing to answer. I'm sorry Will, but this didn't happen, and I won't fail. I won't fail. Do you hear that Chamber? She screamed in her mind. Damn you, I will not fail!

"Time, standing all alone

I bled for you

I wanted to

Each drop my own

Slowly they depart

They fall in vain

Like desert rain

And still they fall on and on and on…

So…drifting through the dark

The sympathy of night's mercy

Inside my heart

Is your life the same?

Do ghosts cry tears?

Do they feel years?

As time just goes on and on and on…"

Savatage, Back to a Reason