A/N: Well—wait a sec, didn't you notice that I'm often putting 'Well' as the first word in my author's note? Anyways—I guess I had been leaving this fic behind already for quite some time. I was trying to focus on something I saw on the net ooh, I do love it! , and not on any of my fanfics anymore. Hehe. It even happened one time that I planned on leaving behind, since I ain't got my time tied to it. But thanks to my beloved friends, I changed my mind! However, I myself realized that I can't bear sayin' Sayonara to my fics, after spending a lot of time for it. Ehi...Talkative author I am...ain't I? I'd be passin' my dutch for awhile now. --Whew-- :B

--Externus78

P.S. Someone told me that I should stop putting 'Author's notes' in the middle of the story...I was even laughing at that person since she was saying that while reading and in the midst of her flowing emotions my cracks blow out of nowhere, causing disturbance to her uhm... 'intaking' of the story...Lolz...I won't do that again.. I promise..

Oh and by the way, it's really Yuuhi. Not Yuuya. The original name was actually Yuuhi, it's just that the dubbings change his name to Yuuya. And so far no one has complained about it yet...you were the first one to put that review.. If you were reading my Author's notes all of them ....you could have landed upon some notes about me telling the readers about Yuuhi's name. I guess I'd be sticking to it all throughout then.

Disclaimer: Are you ready for another corny fictional disclaimer from Externus78?!?! Well, I'm not ready. Hehe.

Note: Camel's milk does not spoil.

Rhetorical question: Huh? What's the connection?!? (o.O)

Helpful items: "..." talking, --...-- thinking, ... probably me talking!

Chapter 12: When You Realize That You Realized Too Late

Ran wandered around the streets of Shibuya, trying to think things over. She thought about the time she first realized that things were starting to turn sideways. She thought about the times she fought everyone around her, her friends, her loved-ones just because she felt so downcast, everything. She even wondered who's even laughing at her now. Who could have thought that Ran, a higly-esteemed historical Super Gal who was known for her incredible happy-go-lucky and upbeat personality would be found peripatetic in this city's outskirts.

Never had she felt pity on herself before...She appeared so helpless, so misunderstood, so alone, so...pathetic. How she wished that someone would just emerge out of nowhere, surprise her and give her a hug she's needing for the past few days. She can't believe that in a snap, it was as if a car took a sharp turn around the corner, speeding high on the road.

Ran stopped in front of the place where Tatsuki had the accident, that shop where he broke the truck into. The shop was, of course, demolished completely just the day before yesterday. It never looked the same again. For some people, it could have only been the shopview that has changed, but for Ran, something more than that had been changed.

She tried to remember the events, one by one, and though it seemed hard to do, she gulped the pain in, she wanted to know the root of everything. When suddenly a thought hit her.

There's only one person left who's close to her, but she haven't received any bad news about her yet.

--Honda Mami.--

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"Aya, take a rest, I'd be the one to finish the dishes."

Aya nodded obediently and smiled at her mother. "Sure, mom." She said, taking off her apron and wiping her hands with a clean, dry towel.

It was a silent night for Aya, and maybe for the rest of the group, but then, Aya thought if ever she could call themselves still a group. Aya settled herself down on the couch in the living room and leaned on it comfortably. She thought of the things that happened that morning. When Rei accidentally saw her in a bathrobe with messy hair. When she got mad at him for trying to talk to her after hurting her so much. When she...finally gathered up the courage to let go of him completely. She can't believe she had done it. She did let go of Rei already. As in entirely. Or did she really? Everytime she thinks about the 'victory' she just acclaimed, something's trying to tell her that she'd be regretting it. But why would she believe those things? Man, they're only instincts, not her real feelings. Though right about now there's a twinge crawling someplace in Aya's heart.

Her quiet rest was abruptly disturbed by a phone ring that sounded too sharp to Aya's ears. "Aya! Will you get it?! My hands are soapy!" she heard the faint voice of her mom.

Somehow excited, Aya jumped from her seat and neared the phone. She picked it up, answering it in a voice as cheerful as she could express. "Hello. Hoshino Residence. Aya speaking." She greeted, expecting Katase's voice to be heard from the other line.

No answer.

"Uhm...hello? Is someone there?" --Yeah, great. Dumb question. Why would the phone ring if someone's not there?-- She told herself.

"Oh...uh." the man seems to clear his throat. His voice sounded very familiar. "Aya, I...I...this...It's Rei."

Wide-eyed, Aya stared at the wall in front of her, open-mouthed.

"Please. Don't put the phone down. I—I need to explain—you...you have to know, Aya. Please." Rei said on the other line hurriedly.

--He sounded too much of a sincere person. Could he be saying something true?-- Aya wondered. She recovered from shock, and gulped. Her eyebrows met, and her lips frowned. She didn't say a word, but she didn't know why Rei continued, since she was expecting him to think she's not on the line anymore if she stays quiet.

"Aya....Aya—I—I know you're listening. I called because...um...I, uh, wanted to say something to you. I...never thought of this before. I never realized it...I mean." He started off, in a panicking voice. Aya let out a loud sigh. In a somewhat response she heard Rei gulp loudly on the other line. Whether he just wants Aya to hear it or he just really feels nervous about something, Aya didn't know, or maybe, didn't care as well.

Aya wanted to place the phone down, leave him alone there talking to himself, and live on. She's tired of this 'I-would-care-for-you-while-you-just-stay-there-and-don't-worry-about-me' manner. She's not the same old girl everyone thought she's still now. She could let go of the past.

But no matter how many times she told herself these things, she merely COULD NOT do it this fast. Time keeps on escaping from her grip. She needs time to recover from all this pain and trouble that brewed, but in whichever way anyone would look... is it really better to face all the problems first...before dealing with the present?

She did not talk though, but let him go on. She had decided. She would end up everything tonight about the two of them. But then, this guy on the other line had said words she never knew he would tell her.

"What I'm trying to say is...I love you...Aya."

Would she drop the phone? Would she slam it down? Or would she respond and let herself drown again in the ocean of pain and sacrifice, for this guy whom she knew never returned back her affection?

"You're lying." Aya said in a stiff voice, though tears are already forming in her eyes. She's suffered just too much, she didn't know whether to accept him again and start over, or to ignore him AND start over. She hoped her decisions in everything she's about to say would make things turn out right.

"No, I'm not! Really, Aya. It was...well...you wouldn't believe but—I realized it when you first told me you loved me and—Remember? At Lavender's Café...at first of course I told you I hated you but when I talked to—"

"Stop!" Aya shouted. Gradually sitting down on the floor involuntarily, she asked Rei to cease from explaining things. With a hoarse voice, she told him, "What's done is done. Rei. You never loved me at all. I'm tired of this. I want to end the relationship between us."

"Aya! WAIT! Don't put the phone down! You have to listen! You—"that was the last thing she heard from Rei that night. She put the phone down with a slam. Her mom came rushing towards her, still wiping her hands with the towel. Throwing the towel away in a hurried manner, her mother kneeled down beside her.

"Aya! What on earth have you been shouting about?" her mother asked, but the reply was nothing but a sob. Then another sob came out. Aya's mom lifted Aya's chin up towards her eyes. "Oh, my...darling. Whoever could have hurt you this way? You never...shed tears so badly before."

The pain expressed in Aya's eyes was more than the mother could bear. Naturally, when mothers see their children suffer, they feel twice. And that was actually what her mom felt. All Aya could do was weep into her mom's chest and hug her tight.

Usually, she never tried to think that time would come this moment of a 'mother-daughter' relationship would come. As a matter of fact, Aya haven't even thought of her mom being beside her during these 'supposed-to-be-her-own-feeling' times, and moreover...her mom KNEELING beside her. How helpful could a mother get?

She felt her mother's hand caress her hair and smoothen it. "Aya...let's go to your room. I want to talk to you about this."

But this time Aya shook her head. She would refuse to accept anyone's advice from now on.

Still wrapped in an embrace, Aya spoke softly. "I...want to solve this problem on my own now, mom. I just...need someone to keep me warm. So that feel that someone's still always here for me. Please, mom. Be that someone."

"I will." Her mother simply replied. Completely understanding everything Aya wanted to convey. Aya wiped her tears and sat up straight. After smiling at each other, they hugged once again, and stood up.

"You are great...mom." Aya said. --I promise I won't forget to tell you how good you were to me. You're the only one left for me to run to.--

"Thanks, dearest. By the way, next time you got those kind of problems, try not destroying the phone, or even adding noise pollution. It's somehow already late, so you ARE supposed to be concerned of—"

"Concerned of the sleeping young neighbors." Aya finished. She memorized that line already, ever since she had been the teenage-girl Aya, it never was avoided to be.. quite a 'strident' type, and so her mom always told her to not be too loud by late at night.

It made Aya feel light...when her mom cracks simple jokes right after some dramatic scenes between them both. She hoped her mom did feel the same and wasn't just hiding the same pain. However, Aya knew that when she finally gets to her own room, she'd feel alone again while thinking of the problems she encountered.

--I have to forget you, Rei. And move on. But you're always reminding me of you... and I just simply...can't let go. No matter how I wanted to. You never could assess how much I DID love you...but the pain you brought to my heart was something far more beyond measure. I should have realized you REALLY didn't love me long before you did tell me about it.-- Aya thought while keeping herself together beside her mom, who's actually smiling. --Perhaps she wants me to think that I should forget about the past and smile it all away.--

"Aya." Her mom broke the silence when they were in front of the door of Aya's room.

Aya just turned her face towards her mom.

"I know that even if I say good night, your night wouldn't be like that. I just want to say that...always remember to trust the Lord on all your problems. So...uhm... I hope your decision would be the right one."

Aya nodded with a faint smile and entered her room. Her mom shouted right after, "And good night!"

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Yuuhi kicked the crumpled paper that makes his foot itch. Lots of crumpled papers were scattered around his room since afternoon. Half-day he had been trying to write down all his problems. And how to solve them all. But it was all a failure, he can't think of anything good for 'that' one problem. He grabbed a piece of paper again and started writing:

Problems(as a teen I know where to place my self, I guess)

Ran – I kissed her...No, I mean she did...No wait...We both did. And she has a boyfriend. And her boyfriend's one of my friends. And...oh well...enough said.

Miyu – what was that again? Oh...yeah. She was impregnated. It was my fault. I didn't tell Yamato about Mami's plan. How selfish I had become...

Aya – This one's tough. I never knew she could change Rei's attitude in a snap of a scene of her kissing another guy. Or was it just because Rei was confronted by someone who could understand Aya?

Rei – Yeah, right. This one is tougher. Not only did I betray him on his back, I really did lose him. Crap...it was also his fault... if he only had realized earlier what he felt for Aya..then none could have happened. But wait, this is me talking...I'm not gonna blame him. Even if he realized his feelings for Aya too late, if I could have told everyone the whole truth about Mami...things could not have gotten this worse.

Yamato – I wonder why he glared at my poster at the building beside Shibuya police station the other day. But whatever it is, I have this feeling that he knows something about Miyu...and perhaps...I'm the one he thinks who did something to her. Who knows what policemen think...

Now now...who else? Oh yeah...Tatsuki. – What if he knows about the kiss? What if he knows I'm the one who's behind all this silly things happening around Ran? What if...oh, man...I haven't realized how much worse things could get into...

I can't think of anyone else to write about...Oh...HOW COULD I FORGET? MAMI! – she was the root of all this debacle! Yeah, great. And I'm actually the trunk...and maybe even the branches. If only I parted from her earlier... If only I had the courage to do so even before all of this happened...I could have saved everyone from this stupid thing going on.

Yuuhi crumpled the paper and threw it away. He knocked his head on the table three times and slammed his fists twice afterwards. He wanted to get rid of himself. Too late it is...to realize how futile his spent-time was...Too late to say sorry. He wondered...

--Is it also too late to think of proper solutions to these problems?--

Whoever knew the answer, he or she must tell it to him soon. If not then, Yuuhi should let that someone be....himself.

----------

--You were the one who forced me to tell you.--

--I'm being surprised constantly by your decisions.--

--I hate you as much!--

--What I'm trying to say is...I love you, Aya.--

These are just some of the things that wouldn't let him sleep. Words he always thought would be the right one to say, just so that it could keep him away from trouble as soon as possible. But his 'cold-identity' past, was actually his personality that's like someone who doesn't think not before he acts, but before he talks. Rei always wanted to get straight to the point, but his straight point was always a failure. It had always been something that would be eating him up inside. Something that would hurt him.

Rei never knew that losing a girl who loved him so dearly before and seeing her kiss another guy would hit him hard. He knew how much Aya loved him, nonetheless, he knew he liked Ran. But there's a gap...Like is different from love. That event at Lavender's Café, when Aya first told him that she loved him with eyes that showed anger, but proved truth...it didn't occur to Rei that time that he'd get affected by those words in the future.

Does apprehension....realization....really only occurs at the end of everything you just did? Rei didn't want to believe, but he knows it's a fact. It couldn't be changed, since no one happens to realize his mistakes in the midst of it.

It all had been reeling in a snap. Like a second ago Rei hated Hoshino so much, then the next, he was like 'Oh yeah, by the way, I just realized I love you.'. Why is it that Rei ignores her before when she was still after him, and then after a pep talk with a woman, his mom precisely, he quickly understood the situation Aya had been drowning in. In which Rei just realized....Rei wasn't the one who pulled her up to stop her from drowning. Yes. It was Katase.

"Aya. You were a great loss." Rei whispered to the air. For the first time, Rei felt a hot tear roll down his cheek, in a situation of being alone. He never EVER did cry for a girl whom he never knew could change him. He wanted to rip himself into two... Oh, no. Anything but that! Oops...sorry for the interruption..here I go again.. He wanted to scream his heart out. But at the same time, he just wants to let his feelings out in tears.

--She's not yet lost...is she?-- said a voice inside him.

"She is. She told me she wanted to end our relationship."

--If you had one, that is.--

"Yeah. And I think we had. Problem is...if I could call it...a relationship."

--Stupid guy. Of course every way you communicate with the persons around you is called relationship! It was taught in your third semester in----

"Stop reminding me of things I don't need right now and shut up. You're not any help. Who are you anyway to tell me these things......."

--If you think I am your conscience, I'm not your conscience, silly. I'm your father.--

"Father?" Rei turned around. He saw his father leaning on the wall behind him. "Since when have you been there?"

"Ever since you thought it was your inner voice who was talking to you." Answered his father in a genius way. His father stepped out to the balcony. "So...about this Aya. What makes her the only person you shed tears for? Remember the times when we get mad at you when you were a kid? You only pouted, but you never cried. I guess you're more mature now...hmm..ain't I right, son?"

Rei gave no answer. Not even a reply.

His father waited for some moments, and taking the silence as the only reply his son gave, he smiled faintly and started a story Rei never heard. "Well, son, maybe you didn't know that you inherited that from me?"

Rei's shoulder shuddered.

Feeling that Rei wanted to ask him what it is, but he lost his voice, Rei's father told him that Rei inherited the too-late attitude from him. His father also realizes things always too late. If only...

--Stop the 'if-only's', Rei.-- This time Rei's sure it was a voice inside him. -- 'If-only's are for people who do not have a proper direction in life.--

Rei wanted to believe, but he's still caught in between the two simple replies he might give to that statement anytime soon, "That's right." or "It's not exactly like that.".....who knows when he might be able to conclude that?

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When people say they'd be starting to change for the better, it would always be at the end of a tragic event...not before it. When a person learns something about someone he is in-love with, at the same time he'd be learning that he's actually the last person to know. It's always been like this for most people.

For Yamato, he may have not been the last to know...since he was told about Miyu before Ran was. But now the matter is...it's not in the order of people knowing Miyu's life...it's in how many people should or would know...or even in how people would look at her if they knew Miyu was impregnated by somebody out there whom Yamato knew she wasn't too close to. Besides, 17 is still too young an age for her.

Learning things like these aren't what Yamato expected about Miyu. It may have not changed his love for her...since the only evidence he has for that rumor about Miyu was that she ran off so scared and appeared so helpless the last day Yamato saw her, but what if the rumor is true?

If there was anything else Yamato could do to find Miyu, he could have understood everything now. He could have understood everything about what happened.

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A night of excitement? Or...a night to be spent unwasted..before anything goes wrong after he goes out the jail?

Tatsuki wondered about how he would feel if he was to be released tomorrow and he'd be seeing Ran. He was hugging his knees close to his chest with his right arm, while he was tracing Ran's whole name on the floor with his left forefinger.

The moon shone through the metal bars of the window up on the wall of Tatsuki's cell. It was a last quarter moon. But it was his first time to notice how a moon could shine bright even in that kind of phase.

Seeing the brightness of the moon by looking at the floor where his finger is tracing Ran's name, he thought of Ran's bright eyes. Her eyes always sparkle like the moon's brightness...at any phase. Any time.

If he was to see Ran tomorrow, would he still see those eyes sparkle like it was before? How much more are the things he do not know than the things she's been telling him about? Everytime she visits him, and when she's smiling...it's like... a broken atmosphere is taking place. Something creepy, doubtful.

--Maybe I'm just imagining things. I must not jump into conclusions.-- Tatsuki thought at that moment.

But then again, he cogitated... 'What could Ran have been really going through these past few days?'

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Everyone has never experienced a stimulation of emotion as challenging as this. The question is...if they'd be able to take on this challenge...and receive a good reward of true victory? If they think they realized it too late, who could be the one to help them solve their problems and remove the handcuffs of painful breakdown?

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----End of Chapter 12----

Author's notes: The heck?!?! Another short chapter? I don't know what to write about so...I decided to just put their emotions and what they are all facing that moment.  And then...uhm...ehehe...err...I'm sorry for the wrong delay because I'm really busy. Believe it or not, I'm actually grounded because of something stupid I did, but what could they do if I have a research project? winks ...

Sorry for the wrong grammar and for some jokes I don't expect to make you roll on the floor laughing...I don't even think it's only 'some' jokes....I really am corny in jokes and stuff like that so...

Anyways... isn't my author's note taking too long? I revised the chapters to separate the scenes coz' someone told me that they do not know when the scene changes...