A/N: I bet you're wondering. This has been pure humor, MAYBE humor/parody, at a stretch. I can tell with my psychotic powers that you wonder why it's humor/drama. Well, this is where it starts. At least THREE WHOLE CHAPTERS of nonstop plot development with scarcely a joke. HOW WILL WE SURVIVE! Well, I threw in some apostrophes (') and some bizarre names to tide you over. I hope it's enough. And there's always the A/N's…

The Phantomette of the Opera

P.S. If you don't understand, see my profile. It will make it all abundantly clear.

P.P.S. See! It's a clever negotiating ploy to make you read through the randomness that I have encompassed myself with.

Disclaimer: The strange woman who comes through the Gate is mine, as well as D'am'ar'a, and the newly named Ala'sha'ya (aka Abby). Same as before, use them and die, blah blah blah, email me for permission, all that stuff I've been ranting about.

O.o

In the Gate room, the iris was opening. This was not a good thing. The iris was the only thing protecting Earth from attacks through the Gate. There were the security forces, as Teal'c's announcement had proved, but you could bet that anyone/thing smart enough to a) know the iris was there, and b) remote-open the iris could beat mere men with guns.

Someone was coming through the Gate. There was only one person, so it wasn't a team, unless the other members had been killed by the Goa'uld. There was also no IDC, so that was pretty much a dead giveaway. On top of all that, another dead giveaway was that there were no teams offworld as it was Government Inspection Time at the SGC.

The figure emerged from the Gate. This was a strange thing. It was Abby. Excepts for the new arrival's eyes and hair, they could be twins.

Abby noticed the other airmen in the room were shooting her puzzled looks. "It's not me!" she protested. "It's not me!"

The stranger noticed Abby, too. It was almost impossible not to, with the racket she was making. The strange woman beckoned to her. "My child, come to me." Her voice was lilting, with just a hint of the inflection trademark of the Goa'uld.

"I'm not your child," Abby spat. It was clear that she was resisting, but her feet moved inexorably forward.

"My child, do not cover your lovely hair," the woman said when Abby was up on the ramp within reach, reaching for her hat.

"NO!" Abby shouted, but could do nothing. The intruder snatched the cap from Abby's head. Abby's hair, then in a green crew-cut, fell below her waist in crimson waves, just like her dopplegänger's.

"You are remembering, my daughter," the woman lilted, "only the eyes remain."

"And there they will stay. And I'm not your daughter." Abby was completely selfpassured, or so it seemed. Her blue eyes met the purple ones of the alien woman. The air seemed to crackle with electricity as the two women faced each other. The airmen stepped back nervously.

Almost immediately, a hit of lavendar crept into Abby's eyes. With an almost physical effort, she pushed ity awaym, and her eyes seemed bluer than before. A green tint stole in then, and there it grew. It was so miniscule at first that her opponent didn't notice for several moments. When she did, her own eyes widened in fear. She knew what was happening, but it was too late for her to stop it.

When Abby's eyes were nearly neon, her hair turned black and grew nearly to the ground. Her skin darkened slightly, and her figure changed. Where Abby had been lean and muscled, this new woman was curvaceous and willowy. Abby had been pretty, even beautiful, especially to a certain colonel whose name I won't mention, but but this new stranger was stunning.

In short, she was no longer Cadet First Sergeant Major Brigadier General Captain Lieutenant Colonel Admiral Ensign Airman Gunnery Sergeant Senior grade Abigail Serena Marie Geoghegan.

"D-D-D-" was all the violet-eyed intruder could get out.

"Yes. That is I," the green-eyed woman's voice was firm and resonated with confidence, with just a hint of a lilt. "Go back to your home, sister."

"You're no sister of mine," the other woman spat, then turned on her heel and marched through the Gate. The wormhole shut down.

A few minutes later Jack burst into the room after a successful transport. "What did you do to my cadet?" he shouted. "Give Abby back!""I am sorry. I cannot do that. Ala'sha'ya is gone. I, D'am'ar'a, am here now."

Jack was getting ready to respond with a full bellow when Teal'c's voice cut him off. "Bring her to the briefing room, O'Neill," he commanded.

"C'mon, D…D…D…"

"D'am'ar'a."

"Right. That. Let's go." With this, Jack led her off.