A/N: Ok, this is a major stain on my (nearly) parody-free record. It's also a stain on my anti-pairing record, but I already explained that one away. Daniel's majorly out of character, acting like even more of an idiot than usual, but I attribute that to a caffeine high. Sam's out of character too, being all enraged and lashing out at anyone/everyone, but I'll attribute that to exhaustion. So it all works out. I was going to say something meaningful and powerful and all that, but that's too much work, so I'll just talk normally. This is where the jokes start up again. There'll still be plot development, but the plot development will make you laugh(ish) while still developing. Enjoy (or at least endure and review. That's all I ask of you. Uh-oh, slipping into Phantom of the Opera mode. This is the part where you hum the Twilight Zone theme). Yuka/Kit/Suki, whatever the hell you want to call yourself, don't effing patronize me because I 'don't know how to ask for reviews.' I took your little 'tips' quite personally, and I'll keep begging in the same way I always have.

P.S. D'am'ar'a and Abby/Ala'sha'ya are indeed on Sha'sha'mi'i. They're communing with Sam telepanathically…telekinetically…telepathically…whatever.

P.P.S. One more snide comment, Yuka/Kit/Suki, you become the New Shunned One.

P.P.P.S. The comment D'am'ar'a and Abby/Ala'sha'ya first made to Sam was pulled from a Teen Titans fic involving a feud between Terra and Raven. BVP knows the author(ess) and fic title, I just glanced at it over her shoulder. The remark was made from Raven to Terra after Terra called Raven a witch.

P.P.P.P.S. I'm serious Y/K/S. Keep your little 'tips' to yourself.

P.P.P.P.P.S. I told you earlier that Word was messing with me. The most common thing it does is turnquestion mark exclamation pointinto either ? or ! I try to correct all of them, but it doesn't always work. I do my best though. No matter how many times I change it, it still changes. sigh There should be a question mark exclamation point after 'don't you know anything', 'she's your daughter', and 'what's the difference'.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I really mean it Y/K/S.

Disclaimer: Same as Chappy 9.

O.o

Silas knocked timidly on the door of Sam's lab. "We tried again, Colonel. It's like that woman was never here, same as always."

"Well try AGAIN!" Sam snarled. "We need here back now!"

Daniel laid a hand on Sam's arm. "Sam, w3e don't need the computer. Remember, D'am'ar'a told us her planet's Gate address."

Sam calmed down a little, and her eyes lit up with something that wasn't either anger or capillaries bursting from lack of sleep. "I remember she told us. But I can't think of the exact address. Do you remember, Daniel?"

Daniel thought for a minute. "I still can't recall it exactly. But I do know that it was six digits long and started with a 'P'," he told Sam finally.

Any small iota of the calm/enthusiasm Sam might have acquired before hearing this statement evaporated at hearing it. She grabbed Daniel by the shoulders, shaking him. Hard. It had to hurt. She was shouting at him at the same time. "YOU NUMBSKULL! Don't you know anything! Every planet in the entire effing database is six digits long and starts with a 'P'!"

"What about M4C-862? It starts with an 'M'!" Daniel protested. He seemed not to notice Sam was about to rip his head off and beat the crap out of whatever was left, causing Silas to ask serious questions about his sanity.

You cannot call yourself angry unless you say Sam at that moment. "M4C-862 is a MOON! That's what the 'M' is for, you moron!" she screamed.

What came out of Dr. Jackson's mouth then banished any doubts still remaining in Silas' mind. Daniel had completely gone nuts. What he said to provoke this reaction was, "You know, Sam, if we were anime, you'd be so chibi right now."

Sam dealt Daniel a resounding backhand slap. "If I wanted to know that, I would've asked! I want the address of where that witch took Abby, not some effing ANIME!" she screeched. Silas wisely chose that moment to beat a hasty retreat.

O.o

In defiance of any clear laws of physics, D'am'ar'a's voice with Abby's voice layered on top of it floated through Sam's head. "Better a witch than a bitch like you," they said.

"And she didn't kidnap me," Abby continued.

"It's Ala'sha'ya, not Abby," D'am'ar'a said.

Sam dropped Daniel in her shock. "But you're on P-… Sha'sha'whatever," she murmured.

"No, I'm not. Have you lost your mind, Sam? I'm right here on the floor where you dropped me," Daniel protested. Sam didn't pay him any mind, though. She didn't even hear him. Her mind was floating in the void the telepathic use to converse over long distances.

"We of the Sha'sha'whatever possess formidable telepathic powers," Abby was saying.

"ALA'SHA'YA!" D'am'ar'a and Awhoever snarled.

"What was I going to say, ALA'SHA'YA?" D'am'ar'a asked.

"I, ALA'SHA'YA, don't know," that A person answered.

"Oh, I remember now, ALA'SHA'YA. Colonel, how else would I have known your grey-haired colonel was attracted to my daughter, ALA'SHA'YA, if I had no telepathy?" D'am'ar'a thought/spoke.

"I would have pursued him, but I divined that his feelings for another were stronger than they were for poor me, ALA'SHA'YA." She was really milking this oh-I'm-so-sad act.

"She's your daughter!" Sam asked, amazed.

"No, Sam, she's not. Whoever she is. I don't have a daughter. You know that better than I do!" This must have been a very strange conversation for Daniel, since Sam listened far more than she talked. Daniel was beginning to think that Sam had finally cracked.

"I have no daughter named 'she'," D'am'ar'a, meanwhile, was telling Sam. "I do have a daughter named ALA'SHA'YA, though."

"I mentioned earlier there was a woman who Jack loved more than either you or me, ALA'SHA'YA. Would you like to know who she is?" the girl asked.

"Yes," Sam whispered. Fortunately, Daniel didn't notice.

D'am'ar'a's daughter was purposely vague. "Rose? Iris? Tulip? Lily? I, ALA'SHA'YA, don't really remember. One of your so-called flowers, I, ALA'SHA'YA, think." The girl could not have been crueler. It was bad enough to tell Sam there was someone who Jack thought about all the time, but even worse was to not give a clear identity. A clear identity could be tracked down. A clear identity could be shot. A-D'am'ar'a's daughter wasn't done yet. "I, ALA'SHA'YA, can't remember the last name either," she continued, positively enjoying the anguish written all over Sam in big neon pink letters. "Smith? Anderson? Brown? Green? Some name a lot of you insects have."

"Now you're just being mean," Sam told them.

"How am I being mean?" Daniel asked. "I'm just lying here!" He was on the edge of severe hysterics.

Back on the ninth astral plain, the inhabitants weren't as concerned for Sam. "Oh, no," D'am'ar'a's daughter was telling her, "you haven't even begun to see us, ALA'SHA'YA and my mother, begin toget mean. Shall we, mother?"

"Yes, ALA'SHA'YA, let's."

D'am'ar'a and her daughter took turns sniping at Sam, insults and remarks both belittling and vicious.

"You know, ALA'SHA'YA," D'am'ar'a remarked to her offspring, "I think the colonel here is something that begins with 'P' and ends with 'rostitute'."

"Or perhaps, something that begins with 'S' and ends with 'lut'. Or maybe, what she is begins with 'W' and ends with 'hore'," A chimed in gleefully.

"Oh, ALA'SHA'YA, your sense of humor is terrific!" D'am'ar'a praised her child with a tinkling laugh that grated on Sam's nerves.

And the torment went on. And on. Finally Sam could take it no longer. "Leave me alone!" she cried, tears streaming down her face. "Prostitute, whore, slut, what's the difference! Just leave!"

The two giggled nastily, and then Sam could somehow sense they were gone. They lift behind one word, though. Do you know what it is? I'll give you a hint. It's eight letters long, has two apostrophes ('), and four 'A's. You're right. It's ALA'SHA'YA.

The word rebounded in Sam's head for what seemed like an eternity, then faded out as she smelled something terrible far too close to her olfactory canal.