Chapter Seven

Michaela sat at her desk in her bedroom and stared down at the book that Sully had given her for her birthday. Her birthday had been just a few days ago, and she hadn't put the book down since. It was a collection of poems written by Walt Whitman, a newer edition of the one that Sully had read once before. Some of the poems made her blush, but she couldn't help but read them once or twice more, marveling at the words written upon the page. He had written about love in the physical form, and it made Michaela uncomfortable, because it was something she had never experienced. But his words were so beautiful. He made the idea sound pure and wonderful.

She had just turned twenty-six, and it was the middle of February. Sully had been with them for a little over a month, and he was already like part of the family to Michaela, Josef and the Quinn sisters. Well, Marjorie and Rebecca enjoyed him. Maureen and Claudette were their usual high and mighty selves.

David had been coming around, and he had been pleasant and not overbearing at all. He was kind and had even come to Michaela's birthday party and not jumped in to dance at every chance he got. Michaela had noticed that Sully hadn't asked her to dance at all that night, but she had been relieved, because dancing with Sully would have been one of her many dreams come true. Literally! She seemed to dream about him more and more with each passing night. So if one of those dreams were fulfilled, what was to stop some of the others from being fulfilled too? Some of those things…well, they just couldn't happen.

Michaela sighed heavily, closing the book reluctantly. It was getting late, and she was burning the midnight oil. She turned her lamp down and crawled into bed, pulling her quilt up to her chin. She closed her eyes, and as always, Sully was the first person who came into her thoughts. He had been doing very well for himself lately. He had been hired at the hospital to do a few maintenance jobs, and he was very good with his hands. He was very smart and working hard, but the pay wasn't nearly as high as Michaela hoped it would be. He was making almost triple what he was making on the docks every week though. He had already started to pay rent to Josef, though Josef had insisted on him not doing so. But, Sully had insisted too, and Josef had finally given in. Sully had already managed to pay Michaela back for the suits she bought for him, though she hadn't wanted him to. But, she couldn't let him give up his pride. It was something he had wanted to do.

She felt bad, however, because he was stuck in Boston, a place she knew he didn't truly want to be. He had very little education, and though he was smart, that fact couldn't get him many jobs that he'd like or want. She knew he wasn't happy in Boston, though when they spent time together, he had a good time. He was still grieving over the loss of his parents, which was understandable, so Michaela would often have him talk about his parents and his past. He had been reluctant at first, but they had grown closer through all of their talks and strolls.

Throughout the month, Michaela learned that Sully had been reading about wildlife in the West and other things pertaining to the new frontier. He had expressed so much interest in traveling that it nearly broke Michaela's heart to see him working in the basement of an old hospital in Boston, when he clearly wanted to be somewhere else. He was almost an expert on nature, yet he'd never truly been there. She knew he was eager to get his feet in the frontier soil.

Michaela sighed heavily. She had an early shift tomorrow, so she really needed to get some sleep, but it seemed that sleep wasn't in the cards for her right now. She moved across the room, turned up the oil lamp, and sat back down at her desk. She opened up her diary and began to write. She wrote about everything and nothing; anything that came to her mind. By the time one o'clock rolled around, she had written three pages about how confused she was by her feelings for Sully. She'd written about how she wished that life were simpler, though if it were, it wouldn't leave any surprises.

She finally felt her eyes beginning to droop, so she locked up her diary, put it away and crawled back into bed. Soon, sleep overcame her, and she slept the rest of the night in peace.

Elizabeth woke up alone at almost two in the morning. Josef still wasn't home. He usually arrived home around midnight. She figured he'd probably gotten caught up in a surgery, but she didn't feel like going back to sleep alone. She pulled herself out of bed and slipped into a robe. When she lit an oil lamp and started down the stairs, she heard the front door opening. She met Josef in the foyer.

"Lizzie? What are you doing up?" he asked.

"You're home late," she replied. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, yes it's fine, Lizzie," he replied nervously. Elizabeth noticed a slip of paper in Josef's hands.

"Josef? What is that?" Josef swallowed hard. He started up the stairs silently, and Elizabeth followed with the lamp swinging in her hands. Once they were in their room, Josef sat down in a chair in front of the fireplace. The glow from the flames illuminated the paper. "For Heaven's sakes, Josef! Aren't you going to tell me what this is about?" Josef cleared his throat.

"I've been doing some inquiries for Sully," he explained. Elizabeth sighed with disappointment. This wasn't anything exciting like she'd hoped.

"Oh."

"Well, I got a reply back from a Welland Smith. He needs somebody to do surveying in the Colorado Territory." Elizabeth perked up right away.

"Oh really?" Josef gave her a look. He knew she'd be thrilled about it! "Well, it's a wonderful opportunity for him. Would he have to live out there?"

"Yes, Lizzie," he replied, knowing what she was getting at. Elizabeth's face brightened even more.

"Well, I think he'll take the job. He doesn't seem suited for Boston life anyway. You should tell him as soon as you see him tomorrow. As a matter of fact, you should tell him now!" Josef shook his head.

"Now Lizzie…"
"Josef?"

"I'll tell him at dinner tomorrow."

"You shouldn't wait!" Elizabeth replied.

"No. This way, we can all discuss it."

"What is there to discuss? It's ultimately his decision, and I'm sure he'll make the right choice." That's what Josef was afraid of. He'd grown to love having Sully around. Sully really was like the son he'd never had. But, it was more than that. Josef knew that Michaela and Sully had grown closer over the past month, and he saw something between the two of them that they probably hadn't yet. He knew they cared for one another, so it hurt to know that once Sully knew about this, the possibility for Michaela and Sully to realize their feelings for one another might be gone.

"Yes, Lizzie," he replied quietly. "I know."

The next evening, Sully was walking Michaela home from the hospital. The snow had melted, but there was still a bitter chill in the air. All Sully wanted to do was pull her close and keep her warm, but he didn't want to frighten her.

"What do you suppose father wants to talk to you about?" Michaela wondered. Josef had pulled Sully aside earlier and told him that he needed to talk to him at dinner that evening.

"I dunno. Maybe he's kickin' me out," Sully joked. Michaela rolled her eyes.

"Father wouldn't do that," she said quietly. "He enjoys having you here."

"I gotta say, stayin with your family has made bein' here better."
"You still don't like it here, do you?"

"Well, it ain't bad," he explained. "It just don't feel like the place I should stay for the rest of my life. That don't mean that once I leave I won't come back. I'll visit." Michaela smiled, loving the sound of that.

"You will?"

"Sure will," he replied. "I figure that I'll have to come visit my best friend."

"Best friend?" Michaela asked, a little surprised.

"I never had a friend like you before, Michaela. You're the best friend I ever had. You're the only friend who didn't leave." They turned the corner at Beacon Hill and started toward the Quinn house.

"Me too," Michaela admitted. "I was always too busy for friends when I was young. Perhaps that's why I was the black sheep all throughout my childhood." Sully exhaled slowly, and Michaela saw their hot breaths turning to fog in the dim evening haze and mixing together. She felt a chill run up her spine.

"Can't imagine you ever bein' the black sheep." They arrived in front of the Quinn house, and Michaela stopped to turn to Sully.

"I suppose I still am. I'm the only daughter that isn't married. I'm the only daughter who went to college. I'm the only daughter who works."

"I'd say that's your own business and nobody else's," Sully replied, seeing Michaela begin to shiver. He put his hands on her shoulders and gently rubbed her arms. She began to tremble even more, however, but not from the cold.

"In Boston, it's everybody's business. You'll be lucky to leave, Sully." It had pained her to say that. Then there was silence. The moonlight cast shadows underneath them, and the gap between them began to close. The snow began to fall, and Michaela could sense Sully leaning closer. A gasp caught in her throat, and she began to lean in, needing to feel his lips pressed against hers.

A noise from inside of the house startled them both, and they pulled away. Sully looked away, and Michaela decided to pretend that nothing had happened. They had just gotten caught up in the moment. Michaela walked into the house ahead of Sully, and he helped her with her coat in silence. Piano music was coming from the parlor, and Michaela knew it was her mother.

"Mother?" Michaela asked as she and Sully started into the parlor. The sweet music stopped abruptly, and Elizabeth stood from the playing bench.

"You're home. Good. Michaela, would you go freshen up for dinner? I would like to speak with Mr. Sully." Michaela glanced at Sully and he at her. "Please, my dear." Sully gave her a look as if to tell her it would be fine, and she slowly left the room and headed upstairs. Sully stared at Elizabeth for a few minutes, waiting for her to speak. She handed him a piece of paper, the same piece of paper that Josef had been holding last night. She saw back down at the bench and began to play a soft tune.

"What's this?" Sully asked, beginning to read over the words.

"My husband was going to inform you tonight, but I thought it would be best to tell you now to give you more time to make your decision, though I'm sure it won't be a hard one to make. He inquired about a few jobs for you, and a Mr. Welland Smith offered to bring you out to Colorado, pay you to stay and pay you to survey the land." Sully's throat went dry as he read his dream come true on the telegram.

"But, I ain't had experience out there."
"Keep reading, Mr. Sully. Josef told them about your readings and how eager you are to head West." Sully continued reading. Apparently, Mr. Smith wanted new blood to come out West and experience it. It was one of the best ways to get other societies to appreciate the beauty. If one man from the city could appreciate nature in its full glory, who was to say that more wouldn't? Sully couldn't believe it. He was actually being offered his dream job, and he had had no idea that Josef had been pulling so hard for him. "He wants new blood with a love of the land. Apparently, the wages are good." Sully nodded as he looked down at the figures on the telegram. That was a lot more money that he'd ever imagined he'd make. And somehow, it wasn't too good to be true.

"This is…this is somethin' else," he said with a smile on his lips and a glint in his eyes. Elizabeth looked pleased.

"Then I suggest you go as soon as possible! Tomorrow even." Sully stopped moving and only stared. Something was going on. He knew Elizabeth didn't like him, and now she was pushing this opportunity onto him. Elizabeth stopped playing and turned in her seat. Sully looked her right in the eye.

"Mrs. Quinn, I know ya don't like me very much. I've known for a long time now. Ya know where I come from and how much money I don't have. Ya know that my folks died, and my house got taken away. Ya know I ain't own anything of my own except for what your husband and daughter have been kind enough to give me. It takes a strong lady like you to put up with havin' a complete stranger in her house. It takes an even stronger lady like your daughter to care for somebody she don't know that well but get to know 'em anyway. I'm sure Michaela got a lot of that strength from you, Mrs. Quinn." Elizabeth looked away.

"Mr. Sully, it's as plain as day that you aren't cut out of the fabric that makes up Boston's society. Your heart belongs where Mr. Smith wants you to go. Colorado Springs." Sully was silent for a few moments. Finally, he cleared his throat and spoke.

"Mrs. Quinn, with all due respect, you're only trying to keep me from bein' around your daughter. Michaela's a grown woman. She's old enough to make choices for herself, and that includes the company she keeps."

"Don't presume to tell me about my daughter! You've known her for all of a month. I've known her for all of twenty six years!" Sully bit his tongue. He wanted to ask Elizabeth if she knew her daughter's favorite color, song or book. He wanted to know if he knew what brought tears to Michaela's eyes and what made her smile the brightest. He was sure she hadn't gotten to know her daughter well enough to know that. Her favorite color was azure blue, her favorite song was Amazing Grace, her favorite book was the book of poems by Walt Whitman. Anything from the sweetest word to the saddest tragedy brought tears to Michaela's eyes. A compliment after a long day brought the brightest smile to Michaela's face. Oh, Sully knew Michaela well enough to be able to tell what she was thinking on some occasions. He felt as if he had known her for a lifetime, yet other times, it was as if they were complete strangers, and her thoughts were completely unintelligible to him.

"Look, Mrs. Quinn, I know ya don't think I'm suitable to spend time with your daughter. Maybe I ain't. But we enjoy talkin' and walkin' together. I like hearin' all 'bout her work as a doctor, and she likes hearin' 'bout how I grew up. She saved my life, and she's the best friend I ever had. I never met anybody like her before. I care about her a lot." Elizabeth sighed heavily and shook her head.

"Mr. Sully, this is all very heartfelt, but…"

"I ain't askin' for your approval, ma'am, 'cause I know I ain't even gonna get it. I just want ya to know that ya don't have to worry. I'd never hurt Michaela. I care too much about her to ever wanna cause her to hurt." Elizabeth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she was staring directly into Sully's azure eyes.

"If that's true, then you'll go. You'll let her be free to live a comfortable life without having to worry about you." She paused. "What do you have to offer her?" Without thinking, Sully said too much.

"I ain't got much, but I've got my heart." He and Elizabeth were both stunned. Elizabeth wasn't sure if he had just admitted to being in love with her daughter, or if he only mean that he had a good heart to offer to his friend when she needed someone to talk to. Somehow, she expected it wasn't the latter.

"A marriage is about much more than love, Mr. Sully. It's about the right match. It takes time and patience and a lot of practice. But this day in age, it also takes money." She made sure to stress the last word. Even with such a good pay from Welland Smith, he'd still never have enough money to match the Quinn family. He didn't want to match them. He only wanted to be able to get by from day to day and not have to struggle to survive.

Elizabeth stalked out of the parlor, and Sully sat down slowly in front of the fireplace. He couldn't believe what he'd said to her. He'd actually told Elizabeth he had his heart to offer Michaela. How could he have been so foolish? He had meant it, though. He'd spoke the truth from the bottom of his heart. Truer words hadn't been spoken in a long time. There was no kidding himself now; no denying it. He was in love with Michaela.

Dinner was quiet that night. Elizabeth had pulled Josef aside before dinner and told him that she'd already informed Sully of the job offer, and she knew he was considering it. Josef saw no reason in being or staying angry, because what was done was done. Michaela was still in the dark about the entire situation, and Josef felt it was best for Sully to tell her on his own once he made his decision.

Michaela couldn't stand the silence. She noticed her mothers staring down at the plate of food. For once, she wished her sisters, yes, all of them, were there to bring some conversation to the table. Finally, Michaela cleared her throat.

"Father, didn't you need to speak with Sully?" Josef looked caught off guard, and Sully quickly reached for a glass of water.

"Uh, no my dear. I didn't need to speak with him after all." Michaela looked back and forth between her father and Sully. She looked at her mother who continued to push the food around her plate with her fork. That certainly wasn't like Elizabeth. She had something on her mind. Michaela hated being left in the dark, but she saw that she obviously had no choice this time.

David Lewis sat in bed with a book in his hands. Oh, this book was no ordinary book. It was a journal he'd written in over the years. He'd been writing and thinking of Michaela for so long. The picture of her face was permanently emblazoned in his mind.

He turned the oil lamp up to give himself more light, and he began to read his latest entry aloud. He closed his eyes, reciting it by memory. He'd been thinking of what to say for so long, and the words had flowed from his mind to his pages as if he'd been writing forever.

"She looks at me, and I know she still cares," he began. "She still uses the same perfume and soap as she used when we courted. God, I imagine her skin tastes as sweet as honey, and her kisses are as soft as rose petals. I miss her. I want to feel her in my arms. I want to taste her flesh and hear her tell me she loves me. I need her. I need her love and her body. I'm addicted to her, and I can't get enough. I want to hurt her. I want to bruise her perfect flesh. I want her to hurt the way she hurt my heart. I want to watch her cry and know I brought those tears to her eyes. Leaving her was the hardest thing I ever had to do. She should have chosen me. I could have made her happy. She needs to pay. She needs to be with me. I know it's improper of me to have these thoughts, but I need to feel her in my arms. I need her to feel me inside of her. I need to hear her calling my name as we make love. Oh God, I need everything about her. I can't get enough of her. I'll make that rouge come to her cheeks. I'll make her smile for me and only me. I'll be everything to her. Soon. I'll have everything I've ever wanted and more. Michaela will be my wife, my lover…my soul mate. She won't push me away forever. I'll make her love me." David closed his journal and slowly took the patch off of his eye. His damaged eye throbbed in pain, but he didn't care. The pain wasn't as bad as the pain he felt in his heart. He needed Michaela. He needed her soon. Soon wasn't good enough. He needed her now.

David moved away from the bed, turning his back to the light and walking toward the window. He looked over the city and toward Beacon Hill. There was her house. There was her bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of firelight and the light from an oil lamp. She was mostly likely reading. He swallowed hard, thinking of how many nights he'd stood below her window, hoping to catch a glimpse of her beautiful hair, her creamy white skin… His heart began to race, and he felt his emotions overpowering him. Just the thought of her drove him wild. He needed release. He needed Michaela.

Michaela finished another five poems in the Whitman book, and she smiled, satisfied with her reading for the evening. She wanted to check on Sully, because she was curious to know what conversation he'd had with her mother. But, she knew that it wasn't the time. He'd tell her tomorrow. She hoped he would. She hoped he felt he could tell her anything, even if it was about her mother.

She moved toward her window. The room was growing warm, so she threw open the windows and stuck her head out into the cold winter air. She turned to the side a little, seeing Sully's bedroom window just a few windows away. The light was still bright. Oh, she wished to talk to him now, but she didn't want to disturb him. Besides, it wasn't proper to go to his room like that in the middle of the night.

She sighed and shut the windows. She moved toward the bed and sat down upon the covers. She threw off her robe, and her body appreciated the coolness that hung in the air after opening the window. She knew the fire in the hearth would heat it again soon. She yawned, feeling her body reacting to the stressful day she had had. She crawled under the covers, turned down her lamps and rested against her pillow. She smiled, thinking about the near-kiss she'd shared with Sully. They had come so close to kissing for the very first time, and somehow, it didn't frighten her anymore.

She heard movement from down the hall, so she slowly pulled herself out of bed. She slipped into her robe and wandered out into the darkness. She could see light coming from Sully's room, and she nervously bit her bottom lip. She crept down the hall and heard talking. He was talking. To himself? She didn't think so.

She pressed her hear more firmly against the door, and she could hear his voice was low and tired. She slowly turned the knob and opened the door just a bit. His words flooded out into the hall. He was reading a poem. The words sounded so familiar, and then it dawned on her. He was reading the last poem she'd read in the Whitman book before she closed it up for the night. She closed her eyes and leaned against the wall in the hallway. She listened to his sweet voice carry the words from his lips to her heart.

Soon, his lamp went out and the room was quiet. She slowly closed the crack in the door, waited a few more minutes to make sure she hadn't disturbed him, and she started back down the hall to her room, her heart feeling light with happiness.