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Xander could think of no reason why he had failed to tell Faith and Dawn that the First had managed to attack him physically. It wasn't that it simply hadn't come up: it was vital news; it should have been the first thing out of his mouth to someone the next day.
But he kept quiet.
The possibilities that the First had suggested had spooked him. Badly. What if he was the one who sold them all out? It seemed to be intimating that he would be working for it sooner or later.
'What did it mean when it said I had a long way to go?'
"Heya, X." Faith sat down next to him on the porch.
"Faith." Xander didn't look at her. "Does Wood know you're out here?"
"He doesn't own me." Faith snapped, then added, "Yeah, he does. Told me... asked me... to see what was bothering you."
He gave her a disbelieving glance. "You know what's bothering me."
Faith sounded intensely miserable at that moment. "Yeah." After several seconds of silence, she continued, "Am I gonna have to hold this conversation afloat?"
"Guess so."
"Funny." Faith's tone clearly said she found it anything but funny.
"I thought so."
There was silence for a few seconds, the two of them staring at nothing in particular, then Xander asked quietly, "How's Dawn?"
"Takin' it hard. She's never been too keen on B's choice of bed-buddies. Fine as friends, lousy as lovers, in her view."
"In mine, too. Although I wouldn't even say 'friend'."
"Yeah."
"Will she be OK?" Pure Xander: worried for others before and above himself. That was all there was to it.
"Guess so."
"Will you?"
"Ask me later." Faith looked at the sky for a moment. "Like when I've put down about a dozen bottles..."
"That's not the answer to anything, Faith, and besides, I was asking now."
Faith sighed. "Yeah, I guess I'll be alright. The big question, though, is you. Will you?"
"Be what?"
"All right."
"All right?"
"Yeah."
"Guess so." Xander shrugged.
"Oh, so now you're me?"
"No."
More silence. It was that uneasy sort of silence. Where it could go either way.
"How could the First do that?" Both knew what Faith's question was about. It wasn't hard. How could they have been so stupid as to not think of the possibility that the First Evil could influence the physical world? Whether it used a lot of power to do as such, or very little mattered not a jot: it could do it, and therefore it was a problem.
"Dunno."
"Do you have an idea?"
Faith stretched. "Yeah, I got an idea or two on the subject."
"Enlighten me."
"Right. It only showed the Wicked Witch of the West all veiny, right?"
"Yeah."
"So... it can take the appearance of dead people and those that have at some time welcomed it into... I dunno... their hearts?"
"You have a heart?" Xander's question was only half joking.
"Guess so, X." Faith's tone was half-heartedly teasing, but her eyes were not.
"And what do you mean by 'it'?" Xander frowned.
"You know... the darkness. If you were bad, you welcomed evil into your heart to do it. I know I did. Revelled in it." Faith sounded ashamed and horrified at the revelation. "I'm betting when Red went all veiny, she did too."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. So... dead people, people that have died and been resuscitated, and those who are evil. Great. Who else?"
"Hopefully, stud, no one else..."
Xander slumped. "It was a shock, you know."
"What was?"
"Seeing two of you there... one trying to reform, and one revelling in the darkness. It was weird."
"How do you think I felt?"
"After you hit that wall? Probably nauseous." He smiled, but it was a sick and pathetic effort, a poor attempt at injecting some humour into the situation. Then he paused. "I still think you should go get checked out for a concussion."
"Ain't gonna happen, X. I'll be fine by tomorrow... and I don't wanna risk all the people that'll be in the hospital – there are still a few. Not many, but a few: the people who are still too ill to be moved. Bringers or Turok's'll try for me if I'm vulnerable."
"Good thinking." Neither Xander nor Faith could tell if he was being sarcastic or not.
"Doesn't mean you have to like it, right?"
"Nope."
"So... yeah. The First. It got physical, did it?"
"Yeah."
"What'd it do?" Faith's tone was concerned. "I mean, if you wanna tell me."
"Punched me in the gut without moving."
"You OK?"
There was silence for a few seconds as Xander thought. Finally, he replied, "...Yeah."
"Must have done a number on you."
"It did."
"Want to talk about it?"
"Nope."
"I'm not giving you a choice, here, X. Talk about it. Or I'll get Dawn Patrol to break out the puppy dog eyes."
"That's cheating."
"I know." The grin could be heard in the voice despite neither of them looking at the other.
There was silence for a little longer, and Faith spoke again. "Still don't want to talk about it?"
"Nope."
"Fine, be that way..." Faith turned slightly, and hollered into the house. "Dawn!"
Dawn appeared a few seconds later. "Yeah, F?"
"Don't do that, Baby B. She'll accuse me of corrupting you."
"And you haven't?"
Faith grinned. "No. Not yet, anyway. Give me some time, I'll get there eventually."
Dawn sat down between Xander and Faith, making both of them shuffle away to the sides a bit more to give her more room. "You wanted something?"
"Yeah, Baby B. Break out the puppy dog eyes on X over there."
"Don't, Dawn." Xander's voice was tired. "Y'know, Faith, I never thought you'd actually live up to the threat. You want me to tell you, fine. It'll be less painful for... well, me." He sighed. "I should have never taught you the 'eyes' Dawn."
Dawn leaned in to Xander, giving him the full effect of the 'eyes'. "Oh, but I'm so glad you did..."
Faith snickered at Xander's discomfort.
"The First..." Xander started, then stopped, unsure.
"Yeah?" Dawn and Faith spoke at the same time.
"...it... kinda hinted that I would be helping it. I dunno. Like I'd do something that aided it. Or that it corrupted me. Or something. I dunno." He sighed again. "I just don't know..."
"Hey, X..." Faith reached across to slug him gently in the shoulder. "That thing messes with all our heads. Don't let it get to you. Seriously. You helped me when it had me in its sights... I'm gonna help you."
"Yeah, Xand." Dawn agreed, "Don't let it get to you."
"It's not that simple." Xander sighed. "What if..."
"What if you get run over by a car? What if you got Turned by some nameless vamp on a routine patrol?" Faith snapped. She was now on her feet, looming over the still seated Xander with her hands on her hips. "If you live by 'what ifs' you'll never live. Everyone has some doubt in them. It's natural!"
Dawn hugged Xander. "Yeah. What F said."
Faith put her head in her hands and she sunk to her knees on the pathway. "Oh, jeez... look at me... now I'm the one being the voice of reason! What'll happen next? I get a cheque in the mail 'cause I won the lottery?"
Xander and Dawn both seemed to find this incredibly funny. Minutes later, with Faith scowling at them, they were still laughing.
Then Faith joined in too. Soon, all three were clutching their sides because they ached from the almost manic laughing.
The human spirit is an incredible thing.
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Continued in Part 3
The next part is quite a bit longer than this one. Oh, and a review would be great. :-)