Chapter Eight

David walked the halls of the hospital, eagerly awaiting Michaela's arrival. He couldn't wait to see her, and thoughts of his journal entry the night before flashed through his mind. Did she have the same thoughts about him, or was all of her energy saved for Sully? Sully wasn't good enough for her, David thought. She deserved to have everything, and what could Sully give her? He had no money.

He pulled his pocket watch out and opened the cover. Inside, he stared at a beautiful photo of the woman he loved. She had been a young woman of eighteen when that photo was taken. She'd been smiling, but she wasn't smiling for him. Had she ever truly been happy with him? He didn't know, but he wanted to make things right. He wanted to prove that he was right. She was meant to be with him. She was supposed to be his and only his.

A young nurse named Lydia stepped out into the hall. She watched him for a moment, taking in his features. He was handsome enough, but there was something cold about him. She hadn't seen that coldness until the night before last when he'd left her home after dinner; after he'd had his desserts.

"Dr. Lewis? You're wanted in surgery," she said with an apprehensive smile as she stepped closer to him. Dr. Lewis could certainly charm the nurses at the hospital, and he'd spent many of his nights with some of them. Lydia was the latest young woman on his charm list. But, none of those nights could take his mind away from Michaela. She was perfect. She was his. Lydia was a current distraction. Perhaps he should have been clear about that.

"Thank you," he said, shoving his solid silver watch back into his pocket. He brushed past the nurse, and all the while, he thought of his past with Michaela. They'd met when they were young, but they hadn't started courting until Michaela was seventeen. Seventeen. She'd been so young and innocent. She still was. He still remembered the night they had started courting…

"David?" Michaela asked as they walked along the banks of the River Charles. They'd just come from her seventeenth birthday party, and her parents had trusted him enough to take her on a stroll. They'd gone further than Michaela had expected, and she secretly wished to get back to her home on Beacon Hill.

"Michaela, we're friends, aren't we?"

"Of course, David. We're very good friends," Michaela said, her voice light and soft like an angel's.

"We've known each other for…how long now?" Michaela giggled.

"I'm not sure, David. What are you getting at?" Her chestnut color hair glowed auburn in the moonlight. David looked as if he had stars in his eyes. "David?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking. About us."

"What about us?" Michaela wondered, paying more attention to the soft soil underneath her feet. David finally stopped and turned, putting his hands on her shoulders. She didn't like that, but she knew he got a little overzealous sometimes. He'd never harmed her. He was as gentle as a deer. "David?"
"I care about you, Michaela Quinn," he said softly. "More than that…I love you."

"David…"

"Hear me out," David said softly, moving to take her hands in his. Michaela looked into his eyes. He had beautiful dark brown eyes, but something about him seemed closed off. She didn't feel like she could see into his soul. She couldn't read him. But, he was sweet enough.

"Go on."

"I've asked your parents' permission. I'd like…I'd like for us to start courting." Courting? Had he actually just said that word? Courting was much more than friendship, and that had been all Michaela had ever been prepared herself for with him. She'd never courted with someone before. She didn't know what to do.

"Courting?" Michaela asked softly.

"Yes," he whispered. "Oh, Michaela, we could be so happy together. I want you to be happy." How was he to know that he would make her happy? "I love you."

"I don't know what to say," she whispered, looking down into the sparkling waters of the river. She paused, watching the moon's reflection ripple and jump.

"Say yes," he whispered. "Say yes, Michaela." Michaela looked up at him. What was she to do? He had been a wonderful friend and colleague. She was starting college, and in just a couple of years, she would be going to medical school, hopefully. He had been an excellent help to her. He discussed cases with her, and she was making diagnoses without any significant training. He had been so supportive of her, and at that very moment, she couldn't think of another man besides her father who had indulged her interest in the medical world. Any man who could accept her as she was had to be the right man, right? It wasn't as if men were lining up to court her. Perhaps they would have if she weren't so…so smart. David seemed like a safe choice in a partner, so why not?

"Yes," she whispered, swallowing hard. She was nervous, and she felt even more awkward as David's arms pulled her close, and he prepared to kiss her for the first time. She wasn't ready, but before she could protest, his lips were moving over hers, and she was trying to enjoy it. It was awkward, her first kiss, and she wasn't quite sure she liked it. His kisses were rough and almost selfish. But, she'd never kissed a man before, so how was she to know they were supposed to be any different?

David's mouth overtook hers more and more, and soon, Michaela pulled away, her lips swollen and aching. She had tears in her eyes, but not from happiness. She was shocked, but when she looked into David's eyes, he seemed to be so kind and loving, and she knew he cared. She knew he loved her. She would learn to love him. She had to!

But she never did, and David knew it. But, he'd make her see that she loved him. He'd open her heart up to him one way or another.

"Dr. Lewis?" Lydia asked quietly, her cheeks flushing red. "Are you coming?" David nodded, not giving Lydia another glance, and he left her behind like yesterday's porridge. She watched after him, knowing he didn't care for her. He'd told her those things to make her think he cared. She knew he didn't, and now all she felt was dirty.Lydia Grayson hated herself now. She couldn't believe what she'd done…with him.

Josef had left for the hospital already, Elizabeth was at a winter flower show with her lady friends, and Michaela was eating breakfast alone. Sully hadn't come down that morning, and either he had slept in or he was running late. The house was too quiet. Martha was sweeping out the kitchen, and Harrison was replacing the logs in each bedroom fireplace.

Michaela sighed and drank the rest of her glass of milk. She and Sully both had to leave for the hospital soon, and Sully needed the pay. So, she climbed the stairs and started toward his bedroom. Surprisingly, his bedroom door was wide open. She peered in to see him sitting on the edge of his bed with a piece of paper in his hands.

"Sully?" Michaela asked softly, rapping on the open door with her knuckles. Sully looked up, and she saw the tired look in his eyes. She wasn't quite sure if he'd slept at all the night before. So, she quickly moved across the room and pulled a chair up across from where Sully was seated. "Are you feeling ill?"

"I'm fine," he assured her. "Just a little tired."

"You look like you haven't slept."

"I don't think I did," he replied quietly, staring down at the paper.

"What's going on, Sully?" Michaela asked, moving to take the paper from him. Was it bad news? Sully pulled away. "Sully?"

"Sorry, Michaela," he said quietly. He swallowed hard. "This is what your pa wanted to talk to me about yesterday. Your ma got to me first though." He looked down at the telegram. He'd read the words over and over again at least two hundred times, but it still didn't feel real.

"What's this about?"

"Your pa was puttin' in a good word for me, and some fella named Welland Smith decided to hire me to do survey work."
"Sully! That's wonderful!" Michaela beamed.

"The pay's good, and he's willin' to pay me to live out there." Out there? Where was out there? Michaela suddenly felt a little unbalanced.

"Out where?" Michaela asked curiously. Sully swallowed hard.

"Out to the Colorado Territory," Sully replied. "Right out to Colorado Springs." Michaela couldn't help but feel a little nervous. She knew Abagail Bray was engaged, but that didn't mean that every woman in the west was!

"Why did mother tell you first?" Michaela asked. Sully gave her a look, and she figured it out right away. Of course Elizabeth would say something first! She wanted Sully gone and out of her daughter's life for good! "Sully, what did she say to you?"

"It ain't important," he replied quietly. "Don't worry 'bout it. Your ma speaks her opinions just like you do."

"But my mother doesn't know how to be tactful," Michaela reminded him. Sully was silent. "Please, tell me." Sully sighed heavily.

"Well, she used a lot of words," Sully said with a dry laugh. "But, she pretty much let me know that she thinks I'm not good enough to be here; not good enough to be your friend." Michaela closed her eyes and let an exasperated sigh escape her lips.

"Mother doesn't know what she's talking about. Sully, I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I choose who I want to spend time with, and if mother doesn't approve…" Sully grimaced. "What?"

"I told her I wasn't lookin' for her approval." Michaela let out a small laugh. She was actually glad he had!

"I'm sure she was thrilled," she teased. "Sully, please don't take my mother seriously. She's only thinking about what's best for her. Really." Sully nodded, unconvinced. Michaela gently touched Sully's cheek, making him look into her eyes. "Don't let anyone influence this decision for you, Sully. I mean it. Not anyone. Only you can decide what's best for you."

"I know that, Michaela. I just…it's so sudden."

"I know. But he seems to truly be interested in hiring you. Sully, this is your dream. You'll be going to the place you've been dreaming about since you were a child." Those words spoke to his heart. God, she knew him so well. They'd gotten to know one another, and now it seemed strange that they'd be having to say goodbye if he took this job.

"This is somethin' I want," he replied. He couldn't exactly tell her he didn't want to take the job, because leaving her would be hard. He couldn't frighten her like that. But it was true. The thought of being away from her was painful! Michaela searched for her next words, finding it hard to tell him to go when she wanted him to stay.

"Then you should do this." She swallowed hard. "If you don't, you might regret it for the rest of your life. Think about it." Michaela left his room after that, and when she retreated into the hallway, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. How was she supposed to say goodbye to him? Over the past month, she'd gone from telling her heart that they couldn't be more than friends to yearning for him with every breath she took. She loved him, and what was more painful was that he might have to leave before she was ready to tell him.

David dried off his clean hands after the surgery that had lasted four hours. The patient survived, barely, and David's work was done. He wasn't surprised to find Lydia lingering in the hallway waiting for him.

"Don't you have rounds to make?" he asked her, starting off ahead of her. Lydia stared at him incredulously.

"Dr. Lewis…David, we need to talk about this!" David turned around sharply and stared into her eyes.

"There's nothing to discuss. Don't worry. You'll get your money, Ms. Grayson."

"Why so formal, David? You used me," she whispered under her breath. "Why?" David chuckled.

"I never told you I wanted something permanent did I?" he asked. She meekly shook her head. "Good. Now, I promised you I'd give you anything you want. You have a mother who's ill, correct?" Lydia nodded.

"Now you'll have the money to get her fair treatment." He started to walk away again.

"David! Don't walk away from me." David turned angrily and charged toward her. Frightened, she took a few steps back.

"Never call me that," he said angrily. "I'm Dr. Lewis…your superior…and I expect to be treated that way!" Lydia was trembling. He'd told her she was beautiful. He had told her that if she submitted to him, he'd give her what she needed. He'd told her that if she didn't, he'd make sure her job was terminated. If that happened, the meager amount of care she could provide for her mother would surely lessen, and her mother would die. She'd been backed into a corner, and she felt horrible. "Don't worry, Lydia. I'll hold up my end of the bargain."
"Bargain?" she asked. "Dr. Lewis, I had no other choice." It was true. She hadn't. He'd been her boss, really, and he'd told her he needed her and desired her. After their time together, David had grown distant and said that he'd give her anything she wanted if she kept quiet. It wouldn't have looked good for a doctor and a nurse to be living in sin together. She wanted to scream out to the entire world how despicable this man was, but she felt that she was just as horrible for letting herself be paid off. She wanted to let

"There's always a choice."

"You're…you're a…" She couldn't finish the sentence. He walked away, and she broke down into tears, slumping down onto the floor, hoping nobody would see her. She just wanted to disappear.

At the end of the day, Michaela was relieved to be home. She had retired early and slipped into a hot bath. Now, she was soaking in the tub, as her body lay submerged in the soapy white water. Her entire body was so relaxed, and it felt nice after such a stressful day. She sighed, dunking her head under the water and closing her eyes, feeling the warm water massage her scalp and drench her hair.

First, she'd heard the news that Sully had been given a job offer. Second, she'd lost a patient in surgery that morning. After that, she'd felt David staring at her all day, and it had bothered her. She was beginning to wonder how a renewed friendship between the two of them could work if he was always looking at her in that way.

She sighed, and the water bubbled up from her mouth. She pulled her head up above water, and she rubbed the soap out of her eyes. Her hands moved to smooth back her hair, and she sat still for a few minutes, listening to the calming effect of the water lapping at her skin. It wasn't long before she heard two male voices in the hall. She slowly climbed out of the copper tub, wrung her fists through her hair to remove the excess water, and she wrapped her body in a robe. Her damp feet padded across the cold floor, and she pressed her ear against the locked door. She could clearly make out the voices. Sully and Josef were conversing in the hall.

"Son, you need to be sure this is what you want to do," Josef explained with a warning tone. They were obviously talking about Sully's job offer. "Personally, I think it's a great opportunity for you. You could see the part of the world you've always wanted to see. But, you shouldn't let my wife's words sway you in any way. Whatever she had been in such a hurry to say to you that forced her to tell you about this before me must have had a lasting impression on you." There was silence for a moment, and Michaela was very curious now.

"I still need time to think," Sully said uncertainly. Michaela couldn't help but wonder if the only reason he was considering staying was because of her. She wanted him to stay, but not just for that one reason. She wanted him to stay out of wanting to stay. She didn't want him to feel torn, so she truly hoped his heart would make the decision it was supposed to make.

"I trust you'll make the right decision." The voices stopped, and doors shut. Michaela kept hearing Josef's words ringing in her head and telling Sully not to let Elizabeth's words affect his judgment. She had to know. It was time to confront Mother.

Michaela made her way into her room, slipped into a nightgown and pulled a dry robe around herself. She tied it tightly and started down to the end of the hall. Elizabeth had her own private study, but she mostly read books on how to get her youngest daughter married. Of course, Michaela had given up on telling her it wasn't going to work a very long time ago.

She didn't bother to knock when she turned the knob and threw the door open. She stepped in and quietly shut the door.

"Michaela? What on Earth?" Elizabeth asked quietly.

"What did you say to Sully yesterday?" she asked, moving to stand beside her mother's chair.

"What?"

"When you told him about the job offer!" Michaela insisted. "What did you say to him?"

"I don't think that's any of your business, Michaela."

"Oh, I beg to differ. Something obviously upset him, though he's trying not to let it show."

"He's a man, my dear. He'll get over it."

"Oh stop it, mother! You're trying to immerse yourself in a fantasy world where only the men are strong, and the women are the ones who are supposed to be…"

"Stop. You're crossing the line with me, young lady." Michaela hated when her mother called her that. She wasn't a child, and she would rather not be treated as one!

"I'll leave this be after tonight if you'll tell me what you said to him. What was discussed?"

"Why don't you ask him yourself?" Michaela swallowed hard and took a seat near her mother's chair.

"Sully's too kind to say anything that might reflect poorly on you. He respects you even if you don't respect him." Elizabeth finally decided she'd had enough of this banter back and forth with her daughter.

"You truly want to know?"

"Yes," Michaela replied with exasperation in her tone.

"Fine." Elizabeth cleared her throat and turned to look her daughter in the eyes. "I told him he should take the job. I insisted he should, and that's because I know he's not good enough for you." Michaela went to protest, but Elizabeth held a hand up to silence her. "I told him he wasn't suited for life in Boston and that he should pursue his dream of going west." Elizabeth hesitated.

"Mother? What aren't you telling me?"

"Do you honestly want me to tell you?" Michaela stood to walk away. "Sit down, Michaela. Sit down, and I'll tell you everything." Michaela lowered herself back into her seat. "He's in love with you." Surprisingly, the words didn't hit Michaela like a ton of bricks. She was surprised to hear them, yes, but at the same time, it was something she already knew but had never realized.

"Excuse me?"

"He's in love with you."

"He…he told you this?"

"Not in so many words," Elizabeth replied. "He started rambling on about how he knew I didn't think he was suitable, and when I finally asked him what he had to offer you…"

"Yes?"

"He told me he had his heart." Michaela's breath caught in her throat. Her mother wasn't lying. She wouldn't lie about this. Suddenly, Michaela felt as if she couldn't breathe. Elizabeth glanced at her. "Michaela? Michaela, are you listening to me?"

"What…what else did you say to him?" Michaela choked out.

"I told him that if he cared about you, he'd leave and let you live your own life and not have to worry about him. I told him that a marriage wasn't just about love. It was about money...and…"

"How could you?" Michaela asked, standing angrily.

"Michaela, I'm only thinking of what's best for you!" Elizabeth insisted for the millionth time in Michaela's lifetime. Michaela shook her head and bolted toward the door.

"I'll thank you to stay out of my affairs." She left the room, hoping she wouldn't disturb the rest of the household, and she escaped into her room. She moved toward her desk and pulled out her diary. She began to write and write until her anger had subsided, and then all that was left was exhaustion.

But, before she could go to sleep, a knock came to her door. Thinking it was her mother, she swallowed the anger that was rising up again.

"Come in." The door opened, and Sully poked his head in.

"You sure?"

"Yes," she replied, breathing a sigh of relief at seeing his face. "Please." Sully moved in, keeping himself a good distance away from Michaela. His hand was still on the doorknob. He looked as if he was holding himself back. "Sully?"

"There's somethin' I need to tell ya." Michaela prepared herself, her mother's words echoing through her mind. Sully loved her. Sully was in love with her. He could offer her his heart. Oh she loved him too, but how could she tell him? How could he tell her? "I made a decision about the job." Michaela only nodded. Her throat was too dry for her to speak. "I thought about what ya said. I thought about what your pa said. I decided that I'm gonna take the job." Michaela felt her heart break a little bit.

"You're sure that's what you want to do?" Sully nodded.

"I've been sure my whole life. It's just gonna be hard leavin'…leavin' everything behind here. I know Boston ain't my favorite place, but it's become home here. Stayin' with you and your family…well, it's been an enlightenin' experience." Michaela grinned. "I feel like I've overstayed my welcome."

"No," Michaela said, shaking her head. "Sully, you're always welcome here." She stood from her seat and moved closer to him. "Having you here has been a wonderful experience. I've found a friend that I can count on to be there to talk to when I need him." Sully felt guilty that he wouldn't be there anymore. "But, you're doing what you have to do, and I know we'll see one another again. We'll write. You will write, won't you?" Sully chuckled.

"Sure will," he said with a chuckle.

"When do you have to leave?" Michaela asked, trying to hide her disappointment.

"Two weeks," he said softly. Michaela felt her heart fall. She was devastated, even though she had expected him to say something outrageous like he was leaving the next day. Michaela bit back the tears.

"That doesn't give you much time then," she said quietly. "You should start making plans right away." He nodded, trying to read her. He knew she wasn't taking this well, and if he was a betting man, he would have bet all of the money he owned that she would cry as soon as he left. He didn't want to think about that though. He didn't want to think about her being sad. His heart was breaking. How could he say goodbye to her when he'd just realized his love for her?

He turned toward the door, but he wasn't finished yet. He turned back to look into her eyes.

"Would ya join me for dinner tomorrow night? To celebrate?" His voice cracked a little with that last word. Michaela smiled positively and nodded her head.

"I'd love to," she whispered softly. Before Sully could get another word, Michaela stifled a fake yawn. "We have to be at the hospital early tomorrow, Sully. I think we'd both better get some sleep." Sully nodded slowly and left her in her room to sleep. Walking away was hard, especially because he knew that was exactly what he would have to do in two weeks. But he did walk away, and Michaela shut her door after him, and she moved toward her bed slowly, not quite knowing if her feet were functioning at that moment. She felt like she was losing her best friend. Well, she was! He was going away, and she really wasn't quite sure if once he left he'd ever come back.