"Happy birthday dear Heero," Duo sang the words softly under his breath and glanced across the room where the other pilots were already seated. It was a nice restaurant, Heero hadn't wanted a party. So they were here and Duo had yet to make his entrance. Taking a friends advice he had gotten flowers, something simple and classic. He had nicked them from Quatre's garden, I mean like he's going to notice?

That damn movie was also with him, wrapped in plain brown paper and with it was a little card he had drawn himself. So it wasn't the perfect gift, it was better than nothing right? Once more he considered just blowing off the birthday instead of taking the risk of becoming the fool in Heero's eyes. Hmm, never mind, he already thinks of me as a fool.

The only thing he felt sure of was the card, he had taken hours laboring over it and he loved how it had turned out. It was simple, with a chibi Duo hugging a similarly shrunken Heero on the cover and the words Happy birthday buddy on the inside. It shouldn't have taken as long as it did but he had taken extra care in inking and coloring the picture and in making sure the words were straight. Heero would like the picture, he knew it. Heero had taken to squirreling away any picture he drew and left lying around recently, that must mean he liked them, right?

Duo was dressed to impress and for the first time in his life he felt self-conscious about his appearance. Would Heero like the clothes he had picked out? The longer he stood there the sillier he felt. What was he thinking wearing the black silk shirt that exposed a triangle of his chest or the new blue jeans that were a little too tight? He must look like an idiot in the trench coat and those leather boots that made him tall enough to look Heero in the eye.

Okay that's it, I'm leaving. I can't take the stress. For another moment Duo stared at the others before turning and walking out of the restaurant. No one noticed. Once he was outside he gasped in relief, just standing in the very, very cold air and watching cars go by on the main road through this dingy little town. His breath left frost before him when he sighed and wrapped the dark blue trench coat tighter around him, finally giving in and buttoning it up even though it restricted his movement.

Before walking away he glanced up at the red Sheri's sign that highlighted him painfully. An old thought came to him and he muttered, "I run and hide," He didn't finish it. There was no point. So what if he didn't lie? He was running from the person most important in the world, because he was too worried about what to say, about what to do.

But he couldn't do it, he wasn't brave enough. So he walked away, back towards home. It was a long way but he didn't care. Even though it was longer he walked to the street then up to cross the street instead of using the crosswalk in front of Sheri's. They would have been able to see him from the window.

Each step was like was another little needle being pushed through his heart, if the pain didn't stop soon he'd go insane. All he wanted was to be in quiet solitude, to hate himself and maybe Heero a little bit too. Hate was better than love; it didn't hurt as much. But it wouldn't be quiet around him, cars roared by, his heart screamed at him and as hard as he tried, he couldn't blame or hate Heero. What had he ever done but have a birthday.

It's not his fault I fell in love with him. He doesn't even know and it'll stay that way until I get the courage to say something; which, knowing me, will probably be the day after the twelfth of never.

Not for the first time in his life he contemplated suicide. At least he would stop hurting, but he knew he never would. Some people might say it was because he didn't want to hurt the ones he loved, the ones he'd leave behind. But I know the truth, he thought wryly. I'm not going to kill myself because I'm too much of a coward. If I wasn't I'd have taken the easy way out years ago.

Duo stopped and stood very still, eye clenched shut against the fiery tears that tried to escape. Despite himself they wriggled free and slip down his cheeks, very painfully hot and icy the next instant. The two roses in his hand were almost bent in half by now but he just couldn't let them go.

How could he, how dare he hope that Heero like him? The man was as straight as an arrow and even if he weren't, Duo wouldn't rate his attention. He was plain, boring. He wasn't strong, he wasn't smart, and goddamn it he wasn't even the cheerful person everyone saw! Long ago he had found a mask and slipped it on, one that made the people around him happier. Ever since he had kept it on, so no one would see, no one would judge.

I don't want them to worry. Taking a deep breath he scrubbed away the tears and spent a moment staring into the stars. You don't have the right to worry them. But I just wish………

That they would see me.

Why the hell am I walking away, Heero expects me to say happy birthday to him! Duo snapped into his smile and turned back to the restaurant. He could say happy birthday to him and he wouldn't even cry. He could smile, he could face Heero. All he had to do was keep telling himself that there was no reason to get so upset over Heero. The simple fact was the man didn't love him and wouldn't love him.

In a depressing way it made this so much easier. I'm not worth loving, and he deserves better than me. That was all it took.

With a big genuine looking smile on his face he almost skipped back to the restaurant just in case anyone was watching. Like a smiling whirlwind he breezed through the doors and over to the table. "Hi guys! Sorry I'm late, I was thinking about something an lost track of time." Not entirely a lie.

"Hi Duo! Sit down!" Quatre beamed up at him and Trowa nodded, even Wufei gave him a little half wave. Heero didn't even spare him a second glance, he was too busy talking to a girl Duo didn't recognize but that Heero obviously knew.

Before a hurt look could sap away his smile Duo whispered to himself, 'remember, as long as the one you love is happy you're happy and Heero would never be happy with you.'

"Happy birthday Heero." Still smiling brightly Duo pulled the movie out of the pocket and gave it to him with the card. The flowers he put into his coat pocket before they were noticed. Heero wouldn't want them and they might give away the inappropriate feelings he had.

Heero finally finished talking to the girl sitting to his right and greeted Duo, gesturing for him to take a seat like Quatre had. "You're late."

"Well thanks for stating the obvious, you're as observant as ever Heero!" Duo grinned, teasing Heero as naturally as breathing. Unbuttoned his coat and pulled it to the side with his braid so he could sit down without catching either of them on something.

The waiter showed up and asked if they were ready to order. Everyone said what they wanted, Duo barely paying attention to what he was ordering. After the man left Duo smiled at the stranger. "So who's this?"

"Oh! Oh rude of me!" The girls grinned at him. Duo looked her over noticing her hair was cute short just like Heero's and the dark brown hair was died almost orange at the highly gelled tips. She was wearing a very old and raggy looking dress shirt over a Hawaiian one and cargo pants. I'm disgusted already. "My names Loxen!" YOU HEAR THAT LOXEN! I made you a girl! growls Baka

Duo reached out to shake her hand, a little surprised out how strong her grip was. "Well it's a pleasure to meet ya Loxy. How do you know the birthday boy?"

Quatre grinned, "She's his girlfriend!"

For a very long moment Duo was quiet before smiling again just as brightly as ever. "Good for you two." Why didn't I know this? Oh god, Quatre thanks for pulling out my heart and stomping on it. But how could the boy know to break it gently? He hadn't told anyone he was in love with Heero, he hadn't even come out of the closet yet.

It was one thing to tell yourself you weren't good enough and that the man you loved was straight but it was quite different to find out he was dating a girl. Especially when he could do so much better. Duo coughed quietly and stood up mumbling something about needing a fresh breath of air. It probably didn't impress Heero that when he stood he tripped on his trench coat and went sprawling.

Putting another smile on he bounced back to his feet crowing loudly and triumphantly, "I am the klutz king!" Before bouncing out the door.

Baka baka baka! How the hell is it I can humiliate myself like that without a second thought and I can't even tell one person, Hey, did you know I love you? Tonight was turning into a very nice little niche of hell for him. He only kept himself from crying by repeating, you're not good enough for him. If the one you love is happy you're happy and if she makes him smile then you should be thanking her for it.

Duo slumped against the doorway, once more savoring the wintery air of the silly little town. When the door opened besides him he jumped and spun, relaxing and tensing at once when he saw whom it was. Heero.

"Duo, are you okay?"

Those little words pulled at his mask and suddenly he had himself wrapped around Heero's neck, near tears. "No I'm not okay! I'm sorry I couldn't get you a better gift! You always get me better stuff then I get you." That was it, the damn tears broke free and started dripping down his face.

Hesitantly Heero hugged him back, stroking Duo's braid. "It's okay, I really like that movie, and the card is cute."

Duo laughed quietly with the tears still running down his face. Without thinking he blurted out, "You're so nice when I act stupid over this stuff, that's why I love you." He froze and pulled out of the hug, looking at his feet feeling terribly ashamed. YOU IDIOT! He yelled at himself mentally.

Heero tilted Duo's chin up and smiled. "Duo, you know I love you too. You're my very best friend."

In just a few minutes his heart rose and plummeted to crash and shatter. Luckily he had the mask to slide in place so he could smile like that was exactly what he had meant. "Best friends forever, right?"

"Yep, come on, the foods here." Heero smiled again, a soft frail thing and turned to walk back in.

Yeah, best friends………and that'll have to be enough. Smile firmly in place he bounced in, not showing the pain in his heart. After all, it was what they expected.


The End