Ever since Dad took that new job, Mom had been acting a little weird, but what was going on now was stranger and more embarrassing than anything that had happened yet.

The eye surgery---okay, I guess I can understand that. The boobs---what was she thinking? She looks good now, sure, but moms aren't supposed to look good…I mean, not that good! It was like she was going through some mid-life crisis, trying to be a teenager again. And then when Gordo came back into the picture---well, that was just too much.

I didn't like what was happening. I was so busy these days with Josh and all my other friends that I was barely ever home, but lately it seemed like every time I was, who was there? Gordo! What the hell?

I guess Mom started picking him up after work all the time, and then she would bring him back to our house, and she would feed him, and they would watch movies together, and they would talk and talk and talk. Ugh! It was just too weird.

She started cooking for him. She wouldn't admit it, but she would make an extra serving of whatever it was, and if Matt wanted seconds (which he always did these days) she would say no, make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if you're hungry, the real food was for Dad, in case he was hungry when he came home.

But Dad was almost never home, and if he was, he was so busy working on his computer, figuring out sales projections and whatnot, that he really didn't eat anything Mom would cook for him. And then the next day I would find Gordo sitting at the kitchen counter, eating the leftovers Mom had prepared for Dad! Huh?

Now to be fair about the movies, Mom did always ask me and Matt if we wanted to sit down and watch also. She kept talking about having a nice "family time" like we used to. Kind of forgetting that Gordo was not actually a part of our family.

But usually I was on my way out with Josh. I would go out with Josh, and there were Mom and Gordo sitting on the couch, watching movies. And I would come home from being with Josh, and there were Mom and Gordo, still sitting on the couch, watching movies, or like I said before, talking and talking. I swear! Their dates went on for longer than mine did with Josh! I only hoped that while I was out of the house, they weren't doing what Josh and I had just been doing!

Man, I am freaking myself out now!

And you know, it would have been bad enough if this was happening with anyone, but because it was Gordo that made it all the worse. I knew Gordo. I knew him like the back of my hand. At least, I always thought I had, up until that day at the beach, the summer after tenth grade, when he humiliated the hell out of me by making out with Parker McKenzie in the ocean, right in front of everyone.

Of course he tried to explain it away, he tried to say she had forced him to do it, but that was too easy and too stupid an explanation. God, he broke my heart. I really thought he loved me, you know? And then to do that….

Anyway, that's what made it so bad now. Because I knew what Gordo was capable of, that he could be an absolute pig, and he had no qualms about cheating, and probably would have no qualms about making my mom cheat on my dad. I don't know if she would really do it on her own, but Gordo kind of weaseled his way into her life, and you know that despite everything, he was looking really cute these days with the long hair and a little more in the bod department than he used to have, and besides all that, he could be really sweet sometimes, almost irresistible…

But why was he doing this? Why wouldn't he leave my family alone? Was he trying to get back at me for something? Was that what this was all about?

And to make matters even worse, my Dad, as usual, was absolutely clueless. I was actually there the first time Dad saw them together. It was about a week after Mom and Gordo had started "hanging out," and Dad pulled up after a long hard day at the office, just as Josh was letting me out of his car. We walked into the house together, and there they were, Gordo and Mom, sitting on the couch together, right next to each other, a giant bowl of popcorn between them.

I immediately saw a guilty shadow pass over Gordo's face as he sat up straight and pulled away from my mom a little.

Okay, I thought. This is going to be good…

But it wasn't good. It was lame. Mom said, "Oh, Sam! I'm so glad you're here. I've been wanting for you to be able to say hi to David."

Oh, yeah. She was calling him David now.

But Dad didn't. He went over, and Gordo stood up and they shook hands, and Dad said, "Gordo! Wow! Look at you!"

I'd had to look at him in school every day for the last two years since the beach thing happened, so I didn't see it, but apparently people that hadn't seen him for a long time couldn't get over how "grown up" he looked now.

Big woop.

So anyway, my dad sat down and they talked about how many inches Gordo had grown, and where he was going to college, and then my dad talked his ear off about that plastic crap he's been selling. Then they talked about computers, because Mom mentioned that Gordo was working at Circuit City and was going to help them get a good deal on a new computer for Hawkboy. Then they talked about sports. Then they talked about cars. And by the time Gordo finally left that night, he had my dad totally bamboozled, saying what a fine young man he had turned out to be.

Aaaargh!

Then another time, about a week after this happened, I was coming in late at night, and I noticed Dad's car in the driveway, so I knew he was home, not away on one of his business trips. It was a weekend night (I don't remember which night) and it was well after midnight. So all things considered, I certainly didn't expect to find Gordo sitting on my living room couch. And I certainly didn't expect to find my mom asleep on the couch next to him, with her head on a pillow, and the pillow---to be fair---not exactly in his lap, but pretty damn close.

I just stared at them, and I could feel my face twitching, and all I could say was, "Where the hell is my dad?"

"He's upstairs," Gordo said quietly, so as not to wake my mom, I guess. "I think he went to sleep."

I let out a mighty sigh of exasperation and spun around, bounding up the stairs. I went straight to my parents' bedroom door and knocked on it, perhaps more loudly than I needed to.

"Dad? Dad? Are you asleep?"

"…Lizzie…?" came the muffled voice. "Lizzie, what is it? Come in."

I opened the door and looked into the darkened room. Dad was lying in bed, shielding his eyes against the light from the hallway. "What is it?" he repeated. "What's wrong, Lizzie?"

"What's wrong?" I exclaimed. " What's wrong? Dad! While you are asleep upstairs, Mom is asleep downstairs, on the couch, with her head in Gordo's lap!"

My dad made that confused, bewildered face that is so typical of him. "In his lap?" he asked.

"Well…not exactly in his lap. But very close. It doesn't look right, believe me. It isn't right. It just isn't right. Don't you even care, Dad?"

He sighed heavily. "Lizzie," he said. "It's Gordo."

"I know!" I exclaimed.

"So it's Gordo," he said again. "Your childhood friend. He's practically part of the family. What are you so concerned about?"

"Dad!" I was beside myself with frustration. "Would you just get up and come downstairs and look at them? If you saw them, you would know what I'm talking about."

"Listen, Lizzie," Dad said, and I could hear the impatience growing in his voice. "I think you're over-reacting. I think you still have a bit of resentment left over about what happened with you and Gordo in tenth grade. But you can't let that cloud your judgement about his friendship with your mother."

"Dad! Did you hear what you just said? 'His friendship with your mother?' Is that right? Does that sound right? Does that sound normal?"

"No, it's not exactly normal," Dad admitted. "But since Gordo's been around, your Mom seems a lot less depressed. She won't talk to any of her old friends anymore for some reason, but she will talk to Gordo, and it seems to be helping her, so I'm all for it. It's keeping her happy, and it's keeping her off my back, so I'm happy. And now I would be really, really happy if you would let me get back to sleep."

I gasped. Clueless! Dad had no idea what was going on, practically under his very nose. I closed the door, leaving him in his mindless, clueless state of sleep. I decided then and there to wash my hands of the whole businsess. If he didn't care, why should I?

I went downstairs, intending to tell Gordo that I didn't give a damn what he did with my mother, but while I was upstairs apparently he had wiggled his way out from underneath her pillow, and he was gone.

Okay. So much the better. I didn't really want to talk to him anyway.