Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them.
Sometimes I'm wondering why this is happening.
It's like nothing I can do will distract me when I think of how I shot myself in the back again.
'Cause from the infinite words I can say, I Put all the pain you gave to me on display,
But didn't realize, instead of setting it free, I Took what I hated and made it a part of me.
You've become a part of me; you'll always be right here.
You've become a part of me; you'll always be my fear.
I can't separate myself from what I've done.
You've become a part of me; I let myself become you.
--Linkin Park
Chapter 13
For all involved, morning could not come soon enough. As is usually the case, Motoko was the first to wake up, but she was in no hurry to get out of bed. The pain she has been feeling in her heart as of late has far from subsided. In fact, it seemed to have gotten more intense since the events of the previous night. Despite understanding and eventually accepting she was going on inside her, it did little to numb the sensation. All this would conspire to keep her in her room, as opposed to heading up to the roof and perform her morning excercises. Therefore, in an attempt to clear her cluttered mind, she opted to meditate. Whether or not she attains the desired effect has yet to be determined.
"Rage," she thought. "Such a horrible feeling, yet one I have allowed myself to be subject to more times than I can count. For years, I have prided myself as being able to control my emotions. What a fool I have been. All this time, I have continued to deal pain to... him under a false sense of justice. Despite this, he does not hold a grudge. I cannot fathom a reason why he did not turn against me like he did to Naru. Perhaps this is what 'kill with kindness' means. Certainly, he has been kinder to me than I ever deserved..."
The next one to wake up would be Shinobu. Following her daily routine with hardly a thought, she got dressed and headed down to the kitchen to make breakfast. All the while, her mind was still stuck in the past. Hearing violent sounds was not new by any stretch of the imagination, but seeing her former Sempai recieving the most savage beating she had ever seen--and by Kitsune of all people!--was something else alltogether. The whole scene might have been a traumatizing experience for her...had she not been living at Hinata-Sou for as long as she has. Regardless, she did not know how long it would be until she could get those images out of her mind, but she had a feeling she could never look at Kitsune the same way ever again...
In the aftermath of what she had done, guilt began to take its toll on Kitsune's heart. Eventually, it came to a point where it drove her to... not drink. Because of this, for the first time in quite a while, she woke up the next morning without a hangover. For her, this was like a breath of fresh air--and in more ways than one. Unlike Naru and Motoko, who both have had no problems whatsoever in expressing their anger, Kitsune has kept it all bottled up inside since high school. At one point, she sought out alcohol in an attempt to forget everything, and it quickly developed into a habit she still carries to this day.
Even though she regretted what she did, she had to admit that she felt better than she had in years. It was as though lead weights have been removed from her ankles, wrists and neck. Besides, the target of her pent up aggression has never been known to be on the disabled list for long, so she figured everything would turn out for the best.
"Breakfast is ready."
"I'll be right down." Kitsune immediately recognized Shinobu's voice--and also the absense of her usual cheerfulness. "It's not like I don't know why," she thought as she headed for the dining room. Along the way, she could only imagine how she would be recieved by her dormmates when she got there. Upon arrival, she saw everyone else, Haruka included, in attendance. "Morning all," she said, getting their attention. Right away, she noticed the looks they were giving her; ranging from apprehension to fear to anger. "Go ahead, I deserve it."
"Why did you do it?" Shinobu asked as soon as Kitsune sat down at the table.
"What would you have done if someone made your best friend run off to God-knows-where?" Kitsune also knew the exact reason behind Keitaro's actions, but she opted not to mention that part. "After keeping my anger in check for as long as I have, it was bound to be dangerous when it came out all at once. Now I know how you two must have felt all this time." Naru and Motoko found themselves unable to respond, looks of shame readily apparent on their faces.
"I just hope Keitaro's going to be alright," Shinobu said.
"I don't think we have to worry about that," Haruka said. "We've all known him long enough to know that he's one to recover quickly."
"That's right," Kitsune said. "After everything that's happened to him since he first walked through that door, something like this won't keep him down for long." Naru and Motoko sank even lower in their chairs, knowing they were responsible for most of it.
"I hope not," Shinobu muttered.
Breakfast came and went in relative silence. Even Suu took her time in consuming her meal. When they finished, they immediately set out for the hospital and inquired about the beloved manager's whereabouts.
"Urashima..." the receptionist muttered as she typed on her computer. "Ah, here we are. Right now, he's scheduled to have an X-ray taken. As soon as he is finished, the doctor will come and show you to his room. Until then, please have a seat."
While in the waiting room, minutes seemed to go by like days. The entire group was completely silent, but as time went by, they got more and more restless. About when they were at wit's end, a man entered, talking briefly with the girl at the front desk before approaching them. "Hello," he said. "I am Dr. Sakamoto. If you will come with me, I'll take you to see Keitaro."
"Tell me," Naru said, no longer able to remain silent. "How is he?"
"Well," Dr. Sakamoto began. "When he first came in, I saw deep bruising in his midsection and all four limbs. Upon further analysis, I discovered some internal bleeding, cracks in both humeri and a broken left femur. In my personal opinion, it looks as though he had been beaten with a blunt instrument." The girls glared at Kitsune after his explanation, but he didn't take notice of it.
"Is he going to be alright?" Shinobu asked.
"I can't say. He just came out of X-ray a couple minutes ago and I have yet to see them. Trust me, once I know, you'll know."
"Thank you," Haruka said.
It was about that time that they arrived at their destination. "He may still be a bit tired," the doctir informed them. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to."
As the doctor walked off, the girls decided amongst themselves as to who would go in first. Considering she was family, Haruka won the vote rather easily. Within moments of entering, she spotted Keitaro laying on the bed, watching television. Upon hearing the door open, he turned his gaze to see who his visitor was and his face lit up when he saw his aunt. "Hey, Haruka!" he said cheerfully, waving at her--or at least as much as his current situation would allow. The extent of his injuries was illustrated by the heavy bandadges on the upper half of both arms and the cast on his left leg.
"So, how are you feeling?" While Haruka spoke, the others started filing in, one by one.
"Pretty good I guess, all things considering," Keitaro said. The smile on his face vanished the instant he spotted Kitsune. "Or at least I was."
For her part, Kitsune was not surprised in the least by the sight of Keitaro flinching in her presence. "It's not like I deserve anything less," she thought.
"Don't you have something you need to say to him?" Haruka asked.
"Yeah," Kitsune said. "Keitaro, I'm sorry. I never thought my anger would get so out of control."
"What's done is done," Keitaro said. "Besides, I'm just seeing this as fate making up for lost time."
"Don't say that!" Shinobu said. "You don't deserve this! You never did!"
"That may have been true once before," Keitaro thought. "But now, it's a different story. All along, I knew there was a line I had to look out for, but I didn't know where that line was until I had already crossed it."
Shinobu quickly noticed Keitaro's down expression. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."
"Don't worry about it," Keitaro said. "It could have been a whole lot worse had... someone not come to my aid." His gaze met that of a certain swordswoman.
"You mean..." Motoko said, her face turning a shade or two of red. "You saw me--"
"Keep Kitsune from breaking the home run record?" Keitaro finished. "Yeah, I did." Also, because of where she stood during her rescue, he got a good look up her nightshirt, but he wasn't about to bring that up; not now, not ever. "You saved my life back there. Thank you."
Motoko wanted nothing more than to show Keitaro just how much his gratitude meant to her, but she was able to hold herself back, knowing that this was neither the time nor the place for a public display of affection.
"You won't be much fun with this thing on your leg," Suu said, poking at Keitaro's cast.
"Don't worry," Keitaro said. "I'm sure I won't be laid up for too long." He motioned for her to come closer. "But until then," he whispered. "You can always play with the others. Just promise you you'll go easy on them, okay?"
"Okay!" Suu said, giggling. For the others, this was definitely a cause for concern.
For the remainder of the Hinata Girls' visit, they made efforts to make Keitaro's stay at the hospital more comfortable. In what seemed like no time at all, Dr. Sakamoto returned, a curious look on his face. "Did you find something wrong on my X-Rays?" Keitaro asked.
"Far from it," Dr. Sakamoto said. "In fact, what I saw was nothing short of miraculous. Both of your arms appear to have healed completely and all that is left of your leg injury is a hairline fracture. Honestly, I have never seen such a thing in my career."
"That's our Keitaro," Kitsune said. "We should have expected nothing less."
For some reason, the doctor thought it best not to ask questions. "At his current rate, he should be cleared to go home by tomorrow."
"That's wonderful," Keitaro said. "I look forward to it." He then tried to stifle a yawn, failing miserably. "But for now, I think I'll get some sleep."
"I think it's about time we headed back anyway," Haruka said. "Call me when he's ready to go."
"Will do," the doctor said.
Quite unceremoniously, everyone took their leave... with one exception. The entire time she was there, Naru stayed in the background, not saying a word. At one point, her eyes met with Keitaro's. Even though it was only for a split second, she could see what his eyes held within them: nothing. No animosity, no adoration, no emotion whatsoever. From her perspective, it was as though the slate was being wiped clean--at least to a point--and that this was probably the best she could have hoped for. "Well," she thought, sighing inwardly. "It's now or never."
Slowly, Naru approached Keitaro's bed. "Keitaro, can I talk to you for a moment?"
"What's stopping you?" Keitaro asked. "As if I ever could."
"Please don't make this harder than it already is!" Naru's mind pleaded. "I know you can't forgive me for what I have done to you in the past, but I have to tell you that I... I... love you; and have been for a while. All this time, I've never been able to admit it to myself, much less anyone else. I couldn't keep all these emotions inside, so I took every reason I could find to force them out--most of them involving sending you across town. However, each time, the feelings just came back stronger than before.
"After you turned your back on me, I forced myself to face facts--and not just about my feelings towards you. I also had to cope with a harsh reality. No matter how much I cared for you, no matter how I yearned for us to be together, I knew that all I could offer you was pain. You may find the girl that's right for you someday, it just won't be me; and I have to live with that. I hope that you can find it in your heart to see me in a better light someday, but I won't blame you if that never happens. I'll see you when you get back to Hinata-Sou."
Keitaro didn't speak a word after Naru left, but his mind was anything but. "Mission accomplished," he thought. "...For what it's worth..."
End of Chapter 13