Dear Readers,
Yes, I haven't been writing much of this lately. It can't be helped. I was sued for libel! Now, you know how preposterous that is. I have never lied to you about the inside scoop on Crystal Tokyo. I have added a section for "Letters to the Editor" this time.
Yes, I heard that I, Tsukino Shingo, was a sore loser. But, my dear readers, I am the only one supporting our parents in these gregarious times. It is not I, who is living off of my parents in their attic, it is I that is the only one supporting them. This is disgraceful! Please enjoy this issue of to support my parents in these horrible times.
Sincerely,
Tsukino Shingo
Note: Some of the following has been edited to reflect the true feelings of the reader.
To Whom this may concern:
I think your magazine is a piece of (ed. great work!) How come you could get away with that telling the truth! The King and Queen must be infuriated (ed. -ly happy).
--concerned (ed. about future of Royal Conspiracies)
Dear Beloved Reader:
Yes, no need to thank me! It will continue as scheduled. This month's issue contains the truth behind my niece, Princess Tsukino Usagi Small Lady Serenity. However, it's not for the faint of heart.
-- The Editor
To the Editor:
I love your magazine it's so funny (ed. it's serious). All I wanted to know is if you truly do live in your parents' attic. I thought I saw you yesterday in the attic, since I am a member of the media, like you.
-- Just curious
Dear Beloved Reader:
You must be mistaken. I was trying to look for lost money, that I swore I hid up there. There are quite a few valuables up in the attic.
-- The Editor
Our Princess, and our savior, Princess Tsukino Small Lady Serenity, was recently born to the queen, my sister, who is now 22. It surely was a joyous event-- everyone heralded the coming of our new Princess.
However, for those who can do their math, this is most disturbing! This is because for those of you who can do math, the gestation period for a normal human is nine months. However, it's only been eight months since the King and Queen, my beloved Sister and brother-in-law, got married. Something doesn't make sense, we smell another conspiracy! We are out to investigate.
To warn you, this is not for the faint of heart! As I mentioned in our last issue, the retardation of growth has become a serious issue. I, myself, was forced to accept the healing of the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou. I would like to address this issue further.
It is my firm belief that this evil crystal of "healing" is causing prematurity in our youth, and is adversely causing a permanent stop of growth. Who knows what horrors this will do to our precious Princess who is to inherit the throne (if she ever will)?
So, Royal Conspiracies is out to investigate this conspiracy!
Of course, the most reputable source is Sailor Mercury who is no longer my favorite. Yes, I heard people say she snubbed me, and doesn't like dating younger boys, but this is not true! I simply do not like her anymore. I found out from this snobby guardian of the palace who said, "Yes, it is true that it lengthens life, and seems to have that effect on children, but it's unlikely it will have an effect on the new Princess." I came to the conclusion that she must have also taken the healing of the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou, and therefore must be brainwashed.
So, I went to the next best source, the closest person that looks like my sister, and once impersonated her. I was pretty sure that she would tell the truth, but all I got were lies from Sailor Venus. She said to me, blushing, "Well, you know that they must have done IT before the wedding." Before I could inquire into what she meant, I was rudely interrupted by a stern Sailor Mars, who told me to go home.
I would now like to say, that I strongly think that Sailor Mars is plotting to take over the throne! She has that air about her! I'm sure she'd like to be the wife of my brother-in-law, and is suspicious that I will catch on to this.
So I continued my investigation into these matters by borrowing the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou and taking it to a jeweler, who could assess what it actually does to our youth. I was told that it was priceless, but to find out what I needed to know, I had to go to a doctor. So, I naturally went to Dr. Mizuno, leading doctor in the medical field, well known for her research into thrombosis, and ulcers. She apparently treated my brother-in-law when he was a young man, for coughing up black blood. (This is from the Queen's journal, which I plan to sell on the Crystal Tokyo E-bay to the highest bidder.)
I'm convinced the doctor was on drugs, because she laughed at me, and asked me if I was cramming for College entrance exams yet! I found this quite rude, but she took my questions, which I was quite glad at.
She told me that there is no way that the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou could stunt growth in a pregnant woman due to the placenta. She said that it wouldn't do anything to the Queen's baby. As I stared into her eyes, I realized that despite her bitter divorce, that she, too was brain washed.
I would have gone and asked the King himself to question him on the well-being of my niece, but I was arrested under false pretenses. I, now, write this journal from prison, on my computer lap top which I will not be allowed for much longer.
As I write this, people are saying that the royal family says that I was selling the Maboroshi no Ginzuishou on Crystal Tokyo E-bay, but I assure you this is not true. I just was trying to sell copies of it, and forgot to type that it was a copy in the header. You can check Crystal Tokyo E-bay sometime. I am sure they are confusing it with the journal of my sister, which I assure you is genuine.
I have yet to see my niece, but I'm sure I will see her soon, and I will continue this investigation as soon as I can to bring you the truth about the Royal Family.