Chapter Two: It's Too Late
Chapter Note: This chapter's title is a lyric from Snow Patrol's "Grazed Knees."
The soft, dull patter of rain drops hitting the window was the only noise that filled the darkly painted dorm room. Sometimes a restless huff of exasperation would break the rhythmic display of nature or even a rustle of a page being turned. Other than that though, silence prevailed inside the four walls.
Sunday was usually an ordinary day on campus; laughing and screams were normally heard in the hall or even outside on the luscious, green lawn. But this Sunday was different. The stormy afternoon was causing a content quietness to blanket over the rowdiness and immaturity. Either students were taking this time to leisurely read and study, or even catch up on some much needed sleep.
As for Sebastian though, he was looking at his trophy— his prized journal. He had been staring blankly at one page, her page. Kathryn's picture didn't suit her any longer. Yes, she was still intimidating and manipulative, but he finally knew what was deeper that her rough exterior. Her sharp, intense gaze didn't highlight her eyes like he remembered them that day and he wished he saw their softness more often.
He lightly touched the picture lovingly and felt its coolness.
"Broken," Sebastian softly murmured as he looked at the picture. "You're so defeated and you're beautiful that way."
Since that fateful afternoon, Kathryn and Sebastian barely even felt the tension that densely separated them now. Yes, there were a few awkward moments they encountered since then, but they overpowered those with either changing the subject or suavely finding excuses to leave the other's company. Neither of them spoke of that day; it was like it never happened. Sometimes Sebastian wished that he could have just deflected the tempting offer with his usual arrogant air, but he had wanted Kathryn for so long it was too good of an offer to turn down.
Then again, Sebastian treasured the moment as if it were honey on his lips. He never experienced a situation as awe-inspiring or incredible as that. Sebastian supposed it was the sin that was wrapped up in it as well as Kathryn's unexpected vulnerability too, but deep down in his stomach was the idea of love. Why had that one time been so moving and meaningful was beyond him at the moment, or at least Sebastian didn't want to touch upon the actual reason— it made him uneasy and broody.
Suddenly the loud ring of his black cell phone caused Sebastian to practically jump out of his skin. With his heart racing out of fright, he quickly shut his journal and threw it towards the foot of his bed. He then reached over onto his mahogany nightstand and picked up his phone, which was still ringing endlessly.
Sebastian cleared his throat and then said in a bland tone, "Hello?"
Laughter erupted from the other end of the connection. Immediately he recognized its mockery.
"Why didn't little Sebastian tell me that Annette dumped his ass?" Kathryn asked while still laughing.
Sebastian knew that she was thoroughly relishing this moment because Kathryn hated Annette even more since he collected his reward. Her indifference was starting to piss him off.
A sly smile played mischievously across his lips. "As I recall," Sebastian replied as he looked at his hands, "your ex practically called you a bulimic headcase."
"Aw, now we're going to play dirty now, are we?" Kathryn asked as if Sebastian was an immature child. He especially hated it when she talked down to him.
"You hypocrite!" Sebastian responded with malicious seeping from it. "You're the one who meticulously plans out paybacks in the lowest ways."
"Touché," Kathryn exclaimed and kept laughing softly.
Then there was a knock at his door.
Sebastian looked over at the door grimacing. "Hold on one second, someone's here," he told Kathryn as he got up off his bed and started to walk over to open it and as he did so, on the other side of his thick wooden door was his step-sister, Kathryn.
"Don't look so surprised," she said as she turned off her cell phone and walked into his room. "I thought that I'd chat with you on my way over so I can torture you longer."
Sebastian just gaped at her, hardly believing that Kathryn had the audacity to waltz in his room. He reluctantly closed the heavy door and stood in front of it as he continued to watch her walk over to his sofa and sit down.
"So?" She asked as she looked over at him with a mischievous smile on. "How did it happen? Give me all the painful details, especially when you started to beg for her to stay with you."
"Ha." Sebastian laughed sarcastically feeling extremely agitated. He walked over to his window that was near the sofa's edge. "Actually, we mutually agreed that nothing had to been occurring between us since this summer so we both decided it would be for the best that we wouldn't see each other any longer."
He kept on watching the abstract blur of the falling raindrops hit his window feeling a little dazed from its obscure lines. "She was the one who brought it up so I wouldn't say that I was 'dumped' just merely receiving her vote first."
Sebastian looked over at the brunette, who had been carefully observing his relaxed body language. Her eyes were mirroring interest ferociously and smiled at that fact.
"That's it?" Kathryn asked outraged; she was obviously expecting a dramatic end to a passionate summer heartthrob. There was no traceable smile to be found, only a quiver of disgust.
At this Sebastian looked back out his window and continued to watch the mirage. "Yes, that's the whole dry story."
Kathryn then let out an audible murmur that didn't quite touch Sebastian's ears, but he knew that she wasn't too happy at the juiciest rumor turning out to be unsteady. A small smirk crossed Sebastian's lips and he loved the fact that she was disappointed.
Silence soon overcame the bittersweet rivalry and it stretched for an extended amount of time. They were used to this element of their somewhat dysfunctional relationship which was a repercussion of their infidelity. Neither one looked at the other but both were silently wishing the other to break the raucous silence.
Finally, Kathryn stood up slowly and walked over to Sebastian's bed. The movement caught Sebastian's attention and his eyes followed her over there. She stood there in front of his bed looking down at this journal. Kathryn had been after its very secretive contents ever since she found out about, which was when she and her mother moved into the Valmont mansion. Her face was contorted with curiosity and her eyes scrutinized the cover as if they were burning holes through it.
Sebastian quietly walked over to her and stood slightly behind her. "You still don't know what's in there, do you?" He questioned calmly, not concerned if she were to actually through it now like he had been in the past.
She didn't answer or even move, it was as if she were entranced by the journal sitting in front of her with no protection.
Sebastian took another step so that he was now at angle so look at her properly. Her eyes were dangerously impassioned; a twinkle was present that was rarely in attendance at any other time there. Something overwhelmed Sebastian to let her look at it and even though he was hesitant at the thought he complied anyway.
"Go ahead, look at it." He whispered with a very composed air that surprised him greatly.
At hearing this, Kathryn snapped out of her hypnotic state and looked bemusedly over at Sebastian, who was only a few feet away.
"W-what?" She stammered, flinching at her own clumsiness. Her eyes were depicting confusion and intrigue; apparently, this issue was causing a conflict for her.
He nudged his head towards his beloved trophy that at this point didn't feel so much like a prize anymore. "It's yours to look at," Sebastian said as he walked over to the window again and began to look out at the campus again.
Sebastian felt her eyes burn wholes into him and it was very awkward to endure, but he persevered. The reflection of the glass gave him a clear view of Kathryn just standing over his journal still. He didn't understand why she just didn't pick it up and look at it, was it that difficult to do? He had done it many times with her openly exposed diary so he didn't quite comprehend her behavior; it was unlike her usual manipulative and bluntly impudent self.
A few seconds later though, Kathryn slowly took hold of his journal and cautiously opened it. Sebastian continued watching her from the reflection in the window. She must've opened directly to her chapter and was reading his entries about her deceptive, apathetic, and hateful character.
Kathryn looked over at Sebastian and spat heatedly, "You bastard!"
Sebastian quickly turned around and looked over at her, taken aback. He hadn't expected her to be angry or hurt, but pissed off and venomous were what he was expecting though they were just complements to the first two.
She walked menacingly towards him and stopped directly in front of him leaving barely any room for personal comfort. Kathryn's eyes were starting to be evaded by tears and she did her best to keep them, but the attempt was in vain. She shoved the journal at him.
"Are you trying to tell me how much of a bitch I am without actually saying it or something?" Kathryn asked belligerently.
"No-no, I, ugh, I," Sebastian didn't know what to say. So many ideas were flooding his mind but none of them were sufficient enough or even half believable. "Keep reading!" He exclaimed forcefully when the idea seemed better than the rest.
Perplexed slightly, Kathryn's eyes softened, but her facial features remained sharp with anger.
"You stopped reading too soon; you need to finish reading." Sebastian explained gently yet with conviction entangled within it.
Kathryn huffed and gave him the dirtiest look she must've mustered up.
"Please," Sebastian begged, and begging wasn't something he ordinarily did.
She looked down at the ground and then back up again, but avoiding his gaze. "If you want me to read on so badly, then here," she thrust the journal at him, "you read it."
Sebastian didn't know what to do, but he complied to her wrathful wish. When he was going to begin though, she abruptly turned at started heading towards his door.
"No, Kathryn. If I read, you have to stay here and listen." Sebastian said as he dodged in front of the door just in time. He looked at down at her pleading with his eyes for her to stay. The only thing he received in turn was a cold look of malice and distrust.
"You piece of shit," she mumbled under her breath as she turned around and marched over to the sofa again and slumped down on it.
Extremely nervous now and feeling very overwhelmed, Sebastian cleared his throat as an attempt for those feelings to dissipate, which none of them did.
"Now, when we stand next to each other, the same old feelings make their usual appearance: arrogance, unresolved problems, and revenge. Even those are clearly instated as we're in the same room, there's much more involved now. She's not the same heartless coke addict and I'm not the same audacious son of bitch either, at least not in the same sense we once were towards each other." He took a deep breath to try to keep from his heart exploding in his heart and glanced over at Kathryn quickly. She was sitting there attentively watching him, captivated.
He tried to calm himself some more and continued to read. "We walk on egg shells around each other, whether we'd like to admit that or not, but we do. She hasn't been a tease with other guys since we've been together and I haven't chased any more unsuspecting girls around campus to put in here as a trophy. I suppose it's a mutual agreement we made ever since we woke up the next morning and silently went our separate ways."
Sebastian started to pace slowly throughout his room and straight lines to keep his mind from the nerves. "There's tension separating us, but at the same time it's pushing us together, like a crushing black hole. It's so frustrating and beautiful at the same time how I feel when we're talking or even just sitting in the same room together mutely." Again, Sebastian looked over at Kathryn. This time she wasn't just being enthralled by the excerpt, but her stiffness had disappeared completely and her indifference was no where to be seen. "I suppose you can say we have unresolved sexual tension, but at the same time it's much deeper than any physical aspect. She's always been the one I was never able to obtain and since I have, I can't get past her. She haunts my every thought and I don't know why I can't just forget what ever happened between us that afternoon, but even though I want it all to be gone— I still need it."
He stopped pacing and sat on the edge of his bed not facing her because he knew what the next sentence held and he had never truly uttered the words before with real passion entangling it. "Because if I actually did forget it, then I would be forgetting love… true love." The shakiness of his voice caused his whole body to feel chills.
Sebastian softly closed his journal and placed it on his nightstand. He roughly ran his hands over his face to keep him from getting emotional because he had been when he finished reading. His body was slumped as if he was a failure, which in his mind he kind of was because he had let a girl sweep him off of his feet when it should've been the other way around after all he was the womanizer.
Softly, light footsteps were heard walking towards him. Sebastian looked over his shoulder to see Kathryn walking around the bed and towards him. She sat gracefully down next to him, but remained silent. Sebastian was in awe that she was actually still in the room and not laughing. He was expecting her to start mocking him in attempts to cover up her own feelings. But Sebastian judged her wrongly before hand, making her out to be a villain who had nothing of a soul.
"Sebastian," she whispered wanting him to look over at her.
He slowly turned his head to look at her and when he did she greeted him with a tender kiss. Surprised and caught off guard by the spontaneous gesture they hadn't had since that fateful day. Kathryn pulled back from the lingering kiss and stared fixedly into his eyes. She was starting to come in for another kiss again, but this time Sebastian stopped her he began speaking.
"Kathryn," he began but she interrupted him.
"Just shut-up, Sebastian." She ordered with a mischievous look in her eye.
Obeying her wish, Sebastian remained quiet and she again kissed him and he openly accepted it this time, happily. This kiss was more fervent than the last causing them both to want more of the other to the extremes. Soon they were taking each other's clothes off hastily when a new question overcame Sebastian.
"Kathryn?" He asked in between a kiss, smiling.
"Uh-huh," she mumbled in reply too busy messing with his button-down.
Sebastian smiled and kept kissing Kathryn. "I thought you said this was going to happen only once?" He asked rolling on top of her as he started to unbutton her blouse.
She pushed him back off of her slightly and looked up with him with a certain glint of mischief in her eye. "Sebastian, please. Rules are meant to be broken!"
And at that she roughly pulled him down and on top of her again and kissed him. She was right, Sebastian thought—rules are meant to be broken and this one wasn't any different.
Author's Notes:
Well, I just want to thank everyone who read this story and for everyone who showed their support for it as well. You all are so awesome and it's such a humbling experience to be a part of. To be quite honest with you all, I wasn't too happy with ending of the story so if you feel like the ending was too cliché or too vague, I totally agree with you! Again, I just want to thank you all because you guys welcomed me with open arms and I'm very much grateful for that.
I hope to write another Sebastian/Kathryn fic a little later, but it will be a songfic because I found the perfect song to fit their chaotic relationship. Until then!