Disclaimer: This story was written by JKR on acid. No, really, it was written by us in a normal state of mind. Trust us, this is how we usually are.

Hermione Granger was sleeping soundly in her bed. In the bed next to her Ginny Weasley was throwing up all over the place.(yeah do I look bothered that they aren't in the same year) Ginny was sure she heard groans coming from Hermione's mouth, something about a little boy sticking his hand in a dyke to stop Amsterdam flooding over or something. But that wasn't important at the moment, Ginny had far worse things to think about. Like the fact that her fathers caravan was parked illegally and got towed, her cable got disconnected and her Mum couldn't pay the mortgage on their trailer, AND the fact that she had suddenly gained about 3 stone and looked like a droopy watermelon.

"Hermione...HERMIONE..." she said.

"Buh, Peter, don't stick your hand in there, WHAT?" Hermione woke up with a jolt.

"I think I'm pregnant"

"WHAT?"

"Lumos," said Ginny, and faced Hermione, "I. Think. I'm. Pregnant."

Hermione stared at her. "Oh, my god! How did that happen?"

"How do you think it happened?" said Ginny sarcastically, "it sure wasn't a virgin birth."

"So you're not a virgin"

"No shit. Look at me; I'm gorgeous, sexy and popular. Do I look like I own a v-card?"

Hermione looked at Ginny dubiously. Ginny was chubby, spotty with lank red hair and bad acne. She probably wasn't a virgin because most of the boys at Hogwarts were desperate to get their leg over.

Either that or they were all blind.

Hermione didn't know what to say. So she said "Fatty's Hungry lets go eat" Ginny pulled one of Ron's Hand-me-down akedemiks tracksuit tops over her fatty belly and went down to breakfast. Ginny and Hermione sat down beside Ron and Harry. Harry didn't notice anything as he was deeply involved in writing a suicide note, his eyes laden with cheap, heavy black eyeliner and bright pink lipstick on his lips. His fingers where painted black. He liked to call himself "Emo" but others just called him a fag. He was more a cheap imitation of Goth. However Ron did notice something, looking up from his FHM magazine.

"Rahhhhhhh Ginny your bare fat now have you been eating too much maccy deez again or have you just got laid?"

"It's nunya bizness what I do at night, Ron," said Ginny, buttering a pile of toast and snarfing them down in one go, "but I suspect it's a lot more action than what you're gettin'."

"My bling-bling brings all the girls to the yard," said Ron, pointing at his cheap clown charm (from argos) around his neck.

"None of you understand me. Only Draco Malfoy understands me because like me, he cries in random places" shouted Harry, and ran out, his mascara streaking.

Everyone ignored Harry in the hope that he might actually carry out his threat of slicing his wrists in every direction and "accidentally" sliting an artery.

Ron turned back to Ginny

"Ginny man, why you cussin my mum for"

Everyone also ignored the newfound "chav" Ron in the hope that he might get his aunty laid and be thrown out of Hogwarts for not being able to pay for his child maintenance and fags, weed crack and porn so he dies of withdrawal symptoms or something else that would do their bit to clean up the street (by killing a pikey)

Hope you like it please R and R so we know if we should write more!