Joey had her hair in a loose bun, with strands falling down her shoulders and her brow.
She hadn't had time to put on anything too flattering, simply jeans, sneakers and the pink pyjama top she was wearing while she was lying in bed- tossing and turning, unable to close her eyes without seeing Pacey's face, and then Dawson's and Audrey's!
It was driving her nuts, and the only way she could see herself getting a wink of sleep that night was to go over to Pacey's.
"Where are you going?" Audrey had asked sleepily, while Joey slipped on her blue sneakers.
"Me? Well, I cant sleep, so I am going to go and see if the library is open" Joey said, squinting over at Audrey, trying to make out her figure in the dark room.
"Oh, get me some donuts" Audrey said, and Joey heard her as she collapsed back onto her bed, smiling to herself, and thanking god that Audrey hadn't been to the library enough this year to know it's opening and closing hours!
But now, standing outside his apartment, her hand above her head about to knock briskly on the door, she felt- nervous?
This was Pacey; forget the strange fling he and her were having at the moment- this was Pacey! One of her oldest and dearest childhood friends, one of her first loves, the man she lost her virginity to, the man she spent 3 months on a boat with- why was she so nervous at that moment?
Joey, deep in thought, was interrupted when Pacey's door swung open and there he was- in the same chequered shorts and white shirt, holding a garbage bag in one hand.
He jumped back; a little startled at the figure standing before him "hey" was all he managed to conjure up.
But Joey didn't seem to hear him; in a moment of stunned shock at the realization of why she was so nervous to be seeing him tonight, and at the fact that he had just appeared, seemingly, out of nowhere.
"Jo?" Pacey asked, stepping forward a little.
Joey looked up at Pacey, noticing that his hair looked as ragged as hers, "hey" she replied quietly, as though just realizing he had greeted her.
She shook her head a little, and managed a small smile "I have something to tell you" she said.
Pacey stepped back, allowing her to walk into his apartment "I'm all ears" he said, watching as she walked straight into the kitchen and began pacing.
"Ok, well, I have something to tell you and it would really help if you didn't say anything until I've said what I have to say, ok?" Joey asked, not looking up to meet Pacey's eyes.
"Ok" he said, closing the door and leaning against it, still watching as she paced the small kitchen.
"Just then, as I was about to knock on you're door, I felt nervous" Joey looked up, while still walking around the kitchen anxiously "I mean, really nervous, and I couldn't figure out why. I mean, we have been through so much together- put aside our summer romance and the fact that you were my, first- before all of that we were friends" Joey trailed off a little, but composed herself again "and then I realized why I was so nervous" Joey stopped walking, and stood still, turning to face Pacey.
"This was meant to be," she said, a little humbly.
Pacey looked at her blankly, expecting more "I don't-" he began, but Joey continued.
"We ended, in the worst way, Pace. There were words flung around that we didn't mean, things were hectic- and then you left." Joey looked at him with such gravity, sincerity and sweetness in her eyes that Pacey felt his knees go feeble, and he had to sit down.
"Jo- I was-" he started to speak again, but Joey cut him off once more.
"Have you ever heard that saying, that if you love someone let them go, and if they don't return to you then it was never meant to be? But if they do come back, then it was always true love?" Joey asked, and Pacey replied with a nod.
"Well, what if we were always meant to be? What if this is us telling ourselves that we have never stopped loving each other?" Joey asked, moving closer to him now.
Pacey looked up at her; was Joey Potter really preaching this? Maybe it was too late at night for her to be thinking straight, because god knows that Joey Potter would have a more reasonable explanation about their 'affair' than just pinning it on- destiny?
"Destiny?" Pacey said, a little quietly, not sure of what he was asking.
"I don't know" Joey replied, looking down at him.
"Are you asking me to tell you that I never stopped loving you?" Pacey asked, looking up and meeting her eyes- now he was sure of what she was asking him.
Joey looked away, and blushed a little "something tells me I never stopped loving you" she whispered, hoping Pacey would reply with a similar answer.
But instead he rubbed his neck, trying to hear what his heart wanted him to say.
"Jo- I cant-" there was more he wanted to say to her, to explain that people change, and that he couldn't hold onto the past forever, but when she looked down at him with such hurt in her eyes, he stopped himself from pushing the dagger in further.
Joey bought her hand to her eyes and wiped away the salty tears, hoping her eyes didn't show how pained she really was. She nodded in understanding, letting him know that he didn't need to say more.
"This is-" she began, but looked away, trying to find the words "you're right, this can't work, we can't let it" she said, and turned towards the door.
"Jo, don't say that- just because I moved on from what we had last year doesn't mean we cant begin a new relationship-" was he really saying this? He should just end this fling with her now, before anybody else got hurt.
He reached out to put his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged him off, turning around to face him; "I never wanted us to end-" she began, stepping away from him a little further as she spoke "I never wanted to believe that you could stop loving me, and when you hurt me the most- I always believed that one day you would remember how much I meant to you and then we'd be together again." She wiped new tears from her eyes and stared him square in the eye "You might have always believed that Dawson was my soul mate, but I always knew you were my one true love!" she said, and turned around swiftly, opened the door, and was gone as quickly as she came.