Of Decades and Train Whistles.
A/N: There is no train station in Seattle that I could find, now or a few years/decades back, but just humour me and pretend there is ;-)
Sara enjoyed the way her house looked in May, the flowers she managed to coax back to life every year in her garden accentuated the old house wonderfully, and it was pleasant to sit on the porch. The kids on her street would run about, eager for the approaching summer, and while she felt slightly saddened that Alex just wasn't like other kids that way, she still liked to relax in the evenings out there. He never ran, and the few times she'd ever seen him run was awkwardly after being spooked. She had reason to be happy this night, however, as she'd received the letter she had been hoping for. Alex would start school in the new class the following September.
She wanted to go out and celebrate with someone, but Sara didn't know with whom. The few friends she had here all had busy families, and while they would be happy for her, they didn't understand the autistic world enough to realize why she was so proud. After a few moments of thinking though, Sara decided to go back inside and just spend the night quietly, relaxation time to herself. She realized that the only person she wanted to celebrate with right now was Michael, who had been just as involved with Alex as she was. His birthday was the next day, and he'd been on her mind a lot more lately. Grissom had started to visit her on a regular basis, and while she didn't mind that, she still had to sort out her feelings. It had only been four years; she still loved Michael just as much as the day she'd married him.
It turned out that the night of rest proved to be useful to Sara for the next day a seemingly foul mood encased the house. Rose muttered on about allergies, Alex threw temper tantrums that Sara couldn't figure out the reason behind, and to top it all off, she found out that Grissom had been visiting Alex and Rose behind her back, for almost two months. She'd taken the afternoon off of work so that the three of them could pay their respects at Michael's grave, and been extremely puzzled and curious as to why she parked in her driveway behind Grissom's car. That had turned into anger upon hearing the ongoing conversation as she walked through the door.
Rose had been in the middle of telling Grissom that their bonding session for the day needed to be cut short when Sara had walked in, bewildered and her brain working fast to try and figure out the reason Grissom was there. He'd explained that he just wanted to get to know Alex and let Alex become comfortable with him, but in her annoyance at being lied to she'd just asked him to leave. She was careful not to direct any frustrations at Alex, who seemed to be bothered enough by the tension in the air. He stood at the window, looking outside and murmuring, hands fluttering a little by his side. She'd asked him to go upstairs but Alex was either ignoring her or hadn't heard Sara, and she didn't feel like pushing the issue.
The problem was, Sara didn't honestly know how she felt. A part of her felt rather giddy that Grissom cared enough to want to get to know her son, and let Alex know him. Another part of her was unsure of why he'd want to hide it. Grissom was a scholar, and though he didn't normally just announce what he was up to, this seemed a little secretive, even by his standards.
Sara calmed down a little, taking Alex upstairs to help him change into nicer clothes. She liked Alex's room; it was done in dark colours with light accents, and was usually kept tidy. On the wall was a nice large family photo, mixed in with framed posters of trains. As they picked out a nice outfit Rose walked into the room, ready to go, and seemingly apologetic. Alex murmured the news broadcast he'd heard that morning as Sara buttoned up his dress shirt, and Rose spoke to her in a soft voice.
"Why are you so against Grissom getting close to Alex?"
Sara fixed Alexander's collar and tousled his hair up a little.
"I'm not. I didn't appreciate the secrecy behind his actions. I still don't." She rose to her feet and smiled at her son, selfishly proud that he had her curly hair. She watched as he pointed up to his bookcase and listened to Rose, who suggested that Grissom wanted to be involved with Sara's life and the one person most important to her, but was intimidated to start from scratch in front of her.
"Grissom, intimidated? I don't think so. That's not him." she retorted, picking Alex up so he could reach a train he wanted on the shelf. "And people don't change that quickly."
"Maybe not," Rose agreed, watching Alex grab a black and green train engine. "But situations do. And people's positions in them."
Sara considered this answer as she plunked Alex back down.
"Give him a chance, Sara. He knows the theories behind life, but not the practice. And he is trying."
The grass had been cut recently and the smell still lingered a little in the air, not an all-together unpleasant scent. They passed row upon row of neatly kept markers until they found the one engraved with the name Michael Jaren. Rose came more often to visit than Sara did, but Sara still had a hard time coming to the cemetery.
While Rose prayed somewhere behind her, Sara held Alexander's hand softly, whispering the name on the tombstone under her breath. He stood beside her solemnly, holding a tulip. Sara leaned down, guiding his hand to put the flower in front of the grave. "Beloved daddy to Alexander," she finished, the engraving blurry under the tears forming in her eyes. They went every year on Michael's birthday; time to reflect back, and to give Alex a physical memory of where his dad was, where he could find him. Sara hated the fact that it was at a cemetery, but she couldn't stop what had happened.
What concerned her more was whether Alex remembered his father at all, or if this yearly tradition seemed to just be another habit to him. She'd shown him videos, pictures of the two of them together, tried to give Alex the connection between him and Michael. She supposed she could just ask him, but Sara was almost afraid to find out. She certainly didn't blame Alex, but the prospect of him not knowing was saddening. And now that Grissom came to visit more often, she felt it more urgent to strengthen Alexander's memory of his dad.
All was quiet when they drove home, Rose riding peacefully in the back as Alex sat beside Sara. While they were stopped at a stoplight she turned and randomly blurted out her question to him.
"Alex, where's daddy?" As expected, he didn't answer. Instead, she was a little mystified as Alex started digging through her purse, as that was not one of his normal habits. Her concern was alleviated however, as he pulled out her wallet, and opened it to the pictures. Alex knew who his father was, and that helped Sara feel more okay with Grissom. She may have loved him in a past life, but she didn't want him interfering now and replacing Michael. It wasn't fair to Alex. However, his recognition of his dad, after four years of not seeing him, comforted Sara and let her feel more okay with having Grissom over.
Sara called him a day or so later to let him know that she was no longer annoyed. A male role model would be helpful to Alexander, and in the end, he only meant well. She okayed a visit again, even though she would be at work, because if he was willing to make the effort Sara decided that she'd let him.
He'd come from some conference at the university, had even told Rose what it was about, but since it didn't interest her whatsoever she'd promptly forgotten his explanation. Grissom played cards with Alex as Rose read a trashy romance novel from the library, from a series she was secretly addicted to. Alex kept getting distracted from the game though, drawn to the prism shininess of Grissom's nametag that he'd left pinned on his shirt from the conference.
His name was written clearly in block letters, and so Grissom pointed to it and said his name. Alex got down from the chair and moved a little bit closer.
"Alex-Ander" he announced, standing still.
"Grissom," came the even reply as Griss nodded toward his nametag. Alex still remained motionless, so Grissom repeated himself, underlining his name with his finger.
Alex moved closer to him, never making eye contact but mimicking Grissom and tracing the nametag, while whispering. He then walked over to the bookcase filled with Sara and Rose's books at the top, and Alex's on the bottom. Scanning with his eyes, Alex chose the exact book of maps he wanted of train routes, and flipped though the pages till he found the correct one. Pointing to the name of a station, he repeated slowly, "Griss-om."
From her chair in the corner of the room Rose muttered under her breath, "Houston, we have acknowledgement"