Desperate for Distraction

"Wally?" Kuki gasped when she opened the door and saw me.

"Hi…" I said, "Can I come in…?"

"Um…S-sure"

I slowly entered the house trying make myself non-threatening as possible. I didn't want to scare Kuki or anything. After entering I turned to her and stared at her. She just stared back while she closed the door.

"Um…why don't you sit on the couch and I'll get you something to drink" She said. I did as I was told and waited for her. Two minutes later, a can of Coke and a glass of ice were on the coffee table and we were both sitting on the couch quietly. I wasn't ready to talk and Kuki had no idea what to say. Finally, not being able to deal with the silence anymore, I spoke.

"Do you…" I started, "Do you remember Sandy?"

"Who?" She said.

"Sandy"

She stared back at me and shook her head.

"Remember when we were ten? And we went to the beach? He was the kid to tried to 'marry' you"

"Oh" She laughed, "Yeah. I remember him"

"Do you know why I shoved his face in the sand?"

"…Why?"

"'Cause I was jealous…" I wasn't looking at her. But even though I didn't see her, I could feel her staring at me. I didn't know if she was smiling or frowning…but I knew that she was staring.

"What is this about…?" She finally asked.

I wanted to tell her what I meant to tell her, but I still couldn't. I didn't know how to start. Finally, I had no choice but turn to her and tell her. "I guess I…just wanted to apologize about what I did a few nights ago…"

"Oh…"

"I kind of…lost myself. I just…" I tired to go on, "I couldn't handle the pain…"

She stared at me in the most sympathetic way she could. "It was my fault Wally…"

"How is it your fault?"

"You were right…it's my fault too. I have no right to just turn my back on you…"

"There's nothing wrong with what you did. I was just selfish…"

"Where are you going with this…?"

I stared at her for a minute and felt all the pain inside me. It was like a flame burning intensely inside me. Despite the pain, I slowly reached out and held her hands. Before I could even utter a word I saw something strange on her skin, covered by her sleeve. I glanced at her for a second and she looked away. Gently, I pulled her sleeve up. And it broke my heart to see the mark of my hand bruised upon her wrists. I felt weaker than before to see what I have done and Kuki saw it in me.

"Don't worry about it, it's fine…" She said, pulling her sleeve down.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about…" I told her.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything I feel for you keeps getting in the way of you and Chad. And I end up hurting you"

"You didn't mean it"

"Still. I hurt you…and it sucks. It really does. I don't want to hurt you"

She didn't speak.

"Kuki, for the past six years I've loved you more than anything else" I tried to smiled at her and she smiled back, "And the last thing I wanna do is hurt you…I want you to be happy…And if being with Chad makes you happy then I'll…deal with it. I don't wanna get in the way of your happiness…"

Tears suddenly started to appear on her eyes. She smiled at me and I smiled back. Little did she know was that the moment she hugged me, my smile disappeared. What I just did made me feel more painful rather than glad.

It been three weeks and things have been going well. I've apologized to Chad weeks ago for what I did and he was cool with it.

Everyone's happy…right? Things are good…

I was lying to myself. Everyone else was happy but not me. I was pretending this whole time. My attempt to act like I was completely happy was failing miserably. I was still the same depressed Wally. I didn't speak much, it was hard for me to smile and laugh. Most of the 'happy' faces I showed Kuki were forced and fake. I still love her. Ever since I told her that I'd deal with her relationship with Chad, I didn't tell her how I'd do it. I didn't tell her that I would just hide my own feelings again.

"Why don't you date other people?" Hoagie said to me as we hung out in my backyard. We were sitting on the beach chairs aligned around the pool-sized sandbox. "I mean you can't sit back crying over Kuki"

"I've been doing it for a while now. I've gotten pretty damn good at it"

"It's not healthy, Walls"

"What do you want me to do? Make out with the next girl I see?"

"You're completely misinterpreting everything I say"

"Fine. Tell me what to do, exactly"

"Just go out there and hook up with any girl. It won't be so hard for you. Girls like you"

"Well I don't like them"

"Come on, Beatles. If girls aren't gonna make you feel better about being turned down by Kuki then what will?"

"The person who's about to arrive"

"Who?"

Just then, Joey arrived shirtless and ran towards me.

"Wally, which one's better?" Joey asked me holding up two shirts.

"The blue one" I replied. I helped him put his blue shirt on and after that he went back inside the house.

"Joey is your alternative for girls?" Hoagie laughed.

"What can I say?" I said, "He makes me happy in ways that I can't explain"

I heard Hoagie snort beside me.

"Why are you so desperate to get me back on my feet anyway?"

"Because I'm your best friend, I have to help you. Besides, I miss the old Wally"

"The old Wally?"

"Yep. I am so tired of you being always depressed. You used to be so fun"

"I'm still the same person. I just don't feel like having fun…"

"That's my point"

"Whatever"

"Look, just try dating. Okay? You never know, it might help you"

For a while, neither of us said another word. We just watched Joey run out from the house and start playing in the sandbox.

"Joey! Nicky's here!" My mom called from the house.

"Ooh! Who's Nicky?" Hoagie teased Joey, "Is she your girlfriend?"

I smiled a bit as I watched Joey grin and blush. For a minute he went inside the house and came back out with a girl his age. It was weird watching my little brother play with a girl. He always said girls annoyed him but there he was playing with one.

"Dude…" Hoagie muttered to me, "Even your little brother is a chic magnet…at least he's not wasting it"

An hour later, just a few minutes after Hoagie left, I was sitting on the dining table with my mom. We were watching Joey and Nicky watch TV together.

"Aren't they cute?" Mom said. "You know, Joey has been talking about her for weeks. He's had a little crush on her for a long time!"

Suddenly the doorbell rang and my mother got up to get it. While she was gone, I kept watching the little couple. They really seem to be having fun. I couldn't believe it. I was jealous of my little brother. He was able to get the girl he wanted. While I watched him, someone suddenly distracted me. When I looked, I saw Kuki approaching.

"Kuki?" I said.

"Hi" She smiled.

"What are you doing here?"

"I just came over to visit. Your mom let me in"

"Oh…"

"So, who's Joey's little friend?"

"It's just some kid he's had a crush on for weeks"

"Awww…That's so cute! I guess he's not my little boyfriend anymore"

"Yeah…I guess not…"

Hearing what Kuki said, I turned to Joey and Nicky. Watching them, I saw how happy they were. Joey used to have a crush on Kuki. But now, here's Nicky making him forget about her.

Maybe Hoagie's right…maybe I should start seeing other people…