Mushi traced her finger around my chest as she kissed me gently. It was early in the morning and I was lying on a sleeping bag while we had a make out session in the privacy of our tent. A few weeks ago a moment like this would've been dull and the kisses would've been empty. But now it was different. We actually connected with each other and felt passion on each kiss. Mushi and I stopped kissing when we heard the zipper of the tent entrance open.
"Hey guys" Hoagie stuck his head in, "There's breakfast out he-" He stopped dead in his words.
"What's wrong?" Mushi smiled at him.
"Uh..." He mumbled, "Did you two…sleep like that?"
Mushi smiled at me. For a second I didn't know what Hoagie meant until Mushi started tapping my chest with her finger commenting on my bare naked torso. I sighed and smiled at Hoagie. "We didn't do anything, Hoagie" I said.
"Oh" He gave us an awkward smile, "Okay…"
After he left Mushi and I gave out a few laughs.
"I just love it when we freak people out like that" She said.
"Yeah" I smiled.
"It's strange though…if Hoagie thinks we're doing it, who knows who else could think that...?"
I thought about what she said, and then I whispered, "Your sister…"
Half an hour later, after breakfast and talks, we all went for a swim at a lake nearby. Everyone jumped right in and the only people left dry were Mushi, Kuki, Hoagie and me.
"Wally, come on!" Mushi tugged my arm.
"Nah…" I moaned as I lay on a towel.
"Come on!"
"Later, Mushi!"
"Wally!"
"Later!"
"Ha! I know what this is about...you still can't swim can you?"
"Yes I can. I learned when I was ten. We do have a pool in our back yard, you know"
"A pool that's filled with sand"
"I'm still not swimming with you"
"Fine! You're not getting any kisses for the rest of the day"
"Sure. Let's just hope you last long enough" I laughed.
Mushi groaned and went into the water. And there I was, lying down with my eyes closed. I thought back to what I said about swimming. I learned when I was ten. I remember that well…Kuki was drowning and I saved her even though I was afraid of the water.
"Um…I'm gonna go dip myself into the water a bit…" I heard Hoagie mumble. I opened my eyes and watched him walk away, leaving Kuki and me alone. I sat up and sighed, not feeling awkward at all to be with her. I didn't really care that we were alone…not anymore… For a few minutes we sat together quietly, watching everyone in the lake. But soon I got tired of watching them and I looked at Kuki. She glanced at me for a second and gave out an awkward laugh.
"What's so funny?" I asked her blankly.
"Um…nothing…" She avoided my stare.
I could sense the uneasiness from her. This was the first time I've seen her in discomfort around me. "Are you alright?"
"Fine…"
"It looks like there's something wrong. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Don't worry about me, I'm good…"
"Why don't you join Chad in the water?"
"Not right now…"
I looked away from her. I could tell that talking to me was the last thing she wanted for now. But I was wrong.
"So…" She started.
I turned to look at her and I could visibly see the difficulty she was going through just to talk.
"I see you and Mushi are getting along pretty great"
"Yeah we are. You're sister is a fun girl" She looked down uneasily for a second. It was then that I decided to taunt her. "Jealous?"
She looked at me shockingly for a moment as if to say I said something outrageous.
"What's the matter? Are you and Chad not having as much fun as you used to?"
She gave me a fake smile and said, "I never I was jealous, Wally"
"You never said you weren't either" I smiled at her.
The fake smile on her face disappeared and was replaced by a perplexed frown. She no longer uttered a word to me. She just stood up and got into the water and went to Chad.
After a few minutes, Hoagie got out of the water and sat beside me. "I saw you talking to Kuki earlier" He said.
"Yeah, so?"
"Nothing…so what did you two talk about?"
"She was just asking me about my relationship with Mushi"
"What did you tell her?"
"I just told her that Mushi and I are doing great" Then I grinned, "Also, I teased her a bit"
"What do you mean teased?"
"About her being jealous"
"What?"
"Come on, she's been dreading over Mushi and me ever since we got together. It's so obvious"
"But did you really have to tease her?"
"I was just having a little bit of fun"
"By messing with her emotions?"
"Why are you taking her side? It's not my fault that she's jealous but if she gonna dread over Mushi and me then I would love to watch. It's turn to suffer now. After all, she did the same to me, didn't she?"
"She never teased you about your jealousy, Wally. She never even knew how you felt"
"I don't care. She still hurt me"
"Is that the reason why you're with Mushi? To use her to make Kuki jealous?"
I turned my head to look at him. He was really starting to piss me off. "Mushi and I are together because we like each other. I'm not dating her to make anyone jealous, okay?"
For a minute there was a thick silence between us. But then he spoke again, "I thought you loved Kuki?"
I looked at him heatedly, "That's right…I loved her…" Then I stood up and joined Mushi in the water.
Mushi and I smiled at each other and wrapped our arms around each other. Half our bodies were submerged underwater while we had a moment alone in an isolated spot in the lake. Burying my face in her neck, I allowed her to soothe me by running her hand through my wet hair. This was the first time we had a moment with each other where we didn't make out. Realizing this, I thought that maybe it was possible that we were having a romantic moment. I thought back to my conversation with Hoagie earlier. I didn't want to admit it but I had a hunch that he was right in some ways, especially about my relationship with Mushi.
Where am I going with this relationship anyway? I'm in a fake relationship, trying to get away from past emotions… Am I really using Mushi…? That's impossible! I like her, don't I? No…I'm not using her…I'm dating her because I like her…
I lifted my head a bit and rested my chin on Mushi's shoulder. My eyes scanned around the place until they led to a couple hugging several feet away. Chad and Kuki. I continued to watch them, focusing on Kuki who was resting the side of her head on Chad's shoulder while they hugged. She was looking sideways…looking at me… The moment our eyes met, everything blocked out and all that we could see was each other. It was strange…it was like we were talking to each other with our eyes. All of a sudden, I felt the urge to go to her and she looked like she wanted to come to me too. But both of us didn't move. It was strange. It was like we were both prisoners of two different cells. Kuki was locked up in Chad's arms and I was the same with Mushi. I didn't know what I really wanted, freedom or jail?
What will I get out of being free…? Before Mushi, I only lived in a different cage…one where I was locked up from Kuki. Free or not, I won't get her and I never will…The only time I felt better was when I ended up with Mushi… Liberating myself from her would be a trap…I'd be back where I started…I'd be alone and I still won't get Kuki…It's best for me to stay locked up…it's the only thing closest to freedom…
After thinking, I looked back at Kuki and saw the misery on her face as she watched me hug Mushi. Her jealousy was supposed to be amusing but I found myself getting hurt by it all of a sudden. I looked away to avoid the pain.
No…I won't go back to that feeling…I brought my eyes back on her only to say something with them.
It's over between us, Kuki…we're with someone else now…it's better off that way…it's better stay locked up…