I stood still in front of the door with my eyes staring straight down. I wanted to knock but I couldn't. A few hours ago, I had all this planned. I knew exactly what to do and what to say, it was all clear. But now that I'm here, it all became a blur.
"Screw it…" I whispered and turned to walk away. I've only taken a few steps when all of a sudden the door opened behind me.
"Wally?" Kuki called.
I stopped dead in my footsteps and slowly turned to her.
"Are you here to see Mushi…?"
I tried to tell her that I meant to see her but I couldn't.
"She's not here right now" She said.
I continued to stare at her while attempting to tell her that I didn't come to see Mushi. I came to hang out with her. Then again, what will I get out of that? It's not like she's gonna fall madly in love with me if I spend time with her for a few hours. "Could you just tell her that I came by…?" I said.
She gave me a jealous frown and nodded. "Okay…I'll make sure she gets the message"
Then she closed the door. I took a minute to stare at the door before turning around again to leave. For some strange reason, I found it hard to walk away from their house. I turned around again. I stared at their house and hoped for something, anything, to happen. I stood for about a minute before turning to walk away again. All of a sudden…
"WALLY!"
I turned and saw the open front door, and Kuki standing on the front steps.
"You wanna…come in for a second?"
I gazed at her for a second, confused by her sudden invitation. "…Why?"
"Well…it's kinda cold out here…" She said uneasily, "You came all this way to see Mushi…so maybe you should just wait for her"
Two minutes later we were both sitting on the couch quietly, drinking hot chocolate. We both knew that we wanted to be with each other despite the difficult and awkward silence. From time to time, our eyes met but it was only for a second. We always ended up looking away from each other. We didn't know how we would start a conversation. It came to the point that I became so desperate to talk to her that I spoke of the first topic that I came up with.
"Joey misses you" I blurted out.
"What?"
"Joey. He misses you"
"Really?" A smile appeared upon her face.
"Yeah" I smiled back at her, "Yesterday he kept asking me about you"
"What did he say?"
"He just kept asking me why you don't come to my house anymore. He really wants to see you"
"But…doesn't Mushi come over all the time?"
"He doesn't like Mushi that much" I laughed a bit, "He prefers you"
Kuki tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled. "I miss him too"
"…You can come over if you want"
"What…?"
"You can visit him…whenever you want. He'd love it"
She and I smiled at each other. Although I liked her smile, I found it intimidating so I turned away and looked around. My eyes led to a framed photo sitting on a shelf. I recognized the people in the photo right away. It was the whole gang.
"Is that us?" I pointed at the photo.
"Yeah. That's us when we were ten" Kuki smiled and approached the shelf. "I have a whole album of the gang's pictures" She reached for an album in the shelf and sat back down beside me. On the cover of the album was a copy of the same picture on the frame. She started flipping the pages, showing me each picture and telling me about it.
"This is a picture of us on the beach…this one is a picture of us in the tree house and…here's a picture of Nigel and Lizzie…"
"Wow…"
"What is it?"
"I've forgotten how fat Lizzie used to be"
Kuki punched me on the shoulder playfully and we both laughed. The photos made us forget about the awkwardness that was supposed to be present between us.
"Look! Here's one of you and me" She pointed to a picture of us as ten-year-olds. "You look so grumpy"
"And so short" I laughed. Kuki smiled and flipped onto another page.
"The pictures on this page are so cute"
I smiled at the pictures of her hugging me when we were kids. It was funny to see the big goofy smile on her face and the grumpy frown on mine. I used to put that face on whenever she would hug me. I used it to hide my crush on her.
Kuki flipped on to another page. "Oh. This is a different section"
"What section is it?"
"It's the teenage section" She laughed, "It contains pictures of the gang at the age of thirteen and above"
I scanned every picture on the section. I noticed that on almost every picture with Kuki and me, I had a serious look on my face. I knew exactly why. I was thirteen when I realized that my crush on Kuki was not just a crush. I realized that I had feelings for her. And as the years passed, those feelings grew more intense…but then at the age of sixteen, it happened. Kuki fell in love with somebody else.
"Wally?"
I snapped out of my trance and looked at her.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah…I'm fine…"
She stared at me for a second to see if I was telling the truth. I felt not a hint of uneasiness as I stared back at her. Finally, she went back to scanning the album and I scanned it along with her. She was about to turn to another page when she stopped and closed the album
"What's wrong?" I asked her.
"Uh…it's nothing…" She said nervously. "There are no more pictures…"
I looked directly into her eyes and knew that she was lying. There was something in that album that she was trying to hide from me. I continued to stare at her and saw that I intimidated her. And just like a helpless child, she failed to prevent me from easily taking the album. When I took it, it just gently slipped from her hands. I looked at her before opening it but she dodged my eyes. When I turned to the last page, I quickly understood why she felt embarrassed. The last page was filled with childish drawings, hearts and doodles. The last page was a collage…of me.