Don't expect this to be serious. When I try to write dramatic moments, I have a giggling fit.

Disclaimer: Rubber Ducky owns Harry Potter. Not me. (JK Rowling, I suppose, owns a little.) Rich Rubber Ducky.

"Go away Malfoy."

"Nope."

"Why are you STALKING me?"

"I need to talk to you. I'm planning on assassinating Ron for You-Know-Who, are you okay with that?"

"No!" yelled Hermione, "Why would you ask me such a thing?"

"I don't want to upset you."

"Alright. If you don't want to upset me, go away."

"Apart from that."

"And don't kill Ron."

"If you insist, my lovely. He's not right for you, you know."

Hermione growled. "I'm going to the Gryffindor common room, which means YOU can't come."

"Oh that's fine," replied Draco, "I painted an endless cookie pot for the Fat Lady and in return she told me all of next year's passwords."

"She doesn't plan that far ahead," answered Hermione.

"Does now. Anyway, are we going? I'm cold."

"WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONG? YOU USED TO HATE ME!"

"Changed my mind."

Hermione ran off, pursued by a screaming Draco Malfoy yelling "But 'Mione! My love! Come back!" followed by a "Mais 'Mione! Mon amour! Do you like French? Did I say it right? Oh no, now I've upset you by butchering a romantic language!"

He scolded himself.

With a rushed offering to the Fat Lady to draw an endless chocolate éclair box in her painting in exchange for the refused entry of Malfoy, Hermione climbed through the portrait hole and ran to Harry.

"Help me! Draco's stalking me! He won't leave me be since I tried to kill him."

"Yeah, your hair looks fine," replied Harry offhandedly, as he was trying to do his Psychology homework- "How to compliment girls, fourteen inches of parchment."

"I didn't ask that!"

"Have you lost weight?"

Hermione sighed exasperatedly and gave up. She went to Ron and explained her troubles.

"Another boy, 'Mione?" he scowled, "Am I going to beat him up or what?"

"Not any boy. Draco. He thinks an assassination attempt is endearing."

"Oh. Well, it doesn't matter. He's fallen into the lake."

"He has?" said Hermione hopefully.

She looked out the window. "So he has."

Draco was being pulled by the giant squid into the murky depths of the lake and he lived happily ever after, with gills.

A/N: Any ideas for weird story lines, please tell me. Author appeal! Hehehe. I've written up to this one all in like two days (it's not very challenging, I have to admit.) But I'm running out of ideas, so any suggestions and I'd be forever grateful.