Seinfeld Episode 5-The Jar by:Adriana
George
I am hungry, lets go to Monks.
Jerry
I got no cash on me.
George
You with all the money you make have no cash on you?
Jerry
(shrugs)I haven't had an act in a long time.
Buzzer goes off
Elaine
It's me
Jerry Buzzes her in
George
Maybe I can pay for you, I got a 20 on me.
Jerry
What do you think the food I buy is crap or something? We can just eat here.I often wonder why I grocery shop,I eat out for lunch and dinner almost everyday, the only thing that I really eat when I buy it is cereal,Kramer eats most of my food anyways.
Elaine walks in
Elaine
I'm starving Jer, you got anything to eat?
Jerry
Indeed I do Laney. George and I were just discussing whether we should eat here or at Monks, and we are eating here today.
George
Ok I am going to have a sandwich.
Elaine
Make me one to, make sure to put in pickles.
George
Ah, a fellow pickle lover. You want one to Jerry?
Jerry
Sure, just put in whatever you want.
(George takes out the jar of pickles and struggles while trying to open it)
George
Damn! This thing is so hard to open.
Elaine
Let me try.
(George gives her the jar)
Elaine(while twisting the jar open)
See it's so eas---Hey why won't it open,open!open!holy crap it won't open.
Jerry
Pass it here you weaklings, your worse then Superman when he's near kryptonite!
Elaine
Fine lets see you open it.(passes Jerry the jar)
Jerry
Why won't this damn thing open?
Kramer slides in
Kramer
What's happening?
Elaine
We want to put pickles in our sandwiches and we can't open the jar.
Kramer
Let me try.
(Kramer turns red in the face trying to open the jar)
Kramer
Jerry where did you get this?
Jerry
Uh, some new place, Angelo's or something.
Kramer
Ok you're going to return this.
Jerry
Do you remember what happened with the cantaloupe?
Kramer
Don't worry jerry I will return it for you.
Scene Ends
Setting-the park
Elaine
George, do you realize you're dragging your feet?
George
And?
Elaine
Could you stop?
George
This is the way I walk.
Elaine
Well it's annoying.
George
I'm tired and I don't feel like picking up my feet.
Elaine
Oh like it's so hard to do.
George
Hey, I was up until 4:00am last night trying to fix my computer. I'm very tired.
Elaine
You have a computer?
George
Yes I do. Is that so hard to believe?
Elaine
When'd you get it?
George
I bought it from my father, he's trying the computer selling business again.
Elaine
You can afford a computer?
George
I got it for 200 bucks.
Elaine
Wow, that's a good price.
George
I paid 200 bucks for a piece of crap that doesn't work. That isn't a good price.
Elaine
I guess not(laughing)
George
Hey don't laugh at me, I'm gonna get that thing fixed.
Elaine
Ok then.
Scene Ends
Setting-Jerry's apartment
Kramer
I got you a new pickle jar!
Jerry
Thank you Kramer but you didn't have to do that.
Kramer
Yes I did buddy
Jerry
Ok whatever.
Kramer
Let me know if you need anything else.
Jerry
I will.
Exit Kramer
(Jerry tries to open the jar)
Jerry
Damn, this thing won't open
Kramer slides in
Kramer
What?
Jerry
You can hear from there?
Kramer
Give me that.(he tries to open) now Angelo gave me a refund and said he's sure this jar would open easily.
Jerry
Well Angelo was wrong. Forget the pickles Kramer, I don't need them anyways.
Kramer
No but that's not fair, he promised me. I'll get you a new one buddy.
Jerry
Again? I said I don't need pickles, I can live without pickles!
Kramer
Angelo's a nice guy, he'll get me another jar.
Jerry
Whatever, I'm meeting Elaine and George at monks, if you want to come.
Kramer
Nope, I'm heading down to Angelo's. Maybe I'll meet you at the coffee shop after I return this jar.
Jerry
All right, see you.
Scene Ends
Setting-Monks
Elaine
Another jar? I don't think you really need another jar.
Jerry
That's what I told Kramer. I'm not the one who wanted the pickles in the first place, it was you two!
George
So what, I like pickles, you got a problem with that?
Jerry
I never said that
Elaine
Don't listen to him, he's tired, he doesn't know what he's saying. He can't even walk properly.
George
Again with the dragging of, may I mention, my feet?
Elaine
Yes, no one is too tired to pick up their feet. It gets irritating hearing the "scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape."
Jerry
She's got a point.
George
I know lots of people who walk like that, it never bothered me.
Elaine
Well it bothers me.
George
Ok then, I won't drag my feet. I don't see the big deal anyways.
Jerry
(finishing his sandwich) that was one good sandwich.
Elaine
You have the same one everyday.
Scene Ends
Setting-Jerry's Apartment
Elaine
I got a date tonight.
Jerry
With who?
Elaine
I don't know.
Jerry
A fix-up?
Elaine
Yup.
Jerry
Who's the matchmaker?
Elaine
My friend, Stacey.
Jerry
Never heard of her.
Elaine
I know.
Jerry
Well good luck with tonight.
Elaine
I hope I won't need it.
Scene Ends
Setting-Angelo's Grocery Store
Kramer
Hey Angelo, this jar won't open.
Angelo
You're kidding me. This is ruining my easy opening jars policy.
Kramer
That's your policy?
Angelo
I couldn't think of anything.
Kramer
Well this is the second jar I have had to return, this is bad for your business.
Angelo
I know, I know, what do I do?
Kramer
Well we've got to find a way to get these jars open. Am I the fist customer to complain about trouble opening the jars?
Angelo
Unfortunately, no.
Kramer
Well then you've got to do something about it!
Angelo
Will you help me?
Kramer
I sure will buddy.
Scene Ends
Setting-Elaine's Date
(Elaine Is sitting at her table waiting for her date to arrive.)
Elaine
Great, he's the late type.
Man
Hello, you must be Elaine.
Elaine
And you're Steven?
Steven
Yes I am. Sorry I'm late, traffic.
Elaine
Oh I know. New York is a busy city.
Waitress
What will you two be ordering?
Steven
I will have the crab meal.
Elaine
Make that two.(staring into Stevens eyes)
Steven
How about a walk after we eat?
Elaine
Sounds great.
Scene Ends
Setting-The Costanza's house
George
Finally! I got the computer fixed!
Frank
You did? That means they work!
George
Yes it does, but I don't think you should try with the other computers again.
Frank
And why not?
George
You know how long it took me to fix this one? No one wants to buy computers that take forever to fix.
Frank
Well if you can fix this one then you can fix the rest.
George
Woah! Whoever said I was willing to do that?
Frank
I did. Get to work son.
Scene Ends
Setting-Angelo's
(Kramer and Angelo have put butter around all the jar lids in storage on the second floor of the grocery store.)
Kramer
This was a really stupid idea Angelo! You should have listened to me!
Angelo
Your idea was to put the pickles into plastic bags, but they belong in jars!
Kramer
Well now my hand are slipping! I can't even touch the jars cause my hands keep slipping off!
Angelo
It will take forever to take the butter off all the jars! Why didn't you say something earlier?
Kramer
I thought you would say something! Now look what we've done. You're going to have to sell them like this.
Angelo
But that will be bad for my business!
Kramer
Well it was just as bad for your business not having the jars open at all!
Scene Ends
Elaine
This was delicious.
Steven
I agree, so let's go for a walk and get to know each other a little better.
Elaine
Alright
(Steven pays for the bill and the two go out for a walk)
Elaine
What are you doing?
Steven
What do you mean what am I doing? I am walking.
Elaine
No but your feet, you're not picking them up, you're dragging them against the pavement.
Steven
And? That's how I always walk. No ones ever said anything to me before.
Elaine
Well it irritates me. Could you just pick up your feet?
Steven
Uh, no
Elaine
Why not? What's the big deal about picking up your feet.it's not that hard, it's probably the simplest thing you could do!
Steven
I can't believe we are even arguing about this!
Scene Ends
Setting-Angelos
Kramer
I'm going to get a glass of milk.
(Kramer goes to get the milk in the fridge beside the window, and it slipps out of his hands and the milk goes flying out the window)
Cut to Elaine and Steven—
Steven
Fine I'll pick up my feet.
(he picks up his feet and walks right onto the bag of milk Kramer dropped out the window and the milk splashes all over him.)
Elaine
(Laughing) I am so sorry!
Steven
If I was dragging my feet I wouldn't have stepped on the bag of milk!
Elaine
I said I was sorry!
Steven
This date is over.
Scene Ends
A week later
Setting-jerry's apartment
Elaine
(laughing) so he steps right onto the bag of milk!
Jerry
Ha, that's too bad.
Elaine
Yeah, so, George what's happening with those computers?
George
I sold them to some guy named Angelo, he had a grocery store business but something bad happened and now he's going into computer selling.
Jerry
Hey Angelo, that's the guy who sold me the pickles.
Elaine
Oh, I see. Maybe that's why he went out of business, you couldn't open those pickle jars.
George
All I know is it had something to do with butter.
Kramer slides in
Kramer
Hey Elaine, I'm sorry bout the milk. I had butter fingers and it slipped out of my hands.
Elaine
You're the one who dropped the milk ?
Kramer
Yeah
Elaine
I really liked that guy. I mean it was funny what happened but he was a nice guy.
Kramer
I'm sorry
Elaine
You better be.
Jerry
Isn't this so ironic, Elaine gets mad at a guy for dragging his feet, and when he doesn't things get worse. Maybe you should try dragging your feet Elaine.
Elaine
Right.
The end.