Rinoa and the Fellowship of the Ring
There was an air of anticipation as the Fellowship set off from Rivendell on their epic quest.
"Give me pie!" Rinoa the cave troll bellowed. She was a reluctant last edition to the group. They were already regretting their decision. Already she had eaten four of their horses and six of the Hobbits, leaving only four left. "Pie!" She screamed from her seat near the fire, having made the group set up camp just outside the gates of Rivendell. It had taken the group ten days to reach the gates from Elrond's house.
"Enough of this!" Boromir said. "This beast has slowed our progress and I cannot stand her stench any longer!"
"I agree with Boromir," Legolas said as he tied a scarf around his face, "Her stench is most foul and she seems to be eyeing another Hobbit."
"Surely Lord Elrond would not have allowed her to accompany us if he knew she would devour half our group." Gimli added. He was worried that after the foul Rinoa-beast was finished with the Hobbits he would be next on the menu.
"Perhaps we can loose her in the forest tomorrow?" Aragorn offered.
"Oh Aragorn you are so clever." Legolas swooned.
"It's settled!" Aragorn said proudly. "Tonight Boromir will keep watch over the Hobbits and Gimli while Legolas and I have sex over there." He pointed to a small clearing.
"Why don't I ever get to screw the elf?" Boromir mumbled to himself.
So that night while Legolas and Aragorn had sex under Arwen's window Boromir kept an eye on the hideous Rinoa-beast as she rolled around in her own filth. It was a horrendous sight. The only thing the ugly creature wore was a soiled sheet she had wrapped around her hairy undulating body. She used the bottom of it to wipe herself after relieving herself in full view of the group. Boromir was sick to his stomach and would rather walk into Mordor naked and covered in peanut butter then spend another moment in the foul beasts presence.
"Mr Frodo!" Samwise screamed out.
Boromir looked up in time to see a hairy Hobbit foot sticking out of Rinoa's mouth. Jumping to his feet he grabbed Frodo's foot and began to pull. "Let him go you foul beast!" He cried.
"I'll get him out of there!" Gimli said. He jumped on her large belly causing her to spit the Hobbit out.
"Good god!" Boromir cried as Frodo fell back onto him covered in saliva.
"Sam?" Frodo asked in a daze.
"I'm here Mr Frodo." Sam answered wrapping Frodo in a blanket.
"Where are Merry and Pippin?" Boromir asked jumping to his feet.
Just them Merry and Pippin tumbled out of their tent, having Hobbit sex.
"Damn it am I the only one who isn't getting any action around here?" Boromir yelled. "Next thing you know Gimli will be having sex with Bill the horse!"
Gimli looked around nervously.
Just then out of the darkness of the night a Wraith appeared. It was no ordinary Wraith. It was a midget Wraith ridding a warthog. His name was Tom Cruise and he was the most evil Wraith in all of middle earth!
Boromir whipped out his sword as Gimli readied his axe. Tom rode past them with his sword held high. He plunged his sword into the foul Rinoa-monster. "Die!" He cried as her blood spilled all over the ground. As she died he rode off again into the night.
"Thank you!" Boromir called out.
The end.