A Mr. And Mrs. Smith fan fiction.
I don't own the movie rights!
The Smiths
"Have you worked out any of your issues?" the therapist asked.
"No"
"Yes"
They looked at each other. "Well, we have been more honest," John Smith said.
"Yes definitely," Jane agreed with a forced smile and a nod.
Their old house was being thrown apart by a backhoe, and John watched from a new house across the street.
"How did the Coleman's get their van back?" John asked Jane who was using a large knife to open a lean cuisine package.
"I had a friend replace a replica." Jane said sticking the black tray into the microwave.
"Now this friend wouldn't be one of the agency girls?" John asked walking to the back of Jane's neck and placing a soft kiss.
"I am no longer associated with that agency." She said pouring two glasses of wine.
"With that one? You're working with a new one?"
"Well I couldn't very well become a stock broker," Jane said removing the meal from the chiming microwave.
"But don't tell the Coleman's tomorrow, they would be shocked." John said drinking his wine and smiling.
"Clearly, I didn't start yesterday," Jane said dismissively.
"Dear why can't you see the humor?"
"Oh I do," Jane said picking up the knife on the cutting board with an aggressive grip. She slid the knife into the rack fast and whirled around in time to see John stick his finger in the food.
"Do you think that you could get the new girls to cook?" he asked earnestly.
"Why don't you get your company to hire staging help?" Jane suggested picking up a plate and eating her meal leaning against the counter.
"Clearly you have never seen my office," John said think of his ancient wrinkled secretary.
"Well in any case I have a client at 5:30 so I'll be ready to go to the Coleman's for 7:00." Jane said sipping her wine and taking a delicate bite of the microwaved dish.
"7:00 it is," John said lifting his glass in a toast that was not met.
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Jane watched John's black Cadillac pull out of the driveway. She smiled and pulled the shade down on the window in the dinning room. She pulled the silverware box out. Underneath was dial roughly 20 cm in diameter. She spread her hand on the metal disk and turned to the right and then the left. She adjusted it twice more and placed the box of expense silver back in the draw. She then walked to the mantle of the fireplace and pulled the marble slab on the top up an inch. She placed her fingertip in on a reader and a green flash signaled to her that she had been cleared. The fireplace turned and revealed a ladder that ran along the back of the chimney. Jane ducked and stepped into the space behind the fireplace. She reached back and pulled the fireplace back into place. She quickly climbed the ladder.
At the top of the ladder was small room. It was completely lit with florescent overhead lamps. Jane pulled a black bag off a hook and began selecting her tools. She stopped at the clothing rank and pulled off a black spandex tank top and a pair of kakis. She grabbed a pair of sunglasses off a shelf with twelve sets and selected two guns and holsters which she slid over her shoulders. She pulled the rest of her weapons off shelves quickly and threw them into her bag and climbed back down the ladder. She pulled a suit blazer out of the dressing room off the master bedroom. She slid on stilettos and got into her new car.
The burgundy Porsche Cayenne turbo SUV pulled out of the driveway and down the road. A young couple was walking their yellow lab and a baby carriage. Jane waved and continued out of the neighborhood.
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John sat at his desk. The steel shades were drawn and he was reading a new weapon manual. There was knock on the door in the beat of Camp Town Races.
"Eddie, get your fat ass in here," John yelled looking up from his booklet.
"So man, how you doing?" Eddie asked sitting in a grungy over sized chair.
"Not too bad," John said picking up a piece of paper. He folded it into a paper airplane and sent it across the room.
"Shit you got him," Eddie said reading the sheet. "Alec told me about the bastard."
"Yup," John said calmly.
"I think that you should use a sniper and plant some hair from some bum." Eddie said excited.
"Yeah because all homeless people know how to shoot snipers." John said tossing the booklet to Eddie. " I'm going with that bad boy,"
"You're a dork, who reads the manual, a gun is a gun." Eddie said taking one look at the picture.
"Yeah but I like to know exactly how it is going to handle first."
"Fine man do it your way," Eddie said placing the booklet on his desk. "How's your wife?"
"She can't cook," John said shrugging.
"But what about all those times I ate dinner at your house?" Eddie asked confused.
"Her agency made all the food," John said and a rumble from his stomach was emitted.
"You want to go get some breakfast?" Eddie asked.
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Jane walked into a skyscraper. Paused by the sign and admired her name under the company Optimum Trading.
Jane Smith suite 2015
She got in the first elevator on her left and pushed the button for the twentieth floor. On the floor was a normal business office. Jane got out of the elevator and turned left. The secretary at the front handed her mail as she passed. Jane walked down the hall and turned left again. She pulled the fire alarm pull box away from the wall and it revealed a keypad. She entered a code and replaced the alarm. She swiftly walked to her office. She turned the key and unlocked the door. Jane walked to her bookshelf behind the desk and picked up a picture of her and John. She placed her hand on the glass and the bookshelf popped out and revealed a black marble staircase down.
She walked quickly down and was meet with a busy company. She heard her bookshelf replace itself and she walked past the other staircase that led in from other offices. "Jasmine," Jane said to her closest friend.
"Morning," Jasmine said handing her a coffee.
"You are a savior," Jane said smelling it.
"You need to eat better you are looking like a bag of bones," Jasmine said as she looked Jane up and down.
"Neither of us cook," Jane said dismissively.
"Look I'm going to give you a shopping list, you should go tomorrow and buy some food. I'll even come over and show you how to prepare it.
" Yeah but what about my husband?" Jane asked logging on to a computer.
"What's to worry about he already knows what you do?" Jasmine reasoned.
" I want to keep him as separate from the company as possible." Jane said looking up from her e-mail.
"I'm doing this to be kind, not for the company."
"Fine give me the list before 5:00." Jane said turning back to her computer.
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Eddie and John sat in a booth at the diner where they were regulars.
"What would you like today?" a fat waitress with teased hair asked pouring them cups of coffee.
" The number two," John said handing her his menu.
"I'll have the usual," Eddie said. The waitress nodded and wrote it down. " So she doesn't cook. It there anything else that she stopped doing?"
"She still decorates the house. I don't like her taste in drapes."
"Who's cleaning the house?" Eddie asked opening his paper.
"I don't know, give me a sec," John said flipping open his cell phone.
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"Jane it's your husband," a girl said handing Jane a cordless phone.
"Hey babe," Jane said with a smile.
"Hello dear," John answered, " I was just wondering who cleans the house."
"No one John, that is all me," Jane said seductively.
"Okay then, thanks." John said flipping his phone closed.
"Bastard," Jane mumbled under her breath to herself. She hung up the phone and returned to re-reading her briefing.
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