To my readers/reviewers.

Vegemite and Rawinth: Thank you. I promise I won't disappoint you.

ClassicRockChicky: a Mary Sue? What's that? Anyway thank you and, by the way, it's one of the best written reviews I've ever had.

Mr. Spooch: You lucky girl, I'm just updating today:)

Oh and I'm having my exams... wish me luck or say a little prayer for me... (like the song hehe)

2. Interesting conversations.

Some time later, Toulouse left. But Claire didn't go with him. She sat on a chair by the window and started looking outside. I wanted her to go away, to leave me alone. Suddenly I didn't like the way she was pitying me. Even when I couldn't see her, I knew she was staring at me. She didn't let me think, neither sleep, her look made me nervous. So I said:

"Why don't you go?"

"I can't" she answered.

I turned to Claire. She was still sitting on the chair, and now her eyes were fixed in the street. In the Moulin Rouge opposite our building.

"Why?" I insisted.

"Because Toulouse told me not to leave you alone".

"I want to be alone".

"You wanted to die hours ago. You don't know what you really want".

She crossed her legs and her sight moved to somewhere beyond the window. For the first time the mysterious Claire seemed to be nervous. I sat on the bed and watched her, now she was avoiding to look at me.

"I don't need anybody to look after me" I told her.

"Of course you need".

"No. So you can go."

"I can't! " she replied, turning suddenly to me "I can't go until I'm sure you won't do something stupid... again."

I didn't know how to answer. I only had an absurd idea.

"So you speak English" I said.

"Yes" she answered in a cold way.

"How did you learn?"

"All men need sex. Even English".

Then I thought it shouldn't have asked. She seemed sad, or furious, when talking about that. She was a prostitute, but she hated what she did to make a living, she was ashamed of it. I could suppose this because of the way she was sitting now, tense and trying not to look as uncomfortable as she was feeling.

"Why did you try... to kill yourself?" she asked, taking her revenge on me. A very hard revenge.

"I have no reasons to live."

"I imagined, but why?"

I was going to tell the truth, but suddenly I stopped. Was I really ready to talk to an uknown woman about Satine? Could I admit she was dead? Just thinking about Satine made me want to cut my veins again and definitively, it was so painful, but I didn't want to share my pain, because it was the only thing that Satine had left for me.

"A woman?" Claire asked then.

"Did Toulouse tell you?" I replied in surprise.

"No. But men only behave like that because of a woman" she said "And I know what I'm talking about."

"Has ever a man suicided for you?"

"No, thanks. I don't want to be the responsible of anybody's life or death."

"Then you don't know what you're talking about" I stated.

Claire sighed tiredly and shook her head.

"You men give everything so much importance. If she left you... well, that's all".

"She didn't left me" I murmured.

If Satine had left me everything would have been much easier. I'd intended to hate her, to think she didn't love me, that she didn't deserve me... but Satine did love me and it made it all different. Like Toulouse had said, she would have spent her whole life with me if she had been able to. We both wanted to be togheter, but anyway it finished, all of a sudden. I hadn´t realised her illness until it was too late. And I still wondered why.

"So?" Claire said to keep my attention.

"She died" I managed to say.

"Oh" she said quietly.

Claire waited some seconds, expecting me to continue the story. But I didn't, so she started looking through the window again.

"I'm sorry".

She was sorry. God, did she really believed that this sentence would make things better? I didn't need her to pity me. I just couldn't stand it. Nobody but me could understand what I was feeling then. Only a person who had loved Satine as much as I did could understand it.

"I don't want anybody to be sorry for me."

"You don't want anybody to be sorry for you, you don't want to be helped, you don't even want to realise you're not well" Claire answered angrily. "You just want to pity yourself".

She stood up and walked nervously along the room. The sound of her steps, rhytmic as a heart's beating, didn't let me think clearly. I wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that everything she had said was false. But I couldn't find a good reason to refuse her words. So I just kept watching her, her movements through the room, from left to right, back an forth. Claire was trying to escape from me. Someway she was not satisfied with the last thing she had said.

"Can you stop?" I asked.

Claire stopped her restless walking and turned to me, her hands on her hips.

"I've offended you" she said "Is that?"

"I was only saying that you are nobody to judge my acts".

"So you mean you are not pitying yourself? I don't agree with that".

It seemed impossible to change topics. She would insist until I admitted I was too concerned with my sorrow. It could actually be true, I was falling deeper and deeper, but I didn't know how to overcome it, I needed time. It was imposible to forget Satine so quickly. Anyway I didn't want to forget her. Although thinking about her made me suffer, I preferred to remember her. It was like some kind on drug, I knew it hurted me, but I couldn't help living without my thoughts about Satine. They were my reason to wake up day by day. Probably I was depressing myself, sinking in old memories and not trying to start a new life... but those memories were so sweet and my supposed-to-be-new life was so bitter.

"I mean you can't understand what I'm going through" I explained.

Claire didn't like this answer at all. It made her even angrier. For a moment she was about to yell at me, but finally she took over her instincts, went slowly towards the window and said ironicly:

"Of course I can't understand. I can do nothing but shut up."

Then she seemed uncomfortable again. I confess I couldn't understand her changes of attitude. I had been said that it was very typical of women; however, I hadn't seen it before. Sometimes Claire was looking through the window, like she were ashamed, and next she was giving me advice about my feelings. It was a very confusing situation. And it was worse when we were not talking, just trying to guess what the other one was thinking about.

All of a sudden she spoke again.

"I think I'm going for a walk. Not too long" she said in a low voice, and added "I feel stuck in here, I need to breath some fresh air".

"It was you who didn't want to leave" I replied.

"I will only last five minutes. You won't have time to kill yourself".

"Then go. I'd like to be alone too".

She looked at me with her clear eyes and asked:

"Promise you won't do anything stupid?"

"Yes".

"I'll be back soon anyway" Claire stated. She didn't still trust me.

We crossed a last look before she went through the room and disappeared behind the door.

TO BE CONTINUED

Did you like it? Then review. Did you read the first chapter and like it? Then review. Did you review the first chapter? Then keep on reviewing. (Well, I don't want to be so repetitive but reviews are very important for me). If you have any advice, any idea for the story... tell me.