Webeccy & the confusing year at Hogwash

by SaoirseMC

Something me & my friend did in year 9, its really messed up, confusing, dirty, weird and rude but extremely funny considering we did it at lunch times when we were 14!

1. Chapter 1

A few notes, as this contains a lot of 'private' jokes.

For some odd reason, my nickname used to be Jesus, or Jebus…I'm Saoirse btw!

Emma started this, then I would do a chapter, then she…etc

Any names that you don't recognize are our friends, who all kinda act like that apart from Webeccy (pronounced Wee Beccy, or just known as Beccy!)

…hehehehe we were all hyped up on chocolate

Ignore the typos, crap punctuation, etc, for I did not type this out, Beccy did…and she was in a rush and everyone knows how lazy I am… I tried my best, hope its legible!

Damn its so funny…perhaps you wont think as much, but give it a chance, its not like its long!

Me and Emma had major crushes on Tom Felton at the time. You didn't need to know that, but oh well.

Once upon a time in Hogwash, Webeccy was walking down the hall and all of a sudden she bumped into Harry Potter. Webeccy says, 'Oh where's my flaming book?'

Potter: 'oh yes I have it here.'

Webeccy: 'cheers now pee off.'

Potter: 'wait! Could you join my fan club? Its called 'Potter sucks.'

Webeccy: 'oh yes I'd be pleased to join.'

Then Webeccy bumped into Malfoy.

Malfoy: 'ha ha ha I'm a prefect ha ha ha.'

Webeccy: 'ha ha ha you suck ha ha ha.'

Then she goes to potions. Snape says 'oi you lot, get your potion books out you bastards!'

Webeccy 'ok sir under breath how rude.'

Next she goes to divination. Firenze says 'lie on your backs and look up bastards, everyone.'

Webeccy: 'Why do u call us bastards?'

Firenze: 'it's the law now shut up you bastard!'

Then it is break time and she goes into the great hall. She sits opposite Neville

Webeccy: 'Why do u always end up in trouble?'

Neville: 'I don't know. I got another howler from my gran, it was horrible she said 'you've left your under pants at home'

Webeccy: 'charming (how rude)'

Next she goes to defense against the dark arts class. Lockhart is the teacher; somehow he got his memory back (I think he looked in the mirror)

Lockhart: 'hello (moan) I'm so unhappy'

Hermione: 'Why?'

Lockhart ' I came 2nd in the most charming smile award'

(Class laughs really loudly)

'Its not funny bastards"

Ron: 'yes it is'

Jess: 'I like cabbage'

Harry: 'what's that got to do with the conversation'

Jess; 'dunno'

Malfoy: 'I love professor Snape'

Pansy: 'I love u'

Malfoy: 'PISS OFF U UGLY CUNT'

(After class)

Ron: 'bloody hell that was the loudest class weve ever been in'

Saoirse: 'I know I hope we don't get in trouble.'

Webeccy: 'we wont 'cos your Jesus'

Saoirse: ' oh yeah I forgot'

Webeccy: 'we love Jesus'

Next it was plant lesson with professor sprout.

Sprout: 'morning bastards. Today we are going to repot mandrakes'

Hermione 'mandrake or mandagora is used to turn those who have been petrified back to their original shitty state, its also quite dangerous the mandrakes cry is fatal to anyone who hears it'

Sprout 'that's all wrong u bastard 50 points from gryffindor'

Webeccy: ' Hermione u shit head now we're 50 points behind slytherin'

Webeccy was very angry

Emma: ' I love Jesus'

Jess: ' I love cabbage'

Angelina 'will u shut up. Some of us don't want to know who u love'

Malfoy: 'well I do I love professor Snape'

Ron: 'I love food'

Harry: 'will EVERY1 SHUT UP'

Class; 'ok'

Next it was lunch and Webeccy was heading to the great hall when she heard a voice

Voice; 'I love u I love u I love u…'

Webeccy; 'WILL U SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HAVE A HEADACHE'

In the great hall she sits next to Saoirse, Emma, Harry and Oliver

Oliver 'I need a new broom'

Harry; 'ill get u one'

Oliver; 'really?'

Harry; 'no'

Emma; 'don't be so mean Harry'

Saoirse; 'I want cake'

Jess; 'have u seen the cabbage'

Saoirse; 'try and look on the other tables I think Slytherin has some'

Jess 'ok…(walks to Slytherin) have u got any cabbage?'

Malfoy; 'piss off'

Pansy; 'don't tell her to piss off'

Malfoy; 'stickin up for Jess are we?' (makes a scene) 'everyone Pansy fancies Jess'

Everyone laughs

Webeccy; 'Malfoy fancies Snape'

Emma; 'Snape fancies magonagol'

Hermione; 'I fancy Lockhart'

Harry; ' I fancy Cho Chang'

Ron; ' I fancy Hermione'

Saoirse; 'Frodo fancies Sam'

Harry 'Frodo? Sam? WTF are they supposed to do with Harry Potter. This is Hogwash not lord of the rings'

Saoirse; 'sorry'

Next it is time for every1 to go to bed.

Webeccy goes to bed and dreams of Jesus.

That's the end of hogwash day 1.