Genres: Drama/Romance/Depression
Warning: contains shonen/seinen-ai. If you find this offensive, then don't read this (yes, it's as simple as that)! Plus the story contains elements concerning prostitution . Also I don't recommend reading this if you don't like depressing stories (although, if you've read this far, I'm guessing you do.)
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is copyrighted to Takaya Natsuki.
Rating: PG 13, might go up to R (but I doubt it, well, who knows)
A/N: Hey, thanks for the reviews as usual, especially to the lovely Kativa- chan for being my beta, the wonderful Aiden for all her support and to the great Enjen for her (?) advice, suggestions and reviews. Luv y'all! I'm really sick (still/again) I have a killer earache. Oh well I'll have to go see a doctor or something. Personally I find that it's easier for me to write when I'm in a bad physical state (weird, aren't I?) So here it is:
Black Boudoir
Chapter Eleven
Tohru helped Shigure drag Kyo to his new room, which Kisa had prepared for him earlier that day. They laid him on the bed and closed the shades. Tohru looked anxiously at Shigure then at Kyo and remembering Yuki's state, touched the young man's forehead. She had made the connection between what Yuki had said and what had happened to Kyo only when she had gone to fetch him an hour later.
He had been asleep on the giant futon, Akito watching from a corner of the room with a slightly dazed expression. Kyo looked like he was in pain, even in his sleep.
She withdrew her hand once she had checked both his cheeks and forehead for elevated warmth and found none. This was good. He wasn't delirious, she remembered what she had seen after Haru's initiation.
--" Quick, get him to bed." Kagura said softly. She touched the cow's
head and groaned.
"Fetch Hatori-san as well." She told Ayame and Ritsu who had laid their
cousin on a bed. They nodded and went off to find the doctor.
"Akito-sama is too brutal. And you're too sensitive." She said to the
burning boy. His eyelid fluttered and hot breath escaped his lips,
scalding her hand lightly.
Ayame came back and told her that Hatori couldn't come because he was
taking care of the clan head already. She groaned.
"Why does he abuse his power? Why can't he be more considerate? What did
we all do to deserve this?" She asked Haru, not expecting an answer.
"True, I'm better off than most, working as a barmaid and taking care of
the men when I have time, but I suffered as well, their pain backfires on
me. " she said, mostly to herself.
She went to fetch a bowl of cold water, painkillers and a cloth when a
hot and restrained her. She turned to look at Hatsuharu and smiled at
him, seeing his eyes open. He pulled her closer. It became an embrace. He
mumbled something in a sick sounding voice. She couldn't quite make it
out. She bent closer and he pulled himself up and kissed her. She looked
surprised and slightly flustered, her shoulder tensing up. He uttered
something vague through the cloud of confusing heat surrounding his mind
and she made out the word "Rin". She smiled and stroked his face, her
shoulders relaxing and whispered:
"Yes, it's me Rin, don't worry, I'll take care of you now, and when you
wake up, you'll find Kagura with you." She helped him sit up and made him
swallow the painkiller and some melatonin (a) and laid him back down,
stroking his hair and feeling his cheeks occasionally until his breathing
told her he was asleep.
She got up, opened the window a crack to let in the luke-warm spring air
and sat down next to the bed again, eventually laying her upper body on
it next to his.
Tohru left her place by the door. It had been left ajar and from there
she had seen them. --
This time it was different. It had been Yuki doing the dirty work, and she knew that he couldn't possibly have been violent of brutal, simply because he got no pleasure from it. But how would Kyo react? It pained her to see him here. She remembered the spark he had when she had met him, would he still have it once he recovered? Why did Akito break everyone she loved, directly or indirectly?
Shigure thanked her for her help and told her that she could go back to Yuki.
"Don't worry, I'll stay with him and I'll explain things when he wakes up. You're needed elsewhere Tohru-chan." He gave her his most charming smile. She nodded, bowed and left with a backwards glance at Kyo lying on the bed.
Shigure's smile stayed and slowly it turned into a grimace, forcing his face into a painful grin. He bit his lip, and swallowed hard to prevent the lump in his throat from taking over. He closed his eyes. At least, if he were going to cry again, he would try and do it with dignity. 'Why is the last thing before tears always a smile?" he thought. All the people he had ever seen cry showed expressions of pain or anger. He knew that he always smiled. It was a reflex, a last attempt to protect himself, to fool people.
He felt hot tears again, but his breath stayed normal, it was much more painful this way. He felt guilty, it became unbearable. He forced his breath out in a hiss. He wouldn't allow himself to make more noise than that. He opened his eyes, his vision still blurry and looked at Kyo.
"I'm sorry." He mouthed. He said it softly once. He moved from the chair onto the bed and kneeled there, placing Kyo's head and upper back in his lap and on his thighs and knees and bent over the boy, his tears falling on Kyo's chest and leaving light marks on the white fabric. He rocked the both gently back and forth, enjoying the sensation of his old pain leaving him and hurting at the same time as he felt new pain building up in his chest. Tohru stood outside the door. She knew it was bad to eavesdrop, but Yuki was asleep and she had come to check on them and heard sobbing. She had expected it to b Kyo and was startled when she recognised Shigure's voice. She froze, unable to move. She had never heard her "uncle" cry. And she by far hadn't suspected it. She had known from the smile that something was wrong, but she hadn't thought that Shigure would be hurting this badly. He was such a strong person. 'It seems not' she though weakly. A resolution formed in her mind.
"I'll be strong. I promise" she said softly to the closed door. At the same time hoping it had reached Shigure and hoping it had not.
* * *
Kyo woke up in a strange bed the next day. He opened his eyes and looked around. He found Shigure sitting in a chair next to the bed, asleep. He moved and instantly felt pain that reminded him of what had happened. He had not dreamt in his sleep. It had all been black, but he had felt warmth and moisture and motion. He shrugged it away. He was still in shock. He couldn't remember seeing much last night, but he could recall smells; mostly incense and sweat and the smell of Yuki. Clean and impersonal, like cloth that has been washed and placed in a scented closet.
He found that his mind had blocked out noise and feeling. 'I guess that's a good thing' he thought weakly. He turned over to Shigure. Something in the back of his mind told him that he should feel grateful for him being here and having spent the night in an uncomfortable chair, but it was then that he noticed it: he couldn't. He tried thinking of how angry he felt when Uo had not believed him and found he couldn't remember.
He sat up and looked around. The room was very beautiful. It had light walls (he couldn't make out the exact colour in the dark) and the furniture was plain but elegant. There was a desk, an antique looking western closet, and a dark wooden bookcase.
He got up and went to one of the two doors. He opened it and saw that it led to the hallway with the flowers and the red carpet and found a vase of orange lilies next to his door. He closed it and went to open the other one. It led to a bathroom. It had a shower, a sink and a toilet and the floor was heated under his bare feet.
"A least the comfort is good." He said aloud.
"Ah, you're awake." He heard Shigure say from his place on the chair.
He turned around and looked at the man. He had the ghost of a smile on his lips and his eyes were bloodshot and dark. The dog rubbed his hands over his face as if to clear away residual sleep. He stood up and opened the shutters. Although it was February, there was a thin layer of snow outside and the sun shimmered on it. He made the bed and put the chair back in front of the desk where it belonged. Kyo walked over and sat down on the bed.
He looked out of the window, his expression remaining passive. He looked over to Shigure who held his breath.
"You knew?" he said bluntly.
"Yes." Shigure mouthed, not able to add breath and voice to his statement.
"And you did nothing?" Kyo went on.
Shigure looked down. Waiting for Kyo to start yelling. But he didn't.
"Where were you? Did you hear me? I remember calling you to help me. Were you there?"
"No." Shigure lied, more for himself then for Kyo. "I was sent on an errand."
"Then I was dreaming." Kyo said in the same monotonous voice.
"What do you mean?"Shigure asked.
"I thought I heard your voice." He said.
"How are you feeling?" Shigure asked, still waiting for some sign of anger.
"I don't know. Physically, it hurts, if that's what you mean."
"Aren't you angry?" Shigure asked somewhat wary.
"No"
"Don't you feel betrayed?"
"No."
"Do you feel anything?"
"No"
Shigure closed his eyes. He didn't know how to react. This reaction scared him. He felt even more guilt. He would have felt better if Kyo had yelled at him, maybe even hit him, it would have been proper punishment, but this was far worse. Kyo felt nothing; he didn't seem to be mad at him at all for letting this happen. It was torture, because Shigure had the impression that he was suffering two peoples' worth of pain.
* * *
Spring had come and Kyo had permanently moved in. He hadn't complained once, not even about Uotani swearing at him and telling him he deserved what he got. He offered to pay his share of their rent since his new salary enabled him to and because his bed and board was now free anyway. She refused and took it as another personal insult. He had just shrugged, told her he would pick up his stuff the next day and put down the phone. As Tohru had predicted, the life had left his eyes. They were dim and dark. Strangely enough, this made him even more attractive to the people he encountered in streets, cafés, post offices, etc.
He had started work one week after his rape (he refused to disguise it under the word "initiation") and he had a string of regular customers. He didn't care about his body anymore and he didn't to notice the difference between being with a client and doing his weekly workout. He considered the both to be physical exercise.
He rarely talked and seemed dazed most of the time. Tohru was worried, he was reacting like Yuki had, only, Yuki still was able to feel things like comfort or affection towards her. Kyo felt nothing. He was barely human. She found that she didn't love him as she had. She felt extremely sorry for him. One day she had told him so and he had merely replied that she shouldn't bother, but that it was nice of her anyway.
Kyo's lack of feeling affected Shigure most of all. He had blamed it all on himself and asked Kyo to forgive him hundreds of times. Kyo merely answered that there was nothing to forgive.
After a while Shigure had stopped working, he stayed in bed and got sick. He had to be operated at a private clinic a month later when they had found out that he had developed an ulcer.
Kyo had gone to visit him.
--Kyo pushed the door open. He saw Shigure lying in the hospital bed, a
mess of dark hair amidst the white of his complexion and everything else
in the room. He moved closer and drew up a chair.
Shigure opened his eyes and showed a familiar mild smile. Kyo took his
hand. The gesture had come to him naturally. He vaguely remembered
something, but it was like a dream, or something just around the corner,
but still unreachable.
"How are you?" he asked, trying to make his voice softer. He found it
very hard. Shigure noticed.
"I'm alright. The doctor said that I would be okay in a while."
"Good. They've missed you." Kyo said. A flash of pain hit Shigure.
"They? What about you?" he asked.
"I guess. I just can't tell. Please don't worry about it. I'm numb. You
know it."
Shigure smiled sadly, a familiar feeling tightening his throat.
"Can't you feel anything?" he asked, knowing the answer.
"No."
"Well, can you do me a favour?" Shigure asked.
"Of course." Kyo answered. It was the least he could do.
"Can you hold me?" Shigure said.
Kyo moved over. He guessed that Shigure would find it comforting. He
guessed that the dog had developed this ailment because of him, but
wasn't able to feel guilty. He bent over Shigure and put his arms around
the man. It felt like holding anyone else, yet, there was his smell. --
He left and hour later after waiting for Shigure to fall asleep once he had taken his medication. His cousin looked so fragile. He wanted him to get better.
That night Kyo lay in bed, unable to find sleep. It was his night off. Something at the back of his mind was tickling his curiosity. He closed his eyes and suddenly knew where to go. He got up and made his way to Shigure's "apartment".
What he had known as Shigure's room was only the one he used for work. The room he lived in was on the third floor. It looked a lot like Kyo's, but it was a lot bigger and it had a kitchen. He went straight to the closet and pulled out Shigure's day clothes. He felt the fabric's texture and then slowly lowered his face to it, taking in the smell. It brought back a memory: He remembered the day he and his cousin had gone to the cemetery in his hometown, his mind fast-forwarded to when he had held his cousin. He felt a ghost of the warmth that had crept into him and remembered the feeling that had compelled him to comfort the man.
It was strange.
End of chapter eleven.
This was long! So I hope that you enjoy it. I just enjoyed writing this so much and it took my mind of being ill. I had no trouble describing Haru's fever, having had one two days ago. Hopefully in the next chapter things will brighten up a bit. Read and review please. Isa
Warning: contains shonen/seinen-ai. If you find this offensive, then don't read this (yes, it's as simple as that)! Plus the story contains elements concerning prostitution . Also I don't recommend reading this if you don't like depressing stories (although, if you've read this far, I'm guessing you do.)
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket is copyrighted to Takaya Natsuki.
Rating: PG 13, might go up to R (but I doubt it, well, who knows)
A/N: Hey, thanks for the reviews as usual, especially to the lovely Kativa- chan for being my beta, the wonderful Aiden for all her support and to the great Enjen for her (?) advice, suggestions and reviews. Luv y'all! I'm really sick (still/again) I have a killer earache. Oh well I'll have to go see a doctor or something. Personally I find that it's easier for me to write when I'm in a bad physical state (weird, aren't I?) So here it is:
Black Boudoir
Chapter Eleven
Tohru helped Shigure drag Kyo to his new room, which Kisa had prepared for him earlier that day. They laid him on the bed and closed the shades. Tohru looked anxiously at Shigure then at Kyo and remembering Yuki's state, touched the young man's forehead. She had made the connection between what Yuki had said and what had happened to Kyo only when she had gone to fetch him an hour later.
He had been asleep on the giant futon, Akito watching from a corner of the room with a slightly dazed expression. Kyo looked like he was in pain, even in his sleep.
She withdrew her hand once she had checked both his cheeks and forehead for elevated warmth and found none. This was good. He wasn't delirious, she remembered what she had seen after Haru's initiation.
--" Quick, get him to bed." Kagura said softly. She touched the cow's
head and groaned.
"Fetch Hatori-san as well." She told Ayame and Ritsu who had laid their
cousin on a bed. They nodded and went off to find the doctor.
"Akito-sama is too brutal. And you're too sensitive." She said to the
burning boy. His eyelid fluttered and hot breath escaped his lips,
scalding her hand lightly.
Ayame came back and told her that Hatori couldn't come because he was
taking care of the clan head already. She groaned.
"Why does he abuse his power? Why can't he be more considerate? What did
we all do to deserve this?" She asked Haru, not expecting an answer.
"True, I'm better off than most, working as a barmaid and taking care of
the men when I have time, but I suffered as well, their pain backfires on
me. " she said, mostly to herself.
She went to fetch a bowl of cold water, painkillers and a cloth when a
hot and restrained her. She turned to look at Hatsuharu and smiled at
him, seeing his eyes open. He pulled her closer. It became an embrace. He
mumbled something in a sick sounding voice. She couldn't quite make it
out. She bent closer and he pulled himself up and kissed her. She looked
surprised and slightly flustered, her shoulder tensing up. He uttered
something vague through the cloud of confusing heat surrounding his mind
and she made out the word "Rin". She smiled and stroked his face, her
shoulders relaxing and whispered:
"Yes, it's me Rin, don't worry, I'll take care of you now, and when you
wake up, you'll find Kagura with you." She helped him sit up and made him
swallow the painkiller and some melatonin (a) and laid him back down,
stroking his hair and feeling his cheeks occasionally until his breathing
told her he was asleep.
She got up, opened the window a crack to let in the luke-warm spring air
and sat down next to the bed again, eventually laying her upper body on
it next to his.
Tohru left her place by the door. It had been left ajar and from there
she had seen them. --
This time it was different. It had been Yuki doing the dirty work, and she knew that he couldn't possibly have been violent of brutal, simply because he got no pleasure from it. But how would Kyo react? It pained her to see him here. She remembered the spark he had when she had met him, would he still have it once he recovered? Why did Akito break everyone she loved, directly or indirectly?
Shigure thanked her for her help and told her that she could go back to Yuki.
"Don't worry, I'll stay with him and I'll explain things when he wakes up. You're needed elsewhere Tohru-chan." He gave her his most charming smile. She nodded, bowed and left with a backwards glance at Kyo lying on the bed.
Shigure's smile stayed and slowly it turned into a grimace, forcing his face into a painful grin. He bit his lip, and swallowed hard to prevent the lump in his throat from taking over. He closed his eyes. At least, if he were going to cry again, he would try and do it with dignity. 'Why is the last thing before tears always a smile?" he thought. All the people he had ever seen cry showed expressions of pain or anger. He knew that he always smiled. It was a reflex, a last attempt to protect himself, to fool people.
He felt hot tears again, but his breath stayed normal, it was much more painful this way. He felt guilty, it became unbearable. He forced his breath out in a hiss. He wouldn't allow himself to make more noise than that. He opened his eyes, his vision still blurry and looked at Kyo.
"I'm sorry." He mouthed. He said it softly once. He moved from the chair onto the bed and kneeled there, placing Kyo's head and upper back in his lap and on his thighs and knees and bent over the boy, his tears falling on Kyo's chest and leaving light marks on the white fabric. He rocked the both gently back and forth, enjoying the sensation of his old pain leaving him and hurting at the same time as he felt new pain building up in his chest. Tohru stood outside the door. She knew it was bad to eavesdrop, but Yuki was asleep and she had come to check on them and heard sobbing. She had expected it to b Kyo and was startled when she recognised Shigure's voice. She froze, unable to move. She had never heard her "uncle" cry. And she by far hadn't suspected it. She had known from the smile that something was wrong, but she hadn't thought that Shigure would be hurting this badly. He was such a strong person. 'It seems not' she though weakly. A resolution formed in her mind.
"I'll be strong. I promise" she said softly to the closed door. At the same time hoping it had reached Shigure and hoping it had not.
* * *
Kyo woke up in a strange bed the next day. He opened his eyes and looked around. He found Shigure sitting in a chair next to the bed, asleep. He moved and instantly felt pain that reminded him of what had happened. He had not dreamt in his sleep. It had all been black, but he had felt warmth and moisture and motion. He shrugged it away. He was still in shock. He couldn't remember seeing much last night, but he could recall smells; mostly incense and sweat and the smell of Yuki. Clean and impersonal, like cloth that has been washed and placed in a scented closet.
He found that his mind had blocked out noise and feeling. 'I guess that's a good thing' he thought weakly. He turned over to Shigure. Something in the back of his mind told him that he should feel grateful for him being here and having spent the night in an uncomfortable chair, but it was then that he noticed it: he couldn't. He tried thinking of how angry he felt when Uo had not believed him and found he couldn't remember.
He sat up and looked around. The room was very beautiful. It had light walls (he couldn't make out the exact colour in the dark) and the furniture was plain but elegant. There was a desk, an antique looking western closet, and a dark wooden bookcase.
He got up and went to one of the two doors. He opened it and saw that it led to the hallway with the flowers and the red carpet and found a vase of orange lilies next to his door. He closed it and went to open the other one. It led to a bathroom. It had a shower, a sink and a toilet and the floor was heated under his bare feet.
"A least the comfort is good." He said aloud.
"Ah, you're awake." He heard Shigure say from his place on the chair.
He turned around and looked at the man. He had the ghost of a smile on his lips and his eyes were bloodshot and dark. The dog rubbed his hands over his face as if to clear away residual sleep. He stood up and opened the shutters. Although it was February, there was a thin layer of snow outside and the sun shimmered on it. He made the bed and put the chair back in front of the desk where it belonged. Kyo walked over and sat down on the bed.
He looked out of the window, his expression remaining passive. He looked over to Shigure who held his breath.
"You knew?" he said bluntly.
"Yes." Shigure mouthed, not able to add breath and voice to his statement.
"And you did nothing?" Kyo went on.
Shigure looked down. Waiting for Kyo to start yelling. But he didn't.
"Where were you? Did you hear me? I remember calling you to help me. Were you there?"
"No." Shigure lied, more for himself then for Kyo. "I was sent on an errand."
"Then I was dreaming." Kyo said in the same monotonous voice.
"What do you mean?"Shigure asked.
"I thought I heard your voice." He said.
"How are you feeling?" Shigure asked, still waiting for some sign of anger.
"I don't know. Physically, it hurts, if that's what you mean."
"Aren't you angry?" Shigure asked somewhat wary.
"No"
"Don't you feel betrayed?"
"No."
"Do you feel anything?"
"No"
Shigure closed his eyes. He didn't know how to react. This reaction scared him. He felt even more guilt. He would have felt better if Kyo had yelled at him, maybe even hit him, it would have been proper punishment, but this was far worse. Kyo felt nothing; he didn't seem to be mad at him at all for letting this happen. It was torture, because Shigure had the impression that he was suffering two peoples' worth of pain.
* * *
Spring had come and Kyo had permanently moved in. He hadn't complained once, not even about Uotani swearing at him and telling him he deserved what he got. He offered to pay his share of their rent since his new salary enabled him to and because his bed and board was now free anyway. She refused and took it as another personal insult. He had just shrugged, told her he would pick up his stuff the next day and put down the phone. As Tohru had predicted, the life had left his eyes. They were dim and dark. Strangely enough, this made him even more attractive to the people he encountered in streets, cafés, post offices, etc.
He had started work one week after his rape (he refused to disguise it under the word "initiation") and he had a string of regular customers. He didn't care about his body anymore and he didn't to notice the difference between being with a client and doing his weekly workout. He considered the both to be physical exercise.
He rarely talked and seemed dazed most of the time. Tohru was worried, he was reacting like Yuki had, only, Yuki still was able to feel things like comfort or affection towards her. Kyo felt nothing. He was barely human. She found that she didn't love him as she had. She felt extremely sorry for him. One day she had told him so and he had merely replied that she shouldn't bother, but that it was nice of her anyway.
Kyo's lack of feeling affected Shigure most of all. He had blamed it all on himself and asked Kyo to forgive him hundreds of times. Kyo merely answered that there was nothing to forgive.
After a while Shigure had stopped working, he stayed in bed and got sick. He had to be operated at a private clinic a month later when they had found out that he had developed an ulcer.
Kyo had gone to visit him.
--Kyo pushed the door open. He saw Shigure lying in the hospital bed, a
mess of dark hair amidst the white of his complexion and everything else
in the room. He moved closer and drew up a chair.
Shigure opened his eyes and showed a familiar mild smile. Kyo took his
hand. The gesture had come to him naturally. He vaguely remembered
something, but it was like a dream, or something just around the corner,
but still unreachable.
"How are you?" he asked, trying to make his voice softer. He found it
very hard. Shigure noticed.
"I'm alright. The doctor said that I would be okay in a while."
"Good. They've missed you." Kyo said. A flash of pain hit Shigure.
"They? What about you?" he asked.
"I guess. I just can't tell. Please don't worry about it. I'm numb. You
know it."
Shigure smiled sadly, a familiar feeling tightening his throat.
"Can't you feel anything?" he asked, knowing the answer.
"No."
"Well, can you do me a favour?" Shigure asked.
"Of course." Kyo answered. It was the least he could do.
"Can you hold me?" Shigure said.
Kyo moved over. He guessed that Shigure would find it comforting. He
guessed that the dog had developed this ailment because of him, but
wasn't able to feel guilty. He bent over Shigure and put his arms around
the man. It felt like holding anyone else, yet, there was his smell. --
He left and hour later after waiting for Shigure to fall asleep once he had taken his medication. His cousin looked so fragile. He wanted him to get better.
That night Kyo lay in bed, unable to find sleep. It was his night off. Something at the back of his mind was tickling his curiosity. He closed his eyes and suddenly knew where to go. He got up and made his way to Shigure's "apartment".
What he had known as Shigure's room was only the one he used for work. The room he lived in was on the third floor. It looked a lot like Kyo's, but it was a lot bigger and it had a kitchen. He went straight to the closet and pulled out Shigure's day clothes. He felt the fabric's texture and then slowly lowered his face to it, taking in the smell. It brought back a memory: He remembered the day he and his cousin had gone to the cemetery in his hometown, his mind fast-forwarded to when he had held his cousin. He felt a ghost of the warmth that had crept into him and remembered the feeling that had compelled him to comfort the man.
It was strange.
End of chapter eleven.
This was long! So I hope that you enjoy it. I just enjoyed writing this so much and it took my mind of being ill. I had no trouble describing Haru's fever, having had one two days ago. Hopefully in the next chapter things will brighten up a bit. Read and review please. Isa