A/N: I realized I made a mistake in my last chapter. I had previously said Inu and Kag's hut burned down…eh heh…Anyway, it was a few weeks later last chapter and they rebuilt their hut…yeah…that's it…
Chapter 19: Rethinking Love
"Kagome-chan?" Sango asked, as she walked into the newly rebuilt hut, with Suki on her hip. When she walked in, she stared. She had intentionally gone to ask Kagome over for dinner, but now didn't seem like the time. The usually happy hut was now gloomy. Inuyasha was no where in sight. Kuro was sleeping in his basket, and Kagome was lying on the bed, softly crying into the mattress.
"Kagome?" she asked, walking in. "What's wrong?"
Kagome turned her head, and Sango saw her face was stained with tears. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying, and the front of her yukata was wet. She didn't answer, but another tear escaped her eyes.
"Kagome-chan? Kagome, what's wrong?" Sango asked, kneeling by her and putting Suki down.
"It's all my fault…" Kagome cried. "It's my fault that he…"
"Who? Inuyasha? Kagome-chan, what's going on?"
"He's mad at me…" she sniffed, trying to wipe away the stream of tears. "B-but I didn't mean…a-and now he's…"
Sango put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Kagome, please, let me help! Tell me, what's going on between you and Inuyasha?"
She didn't want to answer. She didn't want to let her best friend know she felt that she had betrayed Inuyasha. It was bad enough that she knew. "Nothing."
The youkai exterminator tried to get her to talk about it. "Kagome, please, tell me what's—"
Kagome snapped, "NOTHING! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Her friend gasped, at her sudden outburst, but then nodded, and picked Suki up. She left the hut without saying a word. It would do her no good on insisting that she stayed there.
Kagome cried back into the mattress. And now I yelled at Sango-chan…After everything else that's been going on…That fire, those horrible dreams, Inuuyasha's mad at me…and now I yelled at Sango-chan…
Why can't we be together? She asked, crying. Why can't hanyous and humans be together?
She remembered a line from her dream. "Because that's the way it is."
B-But…why does it have to be that way? Why?
Inuyasha looked at the village from the branches of Goshinboku. It was a bright sunny day, and most were outside, doing their chores or gossiping with neighbors. When his eyes fell on Kagome and his hut, he turned away.
She's afraid of me…he thought. There's no way I can stop that…
He had never felt worse when he learned that he was the one frightening her. Somehow, he had always known that he would never measure up to her, but this…
It was just too much.
Hanyous are nothing. He reminded himself. Not good enough to be a youkai, but bad enough to humans. Hanyous get trust, mates, or kids. We are nothing.
A part of his brain said, But…Kagome did give you trust, love, and a child.
She may have, but she doesn't trust me anymore. Not if she's dreaming about me killing her.
He sighed. Hanyous and humans aren't meant to be together…
But why? Why not?
But he knew the answer. Because that's the way it is. No one accepts a hanyou. All we are, all we've ever been, is outcasts. And nothing will ever change that.
He thought of his son. Kuro…now you'll have to endure the suffering I went through. Poor kid's going to get bullied, not going to get accepted…
Maybe…it was a mistake to bring another hanyou into this world.
He punched the tree bark. No! That can't be right! My son was never a mistake!
But…something was a mistake. I can feel it. What was it?
"Inuyasha!" A voice said below him.
He looked down. Miroku, Sango, and Shippou were at the base of the tree, all glaring at him. Sango had even brough Suki, and the baby also seemed to be angry.
Damnit! Now what? He jumped down from the tree. "What?"
"Well?" Miroku asked, looking impatient. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
He stared. "Say for myself what?"
"About Kagome!" Shippou said.
Inuyasha felt a small twinge of anger. "Don't bring her up right now." He warned. He already knew that Kagome was upset with him.
"What did you do to Kagome-chan?" Sango demanded. "She's crying her eyes out—"
"None of your business." He warned, now glaring at them.
"None of our business?" Sango said, handing Suki over to Miroku. She marched up to Inuyasha, very mad. "Listen you! Kagome-chan is crying her eyes out because of you, and if you don't go back there and apologize—"
"APOLOGIZE!" Inuyasha roared. "WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE TRIED TO DO? I'VE BEEN APOLOGIZING AS MUCH AS I CAN! AND IT DOESN'T MATTER! NO MATTER HOW MUCH I APOLOGIZE, IT'S NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE FACT THAT SHE—" He stopped himself when he remembered he didn't want to say what had been bothering him.
"She what, Inuyasha?" Miroku demanded. "What exactly?"
"Tell us!" Shippou yelled.
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS!" Inuyasha yelled.
"It is our business!" Sango yelled. "It's our business when Kagome-chan is crying her eyes out in her hut because you're mad at her!"
Inuyasha growled and clenched his hands into a fist. "MAD at her? THAT'S what she thinks is wrong with me? That I'm MAD at her?"
"Well, what's the truth?" They all demanded at once.
"I'M NOT MAD AT HER, I'M MAD AT…!" He stared at the hand that he had clenched into a fist. The hand that had spilled so much blood and killed so many things. The hand that was used to hurt her in her dreams. The hand that she was afraid of.
Hanyous and humans don't belong together.
"NOTHING!" he yelled, storming off into the forest. He didn't pay attention to where he was going. He just wanted to get away.
In his anger, many pieces of trees ended up being broken or smashed. He needed something to vent his frustration on. Somehow, it had hurt him when he learned Kagome still thought he was mad at her. I could never be mad at her, this is all my fault…
All my fault…because I couldn't stop her dreams? Or because I am in them?
It's my fault because I scare her.
He looked over at the broken pile of timber. I do scare her…sometimes I scare myself, not knowing my own strength.
But…weren't we supposed to have great trust in one another? Weren't we supposed to trust each other no matter what?
I guess that proved false at the first test, huh?
He remembered Kikyou. What happened between me and Kikyou…that was because we couldn't fully trust one another…will that same thing happen between me and Kagome?
He rested his head against a tree trunk, and then slammed his fist into it. He closed his eyes. Then maybe…that was the mistake…maybe…
Maybe Hanyous and humans shouldn't be together…
Maybe we should have never been…
The manipulator of shadows looked up from the mirror he was looking into. So…the hanyou and the miko are both starting to come apart. They both believe that it was a mistake…
He smiled, and remembered his plan. How it had nearly failed when the hanyou had rescued the miko and their offspring from his grasp. But no matter. With her last nightmare, everything was falling in place.
Excellent…
Soon, the plan will be complete…and so will be my revenge…
A/N: Aren't I evil? Anyway, the whole "This was a mistake" thing by Inu DOES NOT mean he doesn't love her, its because he's going back to his whole "I am beneath her" thinking. I just don't want anyone thinking that he doesn't love her anymore. Same goes with Kagome, except that she thinks Inuyasha is mad with her because of her dreams.