CHAPTER FOUR
Tina walked over and stood in front of Bette, her arms folded across her chest. Her new found dominance clashed for a moment with the wave of pity that spread through her. She made to move forward but then checked herself. Bette looked up into her eyes. Tears began to form in the corners as she saw her lover, no her life poised on the brink before her. This was the make or break moment she had been praying for but now it had arrived she had no idea what to do.
"Tina, look at me. I am a mess I thought I was in control but something was missing. But when you left I realised that I had it all and I threw it away so foolishly. I love you baby, I need you back, I can't survive without you!" she wiped her eye,
"You're not going to let my mistake ruin us are you?"
Tina just looked back at Bette; her arms folded and face set in an expressionless mask. Bette shuddered realising that the woman whose eyes she was looking into she no longer recognised. She sat down opposite Bette.
"Mistake." She rolled the word around for a moment it sounded oddly provocative in silent house.
Bette looked over towards her, that hand which had been placing its weight on her for months tighten its crippling grip. She bent forwards.
"I felt so isolated since you lost the baby, you pushed me away and, and…" she tailed off.
Tina looked down at her, deep into her eyes, her customary loquaciousness gone.
"I loved you more than anything. I left my boyfriend for you and in seven years, turned my world completely on its head. I have looked into your eyes and never felt so happy as when were together. Then that night at the gallery opening in one moment all that happiness became a lie…"
"Tina I…"
"Just listen will you! Its always about what is happening in the world of Bette, how can you be so sensitive in some ways and never see what is right under your nose. We lost our baby, and as if that devastation wasn't enough you cheated on me. That night when I got home all I did was sit on the floor and cry. I cried because I had lost our baby boy, but also because it was another way I had let you down."
Tina's shouts subsided, she almost whispered.
"What was it I did wrong?"
Bette began to weep; she sank down to the floor on her knees. But then something seemed to stir in her. She stood up and walked over to Tina placing her hands on her shoulders. The firmness of her grip surprised even her.
"Don't you ever say that. Don't you ever say that it was your fault, we have gone on for too long letting you take the blame for my mistakes and deficiencies." The atmosphere around them was electric.
"All those fucking awful self help groups we went to and I was scared. I was scared to admit that I was weak and not strong as I had always believed so I hid behind you and made excuses that you needed protecting. All the while fucking Dan Foxworthy going on in his self-righteous way, diverting us away from what was really happening. But now all I can do is lay myself bare for your forgiveness."
Tina looked at what remained of her lover, the once beautiful skin sallow and worn. Eyes teary and her fingers cracked and stained. Was this still Bette Porter? But Tina already knew the answer. She could still feel that spark that had seven years ago drawn her back to the Bette Porter Gallery to find her missing earring, knowing that this moment was going to change her life forever. She reached up and grabbed Bette's head and kissed her. Bette didn't move, it was as if the weight of months had suddenly been lifted from her shoulders and wave after wave of relief flowed through her. She held Tina close to her, so tightly it was as if she would escape. They kissed again passionately and began walking to the bedroom crashing into the myriad of objects littering the house.
"I guess I shall have to re-hire Sonya." Bette said as they fell through the bedroom door fighting to remove each others clothes, tripping over the litter that covered the floor.
As they fell backwards onto the bed, Tina ran her hands down Bette's open shirt, kissing the exposed skin, before making her way down her body.
Her head bent back on the pillow Bette whispered softly
"I missed you so much," before she moved to accept Tina's embrace.
- FIN -
Disclaimer: I obviously do not own any of the characters of the L-Word and the story is ntirely fictitious based on unseen events in the development of the characters. I would like to thank Ilene Chaiken for creating such great characters to write about.