View From The Moon 4
You don't have to say you love me
Joey lay in Pacey's bed sleeping, she hugged the covers to her greedily and rested her head on the pillow gently, sleeping soundly. Last night had been a dream to her, the closeness was sensational, and the feeling of tranquillity had returned to her as they lay in the night sleeping soundly. Pacey tried to get dressed in silence, he had no desire to wake her and talk to her, afraid of the awkwardness. He looked over to her as he fastened his shirt, gazing at her steadily breathing and the small wheezing sound that escaped her mouth. She hadn't changed, she still slept the same, still hogged the covers, still moved in her sleep and still managed to get into the strangest positions. He had awaken this morning, she slept against his chest, her fingers entwined in his own. He picked up his trousers from the floor and began to put them on as his eyes looked to her and smiled at the sight as she hogged the covers. Putting his trousers on slowly in silence, he tripped, falling headfirst into the door, waking Joey with a shot, starring at him she laughed. "What are you doing on the floor Pacey?" Joey questioned him, laughing at the sight before her as he pulled himself back to his feet.
"I fell," Pacey told her simply, laughing as he put his trousers on and fastened them, walking over to her he sat on the bed. "Sleep well?" he asked her as he brought his foot to the bed and out his socks and shoes onto his large feet.
"Yes thank you but I'm a little bit confused because you seem to be getting dressed for a day at the office," Joey told him, sitting up in bed covering herself with the sheets. "I thought you were going to stay at home with me today," she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. Pacey took a deep breath and pulled her hands from around his neck with his hands. "Something's wrong," Joey stated. She watched him as he took a deep breath and looked at her hands and played with her soft skin.
"I can't do this Joey, it's not right. Last night was great, y'know it was amazing but it's just not right and I just... Joey... I can't do this," Pacey said shutting his eyes and shaking his head. He looked up at her as she pulled her hand away from him slowly. "Last night I... well... we," Pacey took a deep breath and stood up, running his fingers through his hair. "Last night you were so hurt, and you were upset. And I am a horrible, horrible, despicable, bad excuse, terrible, awful, awful human being," Pacey told her looking at her. In his eyes, what he had done was lower than low, it was one of the worst things he had ever done. "You were fragile and I... I took advantage of you Joey, and I am so, so sorry I did," Pacey told her sincerely walking back over to her and kneeling beside the bed, taking his hand in her own. She looked down at him and placed her hand on his cheek gently, he had a look of sadness in his eyes, he felt bad.
"Pacey you didn't take advantage of me okay? You and I knew exactly what we were doing last night; we both went into it with our eyes wide open. You gave me what I wanted, what I needed, you gave me a night of closeness, a night with all the tenderness I remember. You did nothing wrong Pacey, I put you in a very awkward position, if anyone did anything wrong it was me so you should not feel guilty," Joey told him placing a gentle kiss on his temple. "So how about you take those clothes off and join me back in bed for the rest of the day," she told him smiling as she leant over the bed to look at him.
"I can't I have to call our deal off, it's not right Joey, it's not like you it's completely immoral, arrangements like this always end badly. I don't want to feel weird around you, we have a really great thing between us, and I don't want to ruin things. Last night... what we did... it was a huge mistake Joey," Pacey told her softly. He looked at her face as it fell, she shifted backwards on the bed away from her and grabbed her clothes from the floor, still hugging the sheet around her, she felt stupid.
"So last night meant absolutely nothing to you, it meant nothing," Joey said to him angrily, letting a tear roll down her cheek as she gathered her things. Pacey rushed over to her, running around the bed to face her.
"God Joey, no! That is not what I meant, sleeping with you could never mean nothing to me," he told her grabbing her shoulders and looking to her deeply. "Last night meant everything to me, being that close to you, holding you, making love to you meant everything to me," he told her, pulling her back as she tried to walk away from him.
"Well I'm sorry but that's not how it sounded. Y'know last night meant everything to me Pacey, being with you again felt right to me but if it meant that little to you then that's just fine," she said. She slipped away from him and started to get dressed in the clothes she was wearing the night before. He walked to her and put his hand on her cheek, she turned away from him and stood up in her bra and jeans. "No! Just get your hands off me! I can't believe that what we did, meant nothing to you. I can't believe you feel that after all we went through I cannot believe that I mean nothing to you!" Joey shouted at him, letting the tears fall from her eyes.
"Joey you're not listening to me! You meant everything... what we did meant everything... it means everything to me!" Pacey told her, taking her head in his hands and looking directly into her eyes. "This deal we have is wrong which is crazy because I don't think that I have ever felt as right as I did with you last night," Pacey said softly. He rubbed his thumbs over the soft skin that resided on her cheeks.
"Then why stop this? Pacey if it felt so right then why not. We both want comfort, we both want to be held so why not, its one day out of our lives to feel that closeness we can't find with anyone else. I'm not asking you to have a relationship with me I'm just asking that we can have a little time to be together and to be held," Joey said, looking into his eyes as she spoke. All she wanted was a little closeness, to feel the love she missed. To have Pacey just for one day, to have the missing piece of her life back for just one day.
" Joey I love you, I have never stopped loving you. It has taken me so long to even make myself believe that I am starting to get over you and by going any further with this I'm going to get hurt. I don't just want to sleep with you Joey, if I'm going to sleep with you I want it to be in a relationship, not just sex. I want to be with you so much Joey, I know you are that one person. You're the one person that changes everything, the one person that I can see myself with for the rest of my natural born life," Pacey told her. He let out a small sigh and looked back to her eyes deeply. Her expression was one of confusion and sudden surprise. She opened her mouth, then closed it again without letting anything escape. She couldn't say anything, not a word, she didn't know what to say, it was a lot to take into her head. " Joey I love you, I have been in love with you since I was fifteen years old, I may not have shown but it killed me when you rejected me. I know that when you said last night that you loved me you meant it. I know that we're going to be together at some point but all I know is that its not now. You're hurt, you just broke up with Eddie, and last night you saw your best friend having sex with him. Going through with this deal is crazy because all that's going to happen is I'm going to want you even more than I already do. I'm going to fall even more in love with you and when I do, it's going to be so hard to see you with anyone else but me! I can't hurt myself like that again, I can't go through what I went through when we broke up," he told her shaking his head and exhaling deeply. He was ready to continue his words were cut off immediately as he opened his mouth.
"Well excuse me but it was you that walked away - not me!" she told him angrily, moving away from him and shaking her head.
"I needed to let you go, I needed to find myself, find who I was because I felt below you. I felt so below you and unworthy of your love that I found it hard to breathe when I was with you!" Pacey shouted back at her. "Joey, I couldn't let you touch me because I felt so dumb, and so numb all the time, I felt empty and I had to find who I was," he told her, taking her hand. She stared at it a moment, reeling in his warmth, before pulling her hand away from him and walking around the room, putting on her shirt.
"And you think that now that you know who you are, now that you found yourself, that it's okay to want me back? To recall me, to summon me back to your side?" Joey asked him, creasing her brow and looking at him, awaiting his explanation.
No!" Pacey shouted shaking his head. " No! No its not, I don't want to want you, I have tried to forget you but I can't. I try to get rid of these feelings but I cant. Every second I'm with you, every time you touch me a shiver, my knees turn weak and I forget to breathe. Every logical thought goes out of my head whenever you look at me, I can't deal with it. I just want..." Pacey paused and exhaled a deep breath, calming down his voice and kneeling beside the bed where she sat. "I just want you to forget what I just said and just let things go back to what they were before last night. I want us to be friends again, because it's just, it's wrong. I just want to be friends again Jo," Pacey told her softly, looking at her expectantly. The room was silent for a while as she thought, swallowing a lump in her throat as tears fell. It was too hard.
"We can't," Joey told him sadly, furrowing her brow and looking into his eyes. "Not after what you just said, that changes everything," She said sadly, gazing into his eyes, full of hurt and pain.
"But I don't want it to," Pacey said, taking her hand in his and looking up to her face. "I am not going to let myself get hurt again, I can't go back to that place where I don't have the strength to lift my head off the pillow in the morning. We cant be together right now, but I cant bear to think of what my world would be without you in it," Pacey told her. He swallowed the lump that grew inside of his throat, threatening to create his liquid emotions in his eyes.
"What are you saying!" Joey shouted confused, standing up and pacing around the room, holding her hand to her forehead. " What do you want from me Pacey! Do you want me to go? Is that what you want?" Joey shouted even louder, probably waking Jack in the next room if he wasn't awake already.
"No!" Pacey shouted back softly, walking to her and putting his hands on her cheeks again, sandwiching her face between his hands.
"You want me to stay?" Joey asked confused again as she gazed at him. He didn't even know what he wanted.
"Yes!" Pacey told her, leaning his forehead to hers.
"As what? What do you want?" Joey asked him, pulling away from his grip to walk alone again. Pacing in circles around the floor of his bedroom. " Pacey I..." Joey exhaled and sat down on the bed, relaxing herself. This conversation was going no-where, it just took them in circles. "I need to breathe is what I need," Joey told him placing her head in her hands again, leaning on her knees as she sat on the bed. They sat in silence for a few moments, neither speaking, only breathing. Pacey sat on the chair at the other side of his room, looking at her; he couldn't figure what she was thinking. " What do you want from me right now?" she questioned him, finally lifting head to gaze at him lightly, a look of question crossed her face.
"I want our friendship back," Pacey told her softly and quietly. He looked to her and she had a look of confusion.
"Just the friendship?" She questioned him again. It was hard to read between his lines, it was hard to figure out what he truly wanted. She didn't know what she truly wanted, her feelings contradicted each other, on one hand, she needed his friendship, and on the other, she wanted his heart. But on a third hand, if there was such a thing, she was confused, she was fragile, and she had just broken off a relationship.
"Yes," Pacey told her. It was what he wanted; he wanted what was best for her. "Joey you're not in the right place to be anything more," he told her, walking over to her and sitting beside her on the bed, not touching.
"I know, I know," Joey told him shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders. " I know that you're right. It's just hard to take in what you just told me and understand why you don't want to be with me," she said, turning her face to his. The faces were just inches apart, she was finding it hard to resist the urge to join her lips with his and kiss him.
"I do," Pacey said softly, grabbing her hand, sandwiching it between his. "But we're not in the right place and I don't want anything you don't want," he told her, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it.
"I want to be with you Pace, I do," Joey told him truthfully, looking down to the ground, unable to meet his intrusive eyes. "It's just hard. It's so much to take in, what you just told me was..." Joey said before exhaling and searching for her words. She shrugged her shoulders as she thought of the implications of what she was saying. " It was... huge. And I'm not ready for a relationship right now, not yet, not so soon," She told him, shaking her head as she still gazed at the floor. She wanted him, she truly wanted him but something was stopping her, she didn't know if it was fear or the fact that she had just broken up with Eddie, but something stopped her.
"I know, I know it was huge but... it just came out. I didn't mean to tell you, I didn't want to change things between us. Last night was rebound sex, you can say it was something different but it was rebound sex. Not just for you but maybe even for me too, and that's why it's not healthy. I cant be a rebound guy... not to you. And you cant be a rebound girl for me; you are too special to be a rebound. It has to mean more and I understand I have to wait but you have to know that I will wait. Dawson may be your soul mate but you are mine. So I will wait, but I just want our friendship back," Pacey told her, grabbing the hand that stayed in her lap. He felt a tear tumble from her eyes as she felt the pain of the words she was about to say.
"I cant be friends with you Pacey. I'm sorry," she told him, grasping his hand tighter and letting tears slip from her eyes and rolling to the ground slowly. " It just doesn't work that way, it cant work, not after what you just said," she told him regretfully, unable to look at him. She could almost feel his pain and almost hear his heart shatter as the words came out of her mouth, vulnerable in the air.
"Why?" Pacey asked in a whisper, feeling the heat that rose in his eyes, trying to ignore it. Blinking away the heat only brought the tears into his eyes, threatening to break at one more word.
"Because every time were together I'll wonder if you're just being my friend because you want something more," she told him, moving her hand away from his and looking at it. She wished she hadn't she saw the hurt in his eyes heard the pain as he spoke.
"Joey that's not true, I was your friend long enough when I loved you before," he told her softly, willing the tears not to fall.
"I didn't know before," she argued, swallow the tears in her throat.
Joey just I... I..." Pacey stuttered, unable to speak above a whisper. "I can't lose you, I need you in my life. And if you tell me that there is no chance that we will ever be together then I will still be here for you as a friend. I will, I'll still be here," He reassured her, looking to her as she sat beside him, tears silently falling from her eyes and splashing onto her knees.
"But that's the point Pacey, we love each other, we've said it and we both mean it. There is always hope of us being together," She told him truthfully, shaking her head at her confusion.
"So then I'll be here, I'll be waiting," He told her, placing his fingers to her face and turning her to look at him.
"I don't know when I'll be ready," she told him. It was strange, before she couldn't bear to look into his eyes and now she couldn't bear to tear herself away from them.
"I'll wait," he told her softly. Looking deeply into her, he looked past her eyes and into her, he was melting her.
"But you cant just wait for me Pacey, you need to move on," she told him. She didn't want him to move on, it was the very last thing she wanted but it was best for him to move on into the future without her.
"I did, I did move on or at least I tried to move on. Somehow, I'm still led right here. I keep on coming back to you, I'm drawn to you," he said, sighing heavily. He wished he could move on, wished he could forget about her, but he couldn't. Even when he was with Audrey he never stopped loving her.
"So until then you just... what? What do you do?" Joey questioned him, lifting her hand to cup his cheek, looking to him softly, searching him for his answer.
"I be your friend, nothing more and nothing less. I will be here for you because as long as I'm in your life I don't care what we are. As long as I can be your friend, even if nothing more then it's enough," He told her, pleading with her eyes.
"Pacey... I... I..." Joey paused, unable to speak again. His eyes burned into her skin, causing her breath to deepen; she shook off her thoughts and backed away from him suddenly. "I need to think about some things and you need to go to work," She told him, moving her gaze to the floor again.
"And leave it like this?" Pacey asked, standing up in shock. There was no way he could leave and leave things up in the air this way.
"Pacey, just go. I'll come around later when you get in and we can talk some more, give me time to think," she told him. She didn't know what it was she needed to think about exactly, she wanted his friendship, but she didn't want to stop him from being happy.
"Ok, I guess that's best," He told her, lifting his collar and putting his tie on mindlessly.
"But Pacey I just..." Joey watched him as he tied his tie, she stood up and walked over to him, fixing it properly. He looked down at her, in awe of her tenderness. " Before you go can I have one kiss goodbye?" She didn't know why she had said it, it was only complicating things, but at that moment, it was what she needed.
"Are you sure?" Pacey asked lowering his mouth to hers slowly. Swallowing a nervous lump in his throat as he inched closer to her ruby lips.
"I need it," she told him softly as she closed her eyes and pulled his mouth to hers, entrapping his lips in a searing kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him closer, taking him deeper in her mouth. He moved his hands to her waist pulling her closer to him, moaning into the kiss as it deepened. He pulled away from her slowly; leaving her breathless, eyes closed, reeling in his touch, unable to let him go.
"I'll be back later, You can stay here if you don't want to go home," he told her gently, kissing her cheek one last time. He stepped away from her body finally, slowly, in silence and grabbed his jacket. Walking over to the door, he took one look back at her before he turned the doorknob. Opening the door, he jumped aside when Jack and Emma fell in. "Oh great! Privacy! That's some kind of foreign concept now right!" he shouted at them before walking out the door annoyed at Emma and Jack. Joey watched him go before letting her tears fall from her eyes, solitarily trickling from her eyes to the floor, holding onto Jack as he walked over and wrapped his arms around her.
Part 4 done and dusted, please read and respond.
Joey lay in Pacey's bed sleeping, she hugged the covers to her greedily and rested her head on the pillow gently, sleeping soundly. Last night had been a dream to her, the closeness was sensational, and the feeling of tranquillity had returned to her as they lay in the night sleeping soundly. Pacey tried to get dressed in silence, he had no desire to wake her and talk to her, afraid of the awkwardness. He looked over to her as he fastened his shirt, gazing at her steadily breathing and the small wheezing sound that escaped her mouth. She hadn't changed, she still slept the same, still hogged the covers, still moved in her sleep and still managed to get into the strangest positions. He had awaken this morning, she slept against his chest, her fingers entwined in his own. He picked up his trousers from the floor and began to put them on as his eyes looked to her and smiled at the sight as she hogged the covers. Putting his trousers on slowly in silence, he tripped, falling headfirst into the door, waking Joey with a shot, starring at him she laughed. "What are you doing on the floor Pacey?" Joey questioned him, laughing at the sight before her as he pulled himself back to his feet.
"I fell," Pacey told her simply, laughing as he put his trousers on and fastened them, walking over to her he sat on the bed. "Sleep well?" he asked her as he brought his foot to the bed and out his socks and shoes onto his large feet.
"Yes thank you but I'm a little bit confused because you seem to be getting dressed for a day at the office," Joey told him, sitting up in bed covering herself with the sheets. "I thought you were going to stay at home with me today," she said, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. Pacey took a deep breath and pulled her hands from around his neck with his hands. "Something's wrong," Joey stated. She watched him as he took a deep breath and looked at her hands and played with her soft skin.
"I can't do this Joey, it's not right. Last night was great, y'know it was amazing but it's just not right and I just... Joey... I can't do this," Pacey said shutting his eyes and shaking his head. He looked up at her as she pulled her hand away from him slowly. "Last night I... well... we," Pacey took a deep breath and stood up, running his fingers through his hair. "Last night you were so hurt, and you were upset. And I am a horrible, horrible, despicable, bad excuse, terrible, awful, awful human being," Pacey told her looking at her. In his eyes, what he had done was lower than low, it was one of the worst things he had ever done. "You were fragile and I... I took advantage of you Joey, and I am so, so sorry I did," Pacey told her sincerely walking back over to her and kneeling beside the bed, taking his hand in her own. She looked down at him and placed her hand on his cheek gently, he had a look of sadness in his eyes, he felt bad.
"Pacey you didn't take advantage of me okay? You and I knew exactly what we were doing last night; we both went into it with our eyes wide open. You gave me what I wanted, what I needed, you gave me a night of closeness, a night with all the tenderness I remember. You did nothing wrong Pacey, I put you in a very awkward position, if anyone did anything wrong it was me so you should not feel guilty," Joey told him placing a gentle kiss on his temple. "So how about you take those clothes off and join me back in bed for the rest of the day," she told him smiling as she leant over the bed to look at him.
"I can't I have to call our deal off, it's not right Joey, it's not like you it's completely immoral, arrangements like this always end badly. I don't want to feel weird around you, we have a really great thing between us, and I don't want to ruin things. Last night... what we did... it was a huge mistake Joey," Pacey told her softly. He looked at her face as it fell, she shifted backwards on the bed away from her and grabbed her clothes from the floor, still hugging the sheet around her, she felt stupid.
"So last night meant absolutely nothing to you, it meant nothing," Joey said to him angrily, letting a tear roll down her cheek as she gathered her things. Pacey rushed over to her, running around the bed to face her.
"God Joey, no! That is not what I meant, sleeping with you could never mean nothing to me," he told her grabbing her shoulders and looking to her deeply. "Last night meant everything to me, being that close to you, holding you, making love to you meant everything to me," he told her, pulling her back as she tried to walk away from him.
"Well I'm sorry but that's not how it sounded. Y'know last night meant everything to me Pacey, being with you again felt right to me but if it meant that little to you then that's just fine," she said. She slipped away from him and started to get dressed in the clothes she was wearing the night before. He walked to her and put his hand on her cheek, she turned away from him and stood up in her bra and jeans. "No! Just get your hands off me! I can't believe that what we did, meant nothing to you. I can't believe you feel that after all we went through I cannot believe that I mean nothing to you!" Joey shouted at him, letting the tears fall from her eyes.
"Joey you're not listening to me! You meant everything... what we did meant everything... it means everything to me!" Pacey told her, taking her head in his hands and looking directly into her eyes. "This deal we have is wrong which is crazy because I don't think that I have ever felt as right as I did with you last night," Pacey said softly. He rubbed his thumbs over the soft skin that resided on her cheeks.
"Then why stop this? Pacey if it felt so right then why not. We both want comfort, we both want to be held so why not, its one day out of our lives to feel that closeness we can't find with anyone else. I'm not asking you to have a relationship with me I'm just asking that we can have a little time to be together and to be held," Joey said, looking into his eyes as she spoke. All she wanted was a little closeness, to feel the love she missed. To have Pacey just for one day, to have the missing piece of her life back for just one day.
" Joey I love you, I have never stopped loving you. It has taken me so long to even make myself believe that I am starting to get over you and by going any further with this I'm going to get hurt. I don't just want to sleep with you Joey, if I'm going to sleep with you I want it to be in a relationship, not just sex. I want to be with you so much Joey, I know you are that one person. You're the one person that changes everything, the one person that I can see myself with for the rest of my natural born life," Pacey told her. He let out a small sigh and looked back to her eyes deeply. Her expression was one of confusion and sudden surprise. She opened her mouth, then closed it again without letting anything escape. She couldn't say anything, not a word, she didn't know what to say, it was a lot to take into her head. " Joey I love you, I have been in love with you since I was fifteen years old, I may not have shown but it killed me when you rejected me. I know that when you said last night that you loved me you meant it. I know that we're going to be together at some point but all I know is that its not now. You're hurt, you just broke up with Eddie, and last night you saw your best friend having sex with him. Going through with this deal is crazy because all that's going to happen is I'm going to want you even more than I already do. I'm going to fall even more in love with you and when I do, it's going to be so hard to see you with anyone else but me! I can't hurt myself like that again, I can't go through what I went through when we broke up," he told her shaking his head and exhaling deeply. He was ready to continue his words were cut off immediately as he opened his mouth.
"Well excuse me but it was you that walked away - not me!" she told him angrily, moving away from him and shaking her head.
"I needed to let you go, I needed to find myself, find who I was because I felt below you. I felt so below you and unworthy of your love that I found it hard to breathe when I was with you!" Pacey shouted back at her. "Joey, I couldn't let you touch me because I felt so dumb, and so numb all the time, I felt empty and I had to find who I was," he told her, taking her hand. She stared at it a moment, reeling in his warmth, before pulling her hand away from him and walking around the room, putting on her shirt.
"And you think that now that you know who you are, now that you found yourself, that it's okay to want me back? To recall me, to summon me back to your side?" Joey asked him, creasing her brow and looking at him, awaiting his explanation.
No!" Pacey shouted shaking his head. " No! No its not, I don't want to want you, I have tried to forget you but I can't. I try to get rid of these feelings but I cant. Every second I'm with you, every time you touch me a shiver, my knees turn weak and I forget to breathe. Every logical thought goes out of my head whenever you look at me, I can't deal with it. I just want..." Pacey paused and exhaled a deep breath, calming down his voice and kneeling beside the bed where she sat. "I just want you to forget what I just said and just let things go back to what they were before last night. I want us to be friends again, because it's just, it's wrong. I just want to be friends again Jo," Pacey told her softly, looking at her expectantly. The room was silent for a while as she thought, swallowing a lump in her throat as tears fell. It was too hard.
"We can't," Joey told him sadly, furrowing her brow and looking into his eyes. "Not after what you just said, that changes everything," She said sadly, gazing into his eyes, full of hurt and pain.
"But I don't want it to," Pacey said, taking her hand in his and looking up to her face. "I am not going to let myself get hurt again, I can't go back to that place where I don't have the strength to lift my head off the pillow in the morning. We cant be together right now, but I cant bear to think of what my world would be without you in it," Pacey told her. He swallowed the lump that grew inside of his throat, threatening to create his liquid emotions in his eyes.
"What are you saying!" Joey shouted confused, standing up and pacing around the room, holding her hand to her forehead. " What do you want from me Pacey! Do you want me to go? Is that what you want?" Joey shouted even louder, probably waking Jack in the next room if he wasn't awake already.
"No!" Pacey shouted back softly, walking to her and putting his hands on her cheeks again, sandwiching her face between his hands.
"You want me to stay?" Joey asked confused again as she gazed at him. He didn't even know what he wanted.
"Yes!" Pacey told her, leaning his forehead to hers.
"As what? What do you want?" Joey asked him, pulling away from his grip to walk alone again. Pacing in circles around the floor of his bedroom. " Pacey I..." Joey exhaled and sat down on the bed, relaxing herself. This conversation was going no-where, it just took them in circles. "I need to breathe is what I need," Joey told him placing her head in her hands again, leaning on her knees as she sat on the bed. They sat in silence for a few moments, neither speaking, only breathing. Pacey sat on the chair at the other side of his room, looking at her; he couldn't figure what she was thinking. " What do you want from me right now?" she questioned him, finally lifting head to gaze at him lightly, a look of question crossed her face.
"I want our friendship back," Pacey told her softly and quietly. He looked to her and she had a look of confusion.
"Just the friendship?" She questioned him again. It was hard to read between his lines, it was hard to figure out what he truly wanted. She didn't know what she truly wanted, her feelings contradicted each other, on one hand, she needed his friendship, and on the other, she wanted his heart. But on a third hand, if there was such a thing, she was confused, she was fragile, and she had just broken off a relationship.
"Yes," Pacey told her. It was what he wanted; he wanted what was best for her. "Joey you're not in the right place to be anything more," he told her, walking over to her and sitting beside her on the bed, not touching.
"I know, I know," Joey told him shaking her head and shrugging her shoulders. " I know that you're right. It's just hard to take in what you just told me and understand why you don't want to be with me," she said, turning her face to his. The faces were just inches apart, she was finding it hard to resist the urge to join her lips with his and kiss him.
"I do," Pacey said softly, grabbing her hand, sandwiching it between his. "But we're not in the right place and I don't want anything you don't want," he told her, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it.
"I want to be with you Pace, I do," Joey told him truthfully, looking down to the ground, unable to meet his intrusive eyes. "It's just hard. It's so much to take in, what you just told me was..." Joey said before exhaling and searching for her words. She shrugged her shoulders as she thought of the implications of what she was saying. " It was... huge. And I'm not ready for a relationship right now, not yet, not so soon," She told him, shaking her head as she still gazed at the floor. She wanted him, she truly wanted him but something was stopping her, she didn't know if it was fear or the fact that she had just broken up with Eddie, but something stopped her.
"I know, I know it was huge but... it just came out. I didn't mean to tell you, I didn't want to change things between us. Last night was rebound sex, you can say it was something different but it was rebound sex. Not just for you but maybe even for me too, and that's why it's not healthy. I cant be a rebound guy... not to you. And you cant be a rebound girl for me; you are too special to be a rebound. It has to mean more and I understand I have to wait but you have to know that I will wait. Dawson may be your soul mate but you are mine. So I will wait, but I just want our friendship back," Pacey told her, grabbing the hand that stayed in her lap. He felt a tear tumble from her eyes as she felt the pain of the words she was about to say.
"I cant be friends with you Pacey. I'm sorry," she told him, grasping his hand tighter and letting tears slip from her eyes and rolling to the ground slowly. " It just doesn't work that way, it cant work, not after what you just said," she told him regretfully, unable to look at him. She could almost feel his pain and almost hear his heart shatter as the words came out of her mouth, vulnerable in the air.
"Why?" Pacey asked in a whisper, feeling the heat that rose in his eyes, trying to ignore it. Blinking away the heat only brought the tears into his eyes, threatening to break at one more word.
"Because every time were together I'll wonder if you're just being my friend because you want something more," she told him, moving her hand away from his and looking at it. She wished she hadn't she saw the hurt in his eyes heard the pain as he spoke.
"Joey that's not true, I was your friend long enough when I loved you before," he told her softly, willing the tears not to fall.
"I didn't know before," she argued, swallow the tears in her throat.
Joey just I... I..." Pacey stuttered, unable to speak above a whisper. "I can't lose you, I need you in my life. And if you tell me that there is no chance that we will ever be together then I will still be here for you as a friend. I will, I'll still be here," He reassured her, looking to her as she sat beside him, tears silently falling from her eyes and splashing onto her knees.
"But that's the point Pacey, we love each other, we've said it and we both mean it. There is always hope of us being together," She told him truthfully, shaking her head at her confusion.
"So then I'll be here, I'll be waiting," He told her, placing his fingers to her face and turning her to look at him.
"I don't know when I'll be ready," she told him. It was strange, before she couldn't bear to look into his eyes and now she couldn't bear to tear herself away from them.
"I'll wait," he told her softly. Looking deeply into her, he looked past her eyes and into her, he was melting her.
"But you cant just wait for me Pacey, you need to move on," she told him. She didn't want him to move on, it was the very last thing she wanted but it was best for him to move on into the future without her.
"I did, I did move on or at least I tried to move on. Somehow, I'm still led right here. I keep on coming back to you, I'm drawn to you," he said, sighing heavily. He wished he could move on, wished he could forget about her, but he couldn't. Even when he was with Audrey he never stopped loving her.
"So until then you just... what? What do you do?" Joey questioned him, lifting her hand to cup his cheek, looking to him softly, searching him for his answer.
"I be your friend, nothing more and nothing less. I will be here for you because as long as I'm in your life I don't care what we are. As long as I can be your friend, even if nothing more then it's enough," He told her, pleading with her eyes.
"Pacey... I... I..." Joey paused, unable to speak again. His eyes burned into her skin, causing her breath to deepen; she shook off her thoughts and backed away from him suddenly. "I need to think about some things and you need to go to work," She told him, moving her gaze to the floor again.
"And leave it like this?" Pacey asked, standing up in shock. There was no way he could leave and leave things up in the air this way.
"Pacey, just go. I'll come around later when you get in and we can talk some more, give me time to think," she told him. She didn't know what it was she needed to think about exactly, she wanted his friendship, but she didn't want to stop him from being happy.
"Ok, I guess that's best," He told her, lifting his collar and putting his tie on mindlessly.
"But Pacey I just..." Joey watched him as he tied his tie, she stood up and walked over to him, fixing it properly. He looked down at her, in awe of her tenderness. " Before you go can I have one kiss goodbye?" She didn't know why she had said it, it was only complicating things, but at that moment, it was what she needed.
"Are you sure?" Pacey asked lowering his mouth to hers slowly. Swallowing a nervous lump in his throat as he inched closer to her ruby lips.
"I need it," she told him softly as she closed her eyes and pulled his mouth to hers, entrapping his lips in a searing kiss. Wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled him closer, taking him deeper in her mouth. He moved his hands to her waist pulling her closer to him, moaning into the kiss as it deepened. He pulled away from her slowly; leaving her breathless, eyes closed, reeling in his touch, unable to let him go.
"I'll be back later, You can stay here if you don't want to go home," he told her gently, kissing her cheek one last time. He stepped away from her body finally, slowly, in silence and grabbed his jacket. Walking over to the door, he took one look back at her before he turned the doorknob. Opening the door, he jumped aside when Jack and Emma fell in. "Oh great! Privacy! That's some kind of foreign concept now right!" he shouted at them before walking out the door annoyed at Emma and Jack. Joey watched him go before letting her tears fall from her eyes, solitarily trickling from her eyes to the floor, holding onto Jack as he walked over and wrapped his arms around her.
Part 4 done and dusted, please read and respond.