View From the Moon 4 - Self-Destruction
Joey walked around the apartment chewing her fingernails, she had turned her beautifully trimmed nails into some jagged mess she had bitten them so much. She had almost warn a hole in her floor with all the walking she had done. It was confusing, she couldn't even really think of a reason not to want his friendship, it was a harmless friendship, and a friendship was all it was. However, the question wasn't really about the friendship it was about his feelings, could she handle his feelings, could he cope with seeing her when she wasn't with him and be the friend he was before. The conversation had been strange, she didn't even know if what she had said had actually been true, technically what she had with Eddie was not a relationship. They hadn't been together long, and she was over him but there was just something about seeing them together, it wasn't rebound sex for her, not like Pacey had said. Sure, maybe she had been hurt and looked for some comfort but she had admitted that straight out. It was a hard thing to get into her head. There was no way she could lose the man that rebuilt her trust in the male species, the man that proved that all men weren't selfish. He convinced her that all men weren't just after her for something a little bit more than a cozy afternoon chat. But she didn't know if that was true anymore, did Pacey just stay her friend because he wanted more or did he genuinely care? She shook her head at her terrible thought, of cause Pacey cared, how could she ever think he didn't, it was Pacey. Pacey may be in love with her but she was in love with him too and she didn't use the friendship as an excuse to get closer to him. It was terrible to think that Pacey didn't care, he did, he did care. Pacey had always cared even from when they were meant to hate each other. Joey was catapulted out of her thoughts when she heard a gently rapping at the door; soft knuckles knocked on the door. It wasn't her apartment but she opened the door, shutting it almost immediately when she saw Audrey standing in the hallway. As she closed it, Audrey put her foot in the door, keeping it open. "Joey please!" Audrey begged. She gave her a look that made Joey change her mind. She opened the door wider and let her in, awaiting an explanation. "Joey I'm so sorry about last night, I drank a lot, too much," Audrey told her, following her around the apartment. "And when I hit you didn't mean to I was just so drunk and I was reckless and I understand that it was terrible to do that then not say sorry but I'm sorry. Will you forgive me and come home?" Audrey pleaded with her, Joey shook her head.
"Is that why you're here?" Joey asked her, if she wasn't going to admit it then she certainly wasn't even going to think about forgiveness.
"No," Audrey said timidly, walking over to the couch and sitting down on it. "Last night I did something awful to you," she told her, looking down at her hands in shame, she couldn't believe what she had done to her. It was going to kill her when she found out.
"You did? I can't even imagine what that would be?" Joey asked sarcastically. She sat and watched her, watched her struggle with her decision to tell her, but would she go through with it. Knowing Audrey, she would turn it around.
"Last night when I went home from the bar I was drunk and I..." she stuttered, she didn't know how to tell what she had done, she couldn't, it was too hard. " Joey well... I..." Audrey tried to speak, it was hard to explain it. It was hard to explain how it happened and what it had done. She opened her mouth to continue when Joey cut her off abruptly.
"I know okay!" Joey shouted at her, standing up and creasing her brow at her. Audrey looked up to her with pain, she knew she knew, but her eyes told her she knew she had been wrong.
"You know?" Audrey questioned her, sighing heavily and sitting down. She couldn't possibly know what she was going to tell her, there was no way Eddie would tell her, there was no way she could know
"Yes," Joey told her coldly, sitting down at the opposite side of the room.
"About what?" Audrey questioned her. She was scared, If she did know; it was going to kill her, the betrayal was going to kill her. She would never forgive her, Joey wasn't very forgiving, and something of this magnitude wasn't something she would ever forgive her for. Joey looked at her, zoned her eyes onto her, and shot cold daggers at her.
"Last night I came home, I came in the door and I saw you on my bed with him," Joey told her, letting her lip tremble and the heat build in her throat. Audrey looked sorry, there was no disputing that she was sorry, but she still couldn't bring herself to forgive her. Audrey stood up and walked towards her, shaking her head slowly from side to side, she wanted to beg her to forgive her.
"Oh my god! Joey I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen, it was an accident, I swear!" Audrey told her honestly, walking over to her, when she got to her and Joey walked away towards the kitchen, moving away from her.
"What so you were naked, you fell and landed on his dick?" Joey shouted the question angrily, getting a glass from the cupboard and slamming it down on the counter harshly. An accident? It couldn't have been an accident, that was just absurd
"No," Audrey said obviously, walking over to her in the kitchen, touching her eye. She had hurt her last night, her eye was badly bruised, her eye was almost closed, she was a terrible, terrible person.
"Then it wasn't an accident, it was deliberate," Joey asked her angrily moving away from her quickly to the other aside of the room where she couldn't touch her.
"Ok then I was a mistake, I didn't mean to hurt you, you have to believe me. I dint want to hurt you," She told her, following her around the room, shouting back at her as gently as she could. Joey was annoyed, she had a good right to be, what she had done had been despicable.
"Well y'know what? You did! Friends don't sleep with each others ex- boyfriends, especially ones who are bastards!" she told her angrily, shouting at her loudly.
"I'm sorry," Audrey told her softly, following her around the room. Joey moved constantly, not able to stay in one place, not wanting to be anywhere near her.
"Y'know you keep saying it, Your mouth keeps moving and the words keep come out but I just don't believe you!" Joey screamed at her angrily, sending daggers of ice shooting from her eyes. "I don't believe you're capable of a single selfless thought!" Joey bellowed at the top of her lungs. She was the only one in the house. She wanted to slap her, she wanted to throw her out the window, she wanted to hurt her, but she couldn't.
I'm sorry Joey; you have to believe me... I am," Audrey begged following her again. Joey stopped, sending Audrey almost into the back of her. She turned slowly and looked at her angrily, with a look of hatred in her deep, cold eyes.
"Well y'know Audrey, maybe, just maybe sorry doesn't cut it anymore!" Joey shouted loudly, she pointed her finger at Audrey's shoulder and poked her hard. "I've had enough of you! I cannot forgive you for this! You slept with him! How could you sleep with him!" Joey bellowed the direct question staring into her eyes, the look of hatred remained and grew with every word she spoke. Her eyes narrowed in on her and stabbed her through the heart with the intensity.
"I didn't mean for it to happen okay it just did!" Audrey shouted, running her fingers through her air as the tears glistened in her eyes. Joey was not going to let this go, she was going to lose her, she couldn't bear to lose her.
"Ok then explain to me, how did it happen?" Joey asked calmly, folding her arms over her chest and awaiting an explanation.
"Joey..." Audrey said. Closing her eyes and shaking her head. Tears seemed from her beautiful blue eyes, she couldn't bear to tell her.
"No I want details, come on tell me the story," Joey urged, her look was hard and her eyes showed no sign of forgiveness. She was going to make her explain she was going to make her see how she was so wrong.
"Joey..." Audrey said trying to stop her from asking her. She couldn't hurt her, she couldn't tell her, it was too hard. She couldn't just run through it like any other story, it would hurt her and she couldn't bear to hurt her again.
"Come on," Joey urged walking towards her, watching the tears fall fluently from her eyes. "I'll start it for you. Once upon a time there was a scumbag called Eddie and a whore called Audrey. One night he drove her home drunk from the bar. He walked to her door and..." Joey paused, waiting for Audrey's intervention, but it never came. " Come on continue. You were doing so well, you're usually so entertaining, you're usually so good at stories... come on!" Joey shouted urging her friend who just shook her head, refusing to answer her.
"Joey..." Audrey said quietly, tears escaping from her eyes with shame, she couldn't tell her, she couldn't.
"Continue!" Joey screamed loudly letting the tears fall fluently. A girl that was once her friend was going to explain why she betrayed her trust.
"He walked me to my door," Audrey told her slowly and quietly, tears falling, voice shaking, lips trembling.
"Come on, louder I cant hear you!" Joey screamed at her, shocking Audrey to sit down and hold her head in her hands, unable to look at her.
" He came inside with me, he said he would make me some coffee to sober me up. So I let him in and I had coffee. He walked me around the room trying to walk it off and it was working. But I started to feel sick so I went to the bathroom, he followed me in, and he was so nice Joey. He was holding my hair back behind my head. He was telling me jokes, telling me that it was all right, that it was nothing to be embarrassed about. So when we were finished, and I had been sick, he came back in the room with me and gave me something to drink, some more coffee. You know me Joey, once I'm sick I'm almost sober, there is no excuse for what I did but I'm so sorry. He was on the bed talking to me and then he kissed me, I kissed him back and then I don't know how it happened but it did. I was sober, I knew what I was doing yet I still did it, and I am an awful person I know that. But it will never happen again, I won't hurt you again Joey I'm sorry!" Audrey explained, still looking to the floor, letting her tears fall. She finally looked up to Joey who was looking at her with disgust, shaking her head slowly, swinging it from side to side in disbelief.
"Y'know what? The fact that you knew it was wrong just makes it worse!" Joey shouted at her, stopping herself and calming herself down. "You were sober Audrey, you could have stopped it but you didn't, you continued," Joey told her, she didn't shout, she kept her voice low, swallowing a lump in her throat as she looked her straight in her eyes.
"Joey I'm sorry," Audrey told her again. Her voice pleaded for forgiveness but Joey's eyes showed no sign of forgiving her.
"Audrey I'm not going to stick around and let you do this anymore. I can't forgive you this time!" Joey shouted, not loudly, shaking her head aga9n. She regretted what she was saying, she wanted to forgive her, but she just couldn't.
"You have to," Audrey pleaded again walking over and sitting beside her, she didn't move, she just gazed at her with hard eyes.
"No! No Audrey I don't!" Joey shouted beside her, not moving, not looking at her. She couldn't look at her anymore; it was an impossibility to look at her.
"But Joey you're my best friend. We're roommates," Audrey argued softly. She couldn't bear to lose her friendship. It was a friendship she needed a friendship she couldn't live without.
"Not anymore," Joey told her standing up and wiping the tears from her eyes. She wasn't shouting anymore, she didn't have the energy. "I'm moving out and I would like you to leave me alone now," Joey told her turning her back to her, unable to look at her anymore.
"No! I will not go, we need to talk, we need to suss this thing out. You are my best friend, you are everything, my whole support I cant let you go. I cant let this happen Joey I'm messed up I need you," Audrey said walking up beside her and laying her hands on her shoulder, pleading with her. She felt Joey inhale her tears, it was killing her.
"Well y'know what? You should have thought about that before," Joey told her quietly, moving away from her and wiping her tears. It wasn't even that she slept with Eddie, it was that she betrayed her.
"Joey I'm sorry what else can I say? What can I say to make you believe that I'm sorry!" She asked her shakily, letting the tears fall. She didn't often cry but this was a time that she couldn't help it, when you were losing your best friend when you needed them most there was no way you couldn't.
"Nothing!" Joey screamed turning to face her, letting the tears seep through her eyes and roll down her cheeks. " Ok! Nothing! Nothing can put this right! It wasn't the fact that you slept with Eddie but the fact that you betrayed me! You stuck the knife in my back! If you wanted him then you should have asked me if you could date him!" Joey bellowed at her, her voice echoing around the quiet room.
"I don't want him Joey, It's never going to happen again. It was a one- night stand. A mistake, okay? It's finished! Done!" Audrey shouted, trying to reassure her. She never meant to hurt her, she couldn't bear to feel how much she hurt and betrayed her.
"I know and in a way that's what makes it so bad!" Joey told her angrily, walking away from her and towards the door, turning her back to her.
"Joey I need you okay? I'm going through shit and I need you," she told her softly. Walking to her urging to look into her eyes. She knew if she saw her eyes, she would know how sorry she was.
"Y'know what? You should have thought about it before you decided to betray me and stab me in the back," Joey told her opening the door, preparing to ask her to leave.
"Joey I really need you to help me... I... I just wanted what you had. I wanted to be happy just for one second. I need to be happy Joey I'm not happy. And I hate myself I look in the mirror and I don't even see myself anymore. I'm not myself; the person who I was has changed. I'm not me!" Audrey shouted, breaking down in more tears, coughing out her tears. Joey closed the door slowly and carefully, taking a breath and turning around.
"Then you need to get of the drugs and the alcohol, you need to get clean!" Joey told her sternly. Finally looking into her eyes. She hated her at that moment in time but she needed to help her. It didn't matter about Eddie anymore. No matter how much she hurt her she had to be there, she had to help her.
"Its not that easy I cant. I can't just stop," Audrey told her, looking at her. She still seemed to hate her, but still wanted to help her.
"You're wrong... you can, you can stop! If you wanted to you could stop!" Joey told her firmly, placing her hands on her shoulders.
"I cant okay? I can't stop drinking," Audrey said shaking her head slowly and sadly.
"Then..." Joey took a deep breath and looked at her. " Audrey you're an alcoholic," she told her softly, trying to get it through her mind. She watched her as she shook her head. "You are," She told her again softly.
"I'm not!" Audrey said moving away from her, refusing to listen and shaking her head aggressively.
"You are!" Joey said following her, grabbing her shoulders. "Audrey you need help with your drinking," Joey said, tears falling. The tears didn't fall, as they did before, not for the same reason, this time she was crying for Audrey.
"I'm not an alcoholic!" Audrey shouted, moving away from her, shaking her head, and putting her hands over her ears locking out Joey's voice.
"Audrey," Joey said walking up to her and pulled her hands from her ears. "You just told me that you couldn't stop," Joey told her, creasing her brow and looking at her.
"I can't stop," she told her softly, blinking quickly.
"Then you're an alcoholic Audrey, just admit it!" Joey told her, gripping her shoulders again.
"But I'm not. Alcoholics are only men in their forties with an old car, a bald head and a finance job. Not me! I'm not n alcoholic I just have a control problem," Audrey said moving away from Joey. Before Joey wouldn't stand with her and now she wouldn't stand beside Joey, she couldn't. Joey didn't know what she was talking about, she wasn't an alcoholic.
"You are an alcoholic," Joey told her softly, watching as she shook her head and picked her bag up, heading towards the door.
No! No! Shut up!" She shouted running to the door. Joey stopped her by pulling her arm, stopping her from moving
"You're addicted to drugs and alcohol Audrey. You say it!" She pleaded with her, holding her hands, Audrey just shook her head.
"No! I just cant stop, that's all!" she shouted again trying to get to the door, but Joey jumped in front of her again, not letting her pass her.
"You're an alcoholic," she told her.
"No! Shut up I'm not!" Audrey cried loudly, her tears fell as she shook her head at her. She couldn't be an alcoholic, alcoholism didn't happen to people like her.
"I'll prove it. Give me your purse," Joey asked her holding out her hand.
"No!" Audrey told her, pulling her bag closer to her grip, away from the reach of Joey. She couldn't look inside, it was private, and she had no right.
"Purse now!" Joey shouted, when she refused Joey grabbed it and Ran with it into the kitchen. Opening it, she saw small bottles of Vodka, lining her purse, bottle after bottle. She took some bottles out and held them up to Audrey, taking them away from her when she tried to grab them back. "See? Vodka? Bottles of vodka! You can't make it through the day without it, can you? Tell me the truth Audrey... have you had some today?" she questioned her, it was 10.00am and she could see some empty bottles in the bag. Four empty bottles to be exact.
"A little bit, just to take the edge, I was upset I needed a drink!" Audrey said, trying to justify herself. She didn't know why she needed to justify herself to her; after all, it was none of her business.
"How much?" Joey questioned, looking at her sternly.
"Just a little," Audrey said quietly, trying to grab her purse back without any luck.
"How much!" Joey questioned her; Audrey ran her fingers through her and stayed quiet. "Audrey! How many bottles have you drank?" She shouted, waving an empty bottle at her.
"Two bottles! Okay! Two! Happy! Two!" Audrey shouted, screaming at the top of her voice.
" Try four! Four bottles before ten o'clock Audrey, that is not healthy! You have a problem. Here, take these and open them," she told him, Audrey took them and held them tightly in her hand. A magnetic force drew her to the bottle; she needed to drink it. "I want you to pour them down the sink! All of them, then I want you to go home and pour out all the alcohol you have in the dorm," she told her. Audrey looked at her with disbelief she couldn't be serious.
"No!" Audrey shouted, she couldn't do it.
"Do it!" Joey ordered.
"No!" Audrey shouted again. She couldn't not bring herself to do it.
"If you want me to help you then do it!" Joey ordered shouting loudly at her and pointing to the sink. She looked at Audrey, she shook her head, and she looked like a scared little girl.
"No, I cant okay! I cant I have a problem okay! I have a problem. I can't stop, I want to, but I cant. Every time I try I come back to it, I need it. It's the help I need to get through the day! Days are tough these days, school is tough and I cant take it, it takes the edge off and helps me cope!" Audrey shouted pacing around the floor away from her. She had a problem but it wasn't drinking it was just her personality.
"Audrey you are an alcoholic," Joey told her. She needed to get her into her head.
"No!" Audrey shouted, screaming at her, shaking her heat at her. "No. I cant okay! I just have a small control problem, it not the alcohol its me!" Audrey shouted, covering her ears to shut out the sound.
"Audrey admit to me that you need help with you drinking problem," Joey pleaded with her. She couldn't let her live in denial.
I can't" Audrey told her grabbing her bag from the counter.
"Admit it and I'll be here, as much as I hate you right now I'll be there all you need to do is admit it," Joey told her softly. She was really starting to worry about her, it wasn't a game anymore, and it wasn't fun anymore.
" I... I... I can't Joey... I'm too scared... It's too hard. I... I... I'm sorry," She said breaking the tears from the confines of her eyes and running out of the door.
"Audrey! Audrey come back!" Joey shouted out of the door and down the hallways, but she was out of sight, she was gone. She ran to the window and watched as she ran down the road. Joey sat down on the couch and exhaled a deep breath. Looking over at the phone she picked it up and dialed a number from a piece of paper she kept in her pocket. "Can I speak to Pacey Witter please," Joey said, waiting as the woman put her on hold.
Please read and respond.
Joey walked around the apartment chewing her fingernails, she had turned her beautifully trimmed nails into some jagged mess she had bitten them so much. She had almost warn a hole in her floor with all the walking she had done. It was confusing, she couldn't even really think of a reason not to want his friendship, it was a harmless friendship, and a friendship was all it was. However, the question wasn't really about the friendship it was about his feelings, could she handle his feelings, could he cope with seeing her when she wasn't with him and be the friend he was before. The conversation had been strange, she didn't even know if what she had said had actually been true, technically what she had with Eddie was not a relationship. They hadn't been together long, and she was over him but there was just something about seeing them together, it wasn't rebound sex for her, not like Pacey had said. Sure, maybe she had been hurt and looked for some comfort but she had admitted that straight out. It was a hard thing to get into her head. There was no way she could lose the man that rebuilt her trust in the male species, the man that proved that all men weren't selfish. He convinced her that all men weren't just after her for something a little bit more than a cozy afternoon chat. But she didn't know if that was true anymore, did Pacey just stay her friend because he wanted more or did he genuinely care? She shook her head at her terrible thought, of cause Pacey cared, how could she ever think he didn't, it was Pacey. Pacey may be in love with her but she was in love with him too and she didn't use the friendship as an excuse to get closer to him. It was terrible to think that Pacey didn't care, he did, he did care. Pacey had always cared even from when they were meant to hate each other. Joey was catapulted out of her thoughts when she heard a gently rapping at the door; soft knuckles knocked on the door. It wasn't her apartment but she opened the door, shutting it almost immediately when she saw Audrey standing in the hallway. As she closed it, Audrey put her foot in the door, keeping it open. "Joey please!" Audrey begged. She gave her a look that made Joey change her mind. She opened the door wider and let her in, awaiting an explanation. "Joey I'm so sorry about last night, I drank a lot, too much," Audrey told her, following her around the apartment. "And when I hit you didn't mean to I was just so drunk and I was reckless and I understand that it was terrible to do that then not say sorry but I'm sorry. Will you forgive me and come home?" Audrey pleaded with her, Joey shook her head.
"Is that why you're here?" Joey asked her, if she wasn't going to admit it then she certainly wasn't even going to think about forgiveness.
"No," Audrey said timidly, walking over to the couch and sitting down on it. "Last night I did something awful to you," she told her, looking down at her hands in shame, she couldn't believe what she had done to her. It was going to kill her when she found out.
"You did? I can't even imagine what that would be?" Joey asked sarcastically. She sat and watched her, watched her struggle with her decision to tell her, but would she go through with it. Knowing Audrey, she would turn it around.
"Last night when I went home from the bar I was drunk and I..." she stuttered, she didn't know how to tell what she had done, she couldn't, it was too hard. " Joey well... I..." Audrey tried to speak, it was hard to explain it. It was hard to explain how it happened and what it had done. She opened her mouth to continue when Joey cut her off abruptly.
"I know okay!" Joey shouted at her, standing up and creasing her brow at her. Audrey looked up to her with pain, she knew she knew, but her eyes told her she knew she had been wrong.
"You know?" Audrey questioned her, sighing heavily and sitting down. She couldn't possibly know what she was going to tell her, there was no way Eddie would tell her, there was no way she could know
"Yes," Joey told her coldly, sitting down at the opposite side of the room.
"About what?" Audrey questioned her. She was scared, If she did know; it was going to kill her, the betrayal was going to kill her. She would never forgive her, Joey wasn't very forgiving, and something of this magnitude wasn't something she would ever forgive her for. Joey looked at her, zoned her eyes onto her, and shot cold daggers at her.
"Last night I came home, I came in the door and I saw you on my bed with him," Joey told her, letting her lip tremble and the heat build in her throat. Audrey looked sorry, there was no disputing that she was sorry, but she still couldn't bring herself to forgive her. Audrey stood up and walked towards her, shaking her head slowly from side to side, she wanted to beg her to forgive her.
"Oh my god! Joey I am so, so sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen, it was an accident, I swear!" Audrey told her honestly, walking over to her, when she got to her and Joey walked away towards the kitchen, moving away from her.
"What so you were naked, you fell and landed on his dick?" Joey shouted the question angrily, getting a glass from the cupboard and slamming it down on the counter harshly. An accident? It couldn't have been an accident, that was just absurd
"No," Audrey said obviously, walking over to her in the kitchen, touching her eye. She had hurt her last night, her eye was badly bruised, her eye was almost closed, she was a terrible, terrible person.
"Then it wasn't an accident, it was deliberate," Joey asked her angrily moving away from her quickly to the other aside of the room where she couldn't touch her.
"Ok then I was a mistake, I didn't mean to hurt you, you have to believe me. I dint want to hurt you," She told her, following her around the room, shouting back at her as gently as she could. Joey was annoyed, she had a good right to be, what she had done had been despicable.
"Well y'know what? You did! Friends don't sleep with each others ex- boyfriends, especially ones who are bastards!" she told her angrily, shouting at her loudly.
"I'm sorry," Audrey told her softly, following her around the room. Joey moved constantly, not able to stay in one place, not wanting to be anywhere near her.
"Y'know you keep saying it, Your mouth keeps moving and the words keep come out but I just don't believe you!" Joey screamed at her angrily, sending daggers of ice shooting from her eyes. "I don't believe you're capable of a single selfless thought!" Joey bellowed at the top of her lungs. She was the only one in the house. She wanted to slap her, she wanted to throw her out the window, she wanted to hurt her, but she couldn't.
I'm sorry Joey; you have to believe me... I am," Audrey begged following her again. Joey stopped, sending Audrey almost into the back of her. She turned slowly and looked at her angrily, with a look of hatred in her deep, cold eyes.
"Well y'know Audrey, maybe, just maybe sorry doesn't cut it anymore!" Joey shouted loudly, she pointed her finger at Audrey's shoulder and poked her hard. "I've had enough of you! I cannot forgive you for this! You slept with him! How could you sleep with him!" Joey bellowed the direct question staring into her eyes, the look of hatred remained and grew with every word she spoke. Her eyes narrowed in on her and stabbed her through the heart with the intensity.
"I didn't mean for it to happen okay it just did!" Audrey shouted, running her fingers through her air as the tears glistened in her eyes. Joey was not going to let this go, she was going to lose her, she couldn't bear to lose her.
"Ok then explain to me, how did it happen?" Joey asked calmly, folding her arms over her chest and awaiting an explanation.
"Joey..." Audrey said. Closing her eyes and shaking her head. Tears seemed from her beautiful blue eyes, she couldn't bear to tell her.
"No I want details, come on tell me the story," Joey urged, her look was hard and her eyes showed no sign of forgiveness. She was going to make her explain she was going to make her see how she was so wrong.
"Joey..." Audrey said trying to stop her from asking her. She couldn't hurt her, she couldn't tell her, it was too hard. She couldn't just run through it like any other story, it would hurt her and she couldn't bear to hurt her again.
"Come on," Joey urged walking towards her, watching the tears fall fluently from her eyes. "I'll start it for you. Once upon a time there was a scumbag called Eddie and a whore called Audrey. One night he drove her home drunk from the bar. He walked to her door and..." Joey paused, waiting for Audrey's intervention, but it never came. " Come on continue. You were doing so well, you're usually so entertaining, you're usually so good at stories... come on!" Joey shouted urging her friend who just shook her head, refusing to answer her.
"Joey..." Audrey said quietly, tears escaping from her eyes with shame, she couldn't tell her, she couldn't.
"Continue!" Joey screamed loudly letting the tears fall fluently. A girl that was once her friend was going to explain why she betrayed her trust.
"He walked me to my door," Audrey told her slowly and quietly, tears falling, voice shaking, lips trembling.
"Come on, louder I cant hear you!" Joey screamed at her, shocking Audrey to sit down and hold her head in her hands, unable to look at her.
" He came inside with me, he said he would make me some coffee to sober me up. So I let him in and I had coffee. He walked me around the room trying to walk it off and it was working. But I started to feel sick so I went to the bathroom, he followed me in, and he was so nice Joey. He was holding my hair back behind my head. He was telling me jokes, telling me that it was all right, that it was nothing to be embarrassed about. So when we were finished, and I had been sick, he came back in the room with me and gave me something to drink, some more coffee. You know me Joey, once I'm sick I'm almost sober, there is no excuse for what I did but I'm so sorry. He was on the bed talking to me and then he kissed me, I kissed him back and then I don't know how it happened but it did. I was sober, I knew what I was doing yet I still did it, and I am an awful person I know that. But it will never happen again, I won't hurt you again Joey I'm sorry!" Audrey explained, still looking to the floor, letting her tears fall. She finally looked up to Joey who was looking at her with disgust, shaking her head slowly, swinging it from side to side in disbelief.
"Y'know what? The fact that you knew it was wrong just makes it worse!" Joey shouted at her, stopping herself and calming herself down. "You were sober Audrey, you could have stopped it but you didn't, you continued," Joey told her, she didn't shout, she kept her voice low, swallowing a lump in her throat as she looked her straight in her eyes.
"Joey I'm sorry," Audrey told her again. Her voice pleaded for forgiveness but Joey's eyes showed no sign of forgiving her.
"Audrey I'm not going to stick around and let you do this anymore. I can't forgive you this time!" Joey shouted, not loudly, shaking her head aga9n. She regretted what she was saying, she wanted to forgive her, but she just couldn't.
"You have to," Audrey pleaded again walking over and sitting beside her, she didn't move, she just gazed at her with hard eyes.
"No! No Audrey I don't!" Joey shouted beside her, not moving, not looking at her. She couldn't look at her anymore; it was an impossibility to look at her.
"But Joey you're my best friend. We're roommates," Audrey argued softly. She couldn't bear to lose her friendship. It was a friendship she needed a friendship she couldn't live without.
"Not anymore," Joey told her standing up and wiping the tears from her eyes. She wasn't shouting anymore, she didn't have the energy. "I'm moving out and I would like you to leave me alone now," Joey told her turning her back to her, unable to look at her anymore.
"No! I will not go, we need to talk, we need to suss this thing out. You are my best friend, you are everything, my whole support I cant let you go. I cant let this happen Joey I'm messed up I need you," Audrey said walking up beside her and laying her hands on her shoulder, pleading with her. She felt Joey inhale her tears, it was killing her.
"Well y'know what? You should have thought about that before," Joey told her quietly, moving away from her and wiping her tears. It wasn't even that she slept with Eddie, it was that she betrayed her.
"Joey I'm sorry what else can I say? What can I say to make you believe that I'm sorry!" She asked her shakily, letting the tears fall. She didn't often cry but this was a time that she couldn't help it, when you were losing your best friend when you needed them most there was no way you couldn't.
"Nothing!" Joey screamed turning to face her, letting the tears seep through her eyes and roll down her cheeks. " Ok! Nothing! Nothing can put this right! It wasn't the fact that you slept with Eddie but the fact that you betrayed me! You stuck the knife in my back! If you wanted him then you should have asked me if you could date him!" Joey bellowed at her, her voice echoing around the quiet room.
"I don't want him Joey, It's never going to happen again. It was a one- night stand. A mistake, okay? It's finished! Done!" Audrey shouted, trying to reassure her. She never meant to hurt her, she couldn't bear to feel how much she hurt and betrayed her.
"I know and in a way that's what makes it so bad!" Joey told her angrily, walking away from her and towards the door, turning her back to her.
"Joey I need you okay? I'm going through shit and I need you," she told her softly. Walking to her urging to look into her eyes. She knew if she saw her eyes, she would know how sorry she was.
"Y'know what? You should have thought about it before you decided to betray me and stab me in the back," Joey told her opening the door, preparing to ask her to leave.
"Joey I really need you to help me... I... I just wanted what you had. I wanted to be happy just for one second. I need to be happy Joey I'm not happy. And I hate myself I look in the mirror and I don't even see myself anymore. I'm not myself; the person who I was has changed. I'm not me!" Audrey shouted, breaking down in more tears, coughing out her tears. Joey closed the door slowly and carefully, taking a breath and turning around.
"Then you need to get of the drugs and the alcohol, you need to get clean!" Joey told her sternly. Finally looking into her eyes. She hated her at that moment in time but she needed to help her. It didn't matter about Eddie anymore. No matter how much she hurt her she had to be there, she had to help her.
"Its not that easy I cant. I can't just stop," Audrey told her, looking at her. She still seemed to hate her, but still wanted to help her.
"You're wrong... you can, you can stop! If you wanted to you could stop!" Joey told her firmly, placing her hands on her shoulders.
"I cant okay? I can't stop drinking," Audrey said shaking her head slowly and sadly.
"Then..." Joey took a deep breath and looked at her. " Audrey you're an alcoholic," she told her softly, trying to get it through her mind. She watched her as she shook her head. "You are," She told her again softly.
"I'm not!" Audrey said moving away from her, refusing to listen and shaking her head aggressively.
"You are!" Joey said following her, grabbing her shoulders. "Audrey you need help with your drinking," Joey said, tears falling. The tears didn't fall, as they did before, not for the same reason, this time she was crying for Audrey.
"I'm not an alcoholic!" Audrey shouted, moving away from her, shaking her head, and putting her hands over her ears locking out Joey's voice.
"Audrey," Joey said walking up to her and pulled her hands from her ears. "You just told me that you couldn't stop," Joey told her, creasing her brow and looking at her.
"I can't stop," she told her softly, blinking quickly.
"Then you're an alcoholic Audrey, just admit it!" Joey told her, gripping her shoulders again.
"But I'm not. Alcoholics are only men in their forties with an old car, a bald head and a finance job. Not me! I'm not n alcoholic I just have a control problem," Audrey said moving away from Joey. Before Joey wouldn't stand with her and now she wouldn't stand beside Joey, she couldn't. Joey didn't know what she was talking about, she wasn't an alcoholic.
"You are an alcoholic," Joey told her softly, watching as she shook her head and picked her bag up, heading towards the door.
No! No! Shut up!" She shouted running to the door. Joey stopped her by pulling her arm, stopping her from moving
"You're addicted to drugs and alcohol Audrey. You say it!" She pleaded with her, holding her hands, Audrey just shook her head.
"No! I just cant stop, that's all!" she shouted again trying to get to the door, but Joey jumped in front of her again, not letting her pass her.
"You're an alcoholic," she told her.
"No! Shut up I'm not!" Audrey cried loudly, her tears fell as she shook her head at her. She couldn't be an alcoholic, alcoholism didn't happen to people like her.
"I'll prove it. Give me your purse," Joey asked her holding out her hand.
"No!" Audrey told her, pulling her bag closer to her grip, away from the reach of Joey. She couldn't look inside, it was private, and she had no right.
"Purse now!" Joey shouted, when she refused Joey grabbed it and Ran with it into the kitchen. Opening it, she saw small bottles of Vodka, lining her purse, bottle after bottle. She took some bottles out and held them up to Audrey, taking them away from her when she tried to grab them back. "See? Vodka? Bottles of vodka! You can't make it through the day without it, can you? Tell me the truth Audrey... have you had some today?" she questioned her, it was 10.00am and she could see some empty bottles in the bag. Four empty bottles to be exact.
"A little bit, just to take the edge, I was upset I needed a drink!" Audrey said, trying to justify herself. She didn't know why she needed to justify herself to her; after all, it was none of her business.
"How much?" Joey questioned, looking at her sternly.
"Just a little," Audrey said quietly, trying to grab her purse back without any luck.
"How much!" Joey questioned her; Audrey ran her fingers through her and stayed quiet. "Audrey! How many bottles have you drank?" She shouted, waving an empty bottle at her.
"Two bottles! Okay! Two! Happy! Two!" Audrey shouted, screaming at the top of her voice.
" Try four! Four bottles before ten o'clock Audrey, that is not healthy! You have a problem. Here, take these and open them," she told him, Audrey took them and held them tightly in her hand. A magnetic force drew her to the bottle; she needed to drink it. "I want you to pour them down the sink! All of them, then I want you to go home and pour out all the alcohol you have in the dorm," she told her. Audrey looked at her with disbelief she couldn't be serious.
"No!" Audrey shouted, she couldn't do it.
"Do it!" Joey ordered.
"No!" Audrey shouted again. She couldn't not bring herself to do it.
"If you want me to help you then do it!" Joey ordered shouting loudly at her and pointing to the sink. She looked at Audrey, she shook her head, and she looked like a scared little girl.
"No, I cant okay! I cant I have a problem okay! I have a problem. I can't stop, I want to, but I cant. Every time I try I come back to it, I need it. It's the help I need to get through the day! Days are tough these days, school is tough and I cant take it, it takes the edge off and helps me cope!" Audrey shouted pacing around the floor away from her. She had a problem but it wasn't drinking it was just her personality.
"Audrey you are an alcoholic," Joey told her. She needed to get her into her head.
"No!" Audrey shouted, screaming at her, shaking her heat at her. "No. I cant okay! I just have a small control problem, it not the alcohol its me!" Audrey shouted, covering her ears to shut out the sound.
"Audrey admit to me that you need help with you drinking problem," Joey pleaded with her. She couldn't let her live in denial.
I can't" Audrey told her grabbing her bag from the counter.
"Admit it and I'll be here, as much as I hate you right now I'll be there all you need to do is admit it," Joey told her softly. She was really starting to worry about her, it wasn't a game anymore, and it wasn't fun anymore.
" I... I... I can't Joey... I'm too scared... It's too hard. I... I... I'm sorry," She said breaking the tears from the confines of her eyes and running out of the door.
"Audrey! Audrey come back!" Joey shouted out of the door and down the hallways, but she was out of sight, she was gone. She ran to the window and watched as she ran down the road. Joey sat down on the couch and exhaled a deep breath. Looking over at the phone she picked it up and dialed a number from a piece of paper she kept in her pocket. "Can I speak to Pacey Witter please," Joey said, waiting as the woman put her on hold.
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