Chapter Ten
Padmé exited the 'fresher door to find a gown on her bed. She looked around for her other clothes, not wanting to wear anything that would tie her to Vader, but they were gone. She sighed, knowing that the droid had come and taken them, like some kind of shadow or wraith. She picked up the dress and surveyed it with an impassive eye.
It was a deep sapphire color in some kind of heavy material that still seemed supple and easy to move in. Jewels adorned it in places, adding a delicate touch, glittering in the light. It was strapless and had fastenings in the form of silver clasps up the back. She glared at the dress, knowing that it was Vader that wanted to see her in it, Vader that picked it out for her. She would have gladly worn it for Anakin, but she wanted no part in looking beautiful for a monster.
She, however, had no choice.
------
Vader stepped back for a second, admiring his handiwork, and then stepping forward to make several adjustments. It was perfect, he thought with emotion once he was finished. It would show her his devotion, and the fact that he still loved her, that he had never stopped thinking about her, tormenting himself with her memory. It would explain to her all the things he could not say.
The droid that he had built, made to be impassive and mechanical, stepped up to him.
"I have left her the dress, Lord Vader."
Vader acknowledged the droid with a wave of his hand.
"Good. In an hour's time, lead her here."
The droid gave a little bow of its head, a metal servant, but Vader's thoughts were already traveling along a long road, drifting away towards her…
------
Padmé stared at her face in the mirror. Her eyes were sunken and dark, much more then she remembered them being. She appeared to herself to look much older then she should be, and she knew it was not because of the natural passage of time. She glanced into her own eyes, and was hardly surprised to see that they were infused with a look of despair. Her own emotions floated around her, almost tangible in their intensity.
She stepped back, surveying herself with a final nod. She would not even pretend to have attempted to make herself look beautiful for Vader. She would leave her hair down, brushed but inelegant. The gown showed a little more then she would have wished, being bound tightly to her before sweeping into long, flowing skirts that swirled around her whenever she moved.
She walked over to the window, glancing out once at the malevolent environment, which had begun to darken, and closed the drapes, shutting herself in.
She felt a presence come over her, gently, softly. It was the same presence she had felt when she had been in the Emperor's clutches, the same presence that had comforted her. She felt its love and devotion, to the point that she wanted to seek it out, to fall into it, to drown herself in it. Her fist clenched as she resisted it, fought against it as vehemently as she had against the Emperor. It withdrew, leaving her exhausted and weary.
She heard the almost soundless mechanical noises of the droid she knew would bring her to Vader. Her gaze moved wearily over to settle on the silver-clad droid.
"My lady, Lord Vader requests your presence now. I will lead you to him."
They walked down countless hallways, walking past rooms she would not look in for fear of what she would find. She noticed with detachment that her walk was growing worse, and the pain had not abated. The place was huge, and occasionally she wondered what Vader had been thinking when he created such a palace for one man.
Finally, they came to a large, open, circular door. She could not see into it, and part of her did not want to. She drew on her inner strength, the core of energy which had allowed her to resist the Emperor for as long as she had, the part of her that had allowed her to face power-hungry Neomoidians when she was only fourteen.
She stepped into the chamber as the door opened, not knowing what to expect. The first thought that came to her was one that marveled at the chamber's largeness. It was huge, with dark stone that plated the whole room, and lights that were cast low, causing the whole room to look mysterious and shadowed.
The thing that she saw after that was enough to make her gasp, not in awe, but in rage. In the middle of the floor, there was a perfect simulation of the mountains that she and Anakin had visited so long ago. It flickered, allowing her to know that it was a simple illusion, but it was all too real to her, up to the same stones and plants that surrounded the area that to her had always represented peace. Standing calmly in the middle of all of it was Vader, the eerie lights reflecting off of his dark armor, the unmistakable noise of his breathing in the background.
-------
He had heard her approach, the soft footfalls being unmistakable. She had blatantly shoved his presence back to him, rejecting him. He could have easily gone into her mind, claiming her for his, but he did not, retreating because he loved her, because something inside him had rebelled at the thought of entering her mind. Something had been repulsed at the idea enough to stop him even contemplating it.
He felt something deep in the pit of his stomach that he had not in a very long time… anticipation? Dread? Nervousness? He did not know, but did not have any more time to examine his emotions once she entered the room.
The first thing he noticed was the way the gown swept around her. It clung to her and hung off her, making her appear like an angel again, one of infinite grace, one that could save him in every way his subconscious wanted her to. He trembled as his gaze moved up her body until he was staring into her eyes, which were dark with unexplained anger. He wondered what it was about, puzzled about her rage.
------
Padmé felt anger rise in her, taking her over. This abomination wanted to upturn her past, marring her memories of Anakin Skywalker, putting a stain on the things that were most precious to her deep within her heart.
"How dare you," she heard herself hiss, a growing red flush spreading up her cheeks. Vader stood, looking as he always did, with no clues to what he was thinking or feeling. She stepped into the horrible parody of one of her best memories, which flickered a little bit as her foot hit it. Her anger and despair, which had been repressed until now, began to rise in her, threatening to come out finally.
"How dare you," she shrieked, her fists coming up in a mindless gesture of anger, not knowing what she intended to do with them, not caring. Vader simply stood, no discernable emotions coming from him.
She beat against him, uttering curses and screaming, raking her fingernails down his mask, not doing any sort of damage to him. She felt darkness begin to come over her, but she paid it no attention, caught up in her anger as she was. Finally it claimed her, closing over her eyes before it took her into a place where there was no thought or emotion.
Vader caught her in his arms as she slumped down, her injuries finally claiming her consciousness. He noticed how frail she was, the way she seemed to be incredibly light in his arms, barely a burden. He gestured, and the false image of the mountains disappeared.
He knelt carefully to the ground, leaning her down in his arms, feeling tenderness come over him as he cared for her.
"I have neglected your health," he said as he leaned over her.
Emotions that he had not felt in their full intensity for what seemed like forever swept over him, claiming him not as Vader, but as something else entirely. He was awash in love and light, and for once, the darkness did not have a hold on his soul.
His black-gloved hand moved forward, and as he saw the light softly illuminating her face, tenderly stroked her cheek with the back of his hand in a gesture that Anakin Skywalker would have attempted.
"I am sorry," he whispered, and it could have been more then an apology for his failed attempt at comforting her. It could have been an apology for everything that he had done, an apology for becoming the thing that knelt over her, an apology for the lives he had taken.
Her eyes chose to flutter open at that moment, and he cursed himself in a thousand ways as the spell was broken, and he returned to being Vader.
"Let me go," she said with surprising compassion in her voice. He complied, releasing her, his thoughts and feelings in turmoil.
Padmé stood carefully, her mind swirling madly. She had opened her eyes, half-expecting to see the face of her husband glancing softly down at her. Instead, it had been Vader in a cruel reality that had denied her once again, tricking her with a monster instead of her husband, empty space in her arms instead of her children.
"You need medical attention," she distantly heard him say. She paid no attention to him, being as caught up in her thoughts as she was.
The next thing he said was the only possible thing that could have pierced through the fog in her mind and her heart. Her attention was drawn directly to him, everything else postponed as he asked
"What happened to our child?"