A/N- Once again, I apologize for the cliffhangers. I am addicted to them hopelessly. Thnak you for all the feedback! It helps me and inspires me to keep writing.

Chapter Fifteen

Her mind was in tumult after what had happened. She crossed her arms over herself, feeling immensely violated after what had happened, even more so then when Palpaltine had entered her mind. Vader had full access to her mind, even if it was a couple of seconds. He had entered the place where she kept all her wishes and her most desperate secrets; including the one she treasured above all others.

Her children. She whispered their names aloud. Luke, Leia. She could almost feel them in her arms. With a pang of regret, she realized that she had not even had the chance to hold her infant twins before they had been ripped away from her. She frowned again, trying to remember more after her last words- "There is still good in him"- but could not.

Vader had seen the fleeting thought in her mind, she knew. She had felt his surprise and his curiosity, but… he had not tried to pry further into her mind, had not tried to unveil her secrets. That had spoken to her about the change in him more then anything else he could have said or done. And then, he had used the light side of the Force. The feeling in her mind, in her heart, had been like nothing else. He had drawn from his love, and she had felt it deep inside of her, in every breath that she had taken, she had felt it within her.

It had taken her a little while to come back to reality, the truth that Anakin did not exist. She had allowed herself to become lost in Vader's shadow, in the man that he could have been. It had taken her looking on him when he was asleep to pull her out of the lie, the trap.

Still, even after that, part of her still longed for him, for Anakin. Some part of her had refused to give up hope, some part had refused to let the dream slide away. Some part of her knew that a part of Anakin Skywalker existed in the shell that was Vader.

The droid took her back to her room, moving almost soundlessly down the hallways. She forced herself to become familiar with the hallways, to remember the way they seemed to be arranged in a random pattern, when really, they were all placed in a decisive, logical fashion.

She had stared out at the surroundings a little longer, noticing with what might have been a slight touch of hope that the sun could be glimpsed through the clouds, and that it had stopped raining. She forced it down, reminding herself that this was Vader. Even if some part of Anakin remained, the simple fact did not change that he had slaughtered innocent children.

She forced herself to come to terms with the fact that it was Vader that killed them, Vader that committed those crimes in the name of saving her. That hurt the most, that he had somehow deluded himself that he was helping her by following the will of the monster that had declared himself Emperor.

She allowed her mind to separate the two forms of the man she knew as both her husband and a murderer. In her mind, there was Anakin, the Jedi hero who had fought valiantly in the Clone Wars, who had loved her with all of his heart. And there was Vader, the soulless murderer, who did not love her at all. The shadow of Anakin that she had seen was merely a temporary weakness of Vader, and not her husband. She could not bear to see it otherwise.

She still needed to talk with him, however. She and Vader could no longer exist in the castle together any more, not with everything there was between them. She had left the room, burying her doubts and fear deep within her heart.

When she had arrived to Vader's chamber, she had found the door securely shut and it appeared to be locked. She had tried to pry it open with her bare hands, but that was a foolish gesture that hurt her more then accomplishing anything. She simply waited then, outside his door.

She did not have to wait long. The door opened, allowing her a horrifying glimpse. Vader stood, with his hands against the wall, a yell reverberating around the room. The sound was pure anguish to her; the noise of Anakin Skywalker realizing for the millionth time what he had done.

It had forced her to reconcile Anakin and Vader, to realize that they were one and the same, that the defenses she had built up to protect her sanity were gone, and that the same Anakin that had sworn his love to her had sworn his allegiance to the Emperor. She stood, silent tears running down her face as her whole world crashed down around her, shattering the temporary peace she had come to.

At last, when she could bear silence no longer, she had cried out his name in hopes that he would hear her and recognize the deep part within himself that was the man that she had loved. That she still loved.

"Anakin?"

The word echoed around the chamber until Vader turned, his hands unclenched and fell to the side. She could not be sure, but she thought she heard a hitch in his breathing equipment. Her hands were spread out in a gesture of hopelessness, and her face was wet from too many repressed sobs that had longed to come, longed to echo out into the stillness.

They stayed like that for a long time, Vader watching her and her watching him, simply standing like that, everything else faded around them. It was him that broke the moment, him that disrupted the quiet.

"I am not Anakin," she heard his voice say with what she could have recognized to be resignation, almost defeat.

She walked up to him, tears streaming down her cheeks, all her shields completely open. He could read her thoughts if he wanted to, but she did not care. A small part of her even wanted him to.

"How can you say that to me?" She asked intensely. "After everything that you have done, and then to deny yourself? To deny me?"

"Anakin Skywalker," he said almost hesitantly, "Died long ago."

She shook her head.

"Your scream just a moment ago denies that."

She felt his anger and humiliation that she had heard that, had seen into his soul in a moment of weakness. She also felt a sense of deep frustration that ran in him, a sense of despair.

"What do you want from me?" He dropped his head and asked the question in a pose of utter defeat. She was able to see Anakin in that moment clearer then any other time. The truth of it all sunk in, and she wondered what she did want from him, whether she wanted him to be Anakin or Vader, her lover or her enemy.

"I want," she said softly, "To see you without your mask on."

Before he even said anything, she could feel his opposition and horror at the very thought.

"No," he hissed at her. She felt all his old shields come up, the bitterness and anger return, and she knew that she had lost again, had been toppled in the battle for his soul.

He stalked away, and she felt him trying to regain himself, his composure. He failed.

"Get out," he whispered. She felt invisible fingers begin to clamp around her throat, and he rumbled again, louder until it was a desperate scream, "Get out!"

She scrambled back for the door the moment the pressure on her throat lessened, recoiling in fear as the door slammed shut behind her. Her fingers clenched as her hopelessness returned. He has not changed, she thought bitterly, He has not changed at all. Her trembling subsided, and she breathed carefully, in and out. Once she was able to move without shaking, she put one foot forward after the other, making her way to her room.