Touda didn't have a good day. His bond to Tsuzuki was wide open, all barriers down, and the serpent shikigami was keeping eagle eyes on his friend and master, on the one he was sworn to protect with every fiber of his being. Tsuzuki was currently holding up quite well in the Palace of Candles, though there had been moments when Touda had been close to going there to help him battle his demons.

:I can do it: Tsuzuki insisted again and again. :It's okay, Touda:

It wasn't. Touda saw little in the arrangement that was 'okay'. Tsuzuki was deliberately exposing himself to nightmares and horrors and shadows that looked and sounded like Muraki, just so Rikugo could have his... lover with him.

The black shikigami snarled softly to himself, feeling Tsuzuki react to his anger.

:Touda, please:

:It's stupid! You're trapping yourself in your nightmares voluntarily, Tsuzuki:

:Rikugo loves Ryu. And Ryu deserves his freedom: the shinigami argued.

Tsuzuki was currently in the winter garden, drinking tea, watching the sunset. Watson was there, too, keeping as much an eye on his current 'master' as Touda was through the bond.

:It was my deal. I made it with Enma. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry with me:

Touda grumbled to himself. He couldn't be angry with Tsuzuki. Never for long anyway, and that immediate anger at what foolishness had made Tsuzuki make this deal had already evaporated. Right now he was simply aggravated, feeling the pressure from the bond because of the too low shields, and his own frustration at his inability to truly help.

:Ryu needs this, Touda: Tsuzuki reminded him.

:So what: was his defiant reply.

A smile answered him and suddenly Tsuzuki was very close, hugging him through the bond. :You were a prisoner once, too: the shinigami whispered tenderly. :You know how he feels. You were in his shoes:

Touda sent him a glare. :Don't compare me to a demon:

:I'd never do that: was the light reply. :It's just a few more hours. You could raise the shields, you know:

More defiance rose. No, he wouldn't!

Tsuzuki brushed over the dark core he was connected to and smiled warmly. :Thank you for everything, Touda:

The serpent stuffed his hands into his pockets, glaring at the ground as he walked through the silent streets of GensouKai center. He understood Tsuzuki's need to help others to be happy. He was a contradiction, Touda mused. An angel of death who wanted people's happiness. It was what caused Tsuzuki so much pain sometimes, but in the last years, things had evened out. His friend was growing, developing, overcoming incredible obstacles in his way, and he was rising to the occasion again and again.

Of course he wasn't against Rikugo's happiness. The older shikigami had gone through enough to warrant some happiness. Touda knew the recent events had drained Rikugo physically as well as mentally, and he had saved the serpent's life by almost dying himself. Touda was thankful, but why did Rikugo's happiness mean Tsuzuki's pain?

Growling to himself, he almost didn't notice when someone just barely managed to evade him.

A dangerous aura touched his own. Tightly coiled around its owner, barely an inch away from the skin, but still so very powerful. Powerful enough to incite a hellish fire inside the serpent shikigami.

Golden eyes narrowed as he took in the slender form of a demon who was the source of all his anger.

For a brief moment Touda felt nothing but emotional fury at the being who really couldn't be blamed for this, but the brief moment was enough.

"You!"

°

Ryu had been lost in thought. Walking through the streets, along winding paths that led from one palace to the next, he tried not to think of what was probably happening in the Palace of Candles.

Tsuzuki...

Oh Asato, I'm so sorry...

His aura quivered and he reined it in, wincing as the power prickled over his skin. What the mask had done for millennia he was now doing to himself. He was hiding.
Genbu had told him that Tsuzuki was strong, and Ryu knew he was. No one else could have suffered so much and still come out so wonderful as Tsuzuki. His aura alone gave Ryu what he needed, and it showed the demon that his friend was okay.

But for how long?

It was a mistake. A mistake to come here. A mistake to cave in. I can't even stand being here because of... because there are no walls. I'm phobic... damaged... beyond help...

He had tried and he had failed a second time. It was all he needed to know. Nothing else mattered. He would gladly remain in the Palace for all eternity now. One day Rikugo would tire of him, of having to come to Meifu, and then life would probably be the same as before, interrupted by only a few spells of insanity.

Ryu smiled wryly. Exhaustion crept through his body, and it had nothing to do with physical exertion.

You won, Enma. You won...

That was the moment he nearly ran into a tall, immovable object and his eyes widened as he discovered Touda. The fire serpent looked far from happy and in his black clothes he was a menacing appearance. Golden eyes narrowed and Ryu felt the aura of the most dangerous of all shikigami flare.

"You!" Touda hissed.

"Touda..." he started as a greeting, but stopped when the hands flexed into fists.

"What do you want here?" the serpent demanded.

"I apologize. I didn't see you. I was lost in thought..."

Ryu remembered Touda's almost hateful expression when Tsuzuki had given in to the shadows, had been overwhelmed by his nightmarish fear, and he knew that at the moment, meeting Touda wasn't really a good choice.

"Lost?" the serpent echoed angrily. "You have no idea about loss!"

"I..."

"Go back to Rikugo instead of stealing Tsuzuki's time out here!"

"Rikugo was called away," Ryu snapped back, tired and feeling his own anger rise.

"Then you should leave as well!"

"I'm still a guest."

"A guest whose time is running out," was the vicious reply and the golden eyes flared more. "Do you have any idea what nightmares are in wait for Tsuzuki? Do you think about him at all as you wile away your time here?"

"He did it freely," Ryu argued, the exhaustion making his aura sizzle a little.

"He did it out of guilt!" Touda roared. "He did it because he wants to make everyone happy, including you! A demon! He's taking your punishment."

Ryu stared at him, feeling each word hit home.

Guilt.

Punishment.

His guilt. His punishment. Not Tsuzuki's. Never Tsuzuki's...

"I can feel what he's going through, demon. I know it. Last time he was crouching in a corner, crying, after twelve hours! He sees it all again and again. Not just Muraki," the hiss was now a low, hateful whisper, "but everything. He sees his crimes. He hears their calls. He hears it all and he cannot escape because you -- are -- here!"

Ryu began to tremble. "He wanted me to go..." he said numbly.

"Because he's Tsuzuki. Because he's a gentle soul and wants your happiness. Because he's a dreamer! He's an idealistic fool!"

Ryu looked into those hard, golden eyes, all the nightmares of before rising. He saw the disgust and the hatred, he saw Touda's pain and with it Tsuzuki's. He saw what the man he still loved felt. He saw him crumble and fall and suffer for something he hadn't committed.

"So while you saunter around here without the one you came here, you might want to think about the sacrifice someone else makes each and every time!"

Touda turned on his heels and stalked back into the room, leaving a severely shaken Ryu behind.

He felt himself starting to tremble more and Ryu wrapped his arms around his body. He was cold, he was exhausted, dizzy... and he couldn't stop thinking about everything. He had tried to suppress his demonic aura for the time he had been here, had gathered it close around his body and it hurt. It was what exhausted him. It was what hurt so much. He was denying himself, he was denying what he was, and he was denying his true purpose.

He was a prisoner; his name had been erased from the books. He was nothing and no one, and Tsuzuki was taking a punishment meant for him.

He shouldn't be here.

It had been a mistake.

Stumbling feet took him to the closest building and he collided with the hard stone wall, unaware of the rough surface scratching over his skin.

Enma-Daiou had set this up for failure and it had failed.

He smiled humorlessly. Gods, he had been such a fool. A messed up fool. He was damaged beyond repair, beyond help, and it had been wishful thinking to be able to go to GensouKai, to be with his lover.

Ryu screwed his eyes shut against the nausea and the dizziness. The tremors were growing worse. The aura frizzed a little, then a jolt raced through him, making him gasp.

Too long. He had no control of it and it had been too long since he had allowed himself to be himself.

He should leave. Go away from the here, back to his home, to the safety of the Palace. He shouldn't burden anyone. Not Rikugo, not Tsuzuki...

He was the Count, a prisoner, a criminal, a demon. He was no one else. He would have to depend on Rikugo's visits, on his patience, his willingness to come to him.
Touda's angry words had cut into him like a sharp knife; a glowing hot, sharp knife. And they had opened his eyes.

Foolish dreamer.

Ryu had never minded being what he was because there had never been anyone but him. He had been alone; there had been no lover. Now he had Rikugo and the insecurities raised their ugly heads. He was no fitting partner for such proud and elegant being. Rikugo was a Divine Commander; Ryu was... without an existence, without a name, and he was a demon.

He had to leave.

He had to go back and forget about all of this.

He had to return.

But without Rikugo and a Gate, he wouldn't be able to. He was stuck here, the time ticking by, counting the minutes and feeling worse with every passing one.

Stumbling on, feeling lost and alone, Ryu took no notice of where he was moving.

Forty-eight hours... and still so many left. Tsuzuki was probably going through hell and he had no way to go and help.

Sorry...

He couldn't move. His shaking body refused to act and he sank heavily against the wall, starting to slide down. He gritted his teeth against the nausea once more. He so much wanted to throw up.

I'm only thinking about my fears. Touda's right. But I left Tsuzuki in my place. I know he hates the candles, he hates the shadows for what they can do to him; the illusions. What did he see the first time? How much worse will it get after each visit? They won't stop with just Muraki. They'll dig deeper, feel out his every fear. Until there is only Fear itself.

Enma had known that Tsuzuki would be unable to uphold his end of the bargain. Even with his bond, with Hisoka as a partner, and with the support of his friend he was still fragile. Deep down inside that warm, wonderful soul was a last horror and the Palace would find it.

Tears streamed down his fears and a soft moan left his bloodless lips. The demonic aura flared, breaking apart, making his cry out weakly in pain and relief when the hold was broken.

What have I done!

There was a soft voice, calming and soothing and gentle. He felt something settling on his shoulders, wrapping around his cold body, and he tried to move away from the presence. His body refused to act. Warmth enveloped him, a blanket or a coat, and he was pulled against an unfamiliar body.

"Shhhh," someone whispered. "It's okay. Let's get you inside."

Ryu tried to fight, but he couldn't really manage the necessary strength.

He surrendered to the gentle hands.

°

He had been witness to the encounter between Touda and Rikugo's lover. Byakko knew that his partner was under a lot of pressure from the open bond, something he did voluntarily and refused to even dampen just a little, and he was truly volatile at the moment. It was one reason why Touda had left the palace and the white tiger, seeking peace and quiet. That he had run into Ryu had been no one's fault.

Ryu had born the brunt of the culminating anger and fear and emotional turmoil.

Byakko had heard only a bit of what Touda had flung into the demon's face, but it had been enough. The damage was done and immediately visible. Ryu was breaking apart before his very eyes, and Byakko knew enough about the fragile state the former human was in to realize that this was bad.

He grabbed Touda, who snarled in surprise, and flung him against the palace wall, glaring at the serpent.

"Not a word!" he growled. "You did enough. Get Rikugo! Wherever he is, get him here. I don't care if he's in a meeting with Sohryu or the Emperor himself!"

Touda just took one look at the white tiger's hard expression, then nodded and left, still radiating anger, but it wasn't really active anger any more.

Byakko hurried over to the huddled man, saw the tears, took in the chalky complexion, and he felt the so tightly controlled aura finally break. It felt painful, sick, mistreated even, and while it was demonic, it was barely enough to make him wince. Byakko had faced his share of demons and his latest experience was far from positive. It had been the beginning of a rapid decline in a lot of things, but he had battled through. And Ryu didn't fall into the enemy category. Feeling this aura was... okay. Byakko felt no defensive reaction in himself.

You're different from the one who did this to me.

A moan came from the pale lips and Ryu hunched over, shaking harder. The wind god removed his long coat to drape it over the thin figure.

Really thin, not just slender.

Gentle hands stroked over the narrow shoulders, felt the increasing tremors, and he whispered soothingly. Ryu's eyes were screwed shut and he whimpered as Byakko drew him into a protective embrace.

"'S okay," he murmured, like calming down a child. "It's okay... I'm not here to hurt you."

tbc...