Interlude
Time passed. Hours turned their meticulous strokes into days, and days turned slowly into weeks. The fortress at Vijun was impenetrable to time; there was an eternity contained in the castle.
Padmé learned more and more from the Jedi Master, absorbing and folding the light unto herself as it held her and taught her. She managed to keep this all a secret from Vader, who was absorbed in his own conflict. She thought often of her children, sharing her concerns with Qui-Gon Jinn, who nodded and promised her that the time was near when she would see her daughter and her son.
Vader was immersed in his own battle, too blind to see the changes in Padmé. His soul was a battleground, with his own hate and despair on one side and his wife opposing them. He was ripped apart daily by conflict that threatened to swallow him whole. He ached for love and redemption, yet kept himself from them. It was a bizarre sort of self-punishment. He searched for anger and hate, finding them to be suddenly empty for him, nothing more then emotions. For his love was more then an emotion; it was his life.
Slowly, things began to change, tilting the balance. Padmé would be gentle to him while still somewhat impassive and cold; he was not the man she loved, not yet. She would see deep inside of him, down into the depths of his heart, to his conflict, fear and love. Vader would try to shield himself, try to appear to be the cruel Sith Lord, but they both knew it was an empty façade that fooled no one. His life was a constant masquerade, and the mask kept slipping.
They were both often plagued by memories, for they began to share thoughts and emotions. Whenever he had a nightmare, which was often, Padmé would wake, sweating, knowing that it was his torment that had awoken her. Whenever she thought of Anakin and the time on Naboo, Vader would remember the same times, not with nostalgia, but with bitter pain. Every memory of the man he once was tore at him, for he knew that was what she loved, that was what she hoped for. Bitter shame and resentment would rise then, and he would remember Obi-Wan.
As time passed, Vader's desires became clearer in his mind, less illuminated by shadow. All his thoughts of revenge and anger were slowly passed off, and he thought more often of Padmé and their love. An aching, burning need became lodged within him to come back to her as she so often promised, for things to be as they had been. But that was when the nightmares started again, and he was constantly reminded that nothing could be the same, that he had done too much. He wanted to undo all that he had done, wanted to right all the wrongs, but that was impossible.
Guilt would overcome him at times until all he could do was simply stand, weeping for all that he had done. The resolutions he had set in place at Mustafar, the determination to set his old life behind, seemed to him to only be fleeting fancy. Nothing was certain anymore. Padmé would sense his guilt but she was unable to help him, unable because he would not let her. He was so repulsed by himself that he could not bear her kindness.
She felt it, knew it deep within her that all he needed to do was forgive himself and then he would be able to love her, would be able to return to Anakin Skywalker. Things would never be the same as they had been; she knew that, but she still knew that if he managed to forgive himself, they could perhaps start anew, and they both would find a semblance of peace. She often thought of this, closing her eyes in a blissful dream. She waited for him, sensing the conflict within him, the burning hate almost doused by his intense love and want for redemption.
Vader was slowly coming to face the demons he had buried for years, buried under layers of shame and frustration. Padmé began to feel a sense of urgency through the Force, as if there was suddenly a new need to hurry, as if her time was running out. Qui-Gon spoke increasingly of the need for haste, although he would not tell her why. For the Emperor was still planning, and his plots were beginning to take form, casting a shadow over the unprepared inhabitants of Bast Castle…
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A/N- Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I cannot express in words the gratitude I feel towards people who read and take time out of their day for my story.
Sorry thatthis chapter wasso short, but it is helping set in place the events of the next few chapters, in which a whole lot will happen.
In other news, I am leaving to go on a trip to my Grandparents' and will not be back until Saturday, which means you can expect a post late Saturday evening or on Sunday, hopefully.