Emma stood there, staring at the wall as they waited to hear from someone. She had never been so scared in her whole life, as she waited anxiously for the news. It felt like forever since they had gone in there to help him.
Spinner still had his arms around her, but she couldn't even feel it because she was numb to everything surrounding her, except the emptiness she felt. It was as if she could feel him slipping away from her, that he was losing the battle he was fighting.
Even though she hated to admit it, maybe it was his time to go. He had been through so much; he must really be tired. Maybe it was really his time to finally rest. Tears just gushed down her face at that thought.
Dr. McCartney came out of his room, with just a straight face, you couldn't read what he was about to tell you. That sent butterflies through Emma's stomach to know that it could be either way.
"Mr. Manning damage was just too severe, his body tried to heal it, but he was just too weak. I'm sorry…." glancing at all the faces the stood waiting, "we just were unable to save him."
"NO……………………." Emma screamed out. Her whole world had been shattered in a matter of seconds. She couldn't listen to all these people tell her how sorry they were so she just ran out of there, as fast as she could, hoping that no one would follow her.
"Oh Chris, this is so terrible," Kelsie cried, leaning her head on his shoulder.
"I know sweetheart, I know." What was he going to do to make this all better? His daughter had just lost her father, and his girlfriend, her best friend. He felt he had to the rock for all of these people. Things would be so different from now on.
"My poor Ava will never get to know her father," she said. How was she going to live without him also, he had been such a great friend, even after all the trouble they had along the way. He had helped her through many difficult roads when she was without Chris. Life just didn't seem fair. She felt for Emma, she felt for his family, but most of all she felt for her daughter.
"Sweetheart you will be able to tell her about him, and tell her what a great guy her was, but most of all tell her how much he loved her. She will always know that. I know I can't replace him, but I will do my best to be her father." Tears were falling from his face too. He always wanted to be her father, not just her step, but not like this. "Kels I love you both so much, and I'm so glad that I have you both. I don't know what I would do if I was to lose you."
"I love you too," she said embracing him, before giving him a peck on the lips. "I think we should go see how Joey's doing."
"I agree."
They both walked over to Joey, who looked as white as a ghost did. Craig's friends were surrounding him, and Angie. Kelsie took a deep breath, and went and stood right in front of him. "I'm so sorry," she tried to keep in the tears and be strong. "We're all going to miss him greatly. I want you to know that he meant a lot to me, even if we weren't together anymore. And whenever you want to come see Ava you can, because I still want her to be apart of your family's life."
Joey stood up, embracing her, "Thank you; that means a lot to me."
"Family means a lot to me and Chris now, and we want Ava to know that too. I think I'm going to go find Emma, so please contact us when you have come up with some arrangements."
"Okay; please let Emma know that I don't blame her."
"I will," but not sure if Emma was going to listen to that.
Before Kelsie and Chris left, her friends gave her a hug. They knew that this wasn't easy on her. They felt that she must be hurting now, even if she wasn't really showing it. She had been through her amount of heartache the past few years.
Emma had come back to his apartment to be around all his stuff, she felt that it was the only way to be close to him. She lied on Craig's bed curled up with his hoody on; she could still smell his cologne on it as she took in the aroma of his sweater.
Craig had smelt like the first time they had made love. She could still remember every bit of that night, the way he kissed her, or the way he had took it slow since he was her first. But now that was nothing but a distant memory, he would never ever be able to make her feel that way again for he was gone, and she didn't believe that anyone would ever be able to make her feel that way.
"I guess I deserve this," she whimpered. "He lost his life because I was trying to set him free. If I had stayed and listened to my heart then I would be in his arms right now. I will never forgive myself for that."
Emma soon cried herself asleep. Since he had been in the hospital, she hadn't really slept much. Now she was finally getting the rest she needed, maybe once she had rested she would see everything differently.
"Chris I just don't know where she would have gotten by now. I'm so worried, I mean she wasn't too stabled when she left, what if she does something stupid?" Kelsie said in a panic state.
"Kels, calm down. She'll be fine, we just need to put our heads together and think of somewhere she would go, I mean she doesn't know Victoria too well," he said as they were driving around.
"Chris I don't think you really get it. She really blames herself for this, not just because she left, but because she never told him the truth to her leaving."
A little confused to where she was going with this, "What do you mean?"
"She told him that she was leaving because she thought he was still in love with me…"
"What!" he could stand the thought that he had been trying to get back Kelsie behind his back.
"Shut-up and let me finish."
"Okay," he couldn't believe that she had just snapped at him. What did she think his reaction would be?
"But the truth was it was just an act to get him to hate her so that it would be easy for him to let her go so that she wouldn't have to tell him the real reason."
"And what is the real reason?"
"She found out a few months back that she can't have kids, and she didn't want him to have to do without kids after seeing how he was with Ava. She just couldn't bear for that. She wanted him to be able to have as many kids as he wanted with someone he loved. I just wish she would have been able to tell him before he passed on."
"Oh poor girl, I don't even know what could be going through her head right now. I just hope she's alright."
Kelsie took a deep breath, and really began to think smart, and then it came to her. "She's gone to his apartment, that's the only place that she could feel close to him right now."
"Alright, I'm on it. " He step his foot further on the gas pedal, he wanted to get there as quick as possible.
They were all still sitting at the hospital. They hadn't found the nerve to leave just yet. They were all still in a state of shock. It had come rather sudden; no one would have thought that he would leave them so soon. They thought he would have fought for the chance to live, and be with his daughter, and Emma.
"Daddy, mommy will take care of Craig now," Angie said, putting her arm around her father. She couldn't believe he was gone, but knew he would be okay if he were with her mother.
"I know sweetheart."
"Is there anything we could do?" Ashley asked, felt so badly for them all.
"No, not right now." Then he thought of something, "Actually, I need someone to phone Spike, and tell her. I really think her and Snake need to be here for Emma at this time to help her deal."
She shook her head, "Alright." Turing to Jimmy, "Jimmy, can you come with me?"
"Sure." He followed his girlfriend down the hall towards the pay phones.
At first no one was answering the phone at the Simpson residents, and just as Ashley was about to hang up someone answered. "Hello."
"Hi, Mrs. Simpson, this is Ashley. Craig died earlier today."
"Oh no," she said, shaking her head. She couldn't believe it.
"Joey thinks that it would be best if you and Mr. Simpson came to Victoria to be here for Emma."
"How is she?" wanting to know how her daughter was handling it.
"Not good, she took off, but Kelsie and Chris went after her. She blames herself for this though, and won't listen to reason."
Her poor daughter, she knew she would be devastated by this. She knew how much her daughter had loved him; she was his world especially since she couldn't have any kids. "Tell Joey we will be there as soon as possible."
"I will," she said before putting down the phone.
Kelsie came up to the Craig's door, and put in the key to the deadbolt. Craig had given her a key incase of an emergency. "Emma," she called out as she walked through the door. There was no answer though. She prayed that she was here.
She looked in the living room, but there was no one, so she decided to try the bedroom. Chris just went and sat down in the living room; if she was here, it was best if Kelsie talked with her.
As Kelsie came around the corner of the bedroom door, she saw Emma's petite body curled up on his bed sleeping. She was relieved that she was here. She noticed that she had been crying. She knew exactly how she felt, she had felt like this when she lost Satine, and when she thought Chris had died.
She sat on the edge of the bed, and shook Emma slightly, just enough to wake her up.
Emma awoke to see Kelsie right beside her. Why could no one understand that she didn't want to be bothered, that she didn't want to see anyone, she thought. "LEAVE!" she said quite abruptly.
"No, we need to talk."
"Well this isn't your place, so go," when she wasn't listening to that, "GET OUT!"
"I don't care how you talk to me, I'm not leaving. You need to talk about this."
"No I don't, you don't understand," she said turning her back to her.
"I wouldn't understand, I wouldn't understand. I think of all people to understand I would be that person. I was the same way when Satine and Chris died. Except the second time I tried to hide the pain, which ended up hurting me more. Stop blaming yourself, this isn't your fault."
"I can't," breaking down, "I just can't. He got into the accident trying to stop me from leaving, and now he's gone. Now I have nothing left in the world."
"Yes you do, you have friends and family."
"It's not the same. He was the only person I had even been able to give my heart full heartedly to, I don't think anyone will be able to reach me as he did. And I wouldn't want them to. Now I can't even have a child to raise and love."
"Emma you'll find someone one day that will love you like that again."
"I don't know I'd be scared that I would lose them to. I just can't see letting anyone that close again. I was right from the start it's always best letting them not get to close to you."
She couldn't believe that she was talking about herself like this. She deserved to find someone that would love her. She just hoped that she wouldn't punish herself forever, to never let herself love again. She didn't say anything more she just grabbed her, and held her in her arms.
Emma decided that she would clean Craig's place. All the stuff had to be packed up, some stuff would go to her place, some to Joey's and others would be given to charity.
She was going through his cd collection, when she came across a cd that had her name written on it. She picked it up, "What could this be?" She took it out of its case, and put it into the cd player, and listened. "Hey Emma."
She was startled, she could not believe that she was hearing his voice, but what was this?
"I bet you're wondering why I made this for you when it isn't even our anniversary, but that doesn't really mater because I love you. I was thinking the other day that it's been 5yrs since I came back into your life, and I loved everyday since. I know we haven't been together too long, but I already know that you're the one for me. And I never could imagine that I would be this happy with anyone in my life."
Tears ran down her face, she couldn't believe that he was saying this to her. Oh, how much she missed him. She never realized how much he loved her, people told her, but she was reluctant to hear it; she wishes she had realized that sooner.
"Here's a song that I wrote for you, a song that is just for you; one of the many that I've written for you. They're all on this cd, because they deserve to be heard by you."
You with those sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Though I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can loose sight of it
And the darkness inside you makes you feel so small
But I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful like a rainbow
Show me your smile
Don't be unhappy
Can't remember when
I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up because you know I'll be there
And I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful
Like a rainbow
You're beautiful
I see your true colors
Just remember
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
Just call me up because you know I'll be there
And I see your true colors shining through
I see your true colors
That's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors, true colors
Are beautiful
Beautiful
Like a rainbow
Like a rainbow
You're beautiful
Your true colors are beautiful
No this isn't fair he can't have sung those sweet words and not really be here anymore. Why had life been so cruel to take him away from the one person that loved him more than anything?
She couldn't continue to go through this stuff, someone else had to. It was just too hard to be here in the place that they had spent the last day together. She felt she could no longer breathe here, as if the walls were closing in on her, she ran out of the room leaving that cd behind.
The day had come of the funeral, the day everyone had to say good-bye to Craig Manning FOREVER. Joey couldn't believe how many people had flown in for the funeral. He never could imagine it be this big when they weren't back home.
He was trying to keep strong for Angie's sake, but he was almost failing at it. He had promised Craig's father that he would take care of him, but it seems like he had done a half ass job at it. No, he couldn't think like that, it wasn't his fault that this happened. Witnesses said it was as if he wasn't paying attention to the lights or even his driving. Nevertheless, how could he blame this on his dead son, he didn't want to think of it like that. These things happen everyday, and that's all it was. If he thought of it any other way, he would drive himself crazy. Today he would honor his memory, and not think of whose fault it was.
Emma sat beside Joey, Spike on the other side of her; she hadn't spoken a word to anyone since she came back from Craig's place the other night. Spike tried to get her to open up, and talk, but she just sat there staring off. They all had been so worried about her; they didn't like to see her hurting like this. However, there was only so much they could do.
"Thank you all for coming today," the pastor said as they started the service. "We are all here to honor the life of Craig Manning. Craig was a Youngman who was just about to embark into a new world as he started his college years, but it was cut short in such a tragedy. Some may ask why this had to happen to him. Why did God have to take him? And I can't answer that, we may never know why it had to happen, so let us think of the good times you had with him, treasure them."
Emma felt numb to all of this; the pain had eaten away at her until there was nothing more. She still could see the way he smiled as he was jamming on his guitar, or when they just cuddled on the couch, just talking about what they wanted in life. There were so many great memories with him.
Craig and Emma sat on the swings at the elementary school. He was gazing at her, "Em, do you ever wonder how things would have been if we got together back in grade 11?"
"No, not really. I don't think that we were ready for each other at that time. I think we needed to have time to grow, to learn things about ourselves. I mean last year I learned a whole lot about myself, and so did you. You learned to trust people, open up about your true self."
Craig grabbed a hold of her swing, making her look at him. "You know that you're the greatest person I've ever known. You've been the only one who's been here through thick and thin with me, never leaving my side. Even when everyone hated me for a while, you still stayed by me, and I thank you for that. You're my best friend, and I love you," he said before leaning in for a kiss.
Smiling, "I love you too!"
"When I was living with my father, I never thought that I was good enough to be happy in life. For a while, I even thought what he was doing to me was my entire fault, but I soon realized that I was wrong. Emma you coming back into my life changed me, made me realize that I was worthy of love."
Tears ran down her face, "You know you helped me, realize that I deserved to be treated better by the guys I dated. I never knew how great love could be until there was you."
"As I think of the future, I can't think of being with anyone but you."
Beaming as she gazes at him, "I feel the same way."
"Now we will have Kelsie Fitzgerald come up and share with us," the pastor replied.
Kelsie walked up to the pulpit, "Craig was a wonderful guy. I may not have known him as long as some of you, but the time we did share I did get to know him pretty well. He was one of the most caring guys I have ever had encountered. During the time together he taught me how to open myself up to others, not I didn't have to be afraid to share my true self with others. He was a great friend to all, and if you were ever in trouble and needed help, he would be there for you. From the moment our daughter, Ava was born, he showed his love for her. He was great with her, and I just wish he would have gotten more time with her, and his family. Craig we will deeply miss you, and I…" tears began to form in her eyes, "will let Ava know everyday how much you love her. Everyone hears a tribute to Craig Manning, a wonderful musician, friend, boyfriend, son, and most of all a great father." Kelsie grabbed the guitar beside her, and began playing one of the songs he had written. "This is a he wrote a while ago."
Na na
Na na na na na na
I miss you
I miss you so bad
I don't forget you
Oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It wouldn't be the same
Oh
Na na
Na na na na na
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It wouldn't be the same
Oh
I've had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened you passed by
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now you're gone
Now you're gone
There you go
There you go
Somewhere you're not coming back
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found
It wouldn't be the same
Oh
Na na
Na na na na na na
I miss you
Today had been the day to let go of Craig, to say their good-byes because he was never coming back. It had been all hard on everyone, but especially Emma, because no matter what anyone said she would forever blame herself for his death. She wouldn't be the same old Emma after this, her life would be forever altered