She looked at him in surprise, unable to think of a single answer to his statement. She had not expected him to say that, and could not imagine what kind of offer he planned to make if he insisted that there was to be no love between them. She was so surprised that she didn't even take the time to feel relieved that he didn't want to add love to their agreement – or to acknowledge the twinge of sorrow she felt that he didn't.
Zach continued, "I enjoyed myself as well… and now that we know we're… physically compatible… it could be an added… um… bonus… to our marriage."
"In other words… you want benefits now," she said sarcastically.
"Not unless you do," he said with a sigh. "Look, Kendall. This is a business relationship, but I'd like us to become friends. I realize that you don't like me yet, but I'd like to change that if you'll let me. It will be a whole lot easier to work together… and if we occasionally want to enjoy each other more intimately… I don't see why that should be a problem."
"It isn't, Zach… as long as there are no expectations – by either of us," she answered firmly.
"Agreed… this is entirely outside the agreement and the pre-nup. If we want to, though, I don't see why we need to deny ourselves," Zach answered calmly.
"Okay… then why does this change our agreement?" she said in confusion.
"I never said it did… but we do need to make sure that we have clear expectations of each other," he continued.
"Expectations… hmm… go on," she said before taking a bite of her salad.
"First of all, I think that it would be fair to say that we enjoy sex with each other… and can continue to do so… but there is no obligation on either party," he said with a smile, hoping to lighten her mood. "You can agree to that, can't you?"
He was rewarded by a small giggle, "I can agree to that."
"Good… now this is where it gets trickier. You seemed upset before when I mentioned being with other women. Had you planned to be celibate after we married?" Zach asked.
"Wait a minute… you mean… you assumed I would be a free agent outside of the marriage, too?" she asked in surprise.
"Of course…. As long as you're discreet, there's no problem. I can promise you that I will never conduct myself in a way that will cause you embarrassment or cause your family or friends to be concerned for your welfare. All I ask is that you use the same discretion should you choose to be with someone outside of our marriage… I really don't want you to be miserable," he answered quietly.
"Oh… I don't know why… but the thought of an open marriage surprised me. And now that we've… you know… I just expected that you'd want the whole package," she said, even more confused by his statements.
"Kendall… I don't expect to be happy or find love in my life, but I would like to have a successful and pleasant partnership with you. Asking you to be monogamous with a man you don't even like is expecting an awful lot," he said in explanation.
"Hey! I never said I didn't like you," Kendall protested. "What I said was that I don't love you. Besides… you don't like me."
"Do you really think I'd ask you to marry me if I didn't like you?" he asked with a smile.
"Then what's with all this open marriage stuff… just because we don't love each other doesn't mean our marriage can't be a real one," she said in bewilderment. Why am I asking him that? I certainly don't want a real marriage… do I?
"And I never said it can't be a real marriage… I just said that it doesn't have to be. All I'm asking is that you be discreet and don't flaunt a relationship for the world to see, and I promise to do the same for you," he said patiently, wondering why she was arguing with him. He thought that she might be relieved if it was an open marriage, but he was beginning to believe that he had misjudged her entirely.
"Gee… I think I can agree to that," Kendall answered with a sarcasm that surprised even her. "Is there anything else you want to add?"
"Just the obvious…" Zach said, hesitating to answer further in light of her irritability. When she gave him a perplexed look, though, he continued, "I assume that you use protection to keep from getting pregnant, and I would prefer that you continue being so careful after we're married."
"WHAT!" Kendall cried. "You have no right… no right at all…"
Zach held up his hand and spoke so quietly that she had to listen carefully to hear his words, "I'm sorry… you've said before that you don't want children… I assumed that was still true. And I'm not interested in your becoming pregnant with another man's child while married to me. Is that so unreasonable?"
Kendall understood what he was asking of her – and although he was correct that she didn't want children, she was feeling too indignant to let him off easily, "And what about you? You can leave a trail of illegitimate children all over the world and it's okay?"
"No… I never said that. I will gladly give you the same promise. You will not find a strange woman at our doorstep claiming that I'm the father of her child," he answered unemotionally.
Was this the man who had loved her body so creatively just a few hours earlier? Where was the fire? Where was the passion? Did he have a switch that could change him from fiery to glacial in an instant? How could he be so businesslike in discussing their marriage after the delicious way he had made her feel? She shook her head as if to clear it. She certainly wasn't going to allow him to know how confused she felt. Two could play this little game he had started, and she had plenty of practice in putting men in their place.
"Well… considering how you feel about the son you do have I wouldn't be surprised if you told me that you'd been snipped," she said with equal candor, using a term that she hoped would make him as uncomfortable as he had just made her feel.
Although he didn't flinch, his eyes hardened before he answered in controlled fury, "You don't know anything about my feelings for Ethan… but you are correct that I do not intend to foist myself on another child – not even I would be so calculatingly cruel."
She looked at him in surprise, realizing what she had already known intuitively. People usually did not give her credit for being perceptive, but there were times that she was quite astute. This was one of those moments, as she suddenly realized how very alike they were. He was not the cold, unfeeling monster that everyone accused but instead a man who felt things deeply – he was just very adept at the masquerade. Before she could stop herself she said quietly, "I was right the first time… you don't hate Ethan. It was all an act!"
Zach continued to look at her coldly, but his eyes softened as he was hit by the full import of her words. Instead of his own scathing retort, he answered in a gentle voice, "You should trust your instincts more often… they serve you well."
Kendall looked pleased as she answered, "Then why did you let this war escalate between you? I mean… all of this mess could have been avoided if you'd just told him the truth at the beginning."
"The beginning! You mean when my father and Hannah found out that she was pregnant and decided that I didn't have the right to know? That's where the lies began… not with me. If I had known about Ethan, things would have been very different," he answered barely controlling the anguish in his voice.
"Then why on earth are you marrying me and trying to take Cambias from him?" she asked gently, amazed at the torment she accepted in him for the first time. She had always been so ready to do battle that she had never acknowledged his suffering. She couldn't help but wonder if some measure of Zach's pain had been experienced by her own mother when they were at odds.
"You've seen what he's become… I've been trying to save him from turning into my father. The only problem is that I've had to become my father to do it. I now understand how he felt when I rejected his decisions for my life! But all I know for sure is that it was Cambias that caused my father to become a tyrant with an iron fist, it was Cambias that turned my brother Michael into a monster, and it is Cambias that has corrupted my son in a few short months. It is not Ethan who controls Cambias but the other way around, and if he continues on this path he will lose his soul forever… and if I have to forfeit mine in exchange, then so be it," Zach answered with such bitter intensity and self-loathing that Kendall flinched.
She whispered softly, feeling an uncanny connection with him at the resonance between his pain and her own, "I'm so sorry, Zach."
"There's nothing to be sorry for. My life is what it is and I live with the choices I've made… no going back… no regrets. Do you agree to my terms?" he said grimly.
Kendall looked at him, sorrow for his plight and her own causing a tear to spill onto her cheek, but she merely nodded and whispered, "Yes, I agree. How soon can we be married?"