Kendall was a jumble of emotions, and none of them were good. Even the enjoyment she had experienced over the last day and a half was insufficient to overcome her current dread. It was still hard to believe that so much had happened since she arrived at the award ceremony for Edmund Grey – here she was in a beautiful Las Vegas penthouse with everything she could possibly want – except companionship.
Dinner at Celestino's had been delicious and wonderful. For the first time, she had seen Zach surrounded by people who actually liked and respected him. Although he was a part owner in the restaurant, his share was small – but the owners and managers greeted him as if they had truly missed his presence. It appeared that outside of Pine Valley – and away from his association with anything Cambias – he was a respected and well-liked businessman. The people that they met all expressed their condolences on the closing of The Seasons and their hopes for its swift reopening. He had been gracious in accepting their well wishes and seemed to take real pleasure in introducing her as his fiancée. In fact, the world-renowned chef had appeared from the kitchen to personally welcome her into their "family." And Zach had given no one an indication that this was anything but a real marriage… never once did he even imply it to these friends and business associates of his.
After dinner, they returned to the Bellagio and spent quite a while in the many gaming rooms of its casino. Zach had immediately acquired a large amount of chips for her to use as she pleased. She asked if he was gambling, but his answer was a simple, "Not tonight." She imagined that he was a formidable opponent, but hoped to some day observe him in action. They started with the slots which bored her very quickly, and she noted the look of relief on his face as she asked to do something more interesting. They visited tables where she did moderately well at black jack, roulette and craps… turning to Zach for advice with her betting in the beginning. After a few rounds she felt more comfortable and he never offered advice that wasn't solicited. As they made the rounds, Zach introduced her to several people as his fiancée. Finally, they had observed some poker rounds without playing. She was not ready for that level of play… as if she would ever be ready… but Zach turned down several offers to join a game… and they seemed to be very disappointed at his refusal.
Kendall had been surprised to find that it was quite late when Zach escorted her back to the penthouse, and she looked forward to spending another passionate night together. Instead, he had explained that he would be staying at The Seasons until after they were married. She had been stunned and hurt that he would make that decision without consultation or warning – but two could play that game. Her reply was that since their marriage was a business arrangement there would be no need for him to stay at the penthouse after the wedding either. He had looked at her closely for a moment before nodding his head and laying his key card on a side table, leaving without so much as a "goodbye."
Unfortunately for Kendall, she had once again spoken without thinking. She didn't want to spend this night alone in the penthouse – and she definitely didn't want to spend her wedding night alone. Despite the fact that their marriage was for business reasons, they had passed well beyond those restrictions. No matter what Zach had said, she knew that he had to have some feelings for her or he wouldn't have gone to so much trouble to make this business deal a lovely and memorable experience. It didn't really make sense at all… but he had hinted that he liked her, which was more than she would have guessed two days earlier. Despite her exhaustion, she had been pacing the suite ever since he left – picking up her cell phone to call him a dozen times or more, but always stopping before hitting the "send" button. No… she needed to sort out her own feelings and desires before another conversation with Zach. Was that why he had left her alone? To make sure that she had no regrets? He had such a strong personality and presence… it was very hard to have doubts when he was there. In the dark and lonely hours of the morning those doubts we very large and very worrisome, though.
Might as well take advantage of these luxurious accommodations, she thought to herself. If I'm going to be up all night I can at least be comfortable.
She called room service and ordered tea service. Once it arrived she seated herself in the living room with a pad of paper and a pen, determined to make a list of pros and cons to her new arrangement with Zach. If he ended up in the plus column, she would go through with the wedding and if not she'd be on a flight home from Vegas before he arrived back at the hotel in the morning. She would not allow him the opportunity to talk her out of a decision to leave… so she'd leave him a note with the concierge.
Now to her list… might as well start with the negatives. Number one… Ethan. If she married Zach she would hurt Ethan terribly, and probably ruin any chance of ever getting back together. Was that a bad thing, though? He hadn't considered her feelings when he lied to her… still, she had to consider if she might want him back later. Leave him there. Number two… Erica. Was that really a negative? She would be upset, and say a lot of things she didn't mean… but she would come around rather than be cut out of her life. Erica had to stay in that column, but it was conditional. Number three… Zach. He definitely didn't love her, probably didn't like her, and would turn against her in a minute if she threatened Ethan or Maria. She would have to live with him and work with him… was she strong enough to handle him if he was always around? Number four… Greenlee. No make that Pine Valley. Everyone in the town was going to be upset over this, pointing their fingers and making comments about Kendall and her very public mistakes with men. Could she handle it again?
She sat thinking for a few minutes, and realized that every item on the negative list – save one – had to do with other people's opinions of her and her abilities. This was supposed to be about what she wants from her life… not what everyone else wants for her. It was a pretty weak negative column, she had to admit. Was that a sign? Or was she just too tired to think straight? Oh, well… on to the positive list.
Number one… Zach. Okay… he had to be in both columns because he was definitely two different men. In this column was the man who had so much fun arranging a wedding and honeymoon and enjoyed her pleasure in his surprises… a man who brought her flowers… and bought her jewelry and clothing… and fed her. Oh, yeah, and the sex... wait… that deserved its own line. Number two… Love. Zach was right… their marriage would be for love, just not for each other. If they married she could protect Bianca and Miranda, she could even help Ethan to change for the better, and she would have the means and the power to help the people she cared about most – if they would let her, if they would forgive her for marrying Zach. Okay… one more for the negative column… she might be ostracized by the people she cared about the most if she went through with this. Number three… Sex. Who knew? It was outrageous and fun and erotic… and she wanted more of it… with Zach… which was why she was so mad at him for leaving her there alone to start with. Number four… Wealth and Power. Okay… so it wasn't all that important to her, but it sure was fun to play with. Anything else? Wait… Number five… Myrtle Fargate. She liked Zach and saw the good in him when everyone else missed it. She supported, no she encouraged their marriage… and she could influence the opinions of the Pine Valley nay-sayers.
Five items in each column and Zach's name on each list… but he was Number one on the positive side and Number three on the negative list. All the pluses were things she wanted for herself or wanted to do for other people – all the minuses were things she couldn't control, even if she cancelled the wedding. Erica's attitude toward her ran hot and cold, depending on how her own life was going. Ethan wasn't going to change unless someone forced him to change, and she couldn't do that as his girlfriend, fiancée or wife – he was lost to her whether she married Zach or not, because she couldn't trust him anymore. And all of Pine Valley had already judged her… since her arrival many years earlier… married to Zach or not… they would still be judging her when she was Myrtle's age. With Zach, though, she could do so much… and have so much fun doing it.
Well, Zach… looks like today's your lucky day! Kendall thought to herself. Glancing at the clock she realized that she had time for a couple of hours sleep before her wake-up call. Then she had an appointment at the spa for the full treatment, and she could relax and sleep there as well. Is this why he left? …To force me to think about our future? was Kendall's last thought before drifting off to sleep.