Law and order NHU: Naruto Humor Unit
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Arashi looked over the courtroom.
"It is a terrible thing, not to be able to have children…" said Arashi darkly. "It is a terrible thing to have a person sexually abuse you, and I am ashamed to say that the one who did this to my son was none other than one of my own students, Hatake Kakashi!"
"I object!" yelled Zabuza, standing up.
"On what grounds?" asked Kisame, looking over at his fellow mist-missing-nin. Well, Zabuza was dead too, so…
"This man was dead when these so called events took place, how do we know he's not making it up?" snapped Zabuza, crossing his arms.
"Because his client informed him of what happened. That's how this kind of thing works. Lawyers shouldn't know the client until they meet, but this is different…" Kisame coughed. "Anyway, overruled. You may continue, Arashi."
Arashi nodded at Kisame, and faced the courtroom, before turning to the jury.
"Members of the jury, do you know the story of Uzumaki Naruto?" questioned Arashi. It was a rhetorical question, seeing as Naruto was the star of the anime and manga. "Of course you do. Now then… Do you remember the third and fourth episodes, or chapter six? Well, this is when Naruto was sexually abused…"
"No it isn't! All I did was test them, using your method!" exclaimed Kakashi, standing up. Zabuza glared at him.
"Sit down, Hatake." snapped Kisame, glaring at Kakashi.
"Man, he's so hot… He uses that tone when he brings out the whip… Ooo…" Hinata grinned and shivered. Neji inched away from her. Kisame saw this and winked at Hinata, who licked her finger. Kisame grinned, before turning back to the courtroom.
"Now then…" Kisame looked sternly at Kakashi. "One more outburst like that and I'll have you locked up with Mizuki. Do not test me."
"… Yes sir…" muttered Kakashi weakly. Kisame smirked.
"You may continue, Arashi…" said Kisame, waving his hand at Arashi.
Arashi nodded, once more, and looked at the jury, once more.
"Kakashi, using a forbidden ancient taijutsu technique, ruined my client's life." said Arashi. Kakashi's eyes widened.
'He couldn't possibly mean… That's insane!' thought Kakashi frantically.
"Using the technique, Kakashi thrust his fingers into my client's backside, but this had a terrible chain reaction…" Arashi shook his head. "Thanks to that, Uzumaki Naruto is unable to have an erection, or make the part needed from the man to make babies."
Kakashi's jaw dropped.
"What Kakashi did is now what is commonly referred to as 'ass rape,' but this specific 'encounter' was so much more..." Arashi shook his head sadly and sat down. Some of the jury members were in tears.
'... This doesn't look good.' thought Zabuza darkly. 'I'll have to think of something drastic...'
End Chapter