Zefie: Guess what? I now have narration rights for this fic! I have inherited the contract from MortalSora! First order of business is the Disclaimer, which states that I don't own squat (well, except Gruntylover4eva). Also, some rabid Kingdom Hearts fan named sailorstar165 owns Ryo-oki. Now, I need to go ahead and get this chapter done with so I can pester the hell out of Rena…

Literally a fountain of tears was streaming down the face of Gruntylover4eva. Also her face was red. Why? "OH, my poor Grunty-wunty-lunty-punty! So that MEANS we won't be able to be together any more! WAAAAAAAH! Please, if you are suffering as much as I am, let me know! Waaaaaaahh!"

To tell the truth, Tsukasa was glad to get away from this-(Zefie: Warning! Technical term coming up!)-'insane psycho bitch.'

"Waaaaaah! Just think of the good times we had! Like when I sold one of my kidneys to buy you Grunty food, or that time I accidentally French-kissed you! I'll never forget you and your cute Grunty butt! I wish us measly humans had butts like yours, you Grunty's have all the cool butt features like a tail! WAAAAAAAH!"

Then, suddenly, Tsukasa begin to float upwards toward the sky against her will! Gruntylover4eva spoke up. "Bye-bye my Grunty! WAAAAAAAAAH! MY GRUNTY IS LEAVING! What's the point of living anymore!"

As Tsukasa floated to the sky, a thought that is quite understandable entered her head. 'What? Am I going to die?' And if Tsukasa was feeling really malicious, she would have added, 'I don't think I'll miss you though because you scare the crap out of me.'

So at this point, as Tsukasa floated away to the unknown while Gruntylover4eva cried and questioned why she should live anymore now that this Grunty is gone, Tsukasa was wondering what was going to happen as well. (Zefie: By the way, the chances of Tsukasa arriving somewhere that is totally safe is about as likely as a fat man that lives next to a Pizza Hut is to move.)

Look at me, I'm Pippy LOGstockINgs number 4: "This means WAR!"

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Topic: Magical Grunty-person!

Hey, what's the big deal with this missing person I heard about from a friend? A missing Tsukasa? Isn't that that Grunty that my insane friend was raising? May the spork be with you. –Yuri

Re: Magical Grunty-person

What? Who would name a Grunty after a famous player? Grunties are sooooo dumb! –Yaoi

Re Re: Magical Grunty-person

Did you say Tsukasa? Where can I find him? –Subaru

Re Re Re: Magical Grunty-person

You can find him in Dun Lorieag using the keywords Gawky Flock's Torture . –Loli

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Tsukasa opened her huge Grunty eyes to discover that she was alive! And this time she was glad that she was alive! Unfortunately, she was still an annoying Noble Grunty though.

Tsukasa looked around and discovered that she was on a bit of land floating over Dun Lorieag. She also looked around and discovered a large Grunty ranch with all different sorts of Grunties staring expectantly at an empty podium. Tsukasa, confused, decided to go over to all the Grunties to see what was going on.

"Hey, what's going on?" Tsukasa asked a Grunty. The Grunty turned and looked at her. The Grunty looked like a miner and had a gruff voice. "Hello, I'm the Explosives Grunty, shh-BOOM. And who are you, shh-BOOM?"

"Um, what's going on here?"

"Oh, we're waiting for our leader, shh-BOOM. Since you don't know, you must be new, shh-BOOM. Just you wait, our leader will lead us Grunties to the chosen land, shh-BOOM." Then Explosives Grunty walked away from Tsukasa and back to the podium.

While Tsukasa was wondering how in the world a bunch of literally dumb Grunties could be organized, a Milky Grunty walked up to Tsukasa, swaying its hips. When Milky Grunty spoke to Tsukasa, she startled her. But what came next was even more startling. "Hey there, you wanna be my red king?"

"Ahhhhhh!" Then Tsukasa ran away from the Milky Grunty and ran into a Rocker Grunty.

"Hey, what's the rush, baby? Someone trailing you, baby?" The Milky Grunty rushed up to the Rocker Grunty and Tsukasa. "Well hello there you two, do anyone of you want to be my red king? We can nibble on a bit of Aromatic Grass together, nudge nudge."

"Get outta here, baby!"

"Well FINE then!" So then the creepy Milky Grunty left. The Rocker Grunty faced Tsukasa. "She's such a whore, baby. I can tell you are new here, what's your handle, baby?"

"I'm Tsukasa, and I'm not really a Grunty."

"TSUKASA? This is unbelievable, baby! I gotta tell our leader!" Then Rocker Grunty rushed off, leaving Tsukasa confused.

As Tsukasa wondered what was going on, she decided to look around some more and found a Grunty that was outside of the crowd of the podium. It was an Aqua Grunty that looked pissed off. Tsukasa, who was told by her shrink that she should be more social, decided to ask the Grunty what's wrong.

"What's wrong? I'm a stupid Grunty! Sorry, let me introduce myself, I'm Ryo-oki. I'm not even supposed to be a Grunty but this idiot hacker that likes me turned me into one! And people think I'm a hacker because my character class and weapon randomly changes! And now that I'm a Grunty-" Then Ryo-oki changed from an Aqua Grunty to a Noble Grunty. "Ah damn it, mon ami!" Then Ryo-oki stomped off.

Tsukasa then heard a lot of chatter near the empty podium. "Gnarly, here he comes, dude!" "Our leader is here, glub!" "Our leader is so sexy, red king." "We will all serve you, our leader, clang!" Tsukasa looked to the podium and saw a Grunty walk up to it. The Grunty had on brown clothes with the Nazi symbol on it. This Grunty also had on a brown cap and had a thick mustache.

"I'm glad you could all assemble, schnell! It is I, your leader, the Nazi Grunty, schnell! I am glad you could all attend and be part of the GLSS, schnell!" The Nazi Grunty then looked at Tsukasa. "Especially you, Tsukasa…"

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"Nghhhhh! Grrrr! I'm yanking as hard as I can Balmung, but nothing more comes out!"

"Well you can't just forcibly tug, you have to be gentle! You have to be or else it won't come out!"

"Nghhh! This is hopeless Balmung!"

"If you have to, use my hips for leverage!"

Now, you are probably asking yourself: 'What the hell? Do I want to know what Reki is tugging on?' Ahh, just imagine…ahem, back to reality. Well, it turns out that Reki is yanking on a Piros head that is sticking out of Balmung's back. No, seriously. Here, maybe this flashback will help you out.

.hack/FLASHBACK

A few hours before this chapter, Balmung was lying on the grass overlooking one of Dun Lorieag's many bottomless cliffs and he was having quite a relaxing, normal day. In his hands was a virtual book he was reading. The book was called "Why I'm So Great" by Balmung of the Azure Sky. And just when he was at one of his favorite chapters, 'Why My Toenails Are So Pretty,' something came up to him. And that something said this: "Are you Balmung of the Azure Sky, schnell?"

Well now, this was odd. Reki used the title Balmung of the Azure God-Complex, so it could not have been him who said it. It couldn't be one of the many 'Balmungettes,' as the fangirls liked to call themselves, because he had not had his clothes stolen yet. So, tired of mindlessly guessing, he stood up and looked down to see a Grunty dressed as a nazi. "Uhh…"

"Ahem, my God has asked me to ask you something, and being the leader of the GLSS, I was elected, schnell!"

"…"

"I ask, no, DEMAND, a pact between the AIs and you measly PCs, schnell. And if you don't…" Nazi Grunty then stuck his left paw(?) in the air. "WE WILL BURY YOU, schnell!"

"…pbtbtbtb, ahahaHAHAHAHA! What-what are you gonna do, pee on me? Hahahahaha!"

The Nazi Grunty's face pixaled red with anger. Now let's just say that Balmung should not have laughed at him. Nazi Grunty seemed to talk into some kind of earpiece. "Alright, drop the payload…oh yeah, and schnell!"

While Balmung was laughing, some kind of weird gas fell on him from above. Balmung started choking and decided to punch himself in the liver to stop himself. Well, that only ended up hurting him more, and he fell to the ground and rolled off one of the bottomless ledges. "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

By the time that Balmung logged back in, he found an inactive Piros head attached to an inactive Piros neck sticking out of his back, and through the armor. This made him cry.

.hack/FLASHBACK END

"Well, I think you may just have to face the fact that Piros is sticking out of your back."

"Easy for you to say!" Balmung held a pocket mirror to his side so that he could see his back. "Man, now by back looks all ugly!"

"Heehee. Maybe you should apologize to this…Nazi Grunty, you said?"

"Oh yeah? Well, maybe I will pay him a visit! Mwahahaha! And it will be the last visit ANYONE pays to him, if you get my drift. Mwahahahaha!" Then pixaled lightning struck just as he laughed. Reki just proceeded to roll his eyes.

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Real world. Everything was grey. The 11 year old boy wandered why the heck everything was gray. The 11 year old boy was tied to his living room couch. Then the 11 year old boy's parents came into the living room.

"Why am I tied here?"

"Because," replied the mother, "you play too much of that damn game! You have been so preoccupied with that game that you grew a carbuncle!"

"Son, are you looking at porn all this time?"

"Um, no!"

"Sex, sex, sex! That's all these boys that about these days! Why, when I was his age, I was thinking about how to mold cheese. Now THAT is something productive!"

"But then again," the mother chipped in, looking to the father, "one reason you didn't think about sex was because you had one testicle."

"True."

The 11 year old boy's face twisted. "What the hell are you talking about?" The boy just wanted to play more of The World so that he could murder and maim. Is that so wrong?

"Okay, we'll let you play your game!" exclaimed the father. "BUT, just make sure you take some time out to get a life, okay?"

"Sure."

"Alright!" said the mother. "Now I'm gonna striptease for your father, so don't come into the bedroom for about an hour."

"Ahhhhh!" Then the 11 year old boy ran to his room to get on his computer. And people wondered why he is so weird.

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As Sora logged back in, he immediately ran to Dun Lorieag's Chaos Gate, put in the code words he was looking for, and warped. Sora appeared in a fiery field and approached a gigantic sword embedded in a red rock. Sora leaned against the sword, knowing who was on the other side.

"Well, glad to see you again 'Tsukasa.' I was busy getting lectured."

"…"

"Say something."

"I made a great discovery today!"

"Yeah…"

Wavemaster Tsukasa turned and ran to face Sora. "I'm a GUY! I even have male sexual organs!" Sora rolled his eyes, wondering if today had turned into Sex Ed day for him. "Somehow, I am a guy! Cool huh? I wonder what my organs are used for?"

Sora sighed. "If you go on like this, I'll have to kill you."

"But it's exciting!"

"Who are you anyway?"

"I'm Tsukasa. What do you mean?"

"Well, the REAL Tsukasa is a female."

The Wavemaster Tsukasa then looked around shiftily. "Um…I got a sex change?"

"No! Who are you?" Sora readied a blade and was about to strike, when all of a sudden he felt an axe hit him on the butt. "Ow! You hit me on the BUTT!"

When Sora looked around, he was surprised to see a very angry looking Subaru. She stared at him before talking. "I might have the body of a weak and feeble person, but I have the heart of a stampeding elephant! If you hurt Tsukasa…I'LL RIP YOUR LEGS OFF AND STICK THEM IN YOUR HEAD!"

Yeah, Sora was scared. "MOVE!" So Sora moved out of the way as Subaru, accompanied by Silver Knight, ran over and hugged Tsukasa. "Oh my Tsukasa-wasa! Where have you been?"

"Um…uh…"

"If you have been avoiding me on purpose…I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF AND HANG IT ON TOP OF A CHRISTMAS TREE SO THAT WHEN IT'S CHRISTMAS TIME I'LL HAVE TO SAY 'LET'S LIGHT THE TSUKASA HEAD.'"

Wavemaster Tsukasa was to scared to say no.

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Meanwhile, Tsukasa the Grunty was not having much more luck. She was being prepared for some kind of 'tactical attack.' Tsukasa looked around to other Grunties that were lined up with her. "Man, I can't wait to see what dangerous mission we've got to perform next, shh-BOOM."

"Dangerous?"

"Yeah. Last time, half of the GLSS, that's us, got killed. Cool, huh?"

"What?"

Then the Nazi Grunty marched up to the line of six Grunties, Tsukasa being first in line. "I am glad you could all make it to the mission briefing, schnell!" So far, so good, Tsukasa wasn't worried yet. "The new GLSS, led by Tsukasa, will start the assault on Dun Lorieag in a day!" Tsukasa was a little more worried now, but was still okay. "So tomorrow, the GLSS, aka the Grunty Liberation Suicide Squad, will launch an all-out offensive!" Uh-oh.

"WHAT!"

"Yay, we're gonna die, shh-BOOM!"

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Zefie: Whew, that's enough for now! As the oddness ramps up, so does the unique sense of humor this fic, aka MY fic, goes up as well! But don't worry, everything will make sense in time! Well now that I have got this done, I'll make out with Shugo in front of Rena! Hehe, I'm such a good girl. Make sure to review if you like!